What wonderful friendships we have developed on this blog, not superficial but deep because of the Lord knitting us together. Indeed, blest be the Tie that binds! We are different, which is so good. Patti said we are like a “colorful bouquet.”
I’ve met several of you in person, and several of you have made trips to meet one another in person. At one retreat, Bing brought me love notes in a little box from so many of you. We encourage, pray, and are also, as Proverbs 17:17 says, like iron sharpening iron. The miles separate us, but the bond of a threefold cord is not easily broken.
Click below to download the sermon and I’ll put the text in the appropriate days. I strongly advise listening as well as reading, for he is anointed as a preacher.
https://gospelinlife.com/sermon/friendship-2/
Sunday:
- Share a specific way you have sensed the love of God through a friend on this blog.
- Share another way God has shown you His friendship this week.
Monday: Proverbs for this week
3. Do three things with each proverb. Read it carefully and then put it in your own words. For the sake of this group, ask any questions the proverb brings to mind. I will do the first in red but you do it too. Different translations may help you ponder each proverb more deeply.
A. Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
My paraphrase: True friends are not “fair weather” friends. Brothers are there when life is really hard.
Question from me! After Keller’s sermon, I saw this proverb differently. He said you may not like your biological sister, but you will be loyal to her, for she is family. What do you think about that?
B. Proverbs 18: 24 A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
C. Proverbs 25: 17 Seldom set foot in your neighbor’s house—too much of you, and he will hate you.
D. Proverbs 25:20 Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.
E. Proverbs 26: 18 Like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows 19 is a man who deceives his neighbor and says, “I was only joking!”
Tuesday: The Uniqueness of Friendship
4. Fun question: Did you recognize the reader of the Scriptures? (He is famous!)
Read/Listen:
In the Bible, wisdom is certainly not less than being moral and good, but it’s much more. It’s being so in touch with reality that you know what the right thing is to do in the vast majority of the situations the moral rules don’t apply to. The vast majority of your decisions, you’ll have a whole lot of different choices in front of you. In most cases, no matter what your understanding of morality is, no matter what your moral standards are, there will be many, many, many options that are all moral. They’re all allowable morally, but which is the wise one? Wisdom is the ability to know what the right thing is to do in the situations the moral rules don’t address. The theme today is a crucial one in the book of Proverbs. Proverbs says you’re not going to be a wise person, you will not lead a wise life, unless you are great at choosing, forging, and keeping terrific friendships. You will not make it in life unless you are really good at choosing, forging, and keeping terrific friendships. If we’re going to take a look at these verses on proverbs, we can understand them and learn from them under these four headings. We’re going to learn the uniqueness of friendship. We’re going to learn how we discover a friend. Then thirdly, we’re going to learn how we forge a friend. Last of all, we’re going to learn where we get the power for friendship. The unique necessity of friendship, the discovery of friendship, the forging and building of a friendship, and how you get the power to do that. 1. The unique necessity of friendship First, let’s take a look at the uniqueness of friendship. Take a look at the first two verses, especially the second one. “… there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Do you know what that’s saying? A friend can be better than a sibling. You have to realize this is being said in a culture that was much more family oriented than ours … far more family oriented than ours. Why would that be? Why would a friend be better than a sibling? Well, look at verse 17 (the first verse). “A friend loves at all times, and a [sibling] is born for adversity.” Here’s what this is trying to say. The people you’re related to by blood (your family) are going to be there for you in adversity because they care. There’s loyalty. There’s memory. They’re going to be there for you, but they may not like you. They may not want to go out for a drink with you. You’re not the person they want to hang out with, you see? A friend is someone who has chosen you. The word sticks (“… there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother”) is a Hebrew word that’s often translated in the Old Testament cleave. It means commitment out of a passionate love. A friend is better, in many ways, than a sibling. This is trying to say something the Bible says, especially the book of Proverbs. That is, there is a unique necessity to friendship. Friendship brings something into your life that family can’t bring, that romance can’t bring, that neighbors can’t bring. Nothing else can bring it.
5. List two main points from the above section.
6. How is friendship different than family? To probe more deeply, how is it different than marriage?
7. Why should we be loyal to family even if they have hurt us or if we not “kindred spirits?”
Wednesday: Irreplaceable
I always knew I could get grumpy if I was deprived of sleep or food, but it wasn’t until I moved to Seattle as a young mom that I realized how sad I was without friends. It was Patti’s Bible study that rescued me!
Listen/Read
You have to remember that, because every culture will be putting friendship on the backseat, and yet it’s irreplaceable. That’s the first point. Why? A liberal individualistic culture like ours always puts erotic love, romantic love, sexual love first. Take a look at our culture, okay? Do we have plastered across all these glossy magazines who is best friends with whom? No. No, it’s who is sleeping with whom? Why would you care about who is best friends with …? But sleeping with? I want to know. Right? I mean, you want to know. Well, maybe I do want to know. In this stack, let’s put all the CDs of songs about romantic love. Then over here, let’s put all the songs about friendship. Just a quick example. The one Blockbuster set of movies that has ever been made not about romance, not about family, but about friendship is The Lord of the Rings. The beauty of friendship is the main theme of it. However, if you read the book, you’ll know the romantic stuff is in the appendices. It’s in the appendices! Of course for Hollywood, we had to pull that out of the appendices, and we had to stick it center. We had Aragorn and Arwen. The love affair had to be right in the center. It wasn’t in the book. Why? You see, our culture isn’t turned on by friendship. It’s not the most important thing. To Tolkien, that was what the book was about. In a liberal, individualistic culture, romance is the most important relationship. In a traditional, conservative culture, family. See? Father, mother, sibling, brother, sister. That’s the most important. In a socialistic, communitarian culture, it’s the civic relationships. It’s your relationship with your neighbors. Every culture will always put friendship into the backseat. Why? Because friendship is not a biological or sociological necessity. It’s the only love that is absolutely deliberate. It will not push itself upon you. C.S. Lewis, in his famous essay on friendship, says, “Friendship is … the least instinctive, organic, biological … and necessary. It has least commerce with our nerves; there is nothing throaty about it; nothing that quickens the pulse or turns you red and pale.” What this means, of course, is if it wasn’t for erotic love, you wouldn’t exist. If it wasn’t for family life, you wouldn’t have been reared. If it’s not for neighbor love, you couldn’t even survive crime and oppression, that sort of thing. Therefore, in a busy culture like ours, in an incredibly busy culture like ours where we’re working long hours and we’re traveling, all the other loves, all the other relationships, will push themselves upon you. Oh yeah, they will. You still have to deal with your family. You still have to have civic relationships. You have to have vocational networking to have a job. You’ll still want to have romance, but friendship, which takes incredibly deliberate amounts of intentionally spent time over time will always get squeezed out. Yet the book of Proverbs says you won’t make it without friends. Friendship love brings something into your life that is unique. I mean, you’re talking about a family-oriented, traditional culture that says a friend in many ways is better than a sibling, brings things into your life a sibling can’t. The book of Proverbs continually says fools perish either for lack of friends or for poorly chosen friends. See, we walk around in our culture saying, “I am who I choose to be.” You are not who you chose to be. I’ll tell you who you are. In the early stage of your life, you are what your family made you. In the rest of your life, you are who your friends make you. It’s your community that forms you. It’s your community that shapes you. In the early days, it was who your family was that shaped you. Now it’s who your friends are. The book of Proverbs says you perish for a lack of or for wrong friends. Point one. All right. Then what do we do? How do we get friends? All right.
8. What does every culture put friendship in the backseat?
9. How does your life show whether you value friendship or not? Be specific. If it shows you do not, what would the Lord have you do?
10. Keller says “your community forms you.” Give a few examples of that.
11. How have you chosen your closest friends? How do you keep them alive?
12. How can you avoid “visiting your friend too often or for too long?”
13. Any other comments on the above?
Thursday: Discovering Friends
I love this point. The best friends are the ones we discover through the Lord. I’ve mentioned before that I discovered my late friend Anne was when I asked her what brought her to the Lord and she said “T.S. Elliot’s poem, Hollow Men. “I didn’t want to live a hollow life.”
I loved that poem, felt rescued from a hollow life, and knew I had discovered a Kindred Spirit!
Discovery of friendship What do I mean by a discovery of friends? Go to the second proverb just briefly. “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Notice it’s not a contrast between two equal groups of people. Companions, acquaintances, associates, associations. You can have many. One friend. This is getting across the idea that true friends aren’t that many. You can’t have that many. They’re relatively rare compared to your other relationships. They’re relatively rare. Let’s go two-thirds of the way down. Here’s the reason why. Proverbs 27:9, says, “Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one’s friend springs from his earnest counsel.” The pleasantness of one’s friend. This word pleasantness is a word for sweetness. It’s a word that always had to do with honey. Sweetness. This is saying real friendship is like sweet food, delectably sweet food. Here’s why that’s pretty interesting. One of the things that surprised me (and of course, what do I know about cooking anyway?) is all the commentators pointed out that, when the book of Proverbs was written, nobody had sugar yet. Nobody had sugar yet! People did not know how to sweeten food. Today you can make almost any food sweet. It all depends on what you want to do. You create sweetened food, but back then, you had to discover sweetened food. There were certain foods that were naturally sweet, and that was it. What does that point us to? Just this. Friendship requires a foundation, an affinity, a common love, a common vision that can’t be created, that can only be discovered. In one minute, I’m going to turn around and say the foundation isn’t enough; you have to build on the foundation. There’s an affinity that must be discovered. It cannot be created. The two essays I looked at in getting ready for this sermon were Ralph Waldo Emerson’s famous essay on friendship (which you can find on the Internet) and C.S. Lewis’ famous essay on friendship (which is in his book The Four Loves). They both talk about this. Ralph Waldo Emerson says something like this: “Friendship does not ask, ‘Do you love me?’ so much as, ‘Do you see the same truth?’ Are you passionate about the same thing?” C.S. Lewis puts it like this. The typical expression of opening friendship would be something like, “What? You too? I thought that no one but myself …” That’s the beginning of a friendship. “You too? I thought I was the only one.” “… though we can have erotic love and friendship for the same person yet in some ways nothing is less like a friendship than a love affair. Lovers are always talking to one another about their love; friends hardly ever talk about their friendship. Lovers are normally face to face, absorbed in each another; friends, side by side, absorbed in some common interest.” Do you see what the point is there? What makes a friend is not, “Oh, do you want to be my friend?” but, “You too? You think that’s important too? You love that too?” That creates a friend. That’s the reason why it’s a unique … It brings something unique into your life. Lewis goes on to really make it very, very plain. He says, “That is why those pathetic people who simply ‘want friends’ can never make any. The very condition of having friends is that we should want something else besides friends. Where the truthful answer to the question, ‘Do you see the same truth?’ would be, ‘I see nothing and I don’t care about the truth; I only want a friend,’ no friendship can arise … There would be nothing for the friendship to be about … Those who have nothing can share nothing; those who are going nowhere can have no fellow travelers.” That’s the reason why, first of all, friendship has to be something you discover. By the way, this is one of the reasons why Aelred of Rievaulx, who was a twelfth-century monk who wrote a whole book on friendship, said that of all the loves … We’re not talking about parent/child, brother/sister, or husband/wife. Of all the loves, this is the one he says that has the least intrigue. In other words, this is the least icky love. This is the love in which you don’t constantly have as many hurt feelings and people upset and talking, “What about our relationship?” You see? It has to be discovered before it can be forged. There’s a foundation, but let’s keep on going.
14. Share a time when you “discovered” a friend.
15. Keller takes 2 Proverbs — the one about he who has many companions will come to ruin and the one that compares the counsel of a good friend to honey. What point is he making about being wise with friendship and discovering a godly friend?
16. Why isn’t enough just to want someone to be your friend — what must you have and why? What wisdom does this give you in discovering a wonderful friend?
17. What other comments do you have?
18. Next week is Thanksgiving. If you are the host, is there someone who might be alone you could invite and love? (I am excited that Cristian is coming to our Thanksgiving!)
Friday: Constancy and Carefulness
. But now it cannot only be discovered; it must be forged. The foundation is not enough. You have to build. The book of Proverbs says there are four things you must do to create a friend, a true friendship. You could read these four things as the four marks of a true friendship (sort of as an evaluative guide), or you could look at them as four building blocks for creating a friendship. It’s fine either way. Here’s what these four are. The four marks of true friendship are constancy, carefulness, candor, and counsel. Constancy, carefulness, candor, and counsel. Let’s spend a little time on them because they are so crucial. First of all, constancy. What do we mean by constancy? I guess let’s take a look at the first two verses one last time. “A friend loves at all times …” What does that mean? Does that mean if you’re friends, you spend all of your time together? No, because don’t forget the third of the proverbs. “… too much of you, and he will hate you.” You laughed when it was read. Of course! What does it mean when it says, “A friend loves at all times …”? It means all kinds of time: good times, bad times, ordinary time, routine. In other words, you can’t be a friend without availability. You cannot be a friend without availability … constant ability. That’s part of what constancy means. Constancy doesn’t just mean availability. It also means being there when the chips are down. That’s what 18:24 (the second verse), is really about. Look carefully. Look what the contrast is. “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” A friend will not let you go to ruin. Most people know you and want to know you because you’re useful to them. Before you get all bent out of shape about that, I want you to realize most of the people you know you know because they’re useful to you. Most of your companions, your associates, most of the people you know … why do you know them? Why do you want to know them? Because they’re useful to you. Some of them are useful for having a good time. Some of them are useful for meeting other people. Some of them are useful for getting things done. You see, the people who only know you because you’re useful, when the chips are down, when you’re starting to collapse, and when it’s going to take a huge amount of involvement and expenditure to stay in a close relationship to you as your life is collapsing, that’s when your companions say, “Call me if you need anything,” but a friend is there, because a friend has deliberately made you not a means to an end but an end in yourself. A friend goes to the mat. A friend says, “I will do whatever it takes to keep you from falling into ruin. I won’t let you get to the bottom. I won’t. I’ll be there even when it costs me something.” Constancy. That’s a friend. Okay? A fair-weather friend, of course, isn’t a friend. Secondly, carefulness. The carefulness thing is pretty interesting. We have to ask ourselves a couple of questions. Why does a man deceive his neighbor and say, “I was only joking”? Why does a man loudly bless his neighbor early in the morning, and it will be taken as a curse? Here’s a man who is emotionally disconnected. “I don’t know your inner topography enough to know that this joke actually hurts you. I don’t know enough about what kind of morning person you are (or lack thereof) to know what I can do in the morning.” Most of all, look at the fourth proverb down. “Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.” What is a singing song to a heavy heart? By the way, the word song there means a song of joy. There’s emotional disconnection. I can be happy when you’re sad. If I can be happy when you’re sad, you’re not my friend. I’m not your friend. I’ll put it to you like this. Charlie Drew’s mother-in-law has a little saying Kathy and I try not to tell other parents, though it’s true. Charlie Drew’s mother-in-law says, “Here’s the essence of parenting. Once you start to have children, you realize for the rest of your life you’re only as happy as your unhappiest child.” For the rest of your life, you’re only as happy as your unhappiest child. Why? Because automatically, whether you want to or not, you are emotionally connected. You are emotionally vulnerable. You can’t sing songs when their heart is heavy. It just can’t happen. It’s automatic! Here’s what’s so amazing and scary about friendship. In friendship, you give the gift of emotional connection voluntarily. See, here’s how you can tell whether you’ve really let that person become your friend or that person is really your friend. They can’t go about singing songs when you’re heavy hearted. They can’t go about their job when you’re collapsing. You see, for a friend to do that, that’s amazing, because that’s such a gift. It’s a voluntary gift. A friend is someone … That’s one of the reasons why you can’t have too many, because you just can’t survive with too many friends in some ways. A friend creates that emotional connection as a gift and, as a result, is unbelievably emotionally sensitive to you, knows how you’re feeling, and therefore, is not using you but rather is committed to your emotional flourishing because he or she can’t flourish without your emotional flourishing as well. First of all, constancy. Secondly, incredible sensitivity. Emotional connection. Emotional vulnerability.
19. What does “a friend loves at all times” entail?
20. Give an example of a time a friend loved you when it cost her something!
21. Keller gives the 2nd brick as “carefulness” because true friendship will cost you, so you cannot be a true friend to everyone. Thoughts?
When I was young and was sending out over one hundred Christmas cards I asked the Lord, “To whom are you asking me to be true?” At that time He gave me 5 names. That was my limit in being really truly available, and it freed me. The list changed 20 years later due to death and due to one backing off. Then He gave me two new ones.
22. Challenge: Ask the Lord “To whom do you want me to be true?” Let us know what He shows you next week.
23. What do you learn from the proverbs about what emotional connection does and does not look like?
24. Other comments?
Saturday:
25. What is your take-a-way and why?
147 comments
Last week one of you had the courage to give me a gentle rebuke privately for being harsh, and I’m so thankful. Wounds from a friend can be trusted.
Answer to prayer for me this week — our church doesn’t have or want a pastor, but has a steering committee, and a strong couple on it is moving away. We invited a man on and he has been more than I could have dreamed. We listen to lots of sermons to try to find the best ones and I asked him if he’d be willing to listen to the first of a series from Keller on Prodigal God — he listened to all 7 in just a few days and loved them. His enthusiasm and willing to work were such a boost.
Share a specific way you have sensed the love of God through a friend on this blog. I could give so many examples! I have been on this blog since 2011. One specific way that I have experienced God’s love is through Bing who has sent me notes of encouragement and let me know that she is praying for me, which is the primary way that we are bound together through the Holy Spirit.
I have met Dee and some of the ladies here at a conference and it was such a sweet time of fellowship and bonding.
Share another way God has shown you His friendship this week. Through the love shown by family members this week. My oldest grandchildren are 11 year old twin girls that were born out of wedlock to a woman who has 3 older children by 3 dads. I expected that when the relationship between my son and their mother ended that we would become distant from all but the twins. That hasn’t been the case. My son has always involved the twins’ siblings and mom in family events (camping, birthday parties, sleepovers, etc.) and we, in turn have done the same. Even after their mom married again (to a guy who turned out to be an excellent stepdad). Yesterday we attended a baby shower for the twins’ oldest sister. About 15 people from my family came and it was such a great time to experience love and friendship in a situation that in most cases is fragmented and acrimonious.
Dawn, that is such an awesome story. So glad you all are staying connected. And it was nice to meet you in person, in Ohio.
Wow! That’s Christ’s love in a broken world, Dawn.
Thank you, Dawn. And I do remember your kindness to me during a particular hard time in my life several years ago. Am glad we are here together. I believe (I think) this might be my 11th year here. And I’m so glad!
Dawn, what beautiful stories of love and connection. It is so sweet to meet the sisters on this blog, in person and to connect in special ways. What a gift of love your son and your family have! I love how you all made a difficult situation into a family of love. What joy this must bring to the heart of our Heavenly Father. Thank you for sharing this story.
Sunday:
1. Share a specific way you have sensed the love of God through a friend on this blog. – Oh, my goodness, it’s easy to know that when I put a prayer request out, or even if I don’t, I know that this group of Ladies is always praying. My prayer requests will always be prayed for. I don’t even have to wonder, I know that for a fact, I’m covered by all these sweet ladies, though we may not have met in person, (some we have), I consider you friends.
2. Share another way God has shown you His friendship this week. – We were blessed to be able to buy and RV and have it parked down in Alabama, a short four-hour drive from our home in NE Tennessee. We arrived on Friday at Thunder Canyon Campground and were welcomed back with open arms. It is Christian based and you feel like one big family if you want to be. God is so good and growing this ministry that the owners have started. So many great opportunities to create new friendships here. Thank you, Jesus, for leading us to Thunder Canyon.
You are so right, Julie. Sometimes when I can’t sleep I pray for the ladies on this blog. Even if I don’t know anything in particular to pray for, I mention each person. The Holy Spirit knows every need and will pray God’s perfect will.
Julie and Dawn — I love hearing this — the prayers – the faithfulness.
Julie, yes! Such a comfort to know that you ladies here are praying for me. I am confident that when I post something here that I will be prayed for. What an offering you all give to the Lord on my behalf! I thank God for you!
Thunder Canyon sounds like a great community of believers, Julie. I love seeing how specifically God answers our prayers and how He directs us in such purposeful ways! Wow! I agree, I always pray for the needs I see here and I always feel loved and prayed for. This is a such a wonderful place to be. I look forward to my time on this blog every morning. I pray that we continue for a long time to come.
Sunday:
Share a specific way you have sensed the love of God through a friend on this blog.
I have too many to mention (smile). I would say that “words” from each of you, including ones who are just following now silently, in response to my comments through the years, have given me a sense of God’s love for me. This verse from Proverbs 25:11: “Like apples of gold in settings of silver Is a word spoken at the right time.”
And because of that, I have been encouraged to do likewise. (became wise like you-my interpretation of the word). It is amazing to feel the joy I have when I speak your name in prayer.
Share another way God has shown you His friendship this week.
I have been volunteering in the music classroom of the elementary school for the last few weeks. Receiving hugs and smiles from the kids when I come in is very heartwarming. I try to remember to pray and talk to God before I go in and to remind myself to enjoy the experience rather than think of it as just one thing to check off my list. Walking with Jesus (me, Jesus, and my guitar) into that classroom has given me much joy and pleasure.
Thinking of Jesus’ company while in that music classroom makes it a holy place for me. I believe my answers here are brought about partly by our studies on wisdom. Thank you, Dee, and to all of my wise friends here.
This verse from Proverbs 25:11: “Like apples of gold in settings of silver Is a word spoken at the right time.”
Such a great verse Bing to describe this interaction we are privileged to share here. 💕
Bev, aren’t God’s words just beautiful? And I do love apples, especially the crispy ones!
How fun for you to lead those kids with you gift of music.
Oh, Bing, I love how Jesus is with you in the classroom and makes it a holy place for you. Truly, He is with us. You have such a beautiful heart for Jesus and for your students.
Sunday:
Share a specific way you have sensed the love of God through a friend on this blog.
—About a week ago when I shared about a hard situation in our church for my husband and I Dee posted a short and very encouraging prayer for us that spoke to my heart.
I also was encouraged by words from and Patti and Bing expressed her understanding.
Share another way God has shown you His friendship this week.
—He knows my propensity to obsess over situations where we have been wronged but through his Word and the prayers of others I found peace in my heart from Him that I could never have whipped up on my own. Keller’s sermon on Wisdom was a timely gift from God with reminders I needed.
I so identify with obsessing over wrongs — I need the Lord’s help so desperately– and I often find it here!
I’ve been there Bev, where I think I’m entitled to hold a grudge of some form. It only took my peace away not the other person’s.
Bev, what you’re going through with your church is so hard…have been through it a time or 2. One thing our pastor said in his sermon yesterday that really stuck with me is, when we think we’re entitled for whatever reason we cannot have a thankful heart. I’m so glad that you are finding peace through this from God and I continue to keep you in my prayers.
I love these wise words from your pastor, Sharon! So true!
Sunday:
1. Share a specific way you have sensed the love of God through a friend on this blog.
I’ve sensed His love in being surrounded by sisters of encouragement that shines through their kindness and wisdom.
2. Share another way God has shown you His friendship this week.
I really felt God’s strength and love while I was with my sister in the ER all night on Monday. He gave me safety while driving her home after being awake for 24 hours straight. I can say it was all God that I didn’t become cranky and just hung in there, falling into bed at 5 in the morning. His faithful love endures forever and I give Him thanks.
Sharon, wow! Awake for 24 hours! God was definitely watching over you-He made our bodies in a way that could respond most efficiently when needed. I can just imagine you crashing at 5 am! How is your sister? Did I miss something from last week’s post? Praying for you and your sister right now.
Thanks Bing and no you didn’t miss anything from last week. She has a blood clot in her right leg and has fluid build up on her Psoas Muscle which causes her a great deal of pain and she can barely walk. She has an appointment to see a Vascular surgeon next month and of course is on blood thinners. She was also given pain meds and is doing better. Thanks for asking and your prayers 🙏😊.
Wow, Sharon.
Is this your sister that is far from the Lord? In any case, she must have seen His love through you.
Yes, it is Dee…she is Buddhist.
Oh Sharon, that is a long day. I’m sure your sister was grateful for you being there with her. God is so good!
❤️😊Thank you Julie!
So thankful you felt God’s strength and love, as cared for your sister, Sharon! Thanking God for keeping you awake to drive and keeping you both safe. I pray it was a bonding moment for the two of you.
Thank you Patti!
1. Share a specific way you have sensed the love of God through a friend on this blog.
So many! Too many to name but here are a few…it starts with you, Dee, sending the grands your favorite Bible story book for kids long ago, Bing with encouraging letters in the mail, Patti with encouraging texts and messages, and Chris with awesome informational messages. Years ago, Jackie sent Cooper a baby gory and Nancy sent me a small, beautiful wooden cross her husband made that has a heat cut out in the middle. I still have it on my window. This blog is the best! 🩷
2. Share another way God has shown you His friendship this week.
I’m not sure exactly how to answer this one, but I have enjoyed but the aurora borealis this past week. has been amazing! His beauty is just gorgeous and I have shared that with many people, parents, students, and administrators, so they didn’t miss it.
Love all this, Laura. And I saw your photos of the Aurora borealis on Facebook. Amazing.
Oh my do I need to check before I post these days?!
hahaha… baby gift and wooden cross with A HEART!
Love reading of all these blessings, Laura! 💕
Monday: Proverbs for this week
3. Do three things with each proverb. Read it carefully and then put it in your own words. For the sake of this group, ask any questions the proverb brings to mind. I will do the first in red but you do it too. Different translations may help you ponder each proverb more deeply.
A. Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
—A friend loves you unconditionally. A brother comes along side you in times of trouble.
B. Proverbs 18: 24 A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
—A person who is friendly with everyone and follows the crowd could be led into bad behavior but a really close friend is like close family who cares about you.
C. Proverbs 25: 17 Seldom set foot in your neighbor’s house—too much of you, and he will hate you.
—Don’t be a pest and show up too often at someone’s home or they will get tired of you and start to dislike you.It is inappropriate to invade someone’s space.
D. Proverbs 25:20 Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.
—Trying to force someone to be happy when they are profoundly sad is harsh and will make them feel hurt or stirred up.
by your insensitivity.
E. Proverbs 26: 18 Like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows 19 is a man who deceives his neighbor and says, “I was only joking!”
—Like a crazy person shooting a deadly weapon is someone who lies to a friend and then says I was just joking.
—I guess I am kind of taking these Proverbs at face value this morning and don’t have any specific questions coming to mind. Looking at different translations does help understand them better.
Bev, thanks for your paraphrasing-they are excellent! I don’t think I have questions either.
Bev, I like your paraphrase to Proverbs 18:24—A person who is friendly with everyone and follows the crowd could be led into bad behavior but a really close friend is like close family who cares about you.
I’m pondering “it is inappropriate to invade someone’s space.” Do you think drop in visits are rude? Does that vary according to circumstance or not?
I love reading all these paraphrases, Bev!
Monday: Proverbs for this week
3. Do three things with each proverb. Read it carefully and then put it in your own words. For the sake of this group, ask any questions the proverb brings to mind. I will do the first in red but you do it too. Different translations may help you ponder each proverb more deeply.
A. Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. – Paraphrase: A true friend is with you in the good and bad; a brother will be there in the hardest times. My Question: Why is it that we may not get along with our biological siblings, but they will come to our aid when we need them, why can’t they be there all the time?
B. Proverbs 18: 24 A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. – Paraphrase: When we have too many close friends, we cannot truly be there for all of them in times of need we ourselves will be drained. My question: Why is it that friends, who are not related to you, will be there for you, but family, who are blood, walk away and get mad?
C. Proverbs 25: 17 Seldom set foot in your neighbor’s house—too much of you, and he will hate you. – Paraphrase: Don’t overstay your welcome, your neighbors may get the wrong impression. My Question: How can our community grow in love, if our neighbors see us as meddling?
D. Proverbs 25:20 Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart. – Paraphrase: Be there for others when the timing is right so their hearts will be open to your words. My question: Why can’t our hearts see the good intentions at all times?
E. Proverbs 26:18 Like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows 19 is a man who deceives his neighbor and says, “I was only joking!” Paraphrase: You can’t convict people over and over and think it won’t upset them when you say you were just joking. My question: Why do we think we can tear people apart all the time and then wonder when they don’t trust us?
Julie, I like your questions…so thought provoking.
I don’t think I was awake enough in the early morning hours that I answered these. My mind wasn’t in a questioning mode 🥴 I should have waited for insight from you girls. 😊
Good questions. I have truly pondered “A friend loves at all times but a brother is born for adversity.” I do think it is because you feel a loyalty to
your biological or adoptive siblings, but you may not feel that connected for you don’t have the same passions, the same loves. Friends are chosen because
they do!
Thoughts?
What a great point, Dee. We all see and experience life in different ways, even though we may be biological or adopted siblings. We choose friends, who are like minded.
I can definitely see that Dee with my sisters. I know we don’t always think the same or agree, but our love is strong.
I love the variety of how we are all answering this question. I did mine before I read these and it is great to see all the responses. I love the questions you have, Julie!
Monday: Proverbs for this week
I took a stab at these, but not sure how I did!
3. Do three things with each proverb. Read it carefully and then put it in your own words. For the sake of this group, ask any questions the proverb brings to mind. I will do the first in red but you do it too. Different translations may help you ponder each proverb more deeply.
A. Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
A friend is there for you during the bad, ugly, and beautiful. A brother’s there when you are down on your luck.
My paraphrase: True friends are not “fair weather” friends. Brothers are there when life is really hard.
Question from me! After Keller’s sermon, I saw this proverb differently. He said you may not like your biological sister, but you will be loyal to her, for she is family. What do you think about that?
B. Proverbs 18: 24 A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Look for/Be a Woody (Toy Story) or a Forrest (Forrest Gump). Too many companions can mess your life up.
C. Proverbs 25: 17 Seldom set foot in your neighbor’s house—too much of you, and he will hate you.
Don’t “suffocate” your friends; keep a happy balance between your presence and absence in their house.
D. Proverbs 25:20 Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.
Some people don’t know how to empathize with the grief of life of others. Instead, they put on a façade of goodwill that results in adding more grief to what is already there.
E. Proverbs 26: 18 Like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows 19 is a man who deceives his neighbor and says, “I was only joking!”
You can kill somebody with your words disguised as a joke.
I like your paraphrase to E. Proverbs 26:18
Amen to Bev!
Li Tuesday: The Uniqueness of Friendship
1. Fun question: Did you recognize the reader of the Scriptures? (He is famous!)
G Glen Scrivener (?) or Don Carson? Not sure.
List two main points from the above section.
Proverbs says you’re not going to be a wise person, you will not lead a wise life, unless you are great at choosing, forging, and keeping terrific friendships.
Friendship is a necessity, needs to be discovered, forged, and where to get the power for it.
5. How is friendship different than family? To probe more deeply, how is it different than marriage?
A friend has chosen you and is not related to you by blood. A friendship can bring something to your life that romance can’t bring.
6. Why should we be loyal to family even if they have hurt us or if we not “kindred spirits?”
Because they are loyal and they care. There’s memory. Even if you don’t like them.
Max Mclean! He is bringing C. S. Lewis books to life on stage and has done the reading of a KJV Bible.
Max McLean! I have heard him before-and so glad he is doing that for the Bible. He has such a voice! Makes me think of all the simple gifts that God has given us-all glory belongs to Him through Christ in us!
Monday: Proverbs for this week
3. Do three things with each proverb. Read it carefully and then put it in your own words. For the sake of this group, ask any questions the proverb brings to mind. I will do the first in red but you do it too. Different translations may help you ponder each proverb more deeply.
A. Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
A friend will be there because they care, but a brother feels obligated because they’re family.
Q: I wonder why family is this way and is it always true?
B. Proverbs 18: 24 A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
If you have too many friends destructive things can take place, but a real friend will remain close to you.
Q: Is there a comfort in having a lot of friends so you don’t have to get close to anyone?
C. Proverbs 25: 17 Seldom set foot in your neighbor’s house—too much of you, and he will hate you.
Don’t overwhelm your neighbors by visiting them too much as they’ll come to resent you.
Q: Why can’t people respect each other’s privacy and mind their own business?
D. Proverbs 25:20 Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.
This is from the NLT…”Singing cheerful songs to a person with a heavy heart is like taking someone’s coat in cold weather or pouring vinegar in a wound.”
Q: How can people be so insensitive?
E. Proverbs 26: 18 Like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows 19 is a man who deceives his neighbor and says, “I was only joking!”
Sarcasm (which always has a twist of truth in it) is as damaging as a crazy person shooting a deadly weapon at you.
Q: Can sarcasm be a form of insecurity?
Sharon, You have such great questions and insights. 🤔
Proverbs 17:17 certainly isn’t always true — but interesting it is a probability, as friends are chosen and family is not. How wonderful it is when you are kindred spirits in the Lord and biological or adoptive sisters.
I agree with this Dee…” How wonderful it is when you are kindred spirits in the Lord and biological or adoptive sisters.”
I so long for my sister and I to be kindred spirits in the Lord…so I continue to pray.
Sharon, I pray that God will open your sister’s heart to Him. It would be so great to have that bond with her.
Wow, Sharon! Great questions! Especially B. And E.
I have always had a few close friends that I can trust totally. I know a lot of people, but I am often guarded with many.
I agree that sarcasm can be a form of insecurity. I see it in some in my family and it always results in someone being hurt.
Sunday:
1. Share a specific way you have sensed the love of God through a friend on this blog
I always feel a sense of happiness when I relate with the women here. The words, the responses, the concern, and the prayerssss.
When I was still stranded looking for a room I felt the concern and the prayers of the women here all the way from across the world.
And the way I am being told positive things about me from these women who have never even met me, it’s like God is affirming what He has said about me through His very own children whom I have never met.
And the way I receive timely mails from Mama Laura. Yes, there’s the huge time difference and stuff but still…it’s really heartwarming.
And I really can’t wait to see you guys in person.
2. Share another way God has shown you His friendship this week.
Okay, so I’ve been sick for the past one week. I’ve been having fainting spells, some say it’s hypoglycemia, some say it’s stress, and I’ve not gone for the scans I want to go for because my dad said it’s because I’m being too lazy to cook, that when I eat I’ll feel better, but in all I’ve felt God’s friendship through the friends He has given to me. The check ups, the hugs, the prayers. They’re all so awesome. And even when I felt like I was being a stubborn child to God He reminded me of how much He loves me that He sent His son to die for me and How I’m the apple of His eyes and He has engraved my name on His palms and how He made me and He has carried me and how He will carry me even through my old age.
Eunice, I pray that you will find the answer to your fainting problem and get the right help. 💕
Eunice, so sorry that you are having these fainting spells…praying for God’s protection over you and that you get the medical help to figure out why.
Oh dear Eunice — yes — see a doctor. Father, please the doctor wisdom for Eunice.
Praying for you dear Eunice.
Lord, God our Father and our Shepherd, our Healing Physician, we praise You and we Glorify Your Name. We thank you for caring for our lives, our health and our souls. We love our dear daughter in Jesus, Eunice. Dear Lord, please help Eunice to find a doctor to help her resolve her fainting issues. Give her your wisdom and strength and lead her to the best doctor. We ask this all in the Mighty Name of Jesus. We give You all thanks and praise.
Dear Eunice, yes, please go see a doctor. I don’t need to tell you this, but fainting is not a good thing. This is from your Mama Bing, who cares about you, and I am a retired nurse. Being a student takes a lot of energy, physically and mentally, and you need sustenance to carry you through the day. Praying they will find the reason for these episodes. Love to you!
Praying with all the others here for you Eunice. You are a doll, as my grandma used to say. Please take the time to eat if you can. Your dad is right! ❤️❤️🙏🙏🙏
So, I’ll come back to the remaining questions, I just have to quickly take my bathe and got for class.
I’ll be back. 💜😚
3A. Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
A friend is someone you can count on (even in middle of the night). A family member is there always.
I have not had this experience. My friends have been more loyal than my family. My sister is there for the most part, but my brother is self consumed and can’t be bothered with me. 🤷🏻♀️
My husband’s family is one that you don’t ask for favors. I think this is strange.
B. Proverbs 18: 24 A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
You may have many people you call friends, but there is only one “best” friend.
I don’t understand the “come to ruin part.” My translation says “destroy each other.”
My mom used to say that when I got to her age, if I had a couple of good friends then I was blessed. I don’t think she was very good with friendship. She was kind of a loner as I recall. Her family was most important to her. I have one best friend. She lives across the country. I have a couple of close friends who also live far away. Then, I have a couple of close friends that have drifted in and out of my life. They live near me.
C. Proverbs 25: 17 Seldom set foot in your neighbor’s house—too much of you, and he will hate you.
Don’t make yourself a nuisance to others.
I really cringe with the word “hate” being in the Bible. Does it have to be so harsh? My translation says “…wear out your welcome.”
D. Proverbs 25:20 Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.
Don’t be too happy around those who are hurting.
Being too happy is not being cognizant to others feelings. It’s an awareness of how others are experiencing their lives in the moment. Sometimes though, people are good at hiding their feelings and you don’t even know they are sad.
E. Proverbs 26: 18 Like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows 19 is a man who deceives his neighbor and says, “I was only joking!”
It’s not kind to play around with others’ minds. My translation says, “…don’t lie to your friend…”
This one doesn’t really make sense to me. Is it really about teasing? I have a couple of neighbors I am friendly with and then one neighbor I consider a friend. I don’t feel close enough with the “acquaintance” neighbors to lie and then say “never mind.” The friend neighbor and I joke around but again, I don’t think I would do that either. If it means anyone, not just your neighbor, then I still don’t think I would behave that way. I’m not a big fan of teasing.
I think there is a difference between good-natured teasing that has a heart of love behind it, and sarcastic or deceptive remarks that hide malice.
I agree, Dee.
I agree, too, Dee. In my country, at least, when I was growing up, we teased (in good nature) each other a lot in our family. Not so much with acquaintances. I think one has to have some depth of relationship with another person to joke with or tease them.
Tuesday: The Uniqueness of Friendship
4. Fun question: Did you recognize the reader of the Scriptures? (He is famous!)
—I didn’t. For a minute I thought Sproul but then realized the accent was too distinct.
5. List two main points from the above section.
—1. “Proverbs says you’re not going to be a wise person, you will not lead a wise life, unless you are great at choosing, forging, and keeping terrific friendships”
And : 2. The unique necessity of friendship.
6. How is friendship different than family? To probe more deeply, how is it different than marriage?
—With family there is a general loyalty by most people because of being related by blood and in most cases there is a shared history. Where in friendship there is a commitment in the choice to be a friend.
I think the scope of marriage is deeper and broader than friendship. It is similar in that you choose to love your spouse and commit your loyalty to the relationship but in marriage you are bound by a physical intimacy that makes you one and there is an exclusive dynamic that forsakes all others. Friendship is not exclusive of others or limited to one person.
7. Why should we be loyal to family even if they have hurt us or if we not “kindred spirits?”
—Because God would require it of us. We are always required to practice the love of Christ to others whether or not they are family. But He placed us into a family of origin and families are designed by God to function by his example. As believers we are required to do our part to the best of our ability to make family relationships work.
Good answers. The reader is Max Mclean!
I recognized him immediately but could not remember the name. Love his voice! I bought a CD of his bible reading years ago.
Isn’t amazing how out of billions of voices we can recognize one?
That is amazing. When I think of it, there is so much potential in God’s created order that we don’t tap into. I saw a video of a man who owned a sheep dog as a pet. To keep it busy he taught it to retrieve over a thousand stuffed animals by name. He had to write the names on the animals to remember them himself, but the dog got it right every time.
Love your answers, Bev. Especially, 6, friendship and marriage.
1. Share a specific way you have sensed the love of God through a friend on this blog.
I have sensed so much of the love of God through this blog. I was a silent follower until I retired six years ago. Even then, I could see the loving ways of all who posted. I received so many prayers and so much encouragement during the past 3 years, as my husband’s health declined and when he went home to Jesus. I have known our beloved, Dee, since we were “newly marrieds” and our friendship has continued for many years, truly we are sisters in Christ. I was blessed to meet Bing, her daughter, Ruth, and Ruth’s friends, Caleb and Danny, when I was still in Seattle! And this summer, I was blessed to meet Laura and her beautiful grandchildren, Grace and Cooper. Lizzy, Bing and Missy have sent sweet messages when I was in so much sorrow and pain. I love the tender heart messages and prayers here that we all exchange. It is exciting to see this sisterhood in Jesus bloom and grow. It is a joy to pray for each of you, and your families, and I feel that we are a family. I love praying for each of your families and friends, like Bev’s Yuri. There is so much power in prayer!
2. Share another way God has shown you His friendship this week.
I went to my granddaughter’s baby shower in Nashville. It was wonderful to meet more of her dear friends. Tony and Hannah go to a great church and are very serious about raising their children in a Christian environment. Tony’s parents are believers. It is such an important time in history to be strong in our faith. I enjoy Tony’s mom and we have shared some devotional favorites. I saw many prayers answered over this weekend. Thanking God for His faithfulness and goodness.
Patti, sounds like a wonderful time in Nashville. So glad that your granddaughter and husband are on the same page in raising their kids in a Christian environment…so important today.
Amen, Sharon! How I thank God for this sweet couple.
So many good reports — so proud of how you are pushing through the icy rivers of grief through fellowship with family and family in the Lord.We love having you here.
Tuesday: The Uniqueness of Friendship
4. Fun question: Did you recognize the reader of the Scriptures? (He is famous!)
Nope
5. List two main points from the above section.
1. You’re not going to be a wise person or lead a wise life, unless you are great at choosing, forging, and keeping terrific friendships.
2. Looking at these Proverbs under the following headings…the unique necessity of friendship, the discovery of friendship, the forging and building of a friendship, and how you get the power to do that can give us understanding and the ability to learn from them.
6. How is friendship different than family?
A friend is chosen.
Family is blood and will be there because of a sense of loyalty.
To probe more deeply, how is it different than marriage?
Marriage is like a friend in that you chose your partner, but different in that it is an intimate relationship, a commitment and you become one.
7. Why should we be loyal to family even if they have hurt us or if we not “kindred spirits?”
God’s word says we are to honor our mother and father and I think that means not only obey them but be there for them in their time of need.
I also think of the story of Joseph and how his brothers mistreated him, but he chose to forgive them and provide for their needs during the famine. There was a loyalty there, but you also see Joseph’s great love for his father and younger brother Benjamin and therefore cared because of the connection they all had.
Sharon, I liked your example of Joseph. I think of my cousins who have hurt me in the past. When they were in need or in trouble, I still felt certain loyalty to them and would care and consider how I could help them. They are family after all.
Great example of loyalty to family in Joseph, who was so abused.
3. Do three things with each proverb. Read it carefully and then put it in your own words. For the sake of this group, ask any questions the proverb brings to mind. I will do the first in red but you do it too. Different translations may help you ponder each proverb more deeply.
A. Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
A true and sincere friend loves, in spite of circumstances. Brothers are there for the very serious times.
I think most siblings are loyal to family members, and show love in stressful times, even though they may not always agree with one another. There are also a few, who may be rebellious, unforgiving or just self centered and not be supportive of family members.(sadly.)
My paraphrase: True friends are not “fair weather” friends. Brothers are there when life is really hard.
Question from me! After Keller’s sermon, I saw this proverb differently. He said you may not like your biological sister, but you will be loyal to her, for she is family. What do you think about that? I think God wants us to be loyal to family, unless they will do us harm and then, it might be best to just stay away.
B. Proverbs 18: 24 A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. It is wise to be selective and discerning in selecting a close and trusted friend, yet you may have many acquaintances. Wisdom is knowing the few with whom you have a deep trust and can confide in. One who will gossip to you, will gossip about you.
C. Proverbs 25: 17 Seldom set foot in your neighbor’s house—too much of you, and he will hate you.
Treat friendships with great care and tread gently, being sensitive to your friend’s privacy. Do not be intrusive, or it will overwhelm friendship and trust.
D. Proverbs 25:20 Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.
Be sensitive to your friend’s needs. Listen to their heart’s song. Don’t tell them what then “need” to do, just be there for them. Give them comfort in trials.
E. Proverbs 26: 18 Like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows 19 is a man who deceives his neighbor and says, “I was only joking!”
Choose your words wisely and speak with kindness. Do not offer sideways comments, criticisms or barbs, covered with “just kidding”. It is like giving someone a spoiled strawberry dipped in chocolate.
Oooh, Patti! That example: spoiled strawberry dipped in chocolate! That would not be good. And I liked what you said about not being intrusive. I am learning to give space when I feel a small tug from the Spirit to step back from saying something or visiting somebody. I have some elderly friends that I am learning how to relate to; they are some of the most independent women I have ever met. I have to be careful when offering help, especially when I am on their turf.
4. Fun question: Did you recognize the reader of the Scriptures? (He is famous!)
I recognized him from a reading translation in the YouVersion Bible app. Love his voice!
5. List two main points from the above section.
Wisdom is knowing what to do in situations that morals don’t address.
Friends are important to us.
6. How is friendship different than family?
Family will be there for you but they may not like you much. You don’t get to pick your family!
To probe more deeply, how is it different than marriage?
Marriage is a commitment between three, including God.
7. Why should we be loyal to family even if they have hurt us or if we not “kindred spirits?”
We have history together. We should honor our families because God gave them to us. There is loyalty. They care
8. What does every culture put friendship in the backseat?
Friendship isn’t as glamorous as romance! It’s not about the biology or the sociology.
9. How does your life show whether you value friendship or not? Be specific. If it shows you do not, what would the Lord have you do?
I have a few friends that I love and have kept for 30 years or so. When our children get married we travel to be with each other. I just got back from a wedding in Missouri. My best friends husband died a couple of years ago and we all met for the memorial in Las Cruces. We also have a “chick-fling” every few years or so. I love these girls!
I do have a couple of friends here too. I mentioned how all the covid nonsense messed with none of them and we had not seen each other in a while. Recently one of the girls decided she should reach out and we have talked more the past 6 months or so. I was sad that they kind of dropped me (and each other) but then very happy that we reconnected! I need to keep this one going. The one that had originally pulled away usually had us over for Thanksgiving. This was because we are all from a different part of the country and don’t have family here. She had stopped that. This year she is having us back!! Yay!
So many good reports — so proud of how you are pushing through the icy rivers of grief through fellowship with family and family in the Lord.We love having you here.
That will truly be a “thanks”giving Thanksgiving, Laura!
Sunday:
1. Share a specific way you have sensed the love of God through a friend on this blog. The love of Jesus is continually shared here through the hands and feet of Christ on earth. I see this in the careful selection of sermons from Dee and the wonderful ways participants share their hearts and caring comments to others. My heart has always been encouraged when I’ve shared vulnerably here.
2. Share another way God has shown you His friendship this week. I just can’t get over how good this sermon is and the timing of it. We met last night with our son and new DIL to read another chapter from TK book on marriage. They have been married 3 months and are struggling. Already the D word has come up. I am so grateful they are comfortable to share openly with us and eager to start reading this book with us again after a break since the wedding in August. I see all of this as God’s friendship to me when he is helping me in relationships. Another way is our relationship with our 18 year old daughter. She moved out about a year ago and moved back just a week ago and was open to share her struggle with our relationship and now start to rebuild- So grateful for this opportunity as well. I see God’s great plan for us as a relationship with him and with others here on earth. I love the picture of the Trinity and how we can reflect that here in our marriages and friendships. I’m looking forward to digging into this, but have a busy week and may not be able to post much. Looking forward to reading others comments and commenting as I’m able.
Oh Lord, thank you for this connection that Chris and her husband have their son and DIL. Please heal their marriage by bringing them closer to You! In Jesus Name I pray
Amen to Dee’s sweet prayer, Chris.
Wednesday: Irreplaceable
8. Why does every culture put friendship in the backseat?
Romantic, erotic and sexual love is put first.
9. How does your life show whether you value friendship or not? Be specific. If it shows you do not, what would the Lord have you do?
I can answer both of these questions. I have two good friends of kindred spirit here and they’re much better at reaching out to me than I am to them. They call me when they need to talk, need prayer or spiritual questions…me, not so much. Which brings me to the 2nd question of what the Lord would have me do…reach out to them first for a change, set up times to get together and make more of an effort than I do. Self-forgetfulness plays a big part in this and it is something God has shown me. I need to let go of my past with…losing friends because of moving so much or they die. I would say I put up a wall of protection because of that.
10. Keller says “your community forms you.” Give a few examples of that.
I live in a community that doesn’t let outsiders in very easily. The people that grow up here are tight knit (especially the women). There are many people in the military and they have each other. Needless to say it took many years to make friends because I’m neither.
11. How have you chosen your closest friends?
I have chosen most of my friends either through church or work.
How do you keep them alive?
I’m sure you’re talking about the friendship 😜. I’m not as good at it now as I used to be as I stated above.
12. How can you avoid “visiting your friend too often or for too long?”
I think a good friend will let you know in love when too often is, too often (I would anyway). As far as too long, I think going out for lunch, coffee or even a walk (which I did last week with one friend I mentioned above) will keep the time from being too long.
13. Any other comments on the above?
Much to work on.
“I’m sure you are talking about friendship.” 🙂
Such a wry sense of humor in Sharon.
Sharon, your answer to #10 resonates with me. Our community, in some sense, is like that. Even my husband says so. Just being factual. Some of the women who are newbies in town, because like me, they are married to a hometown boy, voiced the same things to me. Making acquaintances here is slow, more especially friends. I try to be content with the few friends I have right now, and working on the foundation and forging, and yet watchful. It is indeed good to have a best friend in Jesus.
Tuesday: The Uniqueness of Friendship
4. Fun question: Did you recognize the reader of the Scriptures? (He is famous!) – I don’t recognize the person speaking.
5. List two main points from the above section. – A friend is closer and sticks with you because they chose you. They didn’t just get stuck with us like our siblings, but they see something in us and makes them want to be around us. And, we may be morally a good person, but when the gray areas come up, we need wisdom to know how to handle that situation. I think morals and wisdom and can work together, but you don’t always have both. You may have morals and no wisdom so you are stuck not being able to make a decision that wisdom would allow you to make.
6. How is friendship different than family? To probe more deeply, how is it different than marriage? – A friend chooses to be with us, where family just is and we don’t have a choice who are family is. Family may be our blood, but they don’t have to be our friends. When you are married you choose to be with someone and make the commitment to them and a covenant before God, so you do things out of ‘obligation’ because you love that person. A friend does things because they want to, there may be nothing in it for them in return, they just do it with no commitment at all.
7. Why should we be loyal to family even if they have hurt us or if we not “kindred spirits?” – Family is important to God, he created the union of marriage and the means to grow our families. Being loyal to our family members brings glory and honor to God.
Interesting about morals without wisdom — I think that person would tend toward legalism.
Wednesday: Irreplaceable
8. Why does every culture put friendship in the backseat? – Friendship is not exciting; it doesn’t bring a thrill or excitement to us.
9. How does your life show whether you value friendship or not? Be specific. If it shows you do not, what would the Lord have you do? – Well, friendships will mold us in our current space and may have changed how we act or think. If others, who have known us for a while see that we have changed in our ways, from how we were brought up, they may see the deeper connection of friends. They may see more empathy or caring in us that we may not have shown in the past. They may see a heart change.
10. Keller says “your community forms you.” Give a few examples of that. – I would say the community of friends I have are Christian. They hold me accountable, help me see things in a different way when I let hurt or anger blind me. I’m doing more bible studies than ever before.
11. How have you chosen your closest friends? How do you keep them alive? – I’ve chosen them by feeling a connection to them when I first met them. I felt peace around them. My one friend we are living farther apart so we text first thing in the morning. Even if it’s a quick GIF we say good morning in some way. We send each other encouraging messages and cards when we know a hard time is coming up. My other friend, also a distance part now, we call and chat for at least an hour to catch up and stay connected to each other.
12. How can you avoid “visiting your friend too often or for too long?” – Find different ways to stay connected. It doesn’t have to be face to face. Like I mentioned above, a card, a text or a phone call, can be just and fulfilling as a face-to-face encounter with them.
13. Any other comments on the above? – “friendship, which takes incredibly deliberate amounts of intentionally spent time over time will always get squeezed out.” This is sad that people in today’s society don’t care about a true friend, they care about something that is tearing the families apart. I think we’ve lost the reality of family, whether blood or chosen.
Sounds like you are a good friend.
Monday – paraphrase and question
A. Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. Someone who is a friend will love you in good times and bad times. A brother or sister will help/pray/support you in a time of trouble. My question: What happens when a friendship turns “toxic,” and you need to pull back or even walk away from that friend?
. Proverbs 18: 24 A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Don’t open yourself up to just anybody and everybody until you know them, because it might be someone who will lead you astray. You can be friendly without being automatically BFF. When you do really connect with someone, you will have a friend that will stick with you whatever happens (like a cocklebur). My question: How do you know when a friendship is taking too much of your time/energy?
C. Proverbs 25: 17 Seldom set foot in your neighbor’s house—too much of you, and he will hate you. Watch out that you don’t become an annoying person, know when to go and when to leave. Dropping by to say hello, or take some baked item, is a good thing, but don’t plan to stay unless invited inside.
D. Proverbs 25:20 Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart. Powerful images here: taking someone’s coat off her back on a winter day (outside) is removing needed warmth; vinegar on soda (remember school day volcanoes?). They both get strong reactions. Paraphrase: Ignoring, minimizing, discounting a person’s valid concerns/grief with thoughtless cheery words can do great harm. My question: When you are the one with a heavy heart, how do you respond to thoughtless remarks?
E. Proverbs 26: 18 Like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows 19 is a man who deceives his neighbor and says, “I was only joking!” A person who insults or lies and then says “Just joking!” causes great harm. My question: Should I say something such as, “That’s not funny,” or “Is that what you really think?”
Good question. Hopefully, with grace, knowing the heart behind the cheery insensitivity is well intentioned, if not wise. But often I have just been quiet and a bit angry.
Cheryl, I love the Valentine card idea for the women of your church!
4. Fun question: Did you recognize the reader of the Scriptures? (He is famous!)
I did not recognize him. Thank you for letting know, Dee!
5. List two main points from the above section.
Proverbs says you’re not going to be a wise person, you will not lead a wise life, unless you are great at choosing, forging, and keeping terrific friendships.
That is, there is a unique necessity to friendship. Friendship brings something into your life that family can’t bring, that romance can’t bring, that neighbors can’t bring. Nothing else can bring it.
6. How is friendship different than family? To probe more deeply, how is it different than marriage?
Your family forms you in your early years, friends form you in your later years. A friend chooses you, friends choose each other, yet it is different than family or marriage. You and your spouse choose each other and there is romance, passion and commitment.
7. Why should we be loyal to family even if they have hurt us or if we not “kindred spirits?”
There is a depth with family and a longevity. It is like a woven strand that is always present, even if you are not together and even beyond death.
Patti, I like your description of family being a “woven strand,” that’s it exactly. The connection remains mov matter the distance or lapse of time,
Patti, I love the “woven strand” illustration too, about the family. I would love to share that with my cousins!
Tuesday: the uniqueness of friendship
5. List two main points from the above section. A friend can be better than a sibling. “Friendship brings something into your life that family can’t bring, that romance can’t bring, that neighbors can’t bring.”
6. How is friendship different than family? To probe more deeply, how is it different than marriage? Friendship is different because you can choose your friends, but you don’t choose your family. Marriage involves a more intimate relationship than friendship. A husband and wife become one entity, whereas friendships can come and go with more than one friend.
7. Why should we be loyal to family even if they have hurt us or if we not “kindred spirits?” Love does not remember hurts, but forgives. Love does not hold grudges. Whether or not a family member has hurt us, or is not a “kindred spirit,” has no bearing on the way I should treat them. I have seen many of my husband’s extended family, not believers, hold on to things that happened years ago that have ripped the family apart. This also applies to our church family, the Body of Christ.
So good: “love does not remember hurts” — hard to do, but nothing impossible with God!
I agree with Dee, Cheryl. Love your answer to 7.
Cheryl, I love your answer to #7, too. With God, nothing is impossible, as Dee said. I have found that whenever a hurt from the past comes back, I have to give it to the Lord and remember how much I have been forgiven. And it is quite a process. But the Philippians 4:7 peace that is promised us always comes.
Wednesday: Irreplaceable
8. What does every culture put friendship in the backseat? Friendship relationships.
9. How does your life show whether you value friendship or not? Be specific. If it shows you do not, what would the Lord have you do? I keep in touch with friends on messenger when I am away during the winter. Each week I ask, How can I pray for you today/this week, and when they respond I reply with a written prayer. I also send “Cheryl’s Newsletter,” talking about my activities and including something I’ve learned (usually from this study, Dee!). I send valentines to each woman in the church with a personal message.
10. Keller says “your community forms you.” Give a few examples of that. I don’t really know what that means. I think I’ll have to read some of the comments on this post first. I never thought about community forming me; I’ve always focused on God forming me into the image of Jesus.
11. How have you chosen your closest friends? How do you keep them alive? This is a tender spot for me as I would not characterize any of my friends as being my closest friends. The one friend that I could talk with about anything and pray for each other (including my marriage), and she shared likewise, was much older than me and has since died. We were drawn together through love of the Word. I feel sometimes that other women have put me on a pedestal, so to speak, “such an inspiration” “really has a great knowledge of the Bible” “talented” “godly woman”. In the ladies Bible study last week, we pray for each person individually, the woman praying for me thanked the Lord for the I WISDOM I shared. I don’t think of myself as anything special or out of the ordinary. I get lonely sometimes for a close woman friend.
12. How can you avoid “visiting your friend too often or for too long?” I follow the leading of the Spirit when contacting a friend, when-where-why, and always follow their lead as to the length of the visit.
13. Any other comments on the above? No, I think I said enough in #11, lol.
How good to send valentines with a personal message to each woman in the church!
I’ve found Christmas letters get lost, so I do Thanksgiving — but love the personal touch.
Dee, we do a Happy New Year one.
8. What does every culture put friendship in the backseat?
It seems that culture has become more “self” oriented and without an interest in others for the sake of wanting to know them and spend time with them. Many people are most interested in romance or self fulfilling relationships….or what are the rich and famous doing. Friendship with God is so important and I think it spawns healthy friendships with others.
9. How does your life show whether you value friendship or not? Be specific. If it shows you do not, what would the Lord have you do?
I hope that my friendships demonstrate a reciprocal love and caring for each other and an interest in what can I do for my friends. I value my friendships greatly. I try to be discerning and have healthy friendships. I do pray for people when I say I will and I try to follow up on that. I love what Keller pointed out about “you too?” I do think that those who God brings into our life, can be kindred spirits, as Anne was for Dee. Those lifelong friendships where you can pick up right where you left off, are beautiful.
10. Keller says “your community forms you.” Give a few examples of that.
Community gets smaller as I age, and because I moved. My community has always been centered in our church, the school where we worked and our neighborhood. I do keep in touch with a few friends from the West Coast and we text and talk when we can. And of course, I keep in touch with Dee! I believe having a history together helps us stay close.
11. How have you chosen your closest friends? How do you keep them alive? I met them all at church, college, or through work. We all love the Lord, we all have a bit of drama in our lives, except Dee. 💕We pray for one another. One friend is having a laser eye treatment today, I am having that today too. We are praying for each other. We check in with each other and ask how we can pray. We try to talk when we can. ( as I was typing my answer to this question, one of them sent a text saying she is thankful that distance has not made a difference in our friendship!)🙏Sending a note or getting a note in the mail! Pure joy! 😉
12. How can you avoid “visiting your friend too often or for too long?” Respecting each other’s family time, work time, and not being consuming of their time or lives. They all have larger families than I have. I need down time, time to reflect and some quiet time, myself .
13. Any other comments on the above? Such great questions, Dee!❤️
You are a model friend, Patti! I love how you have formed friendships here.
10. Keller says “your community forms you.” Give a few examples of that.
I guess he means the old saying that “…you are who you hang around?” We are formed by those we commune with mostly. If we hang around scrap bookers (?!) or creative people then the creative side of us will develop. If we hang around people who live to exercise then we might try a new type, depending on what our friends do. I don’t like to run, but if a friend does, then I might try it to fit in with her.
11. How have you chosen your closest friends?
My closest friend and I met 32 years ago when we were young mothers. We had kids that were similar ages and we decided that we would get them together to play. Through that relationship we grew to know that we liked being around each other. We figured out the I knew her husband from college, as I was a geologist and knew her husband! I know God had a hand in that one.
My closest friends have similar interests. My friend who just came out of the covid fog (!) is smart and knows physics well. We like to talk about nerdy things. Our other friend has a quirky son, like Sarah, so we “gee-haw” there! Hahaha.
How do you keep them alive?
My closest friend and I have two others we are close with and we take times to meet in fun places (like Branson, Mo) for our mostly yearly “chick fling.”
The two friends here in NH and I have made breakfast together on a Saturday, so online Bible studies, walk, and try text occasionally. We are having the Thanksgiving dinner together next Saturday.
12. How can you avoid “visiting your friend too often or for too long?”
This doesn’t happen for me because I am way too busy. I struggle to see them!
Your last comment made me smile. Yet I am impressed at how you have gotten together with blog sisters!
Wednesday: Irreplaceable
8. What does every culture put friendship in the backseat?
—Because friendship is not a biological or sociological necessity. It’s the only love that is absolutely deliberate.
9. How does your life show whether you value friendship or not? Be specific. If it shows you do not, what would the Lord have you do?
—It is as simple as asking who are your friends and are you actively involved in their lives and are they involved in yours. Our closest friends are the people we play with, eat with and pray with on a regular basis. There are some people in our lives that we also maintain a contact with even after many years.
10. Keller says “your community forms you.” Give a few examples of that.
—We have a small group of people from our church that has met at our home on Wednesday nights for a number of years now. Over time the group has changed some as people move in and out but there is a consistent core that as we have studied the Bible together and prayed with them we have a bond of friendship in Christ and we are certainly better for having them in our own lives.
11. How have you chosen your closest friends? How do you keep them alive?
—My closest friends and I share the same faith in Jesus. We met at Bible Study. And the closest friends my husband and I have with another couple is through our church.
12. How can you avoid “visiting your friend too often or for too long?”
—There just seems to be a natural rhythm to the times we spend together that happens in the flow of our lives.
Thursday: Discovering Friends
14. Share a time when you “discovered” a friend.
—I discovered my closest friend at a Bible study. I had asked God for someone in my life who knew how to pray. When I heard her pray I thought to myself she really knows how to pray. About a week later she called and asked me if I would be willing to be her prayer partner for a difficult ministry she was part of and we began meeting from then on.
15. Keller takes 2 Proverbs — the one about he who has many companions will come to ruin and the one that compares the counsel of a good friend to honey. What point is he making about being wise with friendship and discovering a godly friend?
—The bottom line is that it is logistically impossible to handle a large amount of true and meaningful friendships. To try and do so would overcome all your time and your energies and you would fail at some point. Honey and naturally sweet foods were the real thing when discovered and eaten in biblical times. So it is with a friendship that is the real thing. It has a natural sweetness to it.
16. Why isn’t enough just to want someone to be your friend — what must you have and why? What wisdom does this give you in discovering a wonderful friend?
—Friendship requires a foundation, an affinity, a common love, a common vision that can’t be created, that can only be discovered and then you build on that foundation.
17. What other comments do you have?
—I would point out that the foundation for friendship doesn’t necessarily mean always thinking alike and liking the same things. Just like my husband and are very different personalities I find my closest friend and I are in some ways very different. But as a part of the loyalty in her friendship to me I am often challenged and helped by her different perspective when I share my heart with her. She listens and she “hears” me but often graciously she just helps reshape my thinking in good ways. I can trust her because she always prays and seeks God first. I have found it is always wise for me to “listen” to her.
Love this story from Bev:
I discovered my closest friend at a Bible study. I had asked God for someone in my life who knew how to pray. When I heard her pray I thought to myself she really knows how to pray. About a week later she called and asked me if I would be willing to be her prayer partner for a difficult ministry she was part of and we began meeting from then on.
I have a similar recent. I lost my evangelistic partner when Twila moved away and I have prayed for another. I think God has given me one in a new Catholic believer for she is bringing 6 people to the Christmas Tea I’m speaking at in two weeks! None of them have a personal relatioonship with Christ. woo hoo!
Dee, I say, WOO HOO to this newfound friend. So excited about the Christmas Tea-what a lovely way to make new friends and share Jesus.
Thursday: Discovering Friends
14. Share a time when you “discovered” a friend.
My “you too” moment with my friend here, came through sharing our enjoyment of the book of Hosea and other stories of women in the Bible. It is quite interesting as we are very different and when our friendship started I felt like I always needed to fill the conversation as she didn’t seem to have much to say. But after we got to know each other she has really opened up and out of that I discovered the importance of just listening and letting those quiet pauses just be quiet (I hope that makes sense). She is about 10 years younger than me, but so wise and trustworthy and how she loves the Lord!
15. Keller takes 2 Proverbs — the one about he who has many companions will come to ruin and the one that compares the counsel of a good friend to honey. What point is he making about being wise with friendship and discovering a godly friend?
A few good and true friends are much sweeter than having many friends or acquaintances.
16. Why isn’t it enough just to want someone to be your friend — what must you have and why? What wisdom does this give you in discovering a wonderful friend?
A friendship can’t be created or forged but rather needs a foundation. Someone with whom you have a “you too” discovery.
17. What other comments do you have?
This has been a good study for me…thank you Dee.
18. Next week is Thanksgiving. If you are the host, is there someone who might be alone you could invite and love? (I am excited that Cristian is coming to our Thanksgiving!)
I have been praying about this since our study on hospitality…so far no answer.
Love your “me too” story.
Father — Sharon and Jim would be such a welcoming home — please bring someone across their path who would love to share Thanksgiving with them.
9. How does your life show whether you value friendship or not? Be specific. If it shows you do not, what would the Lord have you do?
I invest my time and resources in my friends. Show hospitality, pray for them.
10. Keller says “your community forms you.” Give a few examples of that.
Richard and I have lived in 5 different cities/towns, and I can tell that our involvement was mostly with church, international students, our jobs, and organizations I have been a part of. This involvement took so much of our time, and I am glad I was able to make friends in spite of it. One of my very special friendships dates back to the early years when we moved to the U.S.
11. How have you chosen your closest friends? How do you keep them alive?
By spending time with them, I can get to know them. And doing the same thing in a deeper way to keep them alive. By “studying” them. By praying for them. By intentionally connecting with them, even when a few of them live far away.
12. How can you avoid “visiting your friend too often or for too long?”
Pray about timing. Be sensitive to the Spirit’s leading. Know your friend well, and you will know how much is too long or too often.
13. Any other comments on the above?
The book of Proverbs continually says fools perish either for lack of friends or for poorly chosen friends. I have never thought of “perishing” for lack of friends. But it makes sense. Loneliness is a pandemic.
Thursday: Discovering Friends
14. Share a time when you “discovered” a friend.
I attended a community lunch and was behind a neighbor (we have been neighbors for 2 years by this time, but have not gotten acquainted). I invited her to our annual women’s luncheon, and she said she saw the flyer and was planning to come. She did come, and we started texting each other from then. That was October of 2024. Come January 2025, she and her husband and their 3-year-old boy came to attend our church. They have not missed church too many times after that. When we needed somebody to coordinate the local promotion of our annual luncheon this year, I asked Stephanie if she would be interested in helping with that. She said yes, and we worked together for about 2 months before the event. She, too, loves getting women together and is passionate about God’s Word. She is a helper, and so am I! I discovered a friend in Stephanie. We both agreed that God brought us together.
15. Keller takes 2 Proverbs — the one about he who has many companions will come to ruin, and the one that compares the counsel of a good friend to honey. What point is he making about being wise with friendship and discovering a godly friend?
You cannot have too many friends. Choose one that you can be a friend to and she, to you.
16. Why isn’t enough just to want someone to be your friend — what must you have and why? What wisdom does this give you in discovering a wonderful friend?
Just wanting someone to be your friend sounds selfish. It is just for your personal gain. You must see the same truth. You must share a common interest.
17. What other comments do you have?
18. Next week is Thanksgiving. If you are the host, is there someone who might be alone you could invite and love? (I am excited that Cristian is coming to our Thanksgiving!)
Praying about this as my husband’s siblings have in-laws with schedule conflicts. They usually join us for a total of 15. We are hosting, and today (Friday), I got news that there might only be 7 of us. Richard and I are thinking of visiting some elderly people at their homes and bringing them food.
How like you and Richard!
Thursday: Discovering Friends
14. Share a time when you “discovered” a friend. – My friend Helen and her husband were at the same event my husband and I were, and we got along well. A week or two later the Ladies Night Out at our church was happening and I didn’t want to go by myself, so I went over to Helen after church and said hi and asked how she was doing and if she wanted to go to the event with me. She said, “oh my gosh I’ve been praying for God to send me a Christian friend”. We have been friends ever since. That first encounter was in July of 2008. We are now more like sisters than we are friends. I thank God all the time for the gift he has given to me by having our paths cross.
15. Keller takes 2 Proverbs — the one about he who has many companions will come to ruin and the one that compares the counsel of a good friend to honey. What point is he making about being wise with friendship and discovering a godly friend? – A true friend is like a rare sweetness. You have to look hard to find one, there won’t be many in your life, but they are a rarity. They are different then the acquaintances you may have because these types can be found everywhere.
16. Why isn’t it enough just to want someone to be your friend — what must you have and why? What wisdom does this give you in discovering a wonderful friend? – You need to have the same mindset on most things to have a true friend. They should be similar to you in thought and beliefs. They should want the same outcome in situations. You both should have the same truths.
17. What other comments do you have? – It’s important, I think to distinguish between a good, true friend and acquaintances. They are not the same at all. My husband will say all the time, “my friend….” but I’ve never met the person he’s talking about at all. We have been together for over 20 years, I would think by now I would know his ‘friends’.
18. Next week is Thanksgiving. If you are the host, is there someone who might be alone you could invite and love? (I am excited that Cristian is coming to our Thanksgiving!) – I am not hosting, we are at the campground for Thanksgiving, so this will be a big difference for us. Happy Thanksgiving to all of you. May you and your family and friends have a blessed day.
Love your friend’s immediate response!
Friday: Constancy and Carefulness
.
19. What does “a friend loves at all times” entail? – This entails for the friend to be with you at any time you are struggling, they are there when you are rejoicing. They are available to you when you need them to be.
20. Give an example of a time a friend loved you when it cost her something! – When my mom passed away in April, I had three very close friends come to the viewing. One had already left Indiana to go back to Tennessee and turned right around to come back for me. The others were more local, but one took a day off of work for me and the other two (husband and wife) drove over an hour for me the day they were taking their camper out. They all lost time in one way or another to come and be there to comfort me, even though they knew I would not be able to sit with them individually. These are my true friends.
21. Keller gives the 2nd brick as “carefulness” because true friendship will cost you, so you cannot be a true friend to everyone. Thoughts? – I would agree. If you are being a true friend, you cannot be spread out so thin that you never refuel yourself. You can’t help and be close to a lot of people as a good true friend. You will not have that kind of time to take care of them well.
22. Challenge: Ask the Lord “To whom do you want me to be true?” Let us know what He shows you next week. – Lord reveal to me my true friends, those who you want me to be close to and take care of when the need arises. Help me to not fill myself with too many true friends. Help me to draw the line Lord as you show where to draw it. In your mighty name I pray. Amen.
23. What do you learn from the proverbs about what emotional connection does and does not look like? – Emotional connection has to crying with your friends one minute and laughing with them another. It has you holding the accountable in love and not judging when they fall. It is not helping everyone you meet. There is a limit to your emotional connections and that is completely fine. It’s instructed by God to be limited.
24. Other comments? – What a great study to have in the month of being grateful and thankful. I cherish these studies and all of you ladies that participate in them. Thank you, Lord, for this group of Ladies. I ask that you bless them and their families always.
Friday: Constancy and Carefulness
19. What does “a friend loves at all times” entail?
Being available, including times when the chips are down.
20. Give an example of a time a friend loved you when it cost her something!
I think the best show of love that I have received from true friends is TIME. My friend, Julie, who is an excellent teacher/professor, would come to speak at conferences I am partly responsible for, and often will spend a day or two traveling, let alone spend countless hours preparing for a presentation. She would often tell me that she enjoys spending time with me at these venues and doesn’t mind the travel and preparation.
Patti spent a morning of her TIME to take us to breakfast and then later to the airport when we were in Seattle. She did not have to do that, especially as she invited my daughter’s friends to join us.
21. Keller gives the 2nd brick as “carefulness” because true friendship will cost you, so you cannot be a true friend to everyone. Thoughts?
Carefulness means I am emotionally connected to the other person. And committed to their emotional flourishing. And both of these require time, Like I can think of only two or three people who come to mind that I can be true to. Besides my husband.
When I was young and was sending out over one hundred Christmas cards I asked the Lord, “To whom are you asking me to be true?” At that time, He gave me 5 names. That was my limit in being really ,truly available, and it freed me. The list changed 20 years later due to death and due to one backing off. Then He gave me two new ones.
22. Challenge: Ask the Lord “To whom do you want me to be true?” Let us know what He shows you next week.
Lord, I am asking, “To whom do you want me to be true?”
23. What do you learn from the proverbs about what emotional connection does and does not look like?
There is more to the subject of true friendship than I thought before. There are some people I can call friends, but they are not to whom I can be true for one reason or another.
24. Other comments?
I have often wondered why I cannot call certain people in my life friends. This section here of constancy and carefulness kind of” disqualifies” them. I am praying the Lord to forgive me for taking my true friends for granted and will invest in being constant and caring to them.
I have really enjoyed all the comments and the message from Keller. When I think of friendship, I definitely think of the best example to me on earth as my step-mom. She is always good to make time for us and checks in with us even when her own life has been too busy for a visit. She genuinely cares and sets aside time AND resources to invest. Even when we don’t reciprocate, she shows no negative emotion or withholds anything. She is always there for us. I have a goal to be more like her. I do believe the message on self-forgetfulness pairs well with this.
What a great step-mom Story!
Yes! When I was so stretched thin homeschooling and pregnant for kids 6 and 7, she came once a month and took my kids for the whole afternoon to go on a “field trip” and out for lunch. It was such a help so I could get something done or a much needed nap. I often think I have not done near enough for her to reciprocate.
14. Share a time when you “discovered” a friend.
My young friend whom I met when the grands were in preschool. She has 4 kids, I had 4 kids. We just hit it off immediately. She is Catholic and I am not; we love God. we love life, not abortion. Her mom is my age and we should be friends! We are acquaintances but that’s it! Haha. Now that I think of it I hope I don’t hurt our mom’s feelings…
15. Keller takes 2 Proverbs — the one about he who has many companions will come to ruin and the one that compares the counsel of a good friend to honey. What point is he making about being wise with friendship and discovering a godly friend?
16. Why isn’t enough just to want someone to be your friend — what must you have and why?
There must be a common interest that you both focus on.
What wisdom does this give you in discovering a wonderful friend?
I guess I should find people who like what I like.
17. What other comments do you have?
This is hard!
18. Next week is Thanksgiving. If you are the host, is there someone who might be alone you could invite and love? (I am excited that Cristian is coming to our Thanksgiving!)
I’ll have to think about this… I’m having a Thanksgiving dinner that I don’t want to have. We were hoping that Sarah and her husband would stay away but they want to be here and I’m going to have to fake my way through dinner because the next court date is December 2 when she will beat us up again. I don’t really feel like cooking because I’m totally exhausted. So she says she’ll bring the turkey and she’ll cook. Meanwhile, my young friend whom I mentioned above, invited us to go to her house for dinner and that sounds very appealing to me! But now I have to live with playing happy family, when we’re really not.
Oh Father, be with Laura in this hard thanksgiving and bring good from it.
Laura, I’m praying the Lord covers you with grace, peace, and His love. Such a hard situation. Love, cheryl
Laura, praying for the Lord to do more than you could ever ask or imagine this holiday season, and especially on Thanksgiving.
Laura, I so love that you are so real and honest. This is hard. Praying for God to work things out for good. Please share later how god directed your steps. Much love!
15. I didn’t answer! I don’t know. I’m bad with these questions! Maybe a very best friend will be one who believes in God and has your interests?
Friday: Constancy and Carefulness
19. What does “a friend loves at all times” entail?
Constancy…
Being available in all circumstances no matter the cost…good, bad, routine, etc.
20. Give an example of a time a friend loved you when it cost her something!
I’m not sure…I think there is a cost when a friend reaches out and it’s not reciprocated and still continues to persevere until your heart is softened to her love for you.
21. Keller gives the 2nd brick as “carefulness” because true friendship will cost you, so you cannot be a true friend to everyone. Thoughts?
When you’re invested in a true friendship you become emotionally vulnerable and connected, as Keller says, “That’s one of the reasons why you can’t have too many, because you just can’t survive with too many friends in some ways.”
I have people in my life that I keep at a distance because I feel suffocated around them. They just want a sounding board (like to be heard) and have no use to hear what I have to say, even after asking me what I think. They make me feel like they’ve taken away my garment on a cold day. Do I call them friend? Not a true one!
22. Challenge: Ask the Lord “To whom do you want me to be true?” Let us know what He shows you next week.
Lord, open my eyes to see who you want me to be true to.
23. What do you learn from the proverbs about what emotional connection does and does not look like?
I think I answered that in #21.
24. Other comments?
No…have said enough.
Never! 🙂
I can identify with boundaries with suffocating friends. I know we need wisdom with that because often suffocating friends are so lonely.
Sharon, been there on 21. Those “friends” are so hard to love. I can only take them in small doses. I clearly remember turning down such a “friend” who invited me to coffee to initiate a friendship. I still feel bad about it, but at the time had no emotional bandwidth for her.
Eeek…Sharon! I have had a few of those, and they make me feel like they are just dumping on me. Boundaries are good.
Saturday:
25. What is your take-a-way and why?
I want to grow in the characteristics of a true friend, and I pray to God to help me.
19. What does “a friend loves at all times” entail?
This means in all situations. You have to be available to be a friend!
20. Give an example of a time a friend loved you when it cost her something!
Recently, a very young friend (37) gave up her evening to watch the grands along with her kids, so my husband and I could go to a movie. In the past, I have had 2 close friends fly across the country to come to our second oldest’s wedding.
21. Keller gives the 2nd brick as “carefulness” because true friendship will cost you, so you cannot be a true friend to everyone. Thoughts?
I see this in the way of time, since time is so valuable to me. I don’t have enough of it to devote to so many, so I must be “choosey” (is that a word?!) with how many friends I have. I try to talk to my best friend once a week on the phone. These conversations last for 1-2 hrs and I am usually tired when we are through. Most the time I have to call her late at night after the kids go to sleep and I finish my work.
Laura, what a good friend you are. That is a huge investment to spend 1-2 hours on the phone every week late at night. I have two friends I meet with for prayer. We used to meet weekly and then it dropped off to twice a month and now only once a month. We meet typically for 2 hours to catch up on our families and our own lives and share scripture and prayer before we leave. We are always there for each other, but understand that we each have busy lives and hardly time to do more. This time we set aside monthly for prayer with each other, we have often called our lifeline. Sometimes we are so heavy with burdens and cannot wait to meet again to bring them to each other and to the Lord. Sometimes in addition to our monthly meetings we have met other needs for one another. I have a cherry tree these friends bought for me when our granddaughter passed away. It is a sweet reminder of our close friendship and my granddaughter. I planted it in a little garden outside my kitchen window and look at it everyday. Our next prayer meeting fell on the same night as my church ladies Christmas dinner, so we are all going to the dinner and then will meet for prayer afterwards. I’m excited because we rarely make time for anything like this.
You are a great friend and meet the qualities we have learned this week.
Chris! I love this meeting with your friends. The prayers. The tree. Oh how sweet it is. You have given me an idea for my 2 close friends that live near. Sometimes we do a Saturday morning breakfast. We could make it a prayer time too! That is such a good way to spend your time together.
Great illustration, Laura. I know God doesn’t expect us to maintain friendships with many, though be loving to all.
23. What do you learn from the proverbs about what emotional connection does and does not look like?
Emotional connection means you know when your friend is not well. You will feel the pain they feel. A couple of years ago, my best friend was suffering greatly. Her husband was not well and it was an emotional roller coaster for her. One day he would be fine and then he would sleep for 3-5 days straight. She was trying to run a business and entertain nurses and PT people and she, herself, was dying trying to keep up with it all. I felt her pain and did my best to be available to her at any time on the phone, day or night, during that season. He passed early last year. It was a very rough time for her for many years. I was not trying to make her happy during that time. I was listening mostly, and not trying to make light of any part of the situation. This is what the Proverbs means about a “light heart” in desperate times.
Oh, Laura! This friend will not forget your kindness. You have been a good friend then, and you are now.