As we allow our hearts to be warmed by the whole of the gospel, our idols will melt, as surely as sun melts an icy bay.
I am going to tell you a story of how the gospel melted an icy idol in my heart and also an icy idol in the heart of the woman who cleaned for me. We were each tempted in different ways to be our own saviors when faced with a problem. We had different temptations and and different deep idols – but the solution to our heart problem was the same. We needed to behold the beauty of Jesus and the truth of His love in order to melt our idols.
In the actual incident I am about to tell you, the woman who cleaned for me was the “poor man,” and I was the “rich man.” The Scripture says each of these circumstances lead to temptation. But the gospel has the power to rescue each person from the beast within.
THE TEMPTATIONS OF THE POOR AND THE RICH
When you are poor, it is tempting to steal. Steve would often remind me of how when we were newlyweds in 1965 and living on $300 a month, we returned some shoes he bought to a store from which we didn’t actually buy them. “We stole,” he said. It’s tempting when you are poor. Agur recognizes this temptation when he prayed:
Give me neither poverty nor riches!
Give me just enough to satisfy my needs.
For if I grow rich, I may deny you and say, “Who is the Lord?”
And if I am too poor, I may steal and thus insult God’s holy name.
Proverbs 30:8-9 (TLB)
1. What might a poor man be tempted to do — and what do you think might be his deep idol?
2. What might a rich man be tempted to do — and what do you think might be his deep idol?
Susan, whom is featured this week, wisely commented that underneath the three deep idols we have mentioned (comfort/security; approval/affirmation; and power/control) is ourselves. We want to be on the throne of our lives. This is a simple way to look at it and may help us in moments of temptation. However, it may also help us to identify the other idol, so we can think about how God could be our security, approval….
When I moved to Missouri after my husband died, I was looking for a woman to help me with cleaning. A woman I’d met at church called me, for she had heard about my need and wanted me to consider her daughter, whom I’ll call Violet. “Violet doesn’t know the Lord. But I sense an openness and a hunger in her – and I would be so thankful if she could get to know you. She’s a hard worker and she would do a good job cleaning for you.”
I agreed to meet Violet and talk to her. She drove to my house in a car with such a loud rumble I could hear her driving all the way down the hill to my street. Violet was rail thin, jittery, and talked non-stop. She got right into her speech before I could even hang her well-worn sweatshirt in the closet.
I’d be a good worker, my boyfriend got laid off a year ago and then I got laid off and we really need money cause it’s really hard – I got two other cleaning jobs and if I could work for you too I think we might maybe get by for now – I’d do a really good job for you, I know how to clean, I do, and I hope you’ll let me clean for you. His mother lives with us and she’s disabled so we are really having a hard time so I hope you’ll give me a chance and I’ll show you I’m a good worker and you won’t be sorry you hired me. In fact if you want me to start today I got some cleaning stuff right in the car and that would be good cause we’re really having a hard time and you could see that I’ll do a good job…
I was a little uneasy, but I also didn’t see how I could say no. That verse about “not shutting up my compassions” from 1 John came to me. I agreed to give her a try and she immediately ran to the car, got her supplies, and put all that nervous energy to work scrubbing down my kitchen and bathrooms. When I got out my check-book, she said, “Miss Dee – do you think you could pay me in cash? That would really help us.”
“Violet – usually people want to do that so that they don’t have to report it to the IRS. And that’s not legal. I need to pay you by check.”
“Oh – it’s not that, it’s just that things are kind of a mess at our bank and we need to get that sorted out.”
Again, I was uneasy. I told her I could pay her in cash legally for a few times, but it couldn’t be long-term. She agreed and said she’d figure something out.
But a month later when I tried again to pay her by check, she said:
I didn’t really tell you the truth Miss Dee, and I’m sorry, but a few years ago times were really tough and I passed some bad checks. Nuthin happened – but I’ve been afraid. I don’t want to renew my driver’s license or pay taxes, because then they might find out I’m still around and come after me. Will you help me, Miss Dee? I really need the money but if you pay me by check I could get in a whole lotta trouble.
I didn’t even know where to begin to help her, but I paid her in cash and told her I’d talk to some people and figure out a plan of action. She couldn’t keep hiding and I couldn’t be her accomplice. But I would try to find a way to help her.
A few days later, I got a call from Violet, who was sobbing hysterically. This was our conversation as I remember it:
I’m so scared, Miss Dee – you just gotta help me.
What’s going on?
I would never steal from you, Miss Dee. You been so good to me.
Did you steal from someone else?
[Sobbing] I took some jewelry from the other women I clean for and sold what I got at a truck stop – just enough to get us by. I didn’t know that stuff was worth so much. One of them says her ring was worth twenty-five thousand dollars.
Oh, Violet.
[More sobbing] That lady had a security camera and it has a movie of me taking her jewelry. She’s pressing charges. Miss Dee, do you think I’ll go to jail? I just can’t go to jail. I’m so scared. I didn’t know it was worth all that money, but she’s got a heart like ice. You gotta help me, Miss Dee. You got a good heart. Help me Miss Dee.
Oh, Violet. I’ll see what I can do. I need to talk to a lawyer.
You gotta help me, Miss Dee.
I’ll try.
I hung up and put my head between my hands. This was real trouble. Then I had the thought, Maybe she stole from me too. All I had of material value from Steve was an emerald ring, necklace, and bracelet. He hadn’t had the money for an engagement ring, but gave me an emerald ring on our fifth Christmas.The emerald pendant was a gift for our tenth anniversary. Then, just a few years before he died, he surprised me with an emerald bracelet.
I bolted to my bedroom and pulled out my jewelry box. They weren’t there. Neither was the diamond ring I’d inherited from my mother or my late mother-in-law’s wedding ring. As is typical for me, I tried to think of another explanation. This just couldn’t be happening. Maybe, I had put them all in a safer place – maybe they were hidden away at the cottage in Wisconsin. I thought, Violet told me she didn’t steal from me. But then I also thought, Violet has also lied to me before. In my heart of hearts, I knew she had taken them, but was clinging to threads of denial.
Forgiveness always demands a price. Letting someone off the hook who doesn’t deserve to be let off the hook is costly. Somebody has to pay when a wrong is done, and it hurts to pay. Angry thoughts multiplied. How could she do this to me? Did she not even think how much Steve’s gifts would mean to me now that he is gone?
Agur was right – the temptation of the rich man is to forget God. We can feel self-sufficient and for me, I could cling to my idol of control. I could forget the Lord, what He did for me, what He tells me about forgiveness, and exact a pound of flesh from Violet by refusing to help her.
When you belong to Jesus, if you are alert, you will also see how He comes in moments of temptation. As I stood in front of my plundered jewelry box, a picture of His Gospel, one I’d seen vividly portrayed in a movie version of Les Miserables, came to me.
In this play, Jean Valjean was a poor man who had spent nineteen years in prison because he stole bread for his family. When he was released a priest took him in. But Jean Valjean was bitter and angry and stole silver spoons and forks from the priest and fled. Constables caught him and brought him to the priest. The priest responded:
“Ah! Here you are!” he exclaimed, looking at Jean Valjean. “I am glad to see you. Well, but how is this? I gave you the candlesticks too, which are of silver like the rest, and for which you can certainly get two hundred francs. Why did you not carry them away with your forks and spoons?”
The constables are convinced of Jean Valjean’s innocence and let him go. The priest had forgiven, had let him off the hook, and had paid the price. Why?
Because of the gospel. Because he knew how he had been forgiven and therefore could not refuse to forgive. I knew I had to let Violet off the hook. But before I could even talk to her, the police came and arrested her. Then I began to get collect phone calls from her from jail, pleading with me to pay her bail and get her out. I asked her during one of those phone calls if she had stolen from me, and she told me again that she had not. Then her boyfriend began calling me as well, and made me particularly angry, for he said:
Please pay her bail – what she did wasn’t so bad. And I need her cause my mom needs help and there’s nobody to cook and we got these cats and she’s the only one who knows what they need…It’s only a thousand dollars, but I don’t got it.
My heart was not moved by him – and I was not so naive as to think that forgiveness meant I needed to pay Violet’s bail. I called my friend Eunice in Omaha with whom I’d done jail ministry for counsel. She said:
Violet is exactly where God wants her to be. God wants her to feel the pain of her sin. That is in her best interest. I’ve seen so many women in jail come to their senses and turn to God. You can visit her, send her Bible studies – but don’t pay her bail. Whatever time she serves now while waiting for her court date will be applied to her sentence.
I didn’t visit her during the two months she was in jail. Though I was traveling and speaking, I think my not visiting her was due to with-holding forgiveness. I forgave her in my head, but there was still ice over my heart. I did send her a Bible and Bible studies and letters telling her I was praying for her. She wrote me back, thanking me for the studies, saying she was doing them constantly. One day she called me and told me she was free. At her court date they had released her without any further penalty. (I’m not sure why, or why she didn’t have to make restitution, but I know the justice system in the U. S. varies vastly from state to state. Having worked in the Texas prisons, I have seen extremely long and unmerciful sentences – and then in other states – hardly any penalty at all.) I asked her to come see me and she quickly agreed.
When she came, I had her sit down, and she told me all about her time in jail. I could see her heart had been melted by the time. She thanked me for the studies, told me that they had really helped her, and that she was going to start going to church with her mother.
I said, “Violet – I need to ask you again. Did you steal jewelry from me?”
Tears welled up in her eyes and she nodded.
Tears sprang to my eyes too. My last thread of denial was breaking.
“And you sold them at a truck stop?”
Again, she nodded. The thread snapped. I’d never see any of that jewelry again. As my tears flowed, hers did too.
I had a choice to make. Forgive her from my heart or not. At that moment, I thought about what Steve would say. I knew exactly what he’d say: “In light of eternity, what’s important here, honey?”
I could hold onto my idol of control, my hurt, my anger – or I could surrender them to God and let forgiveness flow.
I would forgive – not just from the head, but the heart.
I had such a sense of the presence of God descending, of being led – like my actions and the following words were not really from me at all. I put two chairs in front of a large painting I had hanging in the entry way: a large framed print of Rembrandt’s The Return of the Prodigal Son. (It had been a gift from my dear friend Christy after she heard me telling her why I loved this painting.) I’d read Henri Nouwen’s book of the same title, where he opens with his first memory of seeing this painting:
One day I went to visit my friend Simone Landrien in the community’s small documentation center. As we spoke, my eyes fell on a large poster pinned on her door. I saw a man in a great red cloak tenderly touching the shoulders of a sisheveled boy kneeling before him. I could not take my eyes away. I felt drawn by the intimacy between the two figures, the warm red of the man’s cloak, the golden yellow of the boy’s tunic, and the mysterious light engulfing them both.
Nouwen then goes on to tell how he felt propelled to see the original at The Hermitage in St. Petersburg, Russia – how he pulled a chair up and sat all day, making the curator uneasy. The Gospel is in that painting. It is The Gospel that changes lives and The Gospel in The Return of the Prodigal transformed Henri Nouwen.
As Violet and I sat in front of the vibrant colors and emotions of that painting, I told her the story of the two sons in the story Jesus told.
This father you see in the red cloak had two sons. The father was good and loving, but neither son really loved him. They loved what he could give them instead. The younger son demanded his inheritance early, and went and squandered it in riotous living. He lost it all and became very poor. He returned to his father deeply repentant. He did not even feel worthy to be called his son. He planned to tell his father that he would work for him as a hired servant. But before he could even apologize, the father saw him coming from a long way off, and he ran, and he fell on his son kissing him and rejoicing.
There is also an older son. Do you see him here in the shadows? He’s not really in the room – he’s up on this step observing, angry, bitter. You see his father threw a party for the younger son and that didn’t seem fair to the older son. Later, when his father went out to him and asked him to come to the party and rejoice that his brother had come home, the older son refused. He said, “I’ve slaved for you all these years – and yet you never had a party for me, never killed a fatted calf – and this son of yours has wasted everything, and you throw a party for him?”
The father was sad. He said, “Son – you have been with me these many years – and all that I have is yours. It is fitting that we should rejoice and be glad – for this your brother was lost and is found, was dead and is alive.”
Violet was listening intently. I said:
“Violet – the father in this painting represents God. You are like the younger son, the one broken and kneeling here. You stole from people because you didn’t think God would take care of you. But He would have. He loved you so much He did not withhold his own son, but gave Him up to pay for your sin on the cross. He will not withhold what you need from you. He longs for you to trust Him and come home to Him. He is watching and waiting for you to come home, to confess, and to surrender your life to him.”
Violet was crying.
“That’s what I want to do, Miss Dee.”
“You can do it right here, right now. Just tell him how you feel, and thank Him for dying for you. Ask Him to come into your heart and change you.”
“I need that – cause I really feel like I have sticky fingers.”
“He can help you. He came to rescue us not only from hell, but from sticky fingers and all kinds of other things.”
At that moment Violet bowed and prayed a simple prayer of confession and surrender. We hugged. More weeping.
“I need to tell you something else, Violet. I’m in this picture too. I am like the older son here, in the shadows. He was angry with his brother and wouldn’t forgive him, wouldn’t go to him. Even though he could see his father loved him, he could not share in the joy of his father.
I was angry with you. I forgave you in my head, but my heart was still hard. Even though I sent you Bible studies and wrote you, I was too angry to visit you. I was wrong. God has forgiven me so much and been so good to me. Jesus went all the way to the cross to pay for my sin – so what right did I have to not forgive you? I do forgive you, from my heart, and I’m sorry it took so long. I need you to forgive me for my icy heart.”
“Of course I do. I’m so sorry I hurt you. I wish I could get what Steve got you back – but I don’t know how. That truck driver is far away now.”
“I know. But we each have what really matters – we have Jesus.”
She nodded. It’s been two years and Violet has been faithful in going to church with her mother. The last time I asked her if she was still living with her boyfriend, and she was. She said, “I need to get myself right first.” Like so many believers, we enter in the Kingdom in surrender, and then try to get ourselves right. It’s a journey of faith, and many have trouble progressing because they don’t understand that the gospel is for the journey as well. I pray the gospel will keep melting Violet’s idol of security so that she can break with her boyfriend. And I pray the gospel will keep melting my heart so that I care about the things my Father cares about.
ICE-BREAKER! 🙂
3. I want to use this story in my new book, and I’d be so grateful if you could underline, ponder, and tell me what moved you or what did not — what you understood, what you did not.
BIBLE STUDY
THERE ARE TWO KELLER SERMONS THIS WEEK — BOTH ON THE TWO SONS, BOTH FREE. LISTEN AND COMMENT ON THEM. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE ESPECIALLY HUNGRY AND HAVE THE TIME TO DO SO, YOU MAY WANT TO LISTEN TO OTHER OF KELLER’S FREE SERMONS ON THE PRODIGAL SONS — THEY CAN BE FOUND AT: http://sermons2.redeemer.com/sermons/sermonlist/3
LOOK FOR ALL THE ONES ON LUKE 15. KELLER SAYS THESE MESSAGES ON THE PRODIGAL SONS ARE THE FOUNDATION OF HIS CHURCH — FOR THEY ILLUMINATE TWO WRONG APPROACHES TO GOD AND THEN THE GOSPEL WAY.
SERMON 1: HE KISSED HIM
http://sermons2.redeemer.com/sermons/and-kissed-him
4. What stands out to you from this sermon?
5. What three aspects of forgiveness did Keller mention?
6. Does this gospel love melt any of your idols? Does that affect any near sins? If so, explain, and if possible, give a specific example.
The Second Sermon is The Prodigal Sons
http://sermons2.redeemer.com/sermons/prodigal-sons
7. What stands out to you from this sermon and why?
8. How you do identify with the younger son? The older son? How can the gospel help you avoid their snares?
THREE WAYS
9. KELLER OFTEN TALKS ABOUT THREE WAYS:
A. THE WAY OF IGNORING AND REBELLING AGAINST GOD (GIVE EXAMPLES OF THAT FROM DEE’S STORY, FROM YOUR OWN LIFE, AND FROM THE PRODIGAL SONS STORY)
B. THE WAY OF TRUSTING IN YOUR OWN RIGHTEOUSNESS AND MORALITY (GIVE EXAMPLES OF THAT FROM DEE’S STORY, FROM YOUR OWN LIFE, AND FROM THE PRODIGAL SONS STORY)
C. THE WAY OF THE GOSPEL (GIVE EXAMPLES OF THAT FROM DEE’S STORY, FROM YOUR OWN LIFE, AND FROM THE PRODIGAL SONS STORY)
Read James 1:9-11
10. What is the poor man, or the lowly brother, to remember about the gospel? How could this help him in times of temptation?
11. What is the rich man to remember about the gospel? How could this help him in times of temptation?
12. With which man do you identify? How could this instruction from James about the gospel help you?
Aslan is on the move melting our idols. The White Witch is upset, for she says, “This is no thaw! This is Spring!”Aslan is near.
13. Be alert for Aslan on the move — and record any sightings here!
14. If you listened to any of the other Keller sermons on the prodigal sons, share your gleanings here.
MEETING OUR BLOGGERS: SUSAN!
Susan is another woman seeking hard after God, and I love what she wrote in our last post:
“OPEN YOUR HEART TO THE STONECUTTER! (that needs to be in Dee’s new book!) LET HIM HAVE YOU…LET HIM DO WITH YOU WHAT HE WILL…fall into His arms and trust.” Susan wrote of her husband Jess, her two sons, Adam and Ryan (20 and 17) and of her daughter Melanie (10).
My greatest ministry and passion has been being blessed and privileged to be a wife and mom. Being home with my children to love, care for, and nurture them is the best thing I could ever do!
I have loved reading God’s Word to them and explaining it to them; trying to exhort them to test everything against the plumb line of Scripture. I treasure the memories and love I share with each child, from Adam, who in 3rd grade would get up 10 min. early for school, get dressed, and jump in bed with me to ‘snuggle’, saying, “Mom, this is the best part of the day!”; to Ryan, who, at age 13, said, “Mom, you are really nice to talk to, I like talking with you”, as we were shooting baskets in the driveway; to my Melanie, who every day gives me an abundance of hugs and kisses and “I love you more!” Her small hand in mine is better than any riches!
I’m the youngest of 3 sisters; I didn’t grow up in a Christian home, we didn’t go to church. God brought me to Himself as I went to church with my husband when we dated; I felt so drawn to be in a church family, to be “on the inside”; wasn’t sure how? Several years after joining a denomination, and then going to a Bible teaching church’s Bible study, I finally heard the Gospel and prayed to Jesus to forgive me of my sins. I imagined myself at the Cross, knowing my shameful sins were what He was dying for; and thought, “What would Jesus say to me?” Immediately into my mind came these words, “Now do you see how much I love you?” I know salvation is all of God, because I didn’t know I needed Him. I was 34.
I am a registered nurse and work a few days a month as a med-surg staff nurse, and a stay at home mom; I like to bake, read, do Bible studies, walk, hike, bicycle, work in my flower garden, and I like to be outside. I teach 3-4 year olds Sunday school at my church. I love this age group! As an RN, I like caring for my patients and anytime I’m able to talk about Jesus with them.
This study on idolatry is causing me to look at myself and my sin in a whole new way. Now I look for the root of my sinful habits and patterns; it has shed light on why I do what I do! A specific example is how I relate to my in-laws, husband, and children. I often react with anger, hurt feelings, jealousy. I see now an idol of affirmation/approval, or power/control. I’m learning that only God can fill the hole in my heart, not my idols, not other people. Getting free from these idols will mean a freedom in my relationship to others; being free to love them; and helping me to put God first. One day, I want to live this verse: “I run in the path of Your commands, for You have set my heart free.” Psalm 119:32
15. Let’s bless Susan!
356 comments
I’ve contacted David, my website manager — for the picture of Les Miserables does not appear unless you hit blog at the top of my home page. Still learning the mysteries of posting!
By the way — I forget who told Elizabeth that she looked young for turning 40 (I think it is Elizabeth!) I thought — 40 IS YOUNG.
BLESSINGS ON THIS SUNDAY.
Yes, I said that about Elizabeth, she doesn’t look near that old, but 40 is not old!! It is young!!
I’m adding this to my “save” file Joyce! Bless you 😉 40 is the new 30, right?!
Right!!
Someone once told me that when you reach 40 everyone is the same age.
I like that 🙂
Dee, I am still reeling over that story with Violet. That made an impact on me.
1. What might a poor man be tempted to do — and what do you think might be his deep idol?
Steal, and dishonor God. Comfort/security
2. What might a rich man be tempted to do — and what do you think might be his deep idol?
Become greedy-obsess with having more, and forget God. Control.
Oh Susan, you are beautiful and so is your family! It has been such a treasure to get to meet the ladies here. To hear their testimonies and see them.
Susan, You are such an encouragement to me and you have such a tender spirit and an open heart to God. I have been challenged by your example. You, to me, are the perfect picture of a thirsty heart for God. Of the woman who is at Jesus feet rubbing her hair on his feet. For you do that repeatedly.
I love that image of Susan, Rebecca — yes, I see that.
She is a Gem. Something also popped in my head about Susan today and it is that her struggles don’t define her. I think that She exudes a “John” in all of her posts. Especially the ones where she confesses her sins and struggles. What sticks out to me isn’t the struggles, the sin, rather her response to God. I guess she reminds me of a John. She REALLY is in love with Jesus.
3. I want to use this story in my new book, and I’d be so grateful if you could underline, ponder, and tell me what moved you or what did not — what you understood, what you did not.
Dee, I don’t mean to sound silly or redundant, but WOW! 😉 I know that is a word I use often when things blow me away, but this story did. Oh I can see how God could use this. I could picture this clearly in my mind. I wouldn’t change a thing.
As I read I saw myself in both Violet and you-Violet in her stealing-and you in your struggle with a cold heart and unforgiveness. Pictures of other events ran through my mind and God began stirring my heart while I was reading.
The painting is VERY clear this time. The last time it was a bit dark and we couldn’t see the other brother in the background, but now that I can, it makes a huge impact to have both brothers there.
It was beautiful how you used the painting to share the Gospel with her, and your honesty about your attitude prior to her coming to talk with you is so helpful to all of us who would struggle as you did. I think most likely I would have gotten really mad and pressed charges. Yuk! This totally showed how the Lord melts idols of the hearts on both sides.
You are such an encouragement to me, Rebecca.
Dee, this is a very good post. It is beautiful how the Lord lead you to the heart of this woman through the painting you already had on your wall. How this puts His glory on display!
The first thing that stands out to me about it is how you forgave Violet, but not really. So often I do that but my heart remains icy, as you said. Perhaps head forgiveness is a first step with so much more work to be done.
Susan, you have a beautiful family in the picture and in the words you have shared from them. I have more to say but no time right now. Blessings to you Susan.
Greetings Susan! I love having a picture of each beautiful woman in this study. Susan, you have been a blessing to me since I joined. Thank you for all of your insightful sharing. Bless you.
1. What might a poor man be tempted to do — and what do you think might be his deep idol?
To take what has not be given to them, to steal. I’ve never been very wealthy nor very poor, materially speaking. However, I have been poor in other ways—feeling poor in physical beauty, or in attention. And I think of the ways I have stolen from others who are more beautiful than me, or who I am jealous of the attention they receive. I have subtly critiqued, judged, gossiped at times…basically tried to make them not look so good. Their names have not been safe in my mouth, I have stolen from them.
Deep Idol-Comfort/Security
2. What might a rich man be tempted to do — and what do you think might be his deep idol?
A rich man—again I think of the ways I am rich—my health, my sweet husband, my children…and I just want to cling. Today’s sermon was on Abraham’s willingness to sacrifice Isaac. The evidence of true faith is willingness to give it all up, for Him, to Him.
Deep Idol-Control
And the story, Dee–AMAZING! I began to underline…and yes, it was all of it. The Prodigal Son story is what led me to true repentance my senior year of college. God had opened my eyes that all my life I had glossed over that story in the Bible, thinking it was only for my sister, the rebel. I cried to my mentor then as I saw that though I’m the youngest in my family, I was the older son in the story. A few years later I read Nouwen’s book and it is my favorite. (Actually think it’s time for a re-read now!)
Dee, I read this lesson on the way to church and it stirred up in me some old pain. I have not forgiven 2 key people in my life–one, my father who died 12 years ago, and another in my family. I walked into church and wrote “forgive’ on my bulletin. Then the sermon was on giving up our Isaac. I can feel He is moving. I am scared, I don’t really want to let go, I do but I don’t. Forgiveness is hard. It feels like I will only expose myself to more pain.
Sorry for the tangent there, but this is good stuff and I am thankful for this safe place to let Him work in me.
Praying for you Elizabeth. It IS scary, but I know He will hold you every step of the way.
Thank you so much Anne. I can sense this is it for me–it’s the root of so much, my un-forgiveness.I KNOW in my mind I have been forgiven so much…I just have held on to this so long with my Dad, and even though he’s gone, it’s still hard to fully forgive. And I think I have in some degree at times, but not fully. But even more so now is with the present relationship in my family. I can’t mention it yet, it’s too hard to explain and I fear I’d be misunderstood–but I know again the root of my struggle in the relationship is my holding on to my pain instead of granting forgiveness. And the fear in me is how vulnerable, exposed, tender, it makes me–so open to being hurt again and again. Sorry–didn’t mean to go so long–but thank you Anne, so much.
I will pray for you, Elizabeth. I know I’ve done head forgiveness many times — so I do empathize and I will pray.
Interesting you love Nouwen’s book too!
Thank you both for your prayers today–I know it’s soon, but I want to share that something has already changed in my heart! After I posted, I prayed for God to give me the words and wrote a letter to myself from the family member, expressing their true remorse for the pain they caused. I know she would say these things to me if she could…long story, but it did–it honestly touched something that I haven’t been able to reach in the years I have struggled with this! It could sound a little hokey, I guess but I really felt God’s prompting in the words. My Dad will be next– a little different because he’s already gone…but I sense that God is saying if I forgive and live out grace in the current relationship struggle…it will be an offering to honor my dad…am I clear as mud? sorry! but thank you, thank you!
I think the letters sound like a wonderful idea. Not hokey at all — praise God for healing!
Elizabeth,
I loved this;
“However, I have been poor in other ways—feeling poor in physical beauty, or in attention. And I think of the ways I have stolen from others who are more beautiful than me, or who I am jealous of the attention they receive. I have subtly critiqued, judged, gossiped at times…basically tried to make them not look so good. Their names have not been safe in my mouth, I have stolen from them.”
And I loved how this study & the sermon at church, fit together for you!
Thanks Chris–after I posted it, I wasn’t sure it made sense beyond my head–glad it did to you!
I’ve been thinking and praying for you a lot these last few days–He keeps bringing you to mind. Blessings to you today~
I am always amazed at how God brings things to my attention. I was coming to realize last week that I have “head” forgiven some of my co-workers but not really forgiven them and of course this study is on forgiveness. When my niece was killed a couple of months ago, my boss immediately let me have the rest of the week off (3 days). She called me the day after the funeral and told me that she couldn’t give me the time off and that I had to return to work that day, that people were complaining that it wasn’t fair to grant my “vacation” on such short notice. I ended up seeing a doctor and getting the time off anyway (I know I am leaving the emotion out of it but believe me even now I am shaking and crying just trying to type this). Ever since I have returned to work I have been unable and/or unwilling to look at or speak to these 3 coworkers, whom I have known and worked with for as long as 20 years, all of whom knew that I have taken full time care of my niece since she was an infant, they also worked with my sister (my niece’s mother) for 5 years. I genuinely liked these people. Each one has attempted to tell me how sad they were about the accident and how bad they felt for my family. I don’t believe any of it and all of their talk just makes me more angry. I know I haven’t forgiven them and I don’t think that they even know that the boss told me who it was that gave her “no end of grief” until she took back my days off. They don’t think that they need forgiveness. I don’t know what real forgiveness would involve, is it talking and smiling and doing nice things for them and pretending that everything is o.k. and that they are my friends? That none of this happened?
Dee, this may be my favorite week. The story is so stirring. I know already that I am going to glean much from this powerful lesson. Every week I read the lesson through and think Dee must be reading my diary again! Just kidding. The study is so where I am living and I am so very thankful.
When I read THERE ARE TWO KELLER SERMONS THIS WEEK, I read “there are two killer sermons this week.” 😉 Look forward to these.
Can’t wait to get started.
Killer sermons they are! 🙂
1. What might a poor man be tempted to do-and what do you think might be his deep idol?
A poor man might be tempted to justify the sin of stealing by telling himself,’I have no other choice.’ He may feel that, even if he has friends, no one would be interested in helping him.
I think his deep idol is power/control. His pride deceives him with the illusion that he can fix his problem.
2. What might a rich man be tempted to do-and what do you think might be his deep idol?
A rich man might be tempted to spend his money on himself and not share it with those in need.
I think his deep idol is comfort/security. The rich man may think has to have the money for his future or he may be miserly. Either way it causes the rich man great pain when he thinks he may have to part with his money.
ICE-BREAKER
3. I want use this story in my new book, and I’d be so grateful if you could underline, ponder, and tell me what moved you, what did not-what you understood, what you did not?
Dee
I read your story before leaving for church and I cried all the way through. I was hurting for both you and Violet. For you because you ignored the warnings in your gut and ended up experiencing betrayal. For Violet because, even though she was being manipulated by that boyfriend, she made the choice to steal and that choice changed the course of her life.
After Violet was in jail you were right to seek wise counsel from Eunice and you heeded the counsel and did not enable Violet to continue hurting others. However, your initial reaction came from the natural man. You wanted justice and no mercy. I think had you not reacted that way at first, it would give you no credibility with me because revenge is the hardest emotion to tame. I guess what I’m trying to say is your first reaction shows me your human and even though you teach others the word of God you too have fallen down in the mud puddle of sin.
Dee, I can understand why you did not visit Violet while she was in jail. It’s very painful to face someone who has hurt you and act as if you are glad to see them. Your servant heart moved you to reach out with God’s Word and that was the best gift Violet could have received and for me it was proof that you really cared for her.
I see God using the time Violet was in jail as a season of preparation for you. She was always in the back of your mind, I’m sure. When she confessed to you that she had indeed stolen from you I imagine all of heaven leaned forward to hear what you were about to say. Were you going to live out the power of the gospel that you proclaimed or would you dole out condemnation? As you so beautifully shared you were obedient and the Holy Spirit flowed through your spirit enabling you to share truth by using the painting of The Prodigal Son.
Susan
I am excited to see the face of the one I have prayed for many times. When you shared that you didn’t meet Christ until you were fourteen I said to myself,”I could not imagine anyone not knowing about Christ until they were fourteen.” I was introduced to him when I was three. I was not raised in a Christian home either. I was thinking during the sermon of how God used you to help me see that I am not condemned when I fail. The scripture text for this morning’s sermon was John 8:1-11 and I immediately wrote down “The key verse here for me is verse 11. “Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more.” I see now how the enemy takes only part of the truth and binds it around me so I will feel nothing but guilt when I fall. God used you Susan to break that chain and now I feel nothing but the wind of freedom.
Lots of good thoughts, Tammy!
1. What might a poor man be tempted to do — and what do you think might be his deep idol?
Desperation leads to the comfort/security idol because he is not depending on God to supply his needs.
2. What might a rich man be tempted to do — and what do you think might be his deep idol?
A rich man may get greedy and prideful and have a ravenous need for more, more and yet more. This idol is control.
The story of Violet:
I think it’s perfect exactly as you’ve written it. It touched me to be able to see myself in both your position and hers, for we have all sinned and been hurt by someone else as they sin. We need forgiveness and to be forgiven.
The part that stands out to me as well is the painting. When we discussed God’s perfect mix of masculine and feminine traits in being our perfect heavenly Parent, my soul was so enlightened. How wonderful that this work of art was used as you explained Christ to Violet.
Susan, I too, am excited to see the face I have prayed for so much. You are a beautiful woman and your husband and son’s are very handsome, and little Melanie is the picture of her sweet mama! She is so cute!! May God Bless you and your family.
Susan, what I wanted to say this morning is that you also have been very encouraging to me. You understand well and speak with wisdom. I think that you also have a sweet fragrance about you. Perhaps it is all that you have suffered. Thanks for being here with us. Oh and you and your daughter are beautiful.
1&2. I think rich and poor are both tempted to self sufficiency they just do it in different ways. The poor man is tempted to steal when he is in need. A rich man has means of his own so he is tempted not to rely on the Lord. Neither one depends on the Lord. I tend to think the deep idol is comfort/security in both cases.
Anne
I forgot to post earlier that I prayed for you and your Joey this morning and I will be praying in the morning also.
Tammy, thank you so much. His brother visited this evening and that cheered him a lot. Still he knows what a hard road is ahead of him and dreads it.
Anne, I’m praying for Joey also. It’s hard enough for a adult to have to have surgery, but so unfair for a young boy like Joey. My heart and prayers are with him.
Oh Dee,
I can’t take credit for those words from the last post (open your heart to the stonecutter….)
I was re-typing what Rebecca had posted and how much her words moved me. Rebecca writes with such deep from the heart feeling; her moving words reflect the depth of her relationship with Jesus!
I have just finished listening to the first sermon and will post my answers tomorrow. I have a lot to process in prayer. I have to say that I do not find it coincidental that Dee posted this sermon the very week I found out three years ago the truth of my marriage. I honestly don’t want to spend the rest of my days reliving those awful days. I shared on the last blog that I am house-sitting and I do not find that coincidental either. I believe God has me here so I can focus on the truth I am hearing. I will admit there are days the resentment wells up inside because I see my ex every day and I do wonder if he’s ever going to ‘pay’ for what he did to me. According to Keller’s definition I am holding a grudge and I see that I need to absorb this debt. Pray for me as I turn off the videotape in my soul. It’s time to bury the past three years. I want today to mark the beginning of a new chapter in my life.
I will pray for you, Tammy. It’s hard to let go if certain things, I know from experience, but God will help you. I will ask Him for this!!
Thank you my sweet sister! I really appreciate it!
You give wonderful insightful answers, Tammy. I love reading them. I am praying specifically for you to cancel his debt. Pray for me too, I have some ice that needs melting.
Praying for you both, Tammy and Kim T.
Tammy — my heart goes out to you,
I found the passage in Malachi where God thunders at husbands who were unfaithful to their wives a help in forgiving (I had a daughter betrayed and I struggled with forgiveness) — for I know God will deal with them. My anger actually turned to compassion for him, for it is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.
But I will pray for you. You are right — it seems God has orchestrated timing of things because of His great love for you.
Love you included this Psalm because the first time I read it several years ago it has continued to be a prayer of mine. I know my heart can be wicked and deceived (and is) yet I don’t need other things to complicate it like riches or lack of riches. LOVE this Psalm.
1-Temptation to poor like most said is to steal to make own way instead of trusting God to provide. Idol of security/comfort
2-Temptation to rich – Greed and making own way. To work too much to acquire more stuff. To impress others because of what you have. Idol of security/comfort.
3-LOVE this story and I began thinking of Les Mis even before you mentioned it. It is a perfect illustration and I would not change a thing either. I wish I could give you input to make it better but really it is so good. I understood every bit and it related to prodigal so well.
15-Susan- Your family is so beautiful. You really ministered to me in your words about your joy and excitement in ministering to your family. How you had a sweet thing to write about each one. Motherhood is the greatest and most important ministry we have for the next generation. You are an inspiration here to me as a young mom. HA HA just 35 years old here. 😉 You continue to be a blessing here on the blog.
Susan–you and your family are beautiful! It is so fun to have a face! I have always loved your transparency, your vulnerable, honest words. I was looking at old posts and one back in March you said “I want to bring Jesus into every situation and every encounter with people in my life, and the truth is, He IS REALLY THERE.” Oh, I needed to be reminded of that–then and now!
I am praying especially for you this week–that He would show you His deep, deep love for you. So glad you are here!
Susan,
You are a blessing to all of us here because your heart for Christ shows in every word you contribute. Your answers to the questions are well thought out and honest, which blesses incredibly! I am so glad you are here. You have a beautiful family! I always enjoy, as the others have said, putting a face with a name. May God bless you richly this week and always!
O.k. ladies, don’t laugh but whenever God moves in my life I tend to just want to blurt it all out but am learning to wait on the Lord, but this morning in our bible study class, toward the end I was about to burst and someone brought up the topic of obedience, and I burned inside with wanting to tell everyone that obedience is important but it is so much more than ‘just obeying’..I couldn’t hold it in any longer so I raised my hand and said, “You know the Gospel isn’t about just getting in, it is the A-Z of our lives as believers.” The teacher kind of looked at me puzzled as if what I said wasn’t quite right..Then I went on to say, “The Angels longed to look at the Gospel..they never got tired of it and neither should we.” “If you notice, Paul refers back to the Gospel a lot when He is exhorting and teaching the Philippians.” -After I explained that, our teacher knew where I was coming from. But if you think about it starting off saying, “The Gospel isn’t about just getting in..” It made me scratch my head when I first heard it until it was explained further..SO..
Anyway, after I said it I realized it took Keller three or so Sermons to explain all of this and it might not have been wise to bring this up, but I have always had a hard time keeping what God is showing me to myself. I wonder if our teacher thinks I have lost my mind or something. 🙂
SO..Pray for wisdom for me and timing. I am totally free and o.k. not worrying about what everyone thought. God is really freeing me from that, but I actually think it is kind of funny and thought I would share.
It’s hard to keep something that good to yourself, I have been in your shoes many times!
Rebecca, it sounds like victory to me. You spoke the truth you knew, by the leading of the Spirit, did not concern yourself with what others thought and caused people to think. A very good day, I’m thinking. I pray that the seeds will grow and that you will continue to have opportunities to share. It is excellent that you were able to expound on obedience. It is so hard to do that many can’t see beyond it.
Rebecca
I was about to bust in Sunday School this morning myself and I was teaching pre-schoolers. I couldn’t wait to tell them about God healing Naaman for I saw the connection with my own internal healing from sin. One little boy remarked when I shared who the lesson was about that he already knew about Naaman. The central truth was God wants us to humble ourself and repent. I explained repent means we admit to God we sin. I know they don’t fully grasp what that word means but I believe God wanted me to sow that truth into their little hearts. He’ll take care of watering the seed. I even took some dirt and make the muddy Jordan River in a glass of water and I wished you could have seen the expressions on their faces when I showed them the water Naaman dipped in. It was a blast!
I’m glad you are bursting to tell the good news.
And it does take time– in part, because we have been taught for so long that the gospel is getting in — this is the challenge I have in writing this book —
Remember when Paul prayed he would proclaim the gospel clearly as he should — may God help us each to do that!
Good job with pre-schoolers, Tammy!
Tammy, Great job with the children! You sound like an incredible teacher using such great props like that! I just learned about how muddy the Jordan was oh a few months ago in our class and it is an adult class! I am SURE that made an impact on the pre-schoolers.
I for one really am blessed by your “blurts” Rebecca!
4. What stands out to you from this sermon?
Loved this: “everyone is sitting on their front porch waiting for the other to make the first move…it’s ALWAYS your (my) move”
The father forgives without the condition of forgiveness. This is a huge struggle for me—but He will lead me, He will provide it in me—just as He provided the sacrifice for Abraham.
There is only one thing that can release me from the pain of the past: forgiveness. Oh my, I think I need THIS sermon every single day.
5. What three aspects of forgiveness did Keller mention?
(a) Assertive—not passive; (b) Sacrificial—you absorb the debt; (c) Powered from within—compassion to release from liability; (d) Leads to Resurrection
6. Does this gospel love melt any of your idols? Does that affect any near sins? If so, explain, and if possible, give a specific example.
This morning as I read Dee’s story,I had to be honest–I KNOW I wouldn’t have acted in forgiveness as Dee did, and I would still be holding that grudge–I want to even now, for you Dee (almost, but know I shouldn’t!)
But through the lesson, God reminded me the idol of un-forgiveness in my life. Forgiveness is always hard for me when remorse seems absent, but there are 2 major relationships where my un-forgiveness has enslaved my heart—keeping a part of my heart ice stone cold. Then at church, we heard about Abraham’s sacrifice—and I knew it is time. I must lay this down on the altar, for good.
Now this sermon—Keller nailed it with “it is ALWAYS my move”—wow. I waited 20 years for my Dad to make his move, and he never did before he died. Then I started the cycle again with another relationship—clinging to my pain, resentment, disappointment. I have kept this person at arms length, not so much for what she has done to me as the reminder it is to the pain I had with Dad, and Mom at times, and I fear that rejection again. It’s awful, it’s wrong. And it doesn’t heal my hurt at all. It just makes an ugly, oozing scab that just gets worse and will leave a life long scar.
I’ve never had as much HOPE about this as I do today. I thought I would live with this forever, but it’s not too late for this relationship. It won’t be perfect, but I can release this grudge. I trust He will provide the healing of my heart.
Elizabeth, I will pray the Lord will bring that healing to your heart. It will feel like a boulder has been lifted off your shoulders.
Elizabeth — thank you for this. It’s still nice to have someone empathize with my pain:
” This morning as I read Dee’s story,I had to be honest–I KNOW I wouldn’t have acted in forgiveness as Dee did, and I would still be holding that grudge–I want to even now, for you Dee (almost, but know I shouldn’t!)”
I have wondered if I could have forgiven if Violet showed no remorse — it is harder. You waited 20 years for your dad to make the move. Reminds me of Smalley and Trents observations in their book The Blessing, for children who never received the blessing — and how they must receive it from God and God’s family. As I shared with Tammy, I was able to forgive my daughter’s unrepentant betrayer when my heart was moved with compassion for him, for God is just and will deal with him.
God orchestrated this post and that sermon. I pray He gives you the strength to lay it down, and truly leave it.
Thank you so much Dee. I see how I have repeated the same self-protective stance with my daughter. Her “wrongs’ are nothing like my Dad’s towards me, but they have ignited much of the old pain and fear, rejection, self protection. I cannot live in this protective arms length shell any longer.
Forgiveness is the way out for me. It is freedom. It has been a struggle all my life. I like justice, I like there to be remorse and then forgiveness–like a perfect math problem solved! But God doesn’t work that way. The only way up is down. I think it will be a daily things for me, most stuff is it seems! Oh how He uses you Dee, it is so amazing, such a gift to have you leading us. I feel like we are all on this journey and you are leading us out as He has led you, through the tunnel to this glorious sun-filled land! Thank you for your gentle, patient leading.
Dee–I just re-read your words of truth and this struck me anew-going in my journal:
1. “for children who never received the blessing…must receive it from God and God’s family.”
2. “I was able to forgive…when my heart was moved with compassion”
3. “God is just”
Thank you–your patient, tender, consistent teaching is such a gift to me–I keep saying that, I know, but it’s true!
4. It’s hard to answer this question because practically all of the sermon stood out to me. It challenged me so deeply with what I think of as forgiveness… Absorbing pain and not inflicting it. It is so natural to want the score evened out, we forget what Jesus wants. It pains me to see this in my heart. I do trust God to reform me, though, as He has in other situations. Thinking of compassion being the signature emotion of Jesus is something great upon which to ponder and meditate this week and beyond.
5. The aspects are that forgiveness is assertive — it does not wait for the other person to move toward us, we must leave the porch just as Christ came to a fallen sinful rejecting world. Forgiveness is sacrificial; it will hurt to absorb pain and not inflict it. Last, it is powered from within, Christ in our hearts as we are trillionaires who can forgive a hundred-dollar grievance, and it brings resurrection.
I love how Keller said that if we take this seriously we will reconcile, persuade and free both ourselves and others. (I’m paraphrasing here as my notes were so scattered since I took them own as quickly as I could thumb type on my iPod as I listened.)
6. Oh, yes— it definitely melts my control idol, abolishing the need to make others pay. A very personal example of this is my relationship with my dad. You may not know that I am not facing health challenges due to a random happening. He smoked and made my asthma get severe enough that I could not, at one point, cross a room. He doesn’t apologize unless coerced. So out comes my control idol in my heart. Christ has helped me forgive or at least start on the path to it, but this sermon brought out the fullness of what I need to do. I’d appreciate prayer, please.
Lord, I pray that You will help Tracy to follow her decision with a heart of true compassion for her father. Even though he does not express remorse we know that he deals with addiction(to tobacco) and denial(that he has harmed his daughter). Maybe Tracy’s forgiveness will be just the event to put him on the path to freedom in You. May it be so Lord Jesus. Amen
Thanks, Anne, for the prayer! I so appreciate it. The up-side in the situation is that he has at long last stopped smoking. I am very thankful for this change because I can start to get better, but it’s quite frustrating because it’s a long term recovery kind of thing. What went on wrong for years is taking a long time to fix. It feels so unfair and I don’t want to sin in my feelings of unfairness. No matter what I feel, I want to please Christ.
Tracy
I will be praying for you. I don’t have asthma but my ex does so I have an idea of how your body is reacting.
Thank you so much, Tammy.
You got it, Tracy, I’m praying now for you and will continue to pray for your health and for your forgiveness.
Lord, I do lift up Tracy and ask for Your healing on both her lungs and her heart. May she forgive as You empower her, despite the seeming lack of remorse.
Father — You are moving in several hearts to forgive — may You give us perspective, power, and flood our hearts with Your Gospel.
In Jesus Name
“It pains me to see this in my heart. I do trust God to reform me, though, as He has in other situations.”
This is good. This is what dicipleship it is all about.
Thank you all for the prayers! I so appreciate them.
3. The story is very clear and powerful. The thing I love the most about it is how being forgiven changed Violet. It is true that Dee did not listen to her intuition about Violet because of her merciful heart and also by God’s design I think. He was calling her to even greater mercy. Things that I underlined: forgiveness always has a price, somebody has to pay, it hurts to pay (all aspects of the gospel); if you are alert you will see how He comes to you in times of temptation; I was not so naïve as to think that forgiveness meant that I had to pay her bail (I love this because here Satan would have you think this and thwart God’s plan for Violet); God wants her to feel the pain of her sin (different than punishment). And this is glorious to me: I had such a sense of the presence of God descending, of being led (and this came only after you made the mental decision to forgive her from your heart). I liked the simple sentence stating that the gospel is in the painting. The transparency of identifying yourself in the older son spoke very powerfully to Violet I am sure. It is good that you tell us how Violet is doing and even the part about trying to do better because you make a good point about the gospel being for the journey too.
Ice breaker: I was very moved and blessed. I wouldn’t change anything. I believe this will be life changing and is God ordained. I believe as every woman reads this she will have one or maybe more people come to mind that she will realize she hasn’t forgiven from her heart. It is a powerful story beautifully entwined with that portrait.
Questions 1.& 2. When we were first married we had very little. I was tempted more than once to withhold my tithe. My husband was strong and wouldn’t allow it. I was tempted to hoard what little we had. My idol was comfort and power/control. When we had plenty, little changed. I still was tempted to hoard (control) so we would never be poor again.
…and now onto the killer message! 🙂
They are killer messages, definitely! You will enjoy them.
Dee, The story of you and Violet has really touched my heart. I’m anxious to listen to Keller’s sermons. Thank you for sharing that with us.
Dee, I wouldn’t change a thing either. You put yourself out there as the sinner, which would be so hard for me to do. But,I see how it was the right thing to do. It had to be so painful to lose those precious pieces Steve gave you, and also your mother’s and mother-in-law’s jewlrey. You put God’s glory ahead of material things. I pray Violet really, truly learned the big lesson from what you did. You gave from you heart..not the icy one, the warm flesh one.
Thank you, dear Joyce.
How are you feeling?
I’m getting better, but still in alot of pain. I want so badly for the Lord to cure my back for good, as a normal back, so I can care for Kendra as long as possible. Thank you for asking.
1. What might a poor man be tempted to do – and what do you think might be his deep idol?
The poor man is tempted to steal. His deep idol may be control; instead of turning to God he takes the matter into his own hands. It may also be security; he would be tempted not to trust God to meet his needs so he tries to meet them himself.
I also loved what Elizabeth posted about other ways of stealing from another – it was so insightful. She wrote, “I have been poor in other ways – feeling poor in physical beauty or attention. I think of the ways I have stolen from others who are more beautiful than me, or who I am jealous of the attention they receive. I have subtly critiqued, judged, gossiped…tried to make them not look so good. Their names have not been safe in my mouth, I have stolen from them.”
I can relate to this, too. Last year in my journal I wrote a confession to God about how I gossiped about a person with another person because “it serves my own selfish pride and forges a common ground with one person that has no basis but in that it is us against this other person. That’s like saying that my only interest or what I’m getting out of that relationship is that the other person serves to make me feel good about myself and to meet my needs and to offset my own insecurity.”
I like how you nailed it, Elizabeth, by calling it stealing from another.
2. What might a rich man be tempted to do – and what do you think might be his deep idol?
The rich man is tempted to self-sufficiency and independence from God due to his money. Deep idols may be power/control and comfort.
Dee,
As I read through the story of you and Violet again I thought of her Mother. How she probably prayed that you would have an influence over her daughter. And what an influence you had!
I imagine that your honesty with her about your initial unwillingness to forgive was probably more powerful in helping her understand grace than quick forgiveness on your part might have been. This was encouraging to me to think that God can even use our initial reluctance to follow Him for His glory.
I have thought of David when he said of the spot where he would build an altar;
“I will not sacrifice to the LORD my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing.”
I thought of you laying down your earthly attachment to your jewelry in order to soften your heart to the fact that Violet is a treasure to God.
It also occurred to me that; Mark 16:15 “And he said to them, “Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation” to follow this is messy. It cost us something to wade into other peoples chaotic lives.
I was touched to see that she is still on the path, like all of us, with limited understanding but pressing on.
Chris — your words have ministered to me. I hadn’t thought about how her mother prayed.
So good about how following Christ is messy.
So glad you are with us.
And I am so glad that YOU are here.
Chris,
You really picked up on Violet’s mother – I hadn’t thought about it either. That it was her mom who called Dee and wanted her daughter to get to know Dee.
This should be encouraging to Laura on our blog, who has a 19 yr. old daughter she is concerned for.
Often it is a person God sends into their life who is able to impact them.
3. Icebreaker
Dee, how the story of you and Violet and how it is interwoven into the painting is remarkable. You and Violet were both on a journey. Violet was on a journey to God, and it is my opinion that she was moved to true repentance, not just feeling bad about her sin because she was caught and had to face unpleasant consequences. I think if you had bailed her out, it would have short-circuited that journey. She showed true remorse when she was truthful with you about stealing from you.
It was moving how you recounted Steve’s words, about in light of eternity, what’s really important? You must have been devastated to lose those precious items that he had given to you out of his love for you, yet you opened your hand and released them for the bigger cause of this woman coming to know Jesus. Admitting to Violet that you were like the older brother made you seem real and human to her, not like a Pharisee focused on the other person’s sin.
I wouldn’t change a thing!
“It was moving how you recounted Steve’s words, about in light of eternity, what’s really important?”
Yes I agree with Susan, this has impact.
When my husband and I were deciding whether or not to be a part of the son from his affairs life or just pay child support, I left the decision to him but asked him to think about how he will feel as an old man looking back over his life.
It seems that the choices that we can look back on without remorse are almost always the more difficult paths to take at the time.
Chris S.
I wrote this in my journal, “It seems that the choices that we can look back on without remorse are almost always the more difficult paths to take at the time.”
I want to be able to say in my future when I look back at this difficult season that I was glad I did good to the one(s) who hurt me.
When you come out of the pit of oppression by abuse the list of offenders is long.
Tracy,
I am touched by your life and how you’ve struggled with your health due to your dad’s smoking. How easy it would be to be bitter and unforgiving, and yet I see how God has kept your heart soft. But I’m not making it out to be light and easy, because I am sure this has been a hard cross to bear.
I am praying for you, too.
Susan — we all love your empathy, borne, I know, through suffering.
Thank you for the prayers!
Anne,
Praying for Joey this morning for his surgery – please let us know how he’s doing when you can!
Amen!
Yes Anne, I hope this time you spend with Joey while he is so vulnerable will yield good things.
Next week will be the last post in this series for a while, but I want you to know that as we move through ten weeks of The God of All Comfort, I will write fresh, and link it to this, and give links to sermons
We worshipped our way into idolatry, and we must worship our way out. The God of All Comfort will help us to do that.
I also think I am at the end of submissions for getting to know our bloggers — if I am mistaken, let me know. Or if one of you who has been us for a while would like to submit, please do.
Love to each of you
Dee, I just want to thank you as I am sure I am speaking for most here. You have been my ‘Paul’ in this crucial season of growing closer in intimacy with Jesus. I am sure most of us can say this.
I have heard a long time ago that it is crucial to have a Paul, a Barnabas and a Timothy in our lives. That was mentioned in class yesterday and you came to mind as my “Paul” in this season. Your bible study here on idolatry, and encouragement via your comments, has made a huge impact on my life. I thank God for you and for His wonderful provision in my life of using this study as a tool to rescue me.
Thank you, dear Rebecca.
Truly, I think I have just found some wonderful mentors myself, who are my Pauls — and I’m passing it on — but I do thank you.
Oh I have tears as I read this. I am so hopeful to know this is next. While I am gleanig from this study, I have felt at times like I am in the wrong place in life to really benefit from it whole heartedly.
Thank you for God of all Comfort, and that that study is next…thank you…thank you…thank you
Yes, I felt the same Chris–it’s a perfect next step, but I am also thankful for you. July 25 will be one year, right? Sorry to ask–I just want to get it right, I know dates are important for me. Love to you~
July 25th was the date of the assault, he died on August 17th.
Seems incredible to me that it was just over 3 weeks in the hospital. It seemed so much longer to me.
We have plans to go to a beach house in CA the 21-28 of July. I hope it will be a time of healing of sorts for us. At least most of us will be able to be together.
Thank you Elizabeth for thinking of me.
Chris, I haven’t forgotten either. I pray that time will be very healing for you and all your loved ones. I can’t imagine how difficult it has been and still is for you. Praying for you.
Dee
Did you receive my submission? I sent it on June 6.
I haven’t submitted mine yet, Dee, Please wait and I will try to work on it. Thank you
4. What stands out to you from this sermon?
That forgiveness is a form of suffering because it is absorbing the pain instead of inflicting it.
Forgiveness is a form of suffering. Jesus had to suffer to make a way for us to be forgiven. I had never equated forgiveness with suffering before. Yet it’s what we learned in another sermon about the gospel being “upside down”, the way up is down.
Unfortunately, I’ve become much better at absorbing (I used to more often lash back – even throw things!) but after absorbing I hold onto the pain, becoming filled with resentment.
I liked Keller’s examples of how you can tell if you hold a grudge against someone. One was if you feel happy over someone else’s misfortune. The other was you caricature the person in your mind, they become “flat”, as in “He/she is a liar”.
I know that so much of forgiveness is heart work. He said during the son’s absence, the father was not “clobbering” him in his heart, he was kissing him so that when the son did come back, the father’s natural response was to run to him and kiss him.
I remember when I read through Genesis and thought of Esau. All those years Jacob was away, Esau was not biding his time, just waiting for his revenge. He embraced Jacob when they finally reunited, showing that he had already forgiven him in his heart.
This convicts me because I spend too much time clobbering the person who has wronged me in my heart. I caricature them. I may not confront the person but I see the evidence in my avoidence of them or coolness toward them.
Oh Susan, that was really good stuff! I liked this “This convicts me because I spend too much time clobbering the person who has wronged me
in my heart. I caricature them. I may not confront the person but I see the evidence in my avoidence of them or coolness toward them.”
WOW. I needed that one!
Oh yes — me too on this one impacting my heart:
That forgiveness is a form of suffering because it is absorbing the pain instead of inflictin
Liked and identified too with your clobbering comment
The Second Sermon
7. What stands out to you from this sermon and why?
*The father is enduring rejected love. WOW. Keller says “ when someone hurts us like this…we do everything we possibly can do to diminish our affection for the person so we don’t hurt so much—but this father maintains his love for his son and endures the agony of rejected love.”
Jesus Redefines God—Emotional abandon, generous, loving;
Jesus Redefines Sin-the younger brother is lost in his badness, the older is lost in his goodness, both are lost. ;
*Jesus Redefines Salvation: We need 3 things to be saved:
(1) The initiating love of the Father
(2) Learn to repent for something besides our sins! The difference between a Christian and a Moralist is a Christian has learned to repent not just for what we’ve done wrong but also for the reasons we did right—recognizing self-justification. It’s all about the motivation for why we do the right we do—pride.
(3) We need to be melted and moved by what it cost to bring me home.
8. How you do identify with the younger son? The older son? How can the gospel help you avoid their snares?
Nouwen says : “I am the prodigal son every time I search for unconditional love where it cannot be found.” There were times in early marriage, or even before, when I sought out that kind of love in people—devastated when they could not provide what only God can. But in many ways, our idols are this too—this running away to what we hope to fill the void.
I easily relate to the older son. Dee’s story about Violet reminds me of this, as it has been hard for me to get it off my mind! I fight the voice in me that says how unfair—especially that they were precious treasures from Steve. When I read it the first time I kept wanting it to say that you somehow found the truck stop where she sold it all…just this inner part of me that wants to control justice. But in God’s economy it is so much bigger than this. And I imagine Steve would graciously give those things for it to bring a lost child to the Father.
The more I see myself as both the younger and the older son, the more my self-righteousness and anger melt. The judgment dissolves, and I can see we are all lost at some point, but welcomed home by a Father who dearly loves us, and there is no price to pay—for me, for Violet, my Dad…it is finished…the party awaits!
Your thoughts were so good, Elizabeth
Many of Keller’s thoughts are so new that they take several hearings to get them, but you have gotten them and expressed them so well, as exemplified not only by re-articulating them but by giving personal examples.
Thank you for your empathy too!
One sweet side note in response to your wishing I could have gotten them back. About a month after this happened, I found the emerald ring in my jewelry box. I suspect Violet put it back, for I had searched so carefully — but I’ll never know. I had lost a few of the little diamonds around it and it is possible she couldn’t sell it at the truck stop — or it is possible I overlooked it, but I’ll never know. Anyhow, it is sweet to have that one piece from Steve. I haven’t taken it off since!
Dee I am so glad to know this part of the story!
Oh Dee, the ring! I am covered in chills and tears–that makes me think of the kiss from the King!–and what a precious reminder of that journey of forgiveness. Oh thank you for sharing that part!
SWEET FRIENDS!
Dee, I am so happy for you about the ring! God’s blessing for sure. I could just weep at His goodness.
Dee, So happy to hear you have your ring! It was hard to hear that these were stolen. So this was a balm to hear you found that! I was thinking, wouldn’t it be cool if somehow God brought them back to her somehow. Looks like he did with the ring! 🙂
Dee
I think God gave you back your treasure after he mined what was in your heart and found the true treasure-His Son.
Sermon 1
4. What stands out ot you from this sermon?
As I meditated on the words of the sermon after retiring to bed last night, I thought of all the losses I have borne since 1994 the year I married. Three words from the sermon came to mind–ABSORB THE LOSS. I prayed and asked God to help me to absorb this loss. I also thought of Steve’s words. Imagine my surprise this morning when I turned the page on my perpetual Daily Thanksgiving Meditations at Mealtimes calendar I keep on my dining room table to find the words of Charles Spurgeon on this very topic. Listen to them:
“If you have made a mistake, bear the loss. God is able to give you much more! If necessary, lose money for conscience’s sake, for peace’s sake, for Christ’s sake. Rest assured that such losses are not losses at all.”
After reading those words I realized our Lord had used the words of a 19th century preacher to confirm the words of a 21st century preacher. Bear the loss/Absorb the loss. God’s grace is my compensation. How can those who know not what love is if I don’t show them God’s true love? And as Dr. Leslie Vernick puts it, “Being nice is not love.”
I had a dental appt. this morning and my dental hygenist asked if I still had contact with my ex. I told her yes we still eat together almost daily and he is still paying my rent and keeping up the yard. I got to share with her the truths I have been gleaning from the blog. She is a sister in Christ and yet it was hard for to believe I had forgiven my ex. She also stated that it’s easy to say the words I forgive you than to actually live them out. I shared with her that I would rather walk alone on the road of forgiveness than walk with a lot of people on the road of bitterness. I could see that she was trying to process everything I was telling her.
ASLAN IS INDEED ON THE MOVE SISTERS!!!
I love your walk alone comment. Good for you!
Praise God, Tammy! I enjoyed your testimony you shared at the Denist visit.
Wow Tammy. How clearly He spoke to you! Wow. Thanks for sharing.
OH Tammy, What an encouraging testimony! God is moving! I am so thrilled to get to see how God is working in your heart..what a privilege to get to see it as it happens. Love this online dynamic.
5. What three aspects of forgiveness did Keller mention?
1. Assertive: Its always my move.
2. Sacrificial: Willing to absorb the pain of financial cost and reputation in community instead of demanding restitution.
3. Powered from within: By compassion; by resisting the sense of superiority; by releasing the liability.
Thank you all so much for your prayers for Joey. We experienced so much peace and he is so relieved to be done with this.
Last night I told him he could stay up until MN if he would drink 3 big glasses of water (IV was a big worry for him). This time he got the experienced IV nurse and she had some cool numbing medicine in her arsenal. She got it in one shot and he didn’t feel it. Before she had her gloves off he patted her hand and said “I love you”. And this was before the silly medicine. He was a very happy drunk and we all enjoyed him.
I see that I have a lot of catching up to do after just one day.
Glad to hear Joey came through his surgery. What a Romeo!!!
Glad to hear it went well.
Wonderful news, Anne!
Anne, I’m so glad to hear good news, as I’ve been praying for Joey off and on all day:) Keep us posted.
Sweet tender story. He’s got a soft heart like his mom.
Anne, so glad to hear the good news!! I must have missed this earlier. Will keep praying!! 🙂
4-What stands out? The great forgiveness. The great love and sacrifice that it requires to do it. How we cannot do it apart from Christ. I love hearing that amazing love God has for us. Need to be reminded daily. How vulnerable He made Himself while we were still sinners and enemies.
5-assertive Must go out and forgive cannot just stay on our front porch, aggressive even in the event of humbling ourselves seek out forgiveness, assumption-always a sacrifice of some kind when we forgive. We assume their debt like God did for us. Most importantly that is how God does with us.
6-Yes it always melts any heart idols that are tempting to assert themselves. It amazes me of that kind of love. I am delighted in and in that I just want to sit with the Father. Not run off into other things that do not love me.
Great sermon! My hubbie listed with me and said, I really like him. I want to listen to more. 🙂 Happy about that. Then he told me of a story just like the prodigal in real life except it did not end happy. So sad.
How great your husband is listening with you!
I’m generally an empathetic person, sometimes too much so, except towards those who have hurt me–they get the ice cold shoulder. I was thinking tonight how as my icy heart melts, I am not only more vulnerable to feel my own pain (the scary, risky part of all this), but I am also more tender–more able to feel OTHER’s pain, and have compassion on them–and that feels good, hard, but necessary and good..and as Dee said compassion leads to me being able to forgive.
All this came to me as I heated up my 4 yr old’s frozen chicken nuggets in the microwave and we talked about how they go from icy frozen, hard to soft & tender–and now you all know that not only am I the Cliff Notes Queen, but I don’t cook either! Ah, such freedom in being transparent 😉
Elizabeth, you are a hoot! and quick with your teachable moments.
But if the nuggets hadn’t been frozen, the lesson would have been more difficult to explain! 😉
Elizabeth, your so sweet and funny! If you had my husband cooking, you’d all be overweight as we are! So that’s not all bad, not knowing how to cook so well!!
🙂
I am in this secular book club and dread the reading list but am thinking of becoming a Cliff Notes queen without reading the book — your inspiration!
7. The entire idea of both the younger son and his older brother being wrong in outlook and attitude struck me because I have never looked at it this way before. I didn’t recognize the two ways of seeking religion in the sons. To me, the whole message was an epiphany.
8. I can see myself in both because I was out for self-discovery prior to salvation and have been moralistic since salvation. This study is really bringing God’s grace to a new level in my life! One thing I thought about all night (listened to sermon last night) was how God runs to me to save me, and I am so undeserving!!
I feel the same way, Tracy. I am so undeserving . Praise God we don’t have to do anything for our salvation, except to just accept God’s grace and ask for forgivness:)
To me, the whole message was an epiphany.
Yes.
I have two observations..I could be off but was wondering..After meditating on the picture and the Scripture, I was thinking the older brother represents two types of people..One who had received Christ but had a stony heart-like we do-like what we are learning here about ourselves.
I also had a thought on the other side of it hearkening back to Rob Bell post about hell a few weeks ago..The older brother is also a good representation of those who refuse Jesus-they never received him to begin with so they die in their pride-The father didn’t force the older brother in-he invited him in and the brother said an emphatic “no”. So why would the brother, after he dies want to be at the feast with his dad? Just thinking..
My husband said he thinks it is that they both represents believers because they were both the Father’s sons.
As I look at this problem of unforgiveness and attempt to root it out in my life I find it in a place I did not expect and not so much in the place that I thought it was. I know that makes no sense. My sister and I have had some relationship problems. She holds grudges and I am always doing or saying something that sets her off. I have tried to talk to her about it but she denies being angry about anything. If I know I have done something I should apologize for, I do it quickly but if she is irritated I have to just lay low. I have felt that I am doing the right thing by keeping the relationship open and I think I am but this sermon made me take a look at my heart. I am hurt and I am offended and I wonder how much of this the relationship can take. I’m not sure I need to do anything right now except to love her from my heart, which is what I have not been doing.
Then, there is this situation at church. There is so much wrong there. I am angry about it but I think I should be because I think the Lord is. His people are not being shepherded and I want to pray down strongholds because I think there are some huge ones there. Yet, I have to examine my heart carefully because there is bitterness also.
4. What stands out to you from this sermon? I am in awe not just of how God humbled Himself to come to us, but how He bared His heart to us knowing how we would reject Him. The pain that He is able to absorb is-I have no word to know or make it known. This makes us rich, if we accept it, giving us the ability to absorb the debt of others.
I love the picture of the effect of living like this would have on our culture.
Another thing that stood out is the fact that grudges are rooted in a sense of superiority and caricature. Caricature is a new word for me but it makes complete sense. In other words I don’t cut them any slack and slap a label on them. So when I think of them they are just that, without any good qualities or reasons why they are this one thing. With myself I am much more understanding.
5. The three aspects of forgiveness are that it is assertive, sacrificial and powered from within. It seeks out the person in order to restore relationship, is willing to be hurt in order to restore. There is only one way it can be powered from within and that is if we truly love. We seek out one that we love and desire restored relationship.
6. My idols do melt when I understand God’s love for me. My desire for near sins withers when I hold them up to the gospel, and His expressed love for me. The gospel fully expresses this love. When I catch myself seeking approval I must think of Him and his expressed love for me. The key is seeing it and doing something about it. So much of this thinking goes unnoticed by me. I need to start writing down my negative thoughts again.
This is a new way of thinking for me too, Anne. You helped me more fully understand what Dr. Keller was saying.
Caricature: a picture, description, etc., ludicrously exaggerating the peculiarities or defects of persons or things.
Any imitation or copy so distorted or inferior as to be ludicrous.
Does this definition fit or what?!
Good catching up contemplations —
God seems to be repeating to us: Absorb the pain
I do understand that at times there is righteous anger, but I think we are both seeing the danger of bitterness. Jesus committed his case to the One who judges justly.
9)A I ignored and rebelled against God when I only sought to gain pleasure and also when I would get mad at someone & speak about them to others without restraint or caring for their feelings and/or reputation. In Dee’s story, Violet lied and sought her own good. The younger son squandered his life and father’s money in wild, careless living.
b. Dee’s story — forgiving not by heart but only mind.
Me — moralistic pursuits when a Christian, felt superior 2 others who didn’t do as I did
Parable– elder brother felt superior bc he did “right”
C. Dee– forgave Violet from her heart and shared gospel via painting
Me– learning more and more here
Parable– how loving the father is and a picture of Christ
10. He is in a high position because the world’s value system is not that of the Gospel. He should be proud of what God has done. This should bar out temptation because he satisfies himself in CHRIST ALONE.
11. The rich man should think of how his riches and glory will wither, fixing thoughts and priorities in eternal, things.
12. Actually, I identify with both given different events in my life.
13. Aslan is on the move when I think of God loving me like the father in Jesus’ story. To think He risked my rejection, came to me first IN LOVE…
Questions 4,5&6
The father picked up his robes, bared his legs and ran to his son. He had been kissing his son in his heart. The son had wronged his father financially and disgraced his social status.
To forgive: kiss them in your heart and will their good. Free the person and yourself. Resist superiority and release liability. Forgive before you go to them. We (the church) should be constantly reconciling.
I felt as I read the lesson I had not fully, from the heart, forgiven someone. As I read, I could see their face. I have tried to go to the person but they refuse to meet. For at least a year now, I have been praying for them to be blessed to help keep myself from harboring a grudge. The situation is complex because the person is a family member and keeps repeating sinful, illegal behavior against my family. I know God has a plan to resolve this and I want to be in His plan. I am willing to do anything and have told God this. I am now waiting for God to reveal what that is, if anything. My desire is to forgive and cancel their debt and as Dr. Keller pointed out I will need God’s power to do so. Pray that I will stop vacillating in and out of forgiveness which is not true forgiveness. Even as I write this my heart is melting toward them.
Kim, as I read this post I prayed for you, that God will keep on melting your heart! In Christ’s Love!
Praying also for you, Kim
Thank you!
Thank you, Tracy!
Lord, I lift up Kim — help her turn this person over to Your righteous judgment. Cut any root of bitterness in Kim. Show her how to draw boundaries without being bitter. This is a hard problem, Lord, but not too hard for you.
In Jesus name
Amen!
I love Proverbs 30:8-9, as it reminds me “All I need is just enough”, because I’ve lived like both the poor man and the rich man, like in Dee’s story of Violet.
Most my life has been on the poor side, but we are blessed to have just enough now and that’s where I like it best. I wouldn’t want to be rich or poor.
When I was a young girl, about 8 yrs. old, I was left alone in my grandparents cabin by the lake as everyone else was out fishing in the boat. Grandpa left his billfold on his nightstand by their bed. I couldn’t resist the tempation to take dollar bills (about $5-8.00, I think) out of his billfold. There were other bills, so I didn’t think he would notice. But it might as well of been a thousand dollars.
We never had much as kids, so the temptation got the better of me. Later, the next night when we were all back home, my grandparents called my parents to come over. Us kids, (my 3 older brother’s and I) stayed home. I was scared to death in my silence. I felt like I was sweating blood the whole time they were gone. I knew mom and dad would confront me about the stolen money when they got home, but they didn’t say a word. Nothing was ever said. I felt awful and so quilty. I wanted to admit it, but was too scard to. I never did know if they knew or not about the missing cash. Maybe Grandpa knew and insisted they not say anything…I don’t know!
It would of been better if I had been punished and had to work to repay Grandpa, because carrying that quilt for years and years about killed me. I wasn’t raised in a christian home and didn’t give my heart to Jesus untill I was about 21 or 22 yrs. old. And believe me, that was my first thing I begged forgiveness for. So getting by without being confronted or disapplined is not good either. I could not forgive myself, as I love my grandparents so much and I needed Grandpa to forgive me.
So that was when I was Poor. A couple years ago, I lost my mom and my dad had died 20 yrs. before. So each of us kids inherited some money. It wasn’t alot, but around $35,000.00, which made me feel rich! I never learnt how to controll money, so I spend most of it on my kids, getting my older kids out of debt mostly. They are back in debt again and the money is gone and while I had money, even tho I did give 10% to the Lord, I think it was not given from my heart, as I felt greedy. I didn’t even invest any.
While I had that money, it took my eye’s off the Lord and onto my selfishness untill it was gone. It was a blessing the Lord made it disapear so fast as then I could see my foolish ways and get back to seeking God first again. So, I know what money can do to a person, that’s why I always pray for just enough! That’s all we need anyway. God is always so good and provides for all our needs and wishes, as long as I’m trusting him for everything and putting him first in my life.
Sorry, this is such a book!
Good book!
Such good insight Joyce. This stuck out to me “It would of been better if I had been punished”. I read somewhere once to pray for our children to get caught. I am often amazed at the things God allows me to happen to walk in on between my kids, or over hear when they think Mamma isn’t around! It’s small stuff now, but I am thankful to be able to correct it–to lead them to asking forgiveness…to be restored.
PS–I know you have so much on your plate, but I hope you get your story to Dee–I am really looking forward to it–I have always gleaned so much from you!
This is wonderful, Joyce.
Joyce
Thank you for sharing your story. I was thinking about it as I was walking my dog this morning. I have prayed the same scripture many times and am now seeing the fruit of my prayers. When I have needs they are met right on time. I don’t need to have money in the bank to feel secure anymore.
Hi Joyce,
I am a teacher and this week was our last week of school. I am so busy I haven’t had time to check the blog and catch up. I did read Dee’s story last week and boy oh boy did it hit me hard. Your story also is one I can relate to as well. Let me explain….
My children were raised in the church and know the difference between right and wrong. however, the two middle ones have both gone through a stealing spell. We have always worked very hard for what we have and are not poor by any means, but we never went out and spent the large sums of money on our kids; no Nike tennis shoes, expensive jeans or anything like that. They always had what they needed, don’t get me wrong, but if my son wanted $100 shoes i gave him the $50 I was willing to spend and he had to come up with the rest. I just didn’t think it was necessary to have expensive things like that. I’m not big with “keeping up with the Jones'”.
Anyway a few years ago I realized several pieces of my expensive jewelry were missing. I just knew it was my son. I couldn’t believe he would do this to me. One of the pieces was a small diamond ring that my grandma gave me. It was her diamond from her wedding ring that she had reset for me for my high school graduation. After a few days of thinking, I realized he must have pawned the pieces. I went to the only pawn shop in town and found the ring. I had never been to a pawn shop before and didn’t realize that I could have had the owner arrested for accepting the stolen property. I just bought my ring back for $100. he only got $25 for it. It wasn’t about the money, it was about the sentiment of the ring. I don’t think I ever mentioned the stolen pieces to my son. I was so disappointed I just didn’t know what to say. Maybe that’s how your grandfather felt too. I’m not sure that my son has any guilt at this point. He is still young and immature.
My daughter has also stolen from us; mainly money. Kind of a funny story here though…..last summer I realized the 4 state quarter coin holders my husband had been saving for our four children were missing ALL the quarters (about $50 worth). He has spent years collecting them for the kids. I hid the holders until I could figure out what was going on. I soon decided my daughter must have taken them and i confronted her. She wouldn’t admit her guilt, and I knew if my husband found out that it would not only make him furious, but she might not live to see another birthday!
I decided to begin collecting the quarters to avoid another fight in my house. I went to the bank, and purchased a ten dollar roll of quarters but there were hardly any state quarters in the roll. I decided to enlist my friend at the high school who works in the cafe to help me get the quarters. Sweet woman she was! This was back in October and we are just finishing (I need 4 more quarters!).
I will eventually tell my husband (I can’t believe he hasn’t figured it out!), but not til my daughter is on her own! (This is the nearly autistic daughter – not to make excuses, but he doesn’t understand her AT ALL). She knows what she did was wrong, and we talk about getting a job and warning her way, but unfortunately not many businesses want a person like her to work for them. i may end up having to support her forever….
Dee, I think you were right in helping her (Violet) out. We are not responsible for others actions, only our own. We are called to be a compassionate people. You displayed this when you hired Violet. You also displayed this by not visiting her in jail. She needed to figure things out for herself. Look how it ended! It made me cry.
I hope my kids understand what they did was wrong and can learn from it eventually. Maybe I should have made my daughter suffer from the consequence of my husband being mad, but I didn’t because I couldn’t go through another fight. We have daily fights because of her actions.
Sorry for the second “book!”
4. What stands out to you from this sermon?
I loved how Keller related what the Father did with the prodigal son to what Jesus did on the cross for us. The Father was vulnerable-the son could have rejected him, yet he ran to him anyway-there was a ‘maybe’ there..Jesus knew he would be rejected-there was no ‘maybe’-talk about vulnerability. He came to his own but his own received him not. Jesus did it because he was absorbing our debt. He didn’t wait on his porch for us to come to him first, He came to us first.
Here is the clincher for me: Someday literally Jesus will throw his arms around me, literally fall on my neck and kiss me. I. CAN’T. WAIT. 🙂
5. What three aspects of forgiveness did Keller mention?
I thought there were four total, but he mentioned three.
Assertive
Sacrificial
Power from inside
(leads to resurrection)
“Someday literally Jesus will throw his arms around me, literally fall on my neck and kiss me. I. CAN’T. WAIT.” So, that means Jesus is kissing us in His heart, like the prodigals father did, while He waits for us to come home. I LOVE this, Rebecca. The moment I read this, I saw Jesus doing this to the person I need to forgive… Aslan is on the move! When He come on the scene I can’t resist Him. I’m melting into the floor like the wicked witch in The Wizard of Oz.
Kim, YES..I loved it when Keller said that! That just really was a balm to me and Yes Aslan is on the move!! 🙂
So glad to hear you are melting! I can tell in your posts! It has been encouraging to see how God is moving! Great word picture with the Wizard of Oz. It reminds me of when Dee said, love is hard to resist.
6. Does this gospel love melt any of your idols? Does that affect any near sins? If so, explain, and if possible, give a specific example.
Oh my..I was hesitant to share this due to privacy issues, but before I listened to this sermon this morning, God had already shown me this via our study-via Looking into the Gospel-and via His Holy Spirit! This is the process he has done in my heart the past several weeks. HE OPENED MY EYES!! Listening to Keller’s sermon was an affirmation that God is working in my heart and in our life here in our home-AND it encouraged me to continue looking into the Gospel and not only to release my husband but to continue to not hold things against him because he will mess up in the future and so will I-we are imperfect.
A month or so ago God showed me I am no better than my husband- I had a superiority issue because I was holding his past sins against me- against him. EVERY marriage has sins committed against the other for we are imperfect and can be selfish.
I CAN’T EXPLAIN HOW OR WHEN THE LIGHT BULB WENT ON BECAUSE IT WAS HIM!! Though I must tell about JESUS!
I had been holding onto things inside for a long time..I had the caricature down like Keller talks about. The caricature is really a LOT of layers of lies about someone born out of a superior attitude and a grudge.
God freed me and released my husband from his mistakes. BELIEVE ME his mistakes weren’t as bad-just normal things we do when we live with our spouses and children. Sometimes we get angry. I am so sensitive even if he looked at me cross-wise I would be hurt. It stems from my past. Long story, but my past doesn’t matter..Christ’s past is my past and that DOES MATTER.
Anyway, God freed me..I CAME CLEAN two nights ago and I was vulnerable, open and HE FORGAVE ME. I mean truly forgave me. He had the most tender heart..He said, “I understand now where you are coming from.” “I understand why.” I am blessed.
THIS TRUTH CAN TRANSFORM MARRIAGES.
Wow, Rebecca. Thanks for sharing.
This is very powerful, Rebecca, thank you for sharing it. It means alot to me in my marriage situation. I agree with you that the caricature thing is ALOT of layers of lies, born out of a superior attitude and a grudge. Oh…the superior attitude. I’ve certainly had one towards certain persons in my family.
How quickly I can move from being on my knees, repenting and knowing I’m a ruined sinner saved by grace, and get up and become a Pharisee in no time at all.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
Susan,
I can relate to this: “How quickly I can move from being on my knees, repenting and knowing I’m a ruined sinner saved by grace, and get up and become a Pharisee in no time at all.”
It is so hard to absorb the debt Susan. It really is. It is painful and makes us vulnerable-laid out because we could get hurt again. I also think that is what struck me as well..I think I need to meditate on what Keller taught about absorbing it. I don’t want to close up and go back..I want to stay here and always be willing to absorb the pain in forgiving, but I can’t do it apart from Jesus.
I also relate to being a repeat offender.
So good, Rebecca. It reminds me of a similar place I was just 2 years ago with my husband–holding his sins as worse than mine, feeling superior. It amazes me how Keller just nails it–such a gift on insight paired with Biblical truth, all wrapped up in a package of grace and humility!
I am praising Him with you for this healing–it is a strange but glorious thing how our being broken and humble allows Him to bring such healing. I saw a picture yesterday of this beautiful mosaic cross–made of tiny broken tiles…beautiful!
You SHINE–Rebecca, so thankful for your example!
Elizabeth, you are such an encouragement! I so covet your praising Him! I loved the way you said this: “it is a strange but glorious thing how our being broken and humble allows Him to bring such healing. I saw a picture yesterday of this beautiful mosaic cross–made of tiny broken tiles…beautiful!”
I have to say it is Jesus- and I know you know that already..I can’t explain how and when it came about because it was Him. I wouldn’t have truly been able to forgive on my own.
Rebecca, I can’t believe what I am reading here from you. Because it speaks to what I have been realizing this evening. I will save it so I can process. Thanks for sharing your heart in this matter. You REALLY spoke to me.
I am having a hard time keeping up with posts 🙂
Anne, I too am having a hard time keeping up with posts..It is a good thing though! So many wonderful women here! 🙂
Rebecca, I so agree. This is an amazing thing/group! Everyone has mentioned that Aslan is on the move. I don’t usually listen to music on my way to work. Somehow takes away the song God has placed in my thoughts. But this morning I did and it was Rich Mullins with On the Verge of a Miracle. It got my attention and then I read the comments and so many were about Aslan on the move. I think we are each on the verge of a miracle if we don’t let go. There is that picture of Jacob wrestling again.
I know you like Rich Mullins and I recently found this on you tube and had never seen it before. http://youtu.be/hIAN29H4T-o
It speaks right to where we are finding our healing. I knew nothing of Sheila Walsh until I happened to see her at Women of Faith once. She does the most graceful interview that I think I have ever seen.
Anne, this was so good! THIS is why I like him. I haven’t seen this interview. I try to watch the ones I do find. Did you hear him when he said we live our lives pursuing comfort, security etc…
Yes and there was the part about believing how much God loves us. And about living life out of love for Him instead of by a moral code that we have adopted.
Oh and here I am again-can I say, again and again? I don’t know why Jesus loves me..I don’t know why he died for me but he did..YES he did..He leaves me speechless-He leaves me humbled when I think of HIM.
I’m glad you’re here again…and again…and again!
Me too, Rebecca, you give me such encouragement!
sermon 2
7-I have been both of these. Interesting they flux from self discovery and moral conformity. But we need the initiating love of the Father (who goes out to both sons). We cannot be our own Savior. Repent and melted and moved at what it cost to bring you home. Good stuff.
8-The younger-I want my own way and run and do what I want. The older-I am following God and look at others who do not with contempt. The gospel helps because it teaches you to live a balanced life in Christ. Not on either extreme. We can rest in the love of God.
So wish I had more time this week to comment on all these things posted above! You all are a blessing! I have skimmed them since there are no cliff notes 😉 Know I love you all and am praying for each one of you!!
Oh and wanted to add I am going to try to watch Les Mis this weekend 🙂
I’ve never seen The Musical Version and want to — have you?
I had the chance to go see the musical version in the theater years ago. It was really good. The one I taped on TV I am not sure if it is musical or not. I just saw it was on and thought, I would like to see that again. 🙂 What perfect timing.
http://sermons2.redeemer.com/sermons/prodigal-sons
7. What stands out to you from this sermon and why?
This sermon was indeed killer. It was my favorite to date.
The elder brother: Is lost, not despite his goodness but because of it. He is his own lord and savior. He always has an undercurrent of anger. Looks down upon others. Obeys because he deserves and wants stuff from God not b/c he loves God.
I see myself here. I wrote on my third page of notes, in capitals, I AM THE NASTY ELDER BROTHER! Ick. BUT, there is a way out…
1. Recognize the initiating love of God.
2. Repent for something other than my sins. Repent for the things I did “right”.
3. Be melted and moved by what it cost to bring me home.
Jesus was striped naked so that we could be clothed in a robe of honor. Jesus referred to his father, only once in scripture as “My God” while on the cross, because at that moment he was not being treated as a son so that you and I could be.
I have grasped so much of The Gospel in this study. I “get” that I was striving to save myself with morality. I get it that I can’t do anything to save myself. I now know I can’t lose my salvation but I hit a bump in the road with God loving me despite me. I’m not sure I am convinced of His love. I know it in my head but my heart is slow to catch up to this truth. I sometimes think how can I be sure God loves me if I’m not doing this or that to prove He should love me. I am stuck on #1. Recognize the initiating love of God.
So glad for this, Kim.
6. Does this Gospel love melt any of your idols? Does that affect any near sins? If so, explain, and if possible give a specific example.
I have come to see that the largest block of ice in my heart had been reserved for my mother but this Gospel love has been thawing the ice. I tried to talk with her several years ago about God’s forgiveness and she let me know how dare I talk to her like that. She’s not a sinner. Once when we were on a trip, she told me she had never done anything to hurt me and I realized she really believed that in her mind. Over the past several years she has been telling me her life story. I don’t think she realized she was doing that but it has given me much insight to why she now lives in a prison of bitterness.
There was a time in my life I pretended my family did not exist. Each one of them had wounded me in various ways and I too had wounded them. At the time it just seemed easier to live that way. I was letting my deep idol of control dictate my actions.
A couple of years ago I participated in a bible study on the beatitudes and one of the lessons concerned generational sin. I sat down and listed all the sins I could think of that was generational and as I have shared before I WAS a 4th generation domestic violence victim. But PRAISE GOD I have stopped the curse with me. I am not going to live out the rest of my days as the other women in my family. I’m ashamed to say this now but for many years I dreaded the thought of having to take care of my mother in her later years but today I no longer feel that way and here’s why. I read something recently in Dr. Leslie Vernick’s notes on her facebook page. She shared that she came to accept that she would never have the mother/daughter relationship God intended with her mother. She went on to say that she began to see whatever she did to meet her mother’s needs was an opportunity for ministry. Her words have changed the course of my thinking toward my mother.
I am the only one of my mother’s 4 children who is able to handle the responsibility of caring for my mother if and when the time comes. My sister is the oldest at 54 and is living with the results of having had polio as a child. My oldest brother is 52, suffers with depression, and refuses to have anything to do with our mother and my younger brother, the only child of my mother and her second husband, is 46 and lives with AIDS. Every day he lives is truly a gift from God.
God is freeing me from the resentment that I have had in my heart toward my mother and younger brother. When I was a child it was made clear to me, with words and deeds, that my younger brother was my mother’s favorite child. I was not reared with my older siblings because she left them behind in NC after she and her first husband divorced and she remarried her second husband. Altogether she’s had four husbands. Her last husband divorced her several years ago after only a few months of marriage.
As an adult I have come to understand that my mother parented how she was parented-without real love and although she did a lot of things wrong she did get the main thing right. She saw that I went to church every Sunday until I moved out of the house and began making my own decisions. I met my Savior when I was three and as a child I told him I wanted to serve him. I get to do that every day for the rest of my life.
The worst thing abuse does to a person is it takes away their voice. God has given me my voice back here on the blog. Jesus is walking with me now as I cancel the debt of my mother. In 2.5 months I will be 48 years old and I know that the rest of my days, no matter how hard they may be, are going to be far better than all the days of my past. If God sees fit to bless me one day with my own family I will be able to love them as he intends for a family to love another-as Christ loves the church.
Finally, if the day comes that I need to care for my mother, what greater ministry could there be for me than sharing the Gospel love with her through my actions?
Oh Tammy. I am so moved, so humbled, by your testimony–I feel without words. I thank God for drawing you to Himself at such a tender age of 3, I thank Him for sustaining you through so so much pain, and I thank Him for the example you are to me–to so many I’m sure–of living out the Gospel. Bless you dear Tammy, praying for His continual healing over you.
ps–I’m so thankful too you have found your “voice” here–it is a treasure of truth.
Your so right, Tammy. Enjoyed your testimony…praying for you and your family
Tammy — this is great. The Lord is breaking the chain with you.
Please pray for my friend Ellie and her son Domenic.
Domenic is 8 or 9 years old, he was hit by a truck today while riding his bike.
His parents had left yesterday for a Florida vacation, they can not get a plane home until tomorrow morning.
He is undergoing surgery to relieve pressure on his brain.
Another friend of ours whose name is Cheryl is the one who hit him, she is also suffering.
Please pray
I have prayed just now as I read this. Please keep us updated!
Praying Chris.
lORD, i PRAY YOU WILL PUT YOUR HAND ON THE SURGEON’S HAND AND HAVE MERCY ON DOMENIC. PLEASE BE WITH CHERYL TOO. GIVE YOUR PEACE WHICH PASSES UNDERSTANDING TO THE PARENTS, TO CHERYL… IN HIS NAME WE PRAY
Dear Heavenly Father, I pray this prayer with Dee for this little boy, Domenic and his family and for Cheryl. Please bless them and help Domenic to be okay. Amen
Chris,
Just read this and am praying with you..