Meditate on this promise.
Though complaining sounds negative, there is a way to do it that is profitable. Most people complain to others, which is hurtful, for a broken spirit dries up the bones.
But God actually wants us to bring our complaints to Him, in the form of a lament. Psalm 10 concentrates on the afflicted and has one of my favorite verses in the Bible. Psalm 10:17. I particularly loved how Pastor Vroegop helped someone with same-sex attraction. It also brought to my remembrance a time I did exactly as he outlines, and how much it helped me and the afflicted one I was praying for. It was when I was with my mother, who was dying and suffering enormously. This is my beautiful mother with me when I was just a freshman at college.
Mother didn’t put her trust in Christ until six months before her death at the age of ninety-three. (Despite dementia — for with God, all things are possible.) I had asked God to allow me to be at her side when she died, and He did. It was three in the morning and she was vomiting blood, suffering so, and I was beside myself. I was pacing the floor and lamenting — and I complained to God, using His promises, just as this chapter teaches. I cried out: Lord, You promised a bruised reed you would not break — a smoldering wick you would not put out. But you are breaking my mother — she is so fragile — this is way too much suffering for her. Help! Hear my cry! Where are you? Over and over again I prayed this. About five in the morning a nurse appeared at the door, she came in early, compelled by God. I told her what was happening. She said, “Oh Dee, I think she’s afraid to die.”
“No, Fran! She’s a Christian now — she shouldn’t be afraid.”
“But she’s a baby Christian.” Fran knelt down next to my mother and said: “Mrs Brown — don’t be afraid. You are completely forgiven and Jesus is waiting for you with open arms.”
Mother looked up, peace came over her, and she was gone.
You hear O Lord, the desire of the afflicted, you encourage them and listen to their cry.
Listen to at least the beginning of this beautiful song from Integrity which puts this wonderful verse to music and may help you get it in your heart.
Highlights From Last Week
OH, SO MANY WONDERFUL LAMENT SONGS! This is a rich and varied group. I recommend that when you are “stuck” with the lament go back to last week and find one to listen to.
And again, I am struck by how you minister to one another from the riches stored up in your hearts. Denise honestly shared how shame makes her silent instead of lamenting and Chris brought to her the wonderful picture of the father running to the son who was lost, picking up his robe and running with shameless abandon. We don’t need to be afraid to come to Him! So good. Together we are so much better than if it was just a teacher responding to you. Wonderful!
You raised many good questions too — so I’m going to throw just two back to you for your responses:
Laura-Dancer, our so honest regular, thought her lament had produced a change in her husband, but then realized it hadn’t. She said UGH! Now what do I do — just keep lamenting? What do you think?
And Denise, a lovely newcomer, caused me to ponder when she wrote: I think the African slaves got it right. I think Corrie ten Boom and her sister got it right in Ravensbruck. I think lament comes from when we have been stripped of everything and have nowhere else to go. That is certainly how I learned to lament, but now I feel it is helping me in lesser things to get God’s perspective and trust Him. But then I wondered, looking at our opening verse of Psalm 10:17 — should it be saved for desperate times? Thoughts?
Sunday:
- What stood out to you from the above and why? Thoughts on the questions from Highlights?
Monday: Godly Complaint
2. Read through Psalm 10 and share your initial thoughts on the main subject and anything that becomes “radioactive to you.”
I happen to love Jason Silver’s psalms to music. Here is his rendition of Psalm 10:
3. Read the opening of Chapter 2 of Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy and comment.
4. Read the section “Godly Complaint” and explain (perhaps using the quote by Billings or Gleddiesmith) how to complain in a godly way.
5. Read the section “Start Complaining” and articulate the psalmist’s complaint about God.
Tuesday: Bring Your Questions
6. Read the opening three paragraphs under “Bring Your Questions.”.
A. What is the first question the psalmist addresses to God?
B. After reading the paragraph, what is the seeming disparity between the name LORD or
Yahweh or the Great I AM and the problem the psalmist sees?
7. Read the paragraph that beings “The second question is even more appointed” through the paragraph that ends with “That’s the tension of the complaint.” What is that tension?
8. Read on through all the examples of questions he gives, and stop at “a few years ago.” What commonalities do you see in the first series of questions? In the second series?
9. What disparity do you see in your life or in another’s that seems to hold the same conflict?
Can you pray this in a lament using the four parts: Turn, Complain, Ask, Trust.
Wednesday: To Help Those in Same-Sex Attraction
I thought this was golden, should God open a door to minister to a believer in same-sex attraction. I’m also processing how this could be used in talking to those who have been hurt by Christians who have been hurt by those who claim Christ was were unbelievably rude to non-Christians in same-sex attraction. I spent four hours with a woman last week who I think God is wooing but is so hurt because when her homosexual brother died of AIDS, those who claimed the name of Christ heaped more suffering on him, by telling him he was an abomination in the sight of God.
7. Read the section that begins “A few years ago I taught…” and goes through his ministry to a church member struggling with same-sex attraction. What happened and how did he minister to him differently than counselors in the past? Why did it help?
8. Is there a way you could apply this to a friend struggling with same-sex attraction? If so,
prepare what you might say here in a few sentences.
Thursday: How To Complain in The Right Way
9. What are the four aspects of complaining in the right way.
10. Your turn — take a complaint either about your own life or another’s and lament,
remembering the above and going through the four steps of Turn, Complain, Ask, Trust.
Friday: Choose Two Reflection Questions
11. Answer two of them — your choice.
Saturday: Take-A-Way
12. Has your prayer life grown in the lament and what benefits are you seeing?
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10. Your turn — take a complaint either about your own life or another’s and lament. Oh heavenly father, in your hands is the fate of this world, in your hands is my very life and breath. Oh Lord on high, how long will this virus make me fearful, how long will men use this virus to further their own ends. I have lost time with family and friends. I am fearful to make plans. I hate the pandemic, I hate that I fear time with my friends and family, that one of my greatest gifts of relationship has been tainted by this virus. I am unsure in this world of lies what is true and wise when it comes to this pandemic. Normalcy and familiarity have fled. Some say that you are coming soon with further destruction and vengeance. I struggle to look forward with hope and not fear. OH God I ask you to end this pandemic. I ask God that truth would be revealed not just about this virus but also about men’s motivations. I ask for your will above all. May I have peace and your presence no matter what happens in this world. May you ever be before me, that your promises would sustain me, that even if the mountains fall into the sea that I will not fear. For Your hand will hold me and guide me. I praise you God that this is not my home, that you have gone ahead of me to prepare a place. I praise you God that you are my hope and my salvation, whom shall I fear.
9. What are the four aspects of complaining in the right way. 1. Come humbly not in pride. 2. Pray the bible. 3. Be honest. 4. Don’t stop at complaint, let it move you towards God.
1. What stands out to you from the above and why? Thoughts on the questions from Highlights?
Dee, it was painful to read about your mom’s suffering and I can only imagine how frantic and desperate you must have felt! And then, the answer to your prayer…Fran, who came in extra early that day and spoke the words your mom needed to hear! As a nurse, I have been with patients near death, seen the change in their breathing….yet when my mom was in hospice and I noticed her breathing began to change, and I understood what was happening, I remember the feeling of fear that struck my heart. My mom had been so, so peaceful, just appearing as if she were sleeping, and undisturbed, for three days. Those hospice nurses are so wise, too. One of the nurses had stopped in one night and told me how many people don’t want their loved ones to see them die, because of a desire to protect them from the pain, or because they want to die privately. That stuck with me. My sister and niece were also there that night, and I began to feel very strongly that we should step out of the room. I had been with my mom day and night, talking to her, telling her about Jesus, and reading her favorite poetry to her. I said to her that we were not leaving, but that we were going to step out of the room for just a few minutes to give her some privacy. My mom was more of a private person, valuing dignity and privacy. I said we’d be back in just a few minutes. We went out to a lounge area for about ten minutes, and then I said let’s go back now. I saw the nurse striding up the hall towards us, and I knew. She said she’s gone. I believe my mom wanted her privacy and not to have us hovering over her, and who knows, maybe she knew I was scared.
As for Laura’s question, I hear her frustration and disappointment! In this situation, yes, she may have to keep lamenting, and at the same time, her husband still has free will to make his own choices. But continuing to lament will keep her from getting bitter. And Denise’s point that lament comes from situations when you’ve been stripped of everything….yes, but not too many of us have been stripped of everything as those like slaves and Corrie ten Boom and her family were. So should we lament? I do think there’s a difference between complaining to God without “the turn”, and then it’s just complaining without any resolution. The smaller things in our lives can quickly add up and make us resentful and bitter.
How thought-provoking on death and how different each person may be, and how we need to listen to His still small voice, as you did, Susan.
I also believe and agree with you, Susan, that lament is not just for those dire circumstances I mentioned in last week’s lesson. I believe in not letting things build up as you said. As George Washington said, “Many mickles make a muckle.”
9. What disparity do you see in your life or in another’s that seems to hold the same conflict?
I suppose that I feel like a bit of a failure when it comes to our children and their God-less lives. Not one of 4 has any semblance of needing Him. It is sad.
Can you pray this in a lament using the four parts: Turn, Complain, Ask, Trust.
Oh Lord, You are king of everything and have Your hand on our lives. For that I am thankful. But, this world is harmful to us in many ways and we need to protect ourselves from it often. Why is it that We took our children to church throughout their lives, and tried to raise them knowing You and it didn’t stick? We tried to be faithful, but back then we struggled with trusting in You more than ourselves. I am sorry. Will they ever come to realize that You are supreme and what’s best for their lives? How long will it take? What will happen for them to “get it?” There is really nothing I can do now other than model the good behavior I want them to know themselves. I am doing that; showing Your light. Will You help them recognize their lacking in spirituality and make them open their hearts to You? Please somehow show them that You are goodness and when they walk with You they will be blessed. I know You can do anything and already know how their lives will play out, to the end. I am trusting that You are already “on it” and will cover them accordingly. I have seen things in their lives that are clues that You love them because in at least one case the child has overcome over and over when they should have fallen. You have helped us in the past and continue to now. We are thankful. Amen.
Excellent lament, Laura.
I think I’ll keep it and say it often 😉
Laura – I feel your pain and can relate.
7. Read the section that begins “A few years ago I taught…” and goes through his ministry to a church member struggling with same-sex attraction. What happened and how did he minister to him differently than counselors in the past? Why did it help?
The pastor met a man who admitted he had same sex attraction and had been counseled about it many times. Their suggestions never seemed to stick with him and he would fall back into the behavior as before.
This time, although he did some of the same things he had in the past (bible study, scripture memorization, etc.), the pastor encouraged him to talk to God about his true feelings, to complain, and to get “real” with God.
The reason it helped was because the man was released from the darkness that had become his life. He trusted that God would help him through. He felt like God was finally on his side. By lamenting, his heart was open to allowing God to enter and heal him.
8. Is there a way you could apply this to a friend struggling with same-sex attraction? If so, prepare what you might say here in a few sentences.
I couldn’t do this unless the person first came to me with the concern, right? Otherwise I would be imposing my ideas on them. Also, they would have to have a belief in God as well. But let’s say they came to me with the problem (not sure why they would? I’m no authority.). I could tell them that God answers prayers and He loves them and values their life. He made them just the way they are. I would encourage them to talk to Him and tell Him exactly what they are feeling; to get mad and just let it all come out to Him. I would also say that God already knows your pain and can handle the struggling they are going through.
You never know who will come to you.
I remember a neighbor brother coming to me with his addiction to masturbation. I was so flustered and un-prepared — but today I would have led him through the lament and trust in God.
2. Read through Psalm 10 and share your initial thoughts on the main subject and anything that becomes “radioactive to you”.
My initial thoughts as I read was that I have never been in the kind of trouble described in this Psalm. I have never been “hunted down” by wicked, arrogant people, or even one such person. This sounds like a situation in which a much stronger group of people decided to abuse their power and inflict great injustices against other people. One thing that stood out was the idea that the proud and wicked think and behave as if God is dead, that there will be no punishment awaiting them, or that God isn’t aware of what they do and they will not be held accountable.
3. Read the opening of chapter 2 of Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy and comment.
The author’s wife, Sarah, was very honest with God when she told Him that it felt like He was being mean.
4. Read the section “Godly Complaint” and explain (perhaps using the quote by Billings or Gleddiesmith) how to complain in a godly way.
Complaining in a godly way is naming a painful, wrong, or unjust situation to God. It’s making one’s case to God, telling Him that He seems to be forgetting His promises. However, I don’t understand the author’s statement that “I’m not suggesting for a second that you have a right to be angry with God. I think that is always wrong.” It seems to me that in certain sufferings, a person can feel angry at God, so wouldn’t it be honest to tell God that you feel angry with Him? He already knows what we’re thinking and feeling. Tim Keller’s sermon on Psalm 88 was about how at the end of the psalm, the psalmist says that “the darkness is my closest friend.” It doesn’t end on a happy note. To tell someone that their angry feelings are wrong would maybe just make them afraid to admit it to God and to others, and then they don’t know how to resolve it.
5. Read the section “Start Complaining” and articulate the psalmist’s complaint about God.
The complaint is that God is allowing evil and injustice to happen, doing nothing about it, as if He is far away and uninvolved.
6. Read the opening three paragraphs under “Bring Your Questions.”
A. What is the first question the psalmist addresses to God?
“Why, O Lord, do You stand far away?” The question is God, I am in trouble, I am hurting, and where are You? You aren’t helping me.
B. After reading the paragraph, what is the seeming disparity between the name LORD or Yahweh or the GREAT I AM and the problem the psalmist sees?
This was the name of God given to Moses and the name the Israelites knew God by as He delivered them from the Egyptians and the waters of the Red Sea. Yet in this time of trouble that the psalmist is writing about, God is nowhere to be found. What happened to God? Why isn’t He delivering them this time?
Susan – I share your sentiment about being angry at God. It’s part of our humanness. I believe we can be angry at God, knowing we don’t want to be, but we are…so here it is God, now what do I do with it?
7. Read the paragraph that begins “The second question is even more appointed” through the paragraph that ends with “That’s the tension of the complaint.” What is that tension?
It’s the tension of the longer we live, the more pain we see, and the knowing that God could intervene, but there are many, many times when He chooses NOT to.
8. Read on through all the examples of questions he gives, and stop at “a few years ago”. What commonalities do you see in the first series of questions? In the second series?
The common theme in the first series of questions is WHY. The second series of questions ask HOW….how long, Lord? How can I do this in the place where I am now?
Why is complaint a central element to lament? Complaint is an essential part of lament because by sharing with the Lord our pain and loss we are welcoming him into intimacy, we are opening the door for greater intimacy. When we are not honest about our emotions to our creator its like we put up a barrier. We close out the only one who can truly be with us in our sorrow, the only one who can bring deep healing.
Why are some Christians reluctant to share their complaints with God in prayer? I have met many ladies, who think it is sacrilegious to complain, to be angry or upset. Sometimes its wrong theology, they take verses like to rejoice always and apply them in such a way that they think we cannot question God. Some women are uncomfortable with their expressing their anger or ‘darker’ emotions with other people, let alone with God. They think they are bad Christians if they have doubts or questions or strong emotions. Lastly so many just never knew they could, no one ever taught them that to love often means loss, to serve so often means to be vulnerable and that to live in honest relationship with the Lord means to lament.
Tammy Jo – I LOVE this…Complaint is an essential part of lament because by sharing with the Lord our pain and loss we are welcoming him into intimacy, we are opening the door for greater intimacy.
So funny to me that I never have had trouble crying out to God, and was never taught that it was wrong or “bad.” When my mom died, we went through her things and found lots of bits of papers and index cards with laments, verses, prayers, etc. on them. I have kept a few and put them in places around my home. Here is one:
“Sometimes Lord, I want to toss in the towel. Grant me courage and persistence.”
11. What are some reasons Christians are reluctant to voice their complaints to God in prayer?
Tammy said it so well! Some think it wrong. Maybe they are afraid to open a box that’s been shut too long. That there might be something really festering in there. Maybe not trusting that God will still love them. They could be operating in a works based faith, and part of that work is to always be positive.
How is complaining the right way spiritually helpful?It brings us face or face with God. It opens us up to ourselves, to what we are really thinking and believing about God. It gives us the opportunity, in that raw place, to have God bring healing. Not only to our complaint, but to our wrong thoughts and beliefs about Him. In any relationship, if you don’t communicate, the relationship will die. How much more so will our relationship with God suffer. I’m not saying He would forsake us, but that we would no longer have love for Him.
Mary – I’m going back to Tammy’s post about intimacy. To have intimacy, one must become vulnerable, and vulnerability is UNCOMFORTABLE. It takes courage to be vulnerable and be willing to go there. (This is just me thinking out loud.)
Thursday: How To Complain in The Right Way
9. What are the four aspects of complaining in the right way. – You have to go to the Lord with a humble heart. As you lament, you need to pray the Bible, find a verse or verses that you can turn to which help you capture what your struggle is about. You have to be honest with the Lord when you go to him. You can’t leave things out, you have to let him know how much you are hurting. You don’t just want to complain, we need to complain but be able to move from the complaint so the lamenting you do gets you to the other end.
10. Your turn — take a complaint either about your own life or another’s and lament, remembering the above and going through the four steps of Turn, Complain, Ask, Trust. – Lord I need you in my life, I turn to you for help and guidance. I can’t seem to get past my grumbling on things my mom says and does. Help me Lord to see the good in what she is doing and not fall to the enemies lies that she is demanding and critical toward me. I know you can change hearts Lord, you have changed mine in the past, help me clean out the portion that still has thoughts of the world. Help me to see the good just like you see the good in me. I know only you can make this relationship peaceful. I trust you Lord to work in our hearts. In Jesus Name I pray. Amen.
Friday: Choose Two Reflection Questions
11. Answer two of them — your choice. – 1. Before reading this chapter, what was your perspective on complaining to God? – I’ve always gone to God with a complaint, so I never thought it was wrong to do, but now, I’m finding out I should have went further with it. I needed to have the other steps along with the complaint. I needed to turn to him, complain to him, ask him to help and trust that he will. 2. Why is complain a central element of lament? – I think complaint is a central element not just because it helps us get our pain and frustration out, but also because it is not the first or last part of lamenting. We start with turning to the Lord, then we complain and then we move along. We don’t stop at complaint we have two more steps we need to go through so by the time we get to trusting the Lord, our complaint I hope has softened in our hearts and we hopefully can feel the presence of the Lord in our hearts that will only bring us peace.
I am like you Julie, good at complaining to God but I never went far enough. I do think I would resign myself after complaining to not being able to do anything except wait for Him to “fix” things.
10. Your turn — take a complaint either about your own life or another’s and lament, remembering the above and going through the four steps of Turn, Complain, Ask, Trust.
Father, I feel like I am coming- but dragging a part of me to you.
I think I am afraid, I think I may be mad? I know I don’t want to talk to you about certain things- certain memories.
I feel uneasy, sort of like when Bill and I have had a fight and have not resolved anything, I feel unsettled. My head hurts. I desire escape. I am tired.
I am scared but I am asking you to help me-help me trust you-lead me.
I want very much to believe that you are who you say you are and that you see me and you are for me.
Good, Chris. Praying alongside you.
Oh Great God of gentleness, kindness, and love cover Christina with your presence, your wholeness and your light. May you lead and guide her in the plans and purposes you have her, that she would nether rush ahead of you nor lag behind you in her journey. Oh Father God please meet her in that secret place, that deep place, where those painful memories are stored. Oh Lord will you bring healing to those places. I know that there are no human words or thoughts that can bring peace to those places but God I know you are able. Please oh God be her strength and her protector. Bind the enemy from bringing darkness or confusion to her life in the name of Jesus. Oh merciful God cover our sister in Christ. Hem her in from both before and behind. We pray these things in the name of Jesus.
Thursday –
I think the numbering is off so I’m going to days off the week.
What are the four aspects of complaining in the right way.
Aren’t they turn, complain, ask, trust?
10. Your turn — take a complaint either about your own life or another’s and lament, remembering the above and going through the four steps of Turn, Complain, Ask, Trust.
Lord, You alone can help us. I need to remember that You are the solution for all problems we face in our lives. You are our salvation. I am struggling with the conduct of people (individuals and groups) in our country, who are bashing verbally, vandalizing, and purposely hating on others, suggesting that we don’t care about them. It is wrong to lump people into categories! It is wrong to try to erase our history because we learn from it and try to do better. Love is the answer, and all I see is hate. Why are they doing this to us? When will they see the light? Violence is rising and police are being harassed and not able to do their jobs (which we need!). The devil is surely happy about this horrible time for us. It is actually another Civil War. We know the first to be the bloodiest. We don’t need this again. We need to remember and learn from prior times. Please Lord, please, stop this madness! Bring people to their senses. Help them see we are ALL America. Like after 9/11 when we were one. Please help us remember that time and come together for each other. I am sad. Thank You Lord for the memories of the historical bible figures who actually got to see Your help in person. Thank You for helping them remember those times. I know your hand is in this, with us. I know You want us to love and not hate. Help us to do that as a country again, soon Lord. I have faith that You are with us, because I see beauty in the midst of our pain. You are blessing us even when we don’t think anything is happening. In Your Holy Name, Amen.
I guess I misread the question for the first one. Redo below:
We must have a humble heart. We may ask pain filled questions without pride.
We must pray the Bible. Find a verse that hits your heart.
We must be honest. Talk to Him as He is your loving father. We have the Holy Spirit to help us through.
We must not get stuck in complaint. It helps to move us along. It is central to lament but we don’t complain to just complain.
Oh, Laura — this has been my lament over the past few weeks. God help us!
What stood out to you from the above and why? Thoughts on the questions from Highlights?
I believe lament is appropriate for any disappointment or circumstance that brings sadness because of the ultimate outcome of pointing one to God. My mother’s best friend said once, “A mole hill is a mountain when it’s yours.”
Your mother’s story made me sad. I have known women who were lifelong believers who endured dementia and experienced spiritual suffering at their end of life. I believe it is Satan’s final blow over those Christ has redeemed. I’m thankful you were with her.
Denise, I love your mom’s quote! So true!
2. Read through Psalm 10 and share your initial thoughts on the main subject and anything that becomes “radioactive to you.”
Oh my goodness! This Psalm/lament could have been written by me about what is going on in our country this year…how the poor are being exploited to support a dangerous agenda, how there is so much disdain for the things of God and even disallowing people to sing in church because of the COVID-19 while protests are being supported, how it mentions the fatherless that have been victimized by the lack of men (and at times women) not upholding their responsibilities to their children creating an angry generation, and “in hiding places he murders the innocent.” Very poignant. But I have hope because God is NOT absent, despite what it appears, “O, Lord, you hear the desire of the afflicted…” He is present…more present than we could ever be and is speaking, even if some times His speaking is in the form of silence.
I pray with you. I have hope with you. It makes me wonder though, if we are reaping what we have sewn? I was reading in Proverbs this morning:
“They rejected my advice and paid no attention when I corrected them. Therefore, they must eat the bitter fruit of living their own way, choking on their own schemes.”
Proverbs 1:30-31 NLT
https://www.bible.com/116/pro.1.30-31.nlt
UGH….
3. Read the opening of Chapter 2 of Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy and comment.
I would have felt the same way! There is a dear soul who was Chaplain at Point Loma Nazarene University who had such a unique way of presenting the heart of God. This intro jogged my memory of a story he once shared. He spoke of a woman who had a wonderful successful career who felt led by the Lord to resign for full time ministry. She did. And no ministry opportunities came. Her income became minuscule. It felt like a cruel joke. He said to her, “Have ever felt like telling God to go to hell?” She responded, “Oh yes!” He said, “Do you know he can take it?” Just as He knew Sarah’s heart and where she was coming from in her blunt heart’s cry, he gets ours! He gets it, he can take it, and when we are honest with Him, he can do something with it. Even if we don’t admit it, He knows it is there, and I believe He wants us to trust Him with it.
4. Read the section “Godly Complaint” and explain (perhaps using the quote by Billings or Gleddiesmith) how to complain in a godly way.
I don’t necessarily believe it is the actual words you use in a complaint that determines whether it is godly or not…I believe it is in the attitude of the heart. The woman I mentioned in my previous answer still had a godly complaint as she was desperately, desperately needed affirmation that God was FOR her. I am so glad that God knows our hearts and understands where we are, even when we may be unsure. I don’t think we rattle him as he is omniscient and is able to sympathize with our weaknesses. In our lament, what is our goal? Is it for the balm of Gilead that bind up our wounds or is it to denounce God’s goodness and think we know best?
5. Read the section “Start Complaining” and articulate the psalmist’s complaint about God.
Like me, I believe that the psalmist’s complaint is about the injustice he sees around him and questioning why God is allowing it to take place.
6. Read the opening three paragraphs under “Bring Your Questions.”. A. What is the first question the psalmist addresses to God? B. After reading the paragraph, what is the seeming disparity between the name LORD or Yahweh or the Great I AM and the problem the psalmist sees?
Why do you seem so far away? Yaweh is all powerful and can step in at anytime, but he just lets this injustice go on and on and on as if He is indifferent or preoccupied with something else.
7. Read the paragraph that beings “The second question is even more appointed” through the paragraph that ends with “That’s the tension of the complaint.” What is that tension? That God could, but he doesn’t.
8. Read on through all the examples of questions he gives, and stop at “a few years ago.” What commonalities do you see in the first series of questions? In the second series? That God is being questioned, doubted, interrogated…
9. What disparity do you see in your life or in another’s that seems to hold the same conflict? I felt prompted to send a card to a dear one who oversees my son’s group home. She’s in her 50s and just lost her sister to COVID-19. It wasn’t a sympathy card (I did not have one) but one that was more of encouragement that God had not left her, was championing her, etc. She emailed me and told me how she had broke down reading the card and how she hated to say that she was questioning her faith. Her sister, who had endured multiple issues in the past including mental illness, was finally at a place where she was embracing life and had grandchildren, yet in six days of acquiring the virus, she was gone. I haven’t written back as it was just two days ago, but I will this weekend. She clearly is lamenting and that card seemed to be a sign from God that He does care and is present with her through this. Who knew? I just knew when I spoke with her that I could hear the pain of her grief and felt led to send it. I am so thankful for this study and gaining a perspective that will bring her encouragement. Pray for me as I respond to her email.
You are a kind friend Denise. I am sorry your friend lost her sister to the “sickness” (as we call it here for the babies to understand). You were a blessing to your friend.
7. Read the section that begins “A few years ago I taught…” and goes through his ministry to a church member struggling with same-sex attraction. What happened and how did he minister to him differently than counselors in the past? Why did it help? He encouraged him to cry out the lament of a hurting heart to God in confidence that God can take it. I think of the verse in I John 1: 5-9: This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. 6 If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all[b] sin. I believe that when we do not cry out, we keep things in the darkness from God. But if we open it up to the Light, in other words open up our hearts to express our despair, disappointment, anger, disillusionment, or whatever it is…the Light (God) is able to heal it. This man who came for counsel was not guilted out or judged but was validated in his feelings and encouraged to express them to God.
8. Is there a way you could apply this to a friend struggling with same-sex attraction? If so, prepare what you might say here in a few sentences. Unfortunately, I do not have any friends struggling with same-sex attraction…they are very comfortable with it. One is even a Believer in a marriage with another Believer, whose parents were good friends with my parents. I love her dearly and they both are dear hearts, but I am at a loss when it comes to how to confront. Actually I have never been led to confront. I just love and pray. They are very dear to me.
9. What are the four aspects of complaining in the right way. To come humbly, pray the Bible, be honest, and don’t just complain.
10. Your turn — take a complaint either about your own life or another’s and lament, remembering the above and going through the four steps of Turn, Complain, Ask, Trust.
I know, Lord, that You are for us and not against us, but I see no relief for my husband with his chronic pain. Do You care? I see him struggle daily and see how much energy he expends to push through it, but how long must he suffer? He is a kind, good-hearted man who wants to do so much for others and yet you seem indifferent to it. I have seen how this has emasculated him in his eyes, no longer able to work a full-time job and having to retire early while I continue to be the main breadwinner. It is SO hard to watch! I know how you used this to bring us together, and I am grateful. I know that Paul had a thorn in his side that you would not remove. I know you hear the desire of the afflicted; you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear. I trust your wisdom and judgment, but plead that you would have mercy on my husband. And even if you choose not to move in the way I pray you would, confident you use all things together for our good, I will stand upon Your word because You are able.
Oh Denise, I am sorry this has been so hard for the both of you. Chronic pain can be like grieving losses everyday and sometimes multiple times a day. So much to grieve for you both. Lifting prayer up for you both now.
I will pray for your husband.
11. Answer two of them — your choice.
What are some reasons are reluctant to voice their complaints to God in prayer? First of all, I think some people are non-confrontational by nature. I also believe that they do not have a correct concept of the kind of relationship they can have with God…that His love is not performance-based and that He wants to know how He feels. He already knows, but wants us to trust Him with it by expressing it to Him. Lastly, they don’t understand the grace of lament.
How is complaining the right way spiritual? Honestly, I think when we complain the right way, underneath it all we are acknowledging that we are not God and that because we are not, we cannot make sense of things. It is a way to reconcile what we don’t understand or comprehend or realize…placing it in His lap, mess and all!
Such a good perspective, that when we lament we acknowledge that we aren’t God and Are not able to understand!
Saturday: Take-A-Way
12. Has your prayer life grown in the lament and what benefits are you seeing?
Yes, I am more expressive of my “complaints” without feeling like I am less of a Christian. There is the freedom to come without the pretense that I have it all together. My prayers are not just at a specific time of the day but through-out the day.
Trying to get into the daily habit of: a. Making my soul happy in the Lord at the start of the day b. Lament and praying the rest of the day c. Thanksgiving at the end of the day.
12. Has your prayer life grown in the lament and what benefits are you seeing?I have to be honest here and say that my understanding of Lament, biblical lament has grown. At the same time I have wrestled with the laments I wrote.They did not bring the expected relief. I think that is for 2 reasons. 1. I write them to be pithy, if I am being honest the complaint part should be a lot longer, not just one or two sentences. 2. Although writing helps me to process it can be inadequate for expressing pain and sorrow. I think there is a reason that a lot of laments are Psalms, they were sung right? There is a more profound, layered, nuanced expression in singing or verbalizing my prayers of sorrow and loss. Maybe this is me, my wiring. I speak and sing the majority of my private prayers. Some how my cry’s to the Lord when verbally expressed carry more of the emotion pent up in my soul then my writing can. Just some thoughts.