You Are My Friends

1. What stands out from the above and why?
Our friendship has been pure joy. Loneliness is huge and I am so thankful that God brought us together. My walk with the Lord has been so much richer and deeper because of our long friendship dear Dee.  You and Steve both loved the Lord deeply and Ronny and I both treasured our times together.  I have watched you weather tremendous storms in your life, yet your faith has never waivered. Your example has helped me through the loss I have experienced this year. 
2. How have you spied God in your life this week?
I have had some interesting discussions about the Holy Spirit on three occasions this week. I love how the Lord has a way of incorporating these moments into my weeks, during a particular lesson!  I especially love the idea the Supernaturally fueled Character change as the life of the stem enters the branch.  It is a wonderful way to show how God can penetrate our life, so we are not in a “mechanical relationship.

3. Read John 15:9-17
     A. What stands out to you upon first reading and why?
Jesus puts a great emphasis on love, abiding in His love and loving one another.  I pray that I can do that above all else. It takes discipline, prayer, Scripture reading, Bible study and community to do that. He chose us.   This is huge. Just as the Father loved Jesus, He has also loved us; Abide in His love. 
     B. How did Jesus remain in His Father’s love and how can we remain in Christ’s love?
Jesus kept the Father’s commandments and abided in His love. If we keep His commandments, we will abide in His love.
    C. How is the Spirit leading you to apply the above?
If I can abide in Him. When my mind goes to a pity party, I must turn to Him and His Word. I must live out my belief in Jesus in the way I treat others.             I just now (as I am typing) received a post on my phone: Pastor Jack Hibbs: “Grace is meant to be shared, so put it to work in tangible ways- like in your words and actions. ….Be  a grace giver every day and watch how it provokes others to ‘grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”
    D. What promise is also given in verse 11?
He has told us these things so that we will live in His joy, even in the midst of sorrow or anxiety. Loving one another is the key. If they don’t love us back, we are still called to love. 
    E. Meditate on verses 12-14. What does it say — and what might this look like in your friendships?
Spend time in His Word. His love was so great, that He gave His life for His friends. Give time to your friends. Listen to their words and hear what their hearts say. Listening and spending time are both so important. It is  easy to give advice and to try to “fix” things for others…. I have learned that I need to let God do the fixing and I just need to show up, listen and love. 
F. What is a big difference between a servant and a friend? Why are we Christ’s friends?
A servant does not always know his master, he is just doing what the master commands. A friend is also a confidante, a trust person, someone who lets us  know the real him/her, a friend (not just an acquaintance).  Christ has made the things He has heard from the Father, known to us. We are His friends; He chose us.
  G. Why did Jesus choose us?
Jesus chose each of us for a purpose.  He wants us to bear fruit. By abiding in Him, we will be grafted to the vine and we will bear fruit.  Being grafted to the vine, we will become more like Him. Grace’s note to Laura, was a result of Laura abiding in Jesus. 
 H. What do you learn about prayer from verse 16 — and what are the stipulations?
He chose us to go and bear fruit and that our fruit would remain, so that whatever we ask of the Father, in Jesus’s Name, He may give to us; the stipulations are that we love one another and that we pray in the Name of Jesus, and then the answer will be in God’s will. 

D. What promise is also given in verse 11?
 
Our joy will overflow!
 
    E. Meditate on verses 12-14. What does it say — and what might this look like in your friendships?
 
As friends, we lay down our lives for each other.  In my friendships I can be there for my friend at all times. Middle of the night times. support, not judge.
 
   F. What is a big difference between a servant and a friend? Why are we Christ’s friends?
 
Confidence. A servant isn’t privy to all of the hearts deepest feelings or thoughts of the brain. A friend knows the most meaningful things about you. Christ shares His heart with us. He loves us. He died for us. 

Listen to read up to 8:45
6. What stands out to you and why?
We need friends, because we are made in the image of God and we need God.  I love that the Trinity is the basis for all human relationships! The Dance! The friendship of the Trinity has been there for all eternity. We are all imperfect friends, yet human friendships are indispensable. No human friend will ever deliver satisfaction ~ yet we can have that through friendship with Jesus!
7. What was his main point with The Bride of Frankenstein? 
The blind man could not see, but felt that Frankenstein was his friend. Frankenstein learned his only humanity from the man that was willing to call him friend. It humanized Frankenstein.
8. What theological reason is there that we have a natural need for friends?
Because we are made like God and we need God.
9. Why do we need God as our best friend?
God is perfect and He is the only One who can deliver the true satisfaction of friendship. 
10. How does the account of Adam show that in addition to God, we need human friends?
Adam was in Paradise and because he was perfect (before sin ) he was like God and needed someone to love and someone to share with. 
11. Why does Keller tells us the Friend we need most, the only One who can fill our deepest need, is the Lord?
Because Jesus can truly satisfy our souls. He can fill the “God shaped” hole in our hearts. He shows us the perfect friendship that is the model we can strive for. (yet not achieve on this earth)

Monday: The Text
3. Read John 15:9-17
     A. What stands out to you upon first reading and why?
 
—Love originates in God the Father toward the Son. It is an unconditional and perfect love. So then Jesus loves us in the very same way. Unconditionally and perfectly. 
But there is a condition to remaining in that love and it requires obedience on our part to keep His commandment to love one another as He loves us. He never stops loving us but in order to enjoy it we remain in his love by practicing his commandment to love one another. The friendship aspect comes into play for us as we obey his command to love. 
 
     B. How did Jesus remain in His Father’s love and how can we remain in Christ’s love?
 
—Obedience to His commands is the key. 
 
 
    C. How is the Spirit leading you to apply the above?
 
—It starts at home and with family. Practicing love and responding in loving ways isn’t always easy. I think the biggest challenge for me is to keep my mouth shut especially when I have a grievance towards my husband or one of my children. No one else needs to know about it and I don’t need to put them in a bad light. But it is tempting to whine about things so that others take my side. And sadly they are usually petty instances in the scheme of things. But that is unloving behavior that serves no one and especially not even myself.  
I can build on that behavior to love and obey Jesus’s command to practice love and apply it to my neighbor. As I have gotten older I desire to not become a cranky old lady. I have seen and heard the result of my sweet mother and her affect on others by just loving them with her smile. 
 
 
    D. What promise is also given in verse 11?
 
—To be filled with joy. We receive and experience joy by practicing love. Joy is the reward for obedience to the 
 
 
E. Meditate on verses 12-14. What does it say — and what might this look like in your friendships?
 
—Jesus demonstrated the ultimate practice of love. He gave his life. If we lay down our selfishness and give up our lives to love and serve Him as he did for us and then extend that to others we gain the privilege of friendship. His and the blessing of friendship with others. What a beautiful thing that Jesus is the friend of sinners. 
 
 
F. What is a big difference between a servant and a friend? Why are we Christ’s friends?
 
—Servants fulfill a role of serving the needs of other people. Friendship is intimate in that friends interact in relationship and share confidences. We are friends because  he chose us and shared God’s commands to love. 
 
G. Why did Jesus choose us?
 
—“ to go and produce lasting fruit,…..” 
to go and produce fruit that is abundant and lasting comes only from an abiding relationship with Jesus. 
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 H. What do you learn about prayer from verse 16 — and what are the stipulations?
 
—We have to be in a relationship with Jesus that is one of obedience to his commands to love him and others and then the Father hears and answers our prayers because of our friendship with him. 
 
 
 
Tuesday: Why do we need friends?
Listen to read up to 8:45
6. What stands out to you and why?
 
—Keller said there is nothing more life engendering than friendship and nothing more horrible than loneliness. That makes me consider the many joys that are in my life as a result of friendships. My experiences with loneliness have actually been few but I haven’t forgotten any of them. Obviously it is the result of a deep core need not being met. 
 
 
7. What was his main point with The Bride of Frankenstein?
 
—Finding friendship with the blind man had a humanizing effect on Frankenstein and met the deep need in the blind man’s life. Friendship cured his loneliness. 
 
 
 
8. What theological reason is there that we have a natural need for friends?
 
—The Trinity is the basis for all human relationships. God the Father, Jesus the Son and the person of the Holy Spirit have had their relationship of friendship love for all of eternity past.  Because we are like God made in his image we need a relationship (friendship love) with God in our lives as well to be made whole in our being. 
 
 
9. Why do we need God as our best friend?
 
—God needs to be our best friend because his perfection is brought into our relationship with him. Only He can totally satisfy the needs of our hearts. Human friends are imperfect and we always end up failing each other somehow because of our fallen humanity. We just simply can’t be God to our friends. 
 
 
10. How does the account of Adam show that in addition to God, we need human friends?
 
—Because it is in God alone we are fulfilled. When God fills our loneliness with his friendship love we become more like him. Keller said “the less you need friends, the less you are like God.”  Loneliness is what makes us like God and so in that likeness we have a built in need for friendship. 
 
 
11. Why does Keller tells us the Friend we need most, the only One who can fill our deepest need, is the Lord?
 
—I go back to my answer for question 9. 
Only He can totally satisfy the needs of our hearts. Human friends are imperfect and we always end up failing each other somehow because of our fallen humanity. But God brings his perfect friendship love into his relationship with us and that satisfies the loneliness in our soul. It is a supernatural relationship and a work of the Holy Spirit. 

8. What theological reason is there that we have a natural need for friends?
 
Jesus mentions it over and over in these verses. We are like God, and the Trinity has been around since before time, and the Trinity delighted together. If we are likenGod, then we also need friends to delight with on Earth.
 
9. Why do we need God as our best friend?
He is always mothers for us no matter what. He helps us He loves us. When there is no one else there is God. He is the only One who will not let us down. Humans are imperfect, God is perfect. 
 
10. How does the account of Adam show that in addition to God, we need human friends?
 
 
Adam was lonely. God decided he needed a friend and helper. He gave him Eve.
 
 
11. Why does Keller tells us the Friend we need most, the only One who can fill our deepest need, is the Lord? 
He is the only One who can fulfill the need of friendship for us.
 
 

Wednesday: He Lets You In
Listen or read up to 18:46
12. What stands out to you in this section and why?
 
—His comment that “You cannot possibly force yourself into a friendship. You have to open yourself so that the other person can choose you and you choose them. And you do that by telling secrets in stages, progressively. And that’s really at the heart of what it means to be a friend horizontally.”  
I have seen this to be the true pattern of friendship over the years. And more importantly in my friendship with Jesus. 
 
13. How is our God different than the gods of Eastern religions?
 
—Bottom line is that the leaders of all other religions are dead and their sayings or writings are all we have left from them.  But Jesus is alive and when we become a Christian as we read the Bible we don’t just have an intellectual connection but actually through the Holy Spirit we have a personal connection to Him a living person. 
 
 
14. What are the two marks Jesus gives us for a true friend? (At the close of the last section Keller says we must not get bitter when friends don’t live up to it, as we are imperfect — yet still, that is the bar we should endeavor to meet, and it is the bar Jesus met.)
 
—A true friend always lets you in and never lets you down. 
 
 
15. What is the difference between a servant and a friend?
 
—A servant just fulfills their duty for their master but doesn’t know the secrets of the heart of the master. Friends share the secrets of their hearts with each other. 
 
 
16. When we apply letting a friend in to our horizontal relationships, what wisdom does Keller give? How might you apply it?
 
—That point you cannot force yourself into a friendship but you open yourself up to them so they can choose you and you choose them. That happens progressively in stages by sharing the secrets of your lives. 
 
—Over the years a good many of the friendships my husband and I have developed and grown into began over a meal. Either by inviting people into our home or going out to eat together. Out of that time together and entering into conversations where we got to know each other we have made a few long lasting friendships. 
 
 
17. What is his point about Psalm 25:14?
 
—That the “secret of the Lord” means the “friendship of the Lord “ the words are the same. He said if you actually have a relationship with God that is a saving relationship and have come to God through Christ you will not simply be a servant but you will be a friend. 
 
 
18. Keller gives several examples of how Jesus lets us in. How would you finish these sentences?

Muhammed left a book, Buddha left his sayings, Confucious left his proverbs, but Jesus…leaves Himself 

 

Scripture is different than these books, because…when you read the Bible you are not just having an intellectual connection but a personal connection with a living person. 

 
 

Some will give you a map when you need help, but Jesus…will “get in the car with you” and be your friend and do life with you by leading and guiding you. 

 
 
19. Because Jesus lives, He can guide you. Give a recent example of how He did exactly that.
 
—God has led me to accept a new position in our church on the Women’s Ministry Team to be the “Titus Woman” for the leadership team. Two days ago I attended a Brunch for the group where some of the women are stepping down from serving and some new women are coming onto the team. I have lots of past experience with these women going off the team and as we took time to affirm them and share our hearts with them as to how they have influenced our lives by their ministry and their friendship there were many tears shed and blessings recounted. I came home pondering and amazed at what God had allowed me to experience in the area of godly friendships of women and amazed that I am simultaneously doing this Keller study on friendship with another precious group of women.  What joy it will be when we get together in Heaven someday and all sit down together and share what Jesus did in growing us together in friendship with Him and friendship with each other. 💕 (Together seemed to be a fitting word to have used repeatedly in that sentence 😊)

20. What stands out to you from this and why? The explanation of how we really can’t give our lives for someone else because we are destined to die anyway. Jesus was not destined to die, but he volunteered to become a person and become subject to death.
22. What was his point with the Martha’s vineyard story?  Although there were no special services for deaf people on Martha’s vineyard they were very well integrated into society. On the mainland even though there were plenty of services for the deaf, the majority fell behind. The difference is the friendships and community that people in Martha’s vineyard had that was lacking on the mainland. Application? We need to be involved with one another , not just giving them something.
23. What was his point with the feeding the homeless story? The church quit just feeding as many people as possible and started feeding only the number of people that they could befriend and truly get involved in these peoples’ lives.
24. What is the difference between a human laying down his life for another and Jesus doing it? I answered that in question 20.
25. What was Jesus’ deepest secret that He told His friends? (See Matthew 16:21) That he was going to die and rise again on the third day.
26. How should we respond when someone confides something personal to us?  We should keep it confidential, unless someone is being harmed. To whom should we trust to confide?  Jesus firstly and only those who have proven themselves to be trustworthy.
 

Thursday: He Doesn’t Let You Down
 
Read or listen up to 28:53
20. What stands out to you from this and why?
 
—This statement by Keller “Christianity works through relationship. He gives you his friendship.”  Jesus is the friend who lets you in all the way. 
He said “Now, a friend is somebody who puts him or herself out, makes sacrifices.”
As he makes his case for that he clarifies the difference between servanthood and friendship.  
 
 
22. What was his point with the Martha’s vineyard story? Application?
 
—What an interesting account of deaf people in a small community being accepted and drawn into the workings of that small town by everyone. A key to that was everyone learned sign language and enhanced their relationships by it. They were committed to the deaf people and not just trying to help with practical needs. In the same way in our friendships we are not just there to fix someone but to give ourselves into a relationship with them that requires a sacrifice on our part which in turn says to them. I truly care about you as an individual. 
 
 
23. What was his point with the feeding the homeless story? Does your church have a way to do this? If so, how do they do it?
 
—What insight on the part of the rector to see dutifully feeding as many people as possible was not really helping individuals but instead the need was to feed and build relationships by befriending those people and that would meet the real heart needs of people. 
 
We are a small town and rarely have homeless people even come through here. For a time in our church donations to our local food pantry were taken on a regular basis. I participated in that. But I just realized something from this account about All Angels Church. For me it wasn’t a truly satisfying thing to do because there was no real cost to me and it didn’t require any personal interaction with any one. I never was in a position to interact with and become friends with those in need. 
Actually our church is not a very program oriented church. And I think to some degree that is a healthy thing because what it is trying to do most of all is encourage discipleship ministries which is definitely about real friendships. Our church leadership wants people to know Jesus personally (become friends) and grow in that and then disciple and mentor others into their own personal relationship (friendship) with Jesus.  We may not be the most works oriented church in town but I think we may be on the right track at least from what I am taking away from this teaching by Keller.  
 
 
24. What is the difference between a human laying down his life for another and Jesus doing it?
 
—This was a light bulb moment for me. Jesus did not have to die because death had no claim on him. I had never seen that clearly before. I guess I had not thought it through. Every other human being ever born has or will die because of having an inherent sin nature. Jesus was not under that curse so he would have lived forever as he was. The significance of what He did when he laid down his life for me grows even more. 
 
 
25. What was Jesus’ deepest secret that He told His friends? (See Matthew 16:21) 
 
—Jesus was the secret. He was laying down his life and as their friend they had to build their life on the fact that He laid down his life for them. So it is with us as well. We have to accept the truth of Jesus saying to us “But if you want to be my friend, if you want to have eternal life, if you want to know me personally, you have got to be absolutely amazed, and you’ve got to build your life on the fact that I have laid down my life for you.” Keller’s comments. 
 
 
26. How should we respond when someone confides something personal to us? To whom should we trust to confide?
 
—We need to have a heart that listens to people and what they are saying repeatedly back to them in a way that they feel heard. I am a terrible listener but try harder at this point in life to listen better. 
I think first we need to confide in prayer to God. To Jesus our true friend. Then confide in a friend or friends who have proven to be trustworthy. Individuals we know who care.  I have my husband, my sister and some godly friends I have acquired over the years. 

27. What stands out to you from this part and why?   My sin is crushing to Jesus.   Because I have received forgiveness so easy, I can forget the great price and wallow in a sin that hurts Jesus.  Today I’ve questioned  why I need to give someone a ride tomorrow, why she even asked and can’t drive herself.   Petty on my part I realize.  28. List the three applications and also, how they might impact your thinking or living.  We can  be very busy, religious and moral and not be Christ’s friend. 2. Some people don’t open up to others because if they see all of you they will either yawn or flee. 3.  Repent to Jesus as my friend.   I need to always be aware of my relationship with God and Jesus is to be the main thing not doing my Bible study every day, or praying with and for people or serving.  It’s relationship.   I need to be a better friend to Jesus.  He laid down His life for me.