This statue is outside a church and refers to The Book of Common Prayer:
The mission of the Church is to restore all people to unity with God and each other in Christ.
In visiting a church near me a few weeks ago, the pastor, Ed House, explained how he and his wife had learned to find reconciliation when they disagreed. He pictured them on either side of a wall.
Instead of each building their case against the other in their minds, each would come over to the other’s side, and with the Holy Spirit’s help, try to empathize with the other’s position. Of course this works best with two believers, but still, we who are believers can do it and explain to our spouse what we are endeavoring to do.
Colin Smith shows the connection between the Beatitudes, comparing them to trapeze rings: each ring gives you the momentum to reach the next. And therefore, being pure in heart is essential to reaching the peacemaker ring. You must not exaggerate the other’s wrong, mull over past wrongs, or vilify them, but truly try to understand their heart.
We also must examine our own hearts. I could not be at peace with my administrative assistants until God showed me the log of manipulation in my eye. When that was out, I could see clearly and humble myself before them, asking for forgiveness. I also love the above idea — what if I had come around to their side of the wall and asked the Holy Spirit to show me their perspective? Perhaps I would have found peace sooner.
I have also learned that even if I believe another is 80% of the problem, I must truly confess my part and leave the other’s part to God. This almost always surprises them but then also leads to peace. If they don’t reciprocate and admit their sin too, it’s harder, but still, it leads to peace, God is pleased, and we take on more of His likeness.
I’ve seen this happen with my children too. When our daughter Sally was in 7th grade, an 8th grade girl on her tennis team was bullying her. I prayed with her, asking God to show us what to do. The verse “Overcome evil with good” came to my mind, so we asked God how Sally could do that. Sally was nervous for “Glenna” was so mean, she didn’t think she would respond. I told Sally it would probably take several tries to melt Glenna’s heart, but she could start by just saying “Hi” when she saw her. Sally did that with, at first, no response from Glenna. However, she didn’t bully Sally at the next tennis practice.
We kept praying and then learned, since Glenna’s family went to our church, that Glenna’s birthday was the next week. I got Sally a simple birthday card that only had flowers on the front and “Happy Birthday” inside. Sally signed it. She shared a studyhall with Glenna so walked by on her birthday and put it on her desk. She watched Glenna open it suspiciously, and then tuck it in her book. The next day when Sally said, “Hi,” Glenna said “Hi” softly back. There was no more bullying. Years later, when Sally was a Junior in High School and Glenna a Senior, Glenna campaigned for Sally for Homecoming Queen.
Sunday:
- What stands out to you from the above, and why?
- Share a time when God helped you find peace with another or help two at odds to be at peace, whether in marriage, in the church, or in another situation.
Monday: Blessed are The Peacemakers!
3. Read Matthew 5:9
A. What does it say?
B. Why do you think peacemakers will be called “sons of God?”
It is vital to realize the spiritual warfare going on when there is discord and confusion, for Satan is a liar and loves to separate the sheep. Thomas Watson said: “Satan kindles the fire of contention in men’s hearts and then stands and warms himself at the fire.” Remember how Paul urged the church at Philippi to help Euodia and Syntche be at peace with one another.
4. Why do you think Satan loves discord:
A. In the body of Christ
B. In marriage
5. If you are at discord with anyone, go around to their side of the wall and ask the Holy Spirit to give you empathy and understanding for their perspective. What do you see?
Tuesday: Purity of Heart Before Peacemaking
6. Read Matthew 6:22-23
A. Why do you think Jesus says the eye is the lamp of the whole body?
B. Share a time when removing the log in your own eye helped you to see more clearly.
7. Colin Smith says you really have to stretch to get to this last rung. If you can’t, what should you do and why?
8. If God has given you wisdom and empathy for someone from who you are not at peace,
what action might you take? Report back!
Wednesday: Sons of God
9. Jesus was the ultimate peacemaker and we are called to walk as He walked. Meditate on the following verses and share your thoughts and any application.
A. Give up your rights! Philippians 2:3-8
B. Move toward a barking dog and love before you are loved: Romans 5:8
10. What did Paul ask the Philippian church to do in Philippians 4:2-3. If you were in that
church, how might you go about this?
11. Read Romans 12:18
A. What is the command?
B. In obeying the above, what steps should you take?
C. How do you know when you have done all you can so you can lay it down?
12. How have you seen God at work in your heart or life recently?
Thursday-Friday: Momentum Lecture
13. Listen to the following and share your notes and comments.
Saturday:
13. What is your take-a-way and why?
127 comments
1. What stands out to you from the above and why?
The picture of the couple, each on their own side of the wall, is a good illustration. You can see how each one is sitting there and brooding in his or her mind about the offense, going over it, maybe recalling past offenses (keeping a long list), and vilify-ing the other. I think it is good to picture one of them walking over to the other side and yet, the other person must LET them. It is possible to build such a wall against another and shut them out to the extent that they cannot get in. In other words, what awaits you on the other side of that wall? Willingness to engage, or hostility? But that is where purity of heart would come in as the prerequisite for the step of being a peacemaker. If I am unwilling to listen or hostile, then I am not being singleminded to gaze on the glory of God but rather my “rights” have become more important, or an idol has been threatened and I’m defending it. That was a great example of how Sally turned a bully into a friend!
2. Share a time when God helped you find peace with another or help two at odds be at peace.
Well, I feel as if I am in the process of that right now in my marriage. As newly empty-nesters (as in four days), my husband has suddenly become attentive and trying to be kinder. In all honesty, I find this confusing, wondering why he didn’t behave like this for the last, say, 10 years or so? I’ve lived behind that wall for so long, and now I wonder what he’s doing over here on my side. It’s hard because when I try to discuss some of the hurtful issues of the past, he doesn’t want to talk about it. Then I wonder if I just imagined it all, but then I start thinking about “the list”….but I’m not supposed to do that, yet it bothers me that there are unresolved things. If I try to talk about them, he says that I am picking on him and to stop. How does someone just flip a switch like this seemingly overnight? Why did we have to model such a bad marriage in front of my daughter all of these years? And yes, I understand that it is not all of his fault and that I am also accountable and share the blame of our problems. I feel like I don’t know how to act, respond, or behave towards him right now.
Oh Susan — how interesting. He must feel the same need you do as an empty nester, and perhaps God is using this to soften his heart. I would receive it and run with it. Yes, it hurts so not to have wrongs acknowledged, but that may come in time if his heart is indeed finally opening a crack due to his need.
Oh Lord, I do pray for this marriage, for Susan to receive this kindness and press on, forgetting what is behind. Only You can help her do something so hard, so against our nature. How we pray for her husband’s heart to soften to the point he will receive You!
Oh Dee..Such wonderful advice.
Susan, I can relate it is so hard to receive after unresolved hurts in the past. God may be softening his heart! Lord I too pray for Susan, empower her to accept his kindness and forget about the past..Help her to continue to open up to you as her perfect husband yet at the same time help her see her husband as broken and in need of you. Give Susan your wisdom in waiting for your timing for wounds of the past to heal. Lord I ask that her kindness would lead him to you. Thank you for softening his heart and I agree with Dee that he would receive you.
I’m joining in Dee’s pray Susan, asking for a shift, a new softness for you and your husband. I hope too that he will, in time, be able to meet the need you feel to talk about your hurts.
The empty nest thing really is hard!
Susan, praying, too. May the Lord bring you the clarity to your husband’s actions as of late. As you have said, “one of them walking over to the other side and yet, the other person must LET them. It is possible to build such a wall against another and shut them out to the extent that they cannot get in.” Maybe this is a time of “letting” for both of you. I see a softening of heart in your husband as well as in you in the sense that you are willing to look at your confusing situation “in the face”.
Susan — so glad for prayer support for you here from Rebecca and Bing — and I know – -more. This may be the start of something big!
Susan, my heart goes out to you! Praying that God would intervene. Lord Jesus, would you come even this moment and wrap your arms around Susan? Help her to so feel Your love and acceptance that she can forgive and trust You for her husband’s actions and lack of empathy for her in the past. Help her to do as Proverbs 14:1 says, and to build her house. May she know that with her own foundation on You, she doesn’t have to rely on her husband to mend her heart. Please be her joy and peace and healing.
Interesting Susan. I just prayed for all my friends’ marriages yesterday naming them individually. I bet Dee is right, he is not distracted with other things and now focused on the quiet in the house. For some reason, I don’t have that “empty-nester” feeling, as most people do. I’m relieved to be honest; they’re gone so I can’t do anymore damage than I already have! I also have the toddlers now though to distract me from thinking too much on the scenario. I will continue to pray for you and your marriage.
Thank you Laura…though I must say to you, please don’t beat yourself up for your children’s problems! None of us are the perfect parent and we have all made mistakes with our children, and also, have done many things right. Yet, they have their own free will to make their own choices. But I understand – I’ve done the same thing to myself in thinking I caused this or that negative thing in one of my children.
I was already praying for you as I know that you are having a difficult time right now. I will continue.
Thank you, Dawn!
Sunday:
1. What stands out to you from the above, and why?
A picture is worth a thousand words. The couple with a wall between them, the man and woman embracing one another-the former is heartbreaking, and the latter, heartwarming. The former denotes pride and the latter, humility.
There are always two sides to an issue. Can I take the trapeze ring to gain momentum to go to the other side and truly try to understand the other person’s point of view? I remember once, Dee, that you gave us a link to a speech made by a professor lady about “intellectual hospitality”. I need to find that and listen to it again.
I do love the example of Sally as she dealt with her Glenna. And oh, can I so relate!
2. Share a time when God helped you find peace with another or help two at odds to be at peace, whether in marriage, in the church, or in another situation.
Awhile back, an older nurse “bullied” me at work. There were days when I dreaded going to work because I did not want to see her. I often avoided her not wanting to hear her snide remarks or her sarcasm. God convicted me of my lack of love and so tried to be nice to her. Slowly, the wall cracked a little bit. She changed jobs and I lost track of her and one day while doing a workshop in another nursing home, I saw her. There was hesitation in my steps as memories of her bullying came flooding back but she was ahead of me. She rushed to me and gave me a hug and said she missed seeing me! In the course of our visit, I found out she was dying of cancer. My heart melted. I asked her if I could pray for her and she nodded yes. It was a holy experience praying for a “once an enemy” person. We parted and within a month, I heard she passed away. I thanked God for that moment of reconciliation.
This example is so touching. I am always delighted to see how God is at work and helps to heal past hurts. she was blessed by your prayer and you were a reconciler!
Bing, because Dee explained that a God Hunt can be “unusual timing or circumstances”, believe the timing of your seeing this lady at the nursing home was a God Hunt! How amazing that you were able to talk to her and learn that she was dying, and to pray for her! And, that you pursued her, instead of seeing her, remembering her being a bully, and then trying not to let her know that you were there.
Wow! God hunt indeed!
What an awesome God hunt. Had you heard of her passing without having met her again, you would have been left with a bit of bitterness instead of sweetness.
1. What stands out to you from the above, and why.
When Dee said that we confess our part and leave the other part (person) to God. Often when we do confess our part we still have the other half left undone which may be harder-leaving that other person to God. I struggled to do that with a loved one recently..it is only by His power that I was able to, but this is where freedom is truly found. It took some time but when I did trust God with that person and take my hands off. He began a work in that person’s heart. Not sure where this person is right now but God knows. This also frees us up to love this person and not hold their sin against them.
2. Share a time when God helped you find peace with another or help two at odds to be at peace, whether in marriage, in the church, or in another situation.
So as a result of my experience above I was able to help my sister in law who is also my sister in Christ. Her family member, who is a christian, disowned her family for past and current hurts-basically has always felt left out even though the family didn’t. (They are my relatives). He just felt that way. Everyone asked for forgiveness for they had no idea he was hurt (and they are unbelievers). Instead of forgiving them he remained angry and wrote them nasty letters. I joined in with my sister being angry at him. Then I felt convicted and in the middle of my sister and I ranting via text about the latest mean thing he said, I stopped and texted, “Give him to God. God can handle him.” “You can’t bear this anymore and please forgive me for joining in and putting logs on the fire. You have confronted him in love and he refused to listen. You have done everything right. Satan wants to make this more ugly. You can’t do anymore and I am concerned your anger will turn to bitterness. You won’t be able to be there for your family,(they were going through a very difficult season.), because of your anger.” Relieved, she said, “you are right. Yes, God can handle this, not me. I need to let this go.” She did, and when we saw him she embraced him as did I. He still hasn’t reconciled with his mom or my sister but he is in God’s hands, not ours. This gave us such freedom to love and let the anger go.
I loved how you asked forgiveness, Rebecca, for “putting logs on the fire.” I think sometimes our natural gift of feminine empathy does this — was listening to Keller on being a Barnabas and he said it is both encouragement and hard truth, and often we shy away from the last. So proud of you.
Rebecca, thanks for sharing this. I have been in a similar situation, just with different “players”, involving my two sisters. Your example of “ranting about the latest mean thing he said….” – I have done that over the phone with my one sister about the other. I could learn very much from your example of stopping that behavior.
Love how you made a 180 degree turn around here Rebecca. So hard, but you were right. I pray things will change for all.
Last week I was writing a letter to a group and chose the topic of peace!
It was a great lesson to myself as I stated, after quoting Colossians 3:15 “And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body and be thankful!” We must claim peace, for it is a command and we must step out in faith and God will help us to experience it.
I liked the picture of the couple sitting on either side of a wall and yet will empathize with each other’s position.
I want to keep this in mind when my husband and I disagree. I often have a hard time understanding his position, but this will encourage
me to try. The story of your daughter’s effort to be kind and encourage peace is very effective as well.
Thanks so much, Shirley!
1. What stood out? How it can be just a little thing that starts a positive change. For Sally it was saying hi, followed by a simple card. You are so right, we don’t know other people’s stories. Yesterday we spent the day at the Minnesota state fair. During a time of sitting, a man in a wheelchair came by, very loud and angry and yelling profanities to the person with him. When he was gone, the woman next to me said, “some people!”. It popped out of my mouth without thinking, “we don’t know his story.” The woman immediately softened and said “you’re right.” I don’t know what happened with her then, but I know for me it was a God hunt moment. To be able to feel compassion instead of distain.
2. This one hurts right now, because I want so much to have a clean slate with my daughter in love. I’ve tried to come around to her side, but thus far she has shut me out. I’m struggling to not be angry or bitter or build my own walls. We need to go see her, (4.5 hours away), but I haven’t been able to get my husband to say when we could go, and then we have to get permission from her to come. It raises a lot of my insecurities, which is doing one good thing, and that is to keep me running to the Lord.
Love your heart Mary. Don’t give up. I have a daughter in law who is somewhat at odds with the family. The Holy Spirit is giving me compassion for her and ideas to draw the family together. Praise Him. My kids have acted immaturely towards her and I’m hoping to bridge the relationship. Praying for you, too.
I agree with Chris, Mary. So good to keep endeavoring to be at peace. Prayers for both of you. We are role models to our children in peacemaking too.
Mary, I know so many women who have troubles in their relationships with their daughter-in-laws. It would be so easy to give up, and I admire you for being determined to keep trying. I will say a prayer now for you!
Thanks so much for your prayers and encouragement! After doing a couple more days of study here, I am encouraged that she and I do want the same long term result, which is peace and love between us. So I keep praying and looking for God’s timing.
That’s huge that you want the same thing, Mary!
1. What stands out? This connection of gaining momentum between being pure in heart before becoming a peace maker. I need to examine my own heart and have empathy for another before I can be a peacemaker.
2. When have I experienced this? Many times over the last months of summer, the Lord has helped me see my wrong attitude of self-righteousness and created a desire in me to love others above myself. He has helped me give up my ‘rights’ and ‘sense of justice ‘ for myself so that I can forgive and love. He has helped me see that often my hurt is more about my perspective than about the other person’s intent. Also, that another’s action is often more about their own struggles than about me. This gives me more ability for empathy and forgiveness.
Hi Chris…your statement “He has helped me see that often my hurt is more about my perspective than about the other person’s intent. Also, that another’s action is often more about their own struggles than about me.” Is so helpful to me. I have started attending Alanon meetings in the last few months and there is much emphasis on how much of our hurt is simply caused by our own perspective of another’s actions and not by the actions themselves. That has been hard to wrap my mind around at times but the way you phrased it makes it easier to see…it is my perspective and NOT their intent that causes me pain…and their actions are often about their own struggles and NOT about me!
Dee, Rebecca, Bing, and Mary – thank you all for your support, prayers, and encouragement. I kind of feel like a deer in the headlights – unable to see what’s coming at me. I wonder why I often long for God to do something big, and then when He might be, I feel afraid?
“I wonder why I often long for God to do something big, and then when He might be, I feel afraid?”
I can completely identify with this statement Susan. I will continue to pray as God lays you on my heart.
I have to remind myself over and over to be small and trust my Father.
How simply beautiful, Chris! “Remind myself over and over to be small and to trust my Father.” I so need this. Thank you.
Thank you for prayers and encouragement, Chris. I remember you saying this many times here, about being small and trusting your Father.
Wonderful wisdom from Chris. We are all praying for you Susan! I’m excited to see what God will do!
In troubled relationships, we know how to act and we also know deep inside that a change might not feel better to us. I think also that for myself, in dysfunctional relationships I know how to act, but if the ground rules change then how am I supposed to behave? Take courage, Susan. God wants good for you and for your husband!
3. Read Matthew 5:9 “You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family.-—from the Message
A. What does it say? This is an interesting view: when I can show people how to cooperate, that’s when I will discover my place in God’s family.
B. Why do you think peacemakers will be called “sons of God?” Didn’t Christ come that we may have peace? Hebrews 12: 14Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. ——when we are living to please God we can accomplish this in His timing.
But these verses from Matthew 10, come to mind as well:
34“Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. 35For I have come to turn
“ ‘a man against his father,
a daughter against her mother,
a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law—
There is a spiritual warfare we need to keep in mind. We need to claim as many souls for Christ as we can, keep our focus on Him and not on our own personal needs which may not have eternal significance.
Love that paraphrase from MSG!
3. Read Matthew 5:9
A. What does it say?
It says that happy (blessed) are the peacemakers because they will be called sons of God.
B. Why do you think peacemakers will be called “sons of God”?
My thoughts are that children often have some of the same character traits (in humans, can be good or bad) as their mother and father. So a child of God should have some of God’s character traits, too. God is definitely a peacemaker in that He extended Himself to us, wanting to restore our broken relationship with Him.
4. Why do you think Satan loves discord:
A. In the body of Christ
Satan likes to twist and mar anything that belongs to God and is special to Him. The church (body of believers) is like an extension of His body, and Jesus really prayed hard that there would be unity among believers, saying that just as He and His Father are one, He wanted them to be one. By striking at the church, Satan feels that He can strike at God. It also makes us, and the gospel, laughable to those who are not believers.
B. In marriage
The family is also a unit that should represent unity, and marriage is a picture of our relationship with God. God often called the Israelites adulteresses because of how they behaved in their relationship with Him. If Satan can cause such discord in a marriage and it leads to divorce, then he can wreck and ruin lives, including those of the children. (I understand that there are legitimate reasons for divorce, such as physical abuse and infidelity) Children and the wronged spouse are often left with deep emotional scars. The picture of Satan kindling the fires of discord and then warming himself at the fire; it makes me shudder that in my home, he’s set up a tent and been toasting marshmallows too. It’s time for him to move his campsite elsewhere.
I like your picture of ‘time for him to move his campsite elsewhere.’
Praying for you 🙂
There is such freedom in feeling the scales come off and the power of the Light shine on the darkness of our lives. Excited for the work He is doing in your life, Susan.
Thank you Chris….I will continue to remember you and your husband as you continue your counseling and pray for both of you!
What stands out to you from the above, and why?“You must not exaggerate the other’s wrong, mull over past wrongs, or vilify them, but truly try to understand their heart.”This stood out to me. It isn’t natural. What comes naturally is to build my case.
Trying to understand the other person when I am hurt or mad is a little bit of the laying down my life that Christ calls me too.
Share a time when God helped you find peace with another or help two at odds to be at peace, whether in marriage, in the church, or in another situation.
When we went to marriage counseling a long time ago after my husband had really wronged me, the counselor told me that mu husband badly needed to feel successful in my eyes. The Lord used that to soften my heart towards him.
Christina, we share the same first name 🙂
I’m hearing my husband say he has this need as well. I need to be better at verbalizing this to him. Thank you for this insight.
Chris — you are salt and light here!
I agree!
Lord soften my heart.
3. Read Matthew 5:9
What does it say?
Blessed [spiritually calm with life-joy in God’s favor] are the makers and maintainers of peace, for they will [express His character and] be called the sons of God.That we will express His character made an impression on me.
B. Why do you think peacemakers will be called “sons of God?”
It is vital to realize the spiritual warfare going on when there is discord and confusion, for Satan is a liar and loves to separate the sheep. Thomas Watson said: “Satan kindles the fire of contention in men’s hearts and then stands and warms himself at the fire.” Remember how Paul urged the church at Philippi to help Euodia and Syntche be at peace with one another.
4. Why do you think Satan loves discord:
Satan whispers things, about others and about ourselves, they seem like the truth to us, we latch onto those (usually negative) assumptions and base our actions, thoughts and emotions on them, creating mistrust and division.
In the body of Christ
I have had a front-row seat to this recently, it grieves me deeply.Jesus told us to love one another sacrificially and that would evidence that we belong to him. When we bite and devour each other the watching world has reason to doubt and mistrust and our enemy smiles.
1. What stands out to you from the above, and why?
The story of Sally hits home because I believe everyone has had even mild bullying at one point in their lives, from someone else. Mine was when I was in 5th grade. Their were three girls who chased me home from the bus stop every day; it was nearly a half mile I think. It was not close! I never told my mom and I can’t remember how long it went on. I don’t remember how it ended, but either they got bored or school was out for summer. I do remember that it was a long time that if went on (or so it seemed).
2. Share a time when God helped you find peace with another or help two at odds to be at peace, whether in marriage, in the church, or in another situation.
I learned a long time ago, as a teacher, that I should make sure to smooth situations with parents or others, where I was being blamed, attacked, or where I was truly wrong, to say I’m sorry. Who can argue with someone who says that? It diffuses the entire room when you use it!
Great wisdom for teachers.
Sad bullying story!
3. Read Matthew 5:9
A. What does it say?
Blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called children of God
B. Why do you think peacemakers will be called “sons of God?”
Because being a peacemaker is a mark of a believer.
1. What stands out to you from the above, and why.
2. Share a time when God helped you find peace with another or help two at odds to be at peace, whether in marriage, in the church, or in another situation.
I wasn’t able to get on the blog yesterday, but I needed this. My husband left early for church (sound tech duties) after a “very tense” conversation. I spent my getting ready for church time mulling the conversation over and over in my mind dwelling on the various reasons that he was clearly in the wrong, lol. I almost didn’t go to church even because I didn’t want to be fake nice. I finally told myself that I had 2 choices, continue in the way that I was going and making a mountain out of a molehill or to focus on God and getting my mind prepared for worship. I chose the latter and we ended up having a great day together. BTW it wasn’t an issue big enough to even talk about again. I know that some things need to be discussed no matter how difficult. Also it took a lot of courage for Sally to even say hi or give the card to the girl that could have lead to even more ridicule.
Yeah, Dawn. Choosing the light when it was hard! Take that, Satan!
4. Why do you think Satan loves discord:
A. In the body of Christ
He wants to destroy and divide us so that we won’t be affective as a body attracting other’s to Jesus. There is this belonging to-we are His alone-that is stamped all over us and this is shown by the sacrificial love we have for one another. Jesus said, They will know you are my disciples by the love you have for one another. Satan wants them to say, “See, I told you Jesus’ love isn’t real. They are no different than the world.”
B. In marriage
I think marriage is the same as the body of Christ yet a bit more vulnerable. The closer “world” is our children. Satan wants to take what God made beautiful (marriage is a reflection of the trinity) and tear it up-to ruin us, and ultimately hurt our children, and it could be with or without a divorce.
3. Read Matthew 5:9
A. What does it say?
“You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family. (The Message)
B. Why do you think peacemakers will be called “sons of God?”
Jesus was our peace and when we follow His example, we take what really is ours in Him. So if He is the Son and we have Him, we have become sons of God as well. We reflect Jesus’ sonship when we are peacemakers. (Behold what manner of love the Father has given unto us that we are called children of God. I John 3:1)
It is vital to realize the spiritual warfare going on when there is discord and confusion, for Satan is a liar and loves to separate the sheep. Thomas Watson said: “Satan kindles the fire of contention in men’s hearts and then stands and warms himself at the fire.” Remember how Paul urged the church at Philippi to help Euodia and Syntyche be at peace with one another.
1. Why do you think Satan loves discord:
Discord according to Merriam-Webster dictionary:
discord, strife, conflict, contention, dissension, variance mean a state or condition marked by a lack of agreement or harmony. Discord implies an intrinsic or essential lack of harmony producing quarreling, factiousness, or antagonism.
A. In the body of Christ
Discord in the body of Christ can be like cancer. It spreads to the minutest of cells and if not dealt with early on, leads to death. Often it starts in one part of the body and then spreads to other parts. When there is discord in the body of Christ, it “spreads” and affects all members in one way or another.
B. In marriage
Earthly marriage is a picture of our intimate relationship with Christ. Discord ruins the intimacy we have with Him and with our spouse. It can create insecurity among our children and can destroy a family and then snowballs into our spheres of influence. Our light/testimony is therefore squashed.
On another note and not to be confusing here, Paul and Barnabas had a sharp dispute over Mark one time but God used it to advance the gospel since they went separate ways. We also know that Paul and Mark got reconciled and worked together again after a time.
I think Satan loves to sow discord since it takes our eyes off God and on to ourselves. Pride was his downfall because of the letter “I” in the middle of the word and we would be like him if we let “I” be our god.
5. If you are at discord with anyone, go around to their side of the wall and ask the Holy Spirit to give you empathy and understanding for their perspective. What do you see?
I see the other person’s hurts or sometimes it is just a difference in personality. I am naturally introverted, people pleaser, and go-with-the-flow person. I like to keep my thoughts to myself most of the time and I used to often feel uncomfortable with people who are direct, loud and overbearing. God has grown me in this area to be more accepting and loving of people different than me.
On a side note, I love Brene Brown’s cartoon video on empathy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw
This is so helpful, thank you.
Excellent video, Bing!
3. Read Matthew 5:9
A. What does it say?
Those who are peacemakers are children of God.
B. Why do you think peacemakers will be called “sons of God?
Because God’s children are peaceful.
4. Why do you think Satan loves discord:
A. In the body of Christ
B. In marriage
In both cases Satan wins. He fuels fires and breaks bonds.
5. If you are at discord with anyone, go around to their side of the wall and ask the Holy Spirit to give you empathy and understanding for their perspective. What do you see?
I see pain. I see confusion and self-loathing. This person is far away from me (in proximity). I don’t know how to help him since I’m so far away. Maybe a letter? I sent him a link to a Tim Keller sermon last week. I will write to him now. Thanks for bringing this up, Dee.
May God give your letter favor, Laura.
3.b. Why does the verse say blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God? Perhaps because God is a peacemaker. At great cost to Himself He arranged for the purchase of peace between us and Himself. Also, I think true peace without Him is so rare as to be inconceivable. I can’t even be at peace with myself without God.
4.a. Satan loves discord in the body of Christ because it is a direct attack on what God calls His body. It immobilizes the church, keeping her from effective action. It also encourages non believers to see no point in coming to Christ.
b. Marriage was designed by God as a picture of He and the church, so attacking marriage breaks down our understanding of what is possible in Christ. It also discourages and dissuades children, setting them up for later failure both in marriage and in faith.
This week’s blog study has left me crumpled in tears. I can only ask for prayer as so much is wrong in my life. I feel I’ve been so wronged by some things that have been done to me, and have lost so very much in the past 5 years. I’m so much not like my dear Jesus in that I am full of bitterness and anger which are affecting my adopted children and my own health in horrific ways. I’m hoping someone will pray for me as I feel so very alone in this world. Thank you all so much for your convicting and encouraging comments on this blog., and this true sisterhood. My notebook is full of your quotes and Scriptures. Thank you, Dee, for facilitating this wonderful help to the body of Christ.
MIRIAM, thank you for having the courage to reach out here for prayer, to be raw and real. It hurts to read your words, that you feel so very alone in this world. I will pray for you, right now….and keep you in my prayers. Please know that you are loved here and that we are for you. Take the Lord Jesus with you INTO your bitterness and anger as He will not run away, nor cross His arms in disapproval, or leave you there alone. He longs to love you right where you are, and to give you hope and healing.
I agree with Susan, Miriam — about you being raw and real. Helps us really pray for you, dear one.
Miriam, I am sorry you are feeling this way; I wish I were closer to give you a big
hug (( )). You are in my prayers.
Miriam, may God continually impress on you the fact that He is able. He is able to help you untie every cord and break every yoke (Isaiah 58:6-11). He is able to restore what the locusts have destroyed (Joel 2:25). He is able to be King of Kings and Lord of Lords in your life. High and lifted up and adored (Rev 4:10-11, 5:13, 19:6-8). The fact that you are still alive means there is hope.
Lord Jesus, You know what is true about what Miriam has written, and what is the voice of the devil attacking her. I pray for You to shine Your light in truth on her and on her thoughts and emotions. Help her to give herself first of all to You, and then to what You call her to. Bring her to Your Word and to Your people. We ask it by Your power and grace. Amen.
Miriam, you may want to watch the movie Overcomer. It may have some things especially for you in it. Just bring lots of tissues!
I will be praying for you Miriam. Thank you for sharing with us. I’ve walked that same path of bitterness and anger. There is freedom from it, stick close to Christ.
Thank you all so very much. You are the best!
6. Read Matthew 6:22-23
A. Why do you think Jesus says the eye is the lamp of the whole body?
The first thing we see is what comes into our mind and then from there it enters our thoughts which directs our decision making, conversations and steps.
B. Share a time when removing the log in your own eye helped you see more clearly.
Well, I have to do that frequently-every day!
7. Colin Smith says you really have to stretch to get to this last rung. If you can’t, what should you do and why?
Pray that God would show me and that He would help me set myself aside and listen-that I am not the fixer of anyone for I can’t even fix myself! I need Him to. Ask Him to give me insight into their heart as they talk.
6. Read Matthew 6:22-23
A. Why do you think Jesus says the eye is the lamp of the whole body?
It seems that the eye is a place where light may enter the body.
B. Share a time when removing the log in your own eye helped you see more clearly.
I’m struggling with this one because I truly try so hard to not judge others. However, I do take issue with people not working hard; especially those who live off the government. It makes me angry. I feel like I work hard and others should as well. I have now been humbled in this area as we cannot afford the cost of preschool for the toddlers and have had to go to the state for assistance. Ugh. So embarrassed in several ways. I guess the proud gene is raring it’s ugly head?
7. Colin Smith says you really have to stretch to get to this last rung. If you can’t, what should you do and why?
It is pretty tough to get outside of yourself; we are all such self-absorbed beings. You should probably not say anything if you can’t say something nice (my mom used to tell me this). Most likely your words will not make someone feel any better, just potentially hurt them more. Sitting shiva would be a better option in this case.
8. If God has given you wisdom and empathy for someone from who you are not at peace what action might you take?
You might try to let them know you are trying to understand their feelings. I am writing to someone that I am in this situation with right now. Report back!
5. Because that person is also a believer, they are probably struggling too. Trying to be respectful and loving, wanting to keep unity and peace. This exercise helps me to have more patience with the process. It also makes me lean more into God and less into my own feelings and questions.
6.a. Jesus says the eye is the lamp of the body because it is what we ‘see’, what we sense and perceive that either encourages us toward God’s light or toward more of our own confusion and darkness.
b. Removing a log from my own eye. Dee, your saying that we could be 80% right but still need to confess, repent and change is so true. That is what happened early in our marriage. The counselor said it was my husband with the problem, but like with no fault car insurance m being part of the picture made me part of the problem. I had to learn that the way I said and did things, the way I responded to him, also played a part in our conflict. As I owned that and we both made changes God brought healing and wholeness to us.
7. If you’re having trouble getting here in your relationships, I’d really encourage an outside perspective. Someone who is spiritually mature that can help you see what you are missing. Not anyone who tells other people’s problems or that just gives you positive sympathy, but someone who can love you enough to be tough with you.
8. When have I used wisdom and empathy for someone I was not at peace with? What comes to mind is a patient no one wanted to deal with. I’ve shared it here before, so won’t repeat the details. But when God reminded me that she was a lost lamb that He died for, it totally changed the way I approached my time with her. She did not change, but now I had.
4. Why do you think Satan loves discord:
A. In the body of Christ-unity is powerful and necessary to build the kingdom
B. In marriage-families are the foundation of society and a picture of Christ and the church, the more marriages destroyed, the more points for the team.
5. If you are at discord with anyone, go around to their side of the wall and ask the Holy Spirit to give you empathy and understanding for their perspective. What do you see? I see my mom feeling very sad and feeling a victim of circumstances. She’s also angry at God for allowing it. She needs to know it’s ok and that the Lord allows hard times to soften our hearts. She needs to know that she can still turn to the Lord and receive His love and forgiveness. She needs to find joy in a relationship with Christ. She needs to restore relationships with family, but her heart isn’t ready ):
9.a. On giving up your rights. Jesus had the right to be served, to be worshipped, to be recognized. Jesus gave up all His rights for the love of me. I’m remembering an old song from a Christmas cantata that says (roughly, as best I can recall)
how should a king come? Everyone knows the answer, of course.
He should come on a horse with people saying ‘make way’
he should wear fine satin and silk.
he should come for his houses and his people and lands.
he should dine on strawberries and milk.
how did a king come? He came to a poor virgin on a starlit night
And there were no crowds to see him come.
There will be plenty of times I have the right to be heard, to be respected, to be loved. But if I am looking through His eyes and love as He loves, I will often lay down my rights. I do think there is a time and place for pointing out to someone that it is wrong for them to trample on my rights. We aren’t called to be perpetual doormats. It is so vital to be communicating with God and allow Him His timing to rule, rather than our own selfish knee-jerk reactions.
b. On loving before you are loved. The only way to have this power, the only way it is possible, is to have our security and identity firmly in God. Not expecting anything in return for our love. I know I can’t do that on my own. It is only through the enabling of God that it is possible. I am way too selfish and insecure.
9. Jesus was the ultimate peacemaker and we are called to walk as He walked. Meditate on the following verses and share your thoughts and any application.
A. Give up your rights! Philippians 2:3-8
Forget ourselves. Be obedient. Treat others better. This is hard in our self-absorbed world. I do try this but I find that when it comes to family members I’m not as good at it as I am with those I don’t know as well. Weird. I feel like the family members should be first.
B. Move toward a barking dog and love before you are loved: Romans 5:8
I don’t see the sentiment in the verse; is this the right one Dee?
10. What did Paul ask the Philippian church to do in Philippians 4:2-3. If you were in that
church, how might you go about this?
Paul asked the church members to help the two women get along. I suppose you could listen to both sides of the story and then help each person understand the others’ point of view. I tried this once though and it didn’t work. Well, I tried listening to one side and didn’t know the other person very well…I thought I knew what the churches view was on the topic and the other person represented that view. My friend didn’t like that view and I tried to explain it to her, but she was too upset to understand. She ended up leaving the church.
Yes, Romans 5:8 is right: God moved toward us while we were yet sinners, barking at Him!
9. Jesus was the ultimate peacemaker and we are called to walk as He walked. Meditate on the following verses and share your thoughts and any application.
9. A. Give up your rights! Philippians 2:3-8
What stood out was that yes, Jesus gave up his rights. He didn’t lord His equality with God over those he was around. He had every right to be glorified but gave it up-made himself nothing for His enemies-humbled himself by becoming obedient to death. He made himself flesh and came after us while we were still his enemy. This is so hard because I simply cannot love others the way Jesus sacrificially loves without Him in me-I am so thankful He is in me. Paul’s words comfort me-when he said I am the chief of all sinners and if there is any good in me it is Him. That is True! There are times I bend to His promptings inside to give up my rights for another even though my sin nature is crying out, but oh I have a long way to go for there are times I don’t yield and hold onto my justifications-ugh..but I know He will grow me more over time. He is my only hope in growing to where more and more I look like Him in loving others who may not love me first or who have hurt me.
B. Move toward a barking dog and love before you are loved: Romans 5:8
10. What did Paul ask the Philippian church to do in Philippians 4:2-3. If you were in that
church, how might you go about this? To help Euodia and Syntyche restore their relationship for they had a falling out.
I am not sure how I would go about it. First of all pray and ask God for wisdom and direction and to soften their hearts to hear Him. If God would so have me be one to help then I would ask to meet with them somehow and try to be the mediator between them-in His power of course. Pray with them and maybe hear each of them and re-iterate to one what the other is thinking-explore why they are not of one mind-maybe work through that so they can understand one another better and most important, help them see Jesus again how Jesus gave up his life for them while they were his enemy, and so must they for one another, and they can via His Spirit. To remind them how satan wants to use this to divide and destroy them, their church and make others who see them to not see their love for one another. If they can be reconciled how it would brighten His light inside even more and further God’s call on their lives to help reconcile others to Him via the Gospel.
So I had another thought on #10. Maybe since they are both believers and mature it seems for they have been ministering together for a long time. Perhaps a more direct approach would be what God wants. Like a confrontation via His Spirit. I mean, how many times does God do this for us, for me in His Word? For His word is sharper than any sword dividing bone and marrow..there are times He confronts me directly in His Word-it is strong, arresting my heart.. to turn now! Exposing my sin..bringing me to my knees. Or via a dear sister. Maybe that is what they need-maybe their hearts are still tender and will yield. Maybe Paul knows that our hearts can be tender but if we don’t turn we can become bitter and our hearts less tender in that area. It is a deep deep concern of his.
Rebecca — you may be right. I think we often fear the direct approach will be offensive but we soft-pedal so much that they miss it.
Jan Silvious is often quite direct.
1. What stands out to you for. The above and why? Instead of each building their case against the other in their minds, each would come over to the other’s side, and with the Holy Spirit’s help, try to empathize with the other’s position…because I have been in a long season of a hurtful marriage…it gets harder and harder over time to walk around that wall and empathize with the person hurting on the other side. I also found the imagery of trapeze rings interesting…each one propelling you forward to reach the next!
2. Share a time when God helped you find peace with another or help two at odds to be at peace, whether in marriage, in the church, or in another situation. I have been able to find peace with a difficult boss by understanding her general personality, family history, and past hurts and developing empathy even though she remains difficult overall there is a mutual respect. This may have only been possible because I work from home and we do not often work in close proximity.
Great illustration of gaining empathy through looking at her family history and past hurts. Sometimes difficult people are like wounded animals who tend to attack when you are only trying to help!
3. Read Matthew 5:9
A. What does it say? Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called sons of God.
B. Why do you think peacemakers will be called “sons of God?” Jesus was the ultimate “peacemaker”bringing reconciliation between God and mankind. In the same way, we have been given the ministry of reconciliation to reflect our Father’s character. 2 Cor. 5:18.
4. Why do you think Satan loves discord:
A. In the body of Christ: because it disrupts the ministry of reconciliation…who wants to be part of a “body of believers”that is no different than the world?
B. In marriage: because the relationship between a husband and a wife was created to be a living picture to the world of the relationship between Jesus and His bride…the church. That image is marred when there is discord in a marriage as discord stirs up selfish behavior which is the antithesis of Christlikeness!
5. If you are at discord with anyone, go around to their side of the wall and ask the Holy Spirit to give you empathy and understanding for their perspective. What do you see? I see a husband who has long standing feelings of rejection and has decided that it is less painful to be the one who rejects others first. Someone who feels like they never measure up.
5. If you are at discord with anyone, go around to their side of the wall and ask the Holy Spirit to give you empathy and understanding for their perspective. What do you see?
I see a stubborness in myself to not want to go over to their side or try to understand their perspective, wanting only to believe that they are wrong, and I am right. I have found that another person who is on the outside looking in has given me observations that are helping me to see where I am in the wrong and how the other person might be feeling. I need God’s help to consider how my husband is feeling and what his perspective is. One thing he has said many times to me is that he feels like it’s two against one, meaning my daughter and me against him. And then my sister said to me the other day that what she has observed is that I have always made my children my main focus, and especially my daughter.
6. Read Matthew 6:22-23
A. Why do you think Jesus says the eye is the lamp of the whole body?
It’s a metaphor; the eyes are what let light in so we can see. If I shut my eyes, I can’t see anything but blackness. If I shut my eyes to God, to His ways, and ignore what He clearly wants me to do, then I’m going to stumble around and make a wreck of my life, just as if I were walking around with my eyes closed. I’m going to get hurt, and likely hurt others as well.
B. Share a time when removing the log in your own eye helped you to see more clearly.
I think one of the “logs” I have is how I rationalize my own sin, as in if he wouldn’t have behaved that way, or done that to me first, then I wouldn’t have done whatever it is that I did. When I start to remove that, then I see my own accountability and part of the problem. So as in the above answer, I have for many years felt like HE has been so consumed with his job, and impatient from the stress, and not emotionally available, that all I have had is my children. So I was happy to build my wall and shut him out. While there have been many times that he has no excuse for the way he has treated me, I must own my part in our marriage problems.
I love your tender teachable heart. What do you think about what your sister said? I can see why one would do that in your situation!
When she said that, it really stung, but I know it is true. And I know if I was back in one of those marriage bible studies, it would be clear that I didn’t follow God’s prescribed order for marriage, which is to put Him first, my husband second, and my children third.
I was wondering if perhaps your husband is empathizing with your sadness over being an empty nester and that is part of his motivation in being kinder, more attentive?
Sunday
1. What stands out to you from the above and why?
The picture of the statue. The position of being on their knees speaks volumes…humility and the brokenness felt by each person.
2. Share a time when God helped you find peace with another or help two at odds to be at peace, whether in marriage in the church or in another situation.
When we lived in Oregon we had a neighbor who lived across the street that I would describe as a “hells angel”. Fully tattooed and very rough around the edges. My kids ran into the house saying that he was yelling at them and using very foul language. I won’t lie to you, I was very scared to confront him but knew that I had to. I prayed for protection and the right words to say and went over to his house where he was outside working on his car. I introduced myself and asked him why he had a problem with my kids. He proceeded to tell me that they were throwing rocks in his yard (using several cuss words while telling me this) and he didn’t appreciate it. I think he was expecting me to be really upset with him but instead I told him that that was unacceptable behavior by my kids and that I’d send them over to apologize and it wouldn’t happen again. But then I looked at him very calmly and said, promise me you will never use foul language when speaking to me or my children again. He did promise and apologized.
WOW! What a great story! Truth and grace all over it.
You were so brave! This is a great story!
Monday
3. Read Matthew 5:9
A. What does it say?
God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God.
B. Why do you think peacemakers will be called “sons of God?”
I like what the Vines dictionary says. The disciples(us) are to do this, not in order that we might become children of God, but that, being children, we might make the fact manifest in our character.
4. Why do you think Satan loves discord?
A. In the body of Christ
B. In marriage
I look at both of these institutions as God ordained and when entered into as such, Satan will work overtime to thwart and destroy them so the world, which is his domain right now (within the boundaries God has set for him) will be drawn away from God.
5. If you are at discord with anyone, go around to their side of the wall and asked the Holy Spirit to give you empathy and understanding for their perspective. What do you see?
This is a very good exercise as I tend to want to waddle in my anger and within my mind I set up a perspective of that person that makes me angrier and I feed off that. But it always amazes me that when I have gone around to their side of the wall how wrong I was. The thing that stands out to me is what I must do before I go over to the other side of the wall…asking the Holy Spirit to give me empathy and understanding for their perspective.
Good reminder from Sharon:
The thing that stands out to me is what I must do before I go over to the other side of the wall…asking the Holy Spirit to give me empathy and understanding for their perspective.
Looking forward to the next study.
Welcome, Evelyn. New study begins Sept 15th — we finish Beatitudes next week and move on to the rest of Matthew 5 — beginning with being the salt of the earth! Fascinating.
11. Read Romans 12:18
A. What is the command?
We are to live peaceably together.
B. In obeying the above, what steps should you take?
I should try to not argue. When someone does something I don’t like (my husband), I should pause and think of his position before jumping in and berating him for what he did. I don’t always have to be the one who “wins,” or who is right all the time. I need to forgive when people make mistakes. I need to say “I’m sorry” more often. I need to hug and love instead of pushing away and judging. I’m supposed to be thinking of others more than myself also, so I need to be conscientious of how they are feeling before I decide to tangle with them.
C. How do you know when you have done all you can so you can lay it down?
Hmmm, this one is hard. Sometimes I don’t know that point. I keep trying things and sometimes the person gets upset that I can’t “let it go.” If I have listened to the person, and responded in an appropriate manner (not argumentative), and the person is not responding likewise, then I should let it go. I need to know when to walk away so the situation doesn’t escalate into something more than it really is.
12. How have you seen God at work in your heart or life recently?
I’m having to dig real deep inside for patience with teens in my classes and toddlers in my home. He is helping me be calm and thoughtful when it would be easier to give up.
Great applications, Laura. You are a woman of passion — and passion controlled can be a beautiful thing!
7. Colin Smith says you really have to stretch to get to this last rung. If you can’t what should you do and why?
My thoughts are that you should go back to the beginning (I am just a bit OCD). Go back to the first rung or step, remembering that it is you who are poor in spirit, and see your own sin and failings, and strip away your self-righteousness. Then, take time to mourn over your own sin and confess it to God. Continue on until you regain your momentum.
9. Jesus was the ultimate peacemaker and we are called to walk as He walked. Meditate on the following verses and share your thoughts and any application.
A. Give up your rights! Philippians 2:3-8
Even though Jesus was very God Himself, He didn’t go around with a “God-complex”, putting Himself first and demanding subserviance from everyone around Him. He wasn’t motivated by selfish ambition or conceit. He seemed content to put Himself under the Father’s authority and to lay aside all of His privileges as the Son of God. When I refuse to forgive and reach out to the other to be a peacemaker, I am trying to rule my world and be the judge of others. I am acting selfishly and thinking I’m better than the other person.
B. Move toward a barking dog and love before you are loved: Romans 5:8
This verse is saying that before we loved God and while we were in our sins, He made the first move towards us, and in doing that, He demonstrated love. It’s not natural for me to have feelings of love welling up in me towards someone who isn’t being nice to me; it’s when they soften that I might feel something for them. It’s hard to move towards someone who is acting so un-likeable.
10. What did Paul ask the Philippian church to do in Philippians 4:2-3? If you were in that church, how might you go about this?
Paul asked the fellow believers to help Euodia and Syntyche to agree with one another. We are not told what they were disagreeing about, but they needed outside help. I’m remembering now that this was written in a letter, so Paul needed to ask the church to help them, though he pled with them through his letter, but wasn’t physically there himself. I think it might be best to speak to each one separately first before trying to get the two of them to sit down together. I like how Paul mentions how they contended with him for the cause of the gospel; maybe remind each woman that there is a cause bigger than themselves for which they are fighting.
This is great—remembering our ultimate cause. Regarding changes needed in our marriage, I will remember this. Our example to others certainly matters. I’m so happy to say that after 2-3 hours of conversation last night with my husband over our marriage and feeling at the end we had made little to no progress—he prayed with me about our marriage. This is huge because I can count on one hand the number of times he has prayed privately with me, though he knows I have wanted this from the beginning. So, so thankful for the Holy Spirit and the hope we have in Christ.
Continuing to pray for you, Susan.
Wow — Chris! Praying with you!
10. Paul asked them to ‘agree with each other in the Lord’, and for the church to help them in that. My first reaction would be to pray. Then a lot of listening and encouraging each party to bring their hurt to Jesus. Then trying to help them see the other side of things. Maybe point out how Christ set aside our hurting Him and gave up His rights for us.
11.a. The command is to live at peace with everyone as far as possible. I take that to mean to the point where it would go against Scripture or something like that. Your door should be open and your heart clean before God.
B. First of all, always pray. Asking God to light up where you are selfish or otherwise wrong. Asking for His love and perspective of the person. In humility, look for opportunities to hold out a peace flag.
c. How do you know when you’ve done all you can? I think it’s when you have a perfect peace and calm about it. It no longer haunts your thoughts or hurts your feelings.
12. I’ve seen God at work in me recently doing these very things. I talked to my daughter in love a couple days ago, and I was eager to just be normal with her. Not guarded or needy. Just wanted to love on her.
Glad to hear your report on your daughter 🙂
11. Read Romans 12:18
A. What is the command?
If Possible as far as it depends on me live at peace with all men
B. In obeying the above, what steps should you take?
I should move toward that person first to reconcile or to invite in even if there is evidence the person won’t accept it (the barking dog illustration Dee gave).
C. How do you know when you have done all you can so you can lay it down?
When I have extended myself in peace and have done all I can, if there isn’t a response or the person refuses me then I am free to lay it down. I don’t need to keep going to that person. God has it.
12. How have you seen God at work in your heart or life recently?
Weird, but actually in what we are learning this week. My sister in law always told me I am one who has always so easily forgiven, a peacemaker-keeper even since a child. But after learning about idols I now see that was because of my approval idol. I wanted everyone to like me and my comfort idol-I didn’t want to bear the pain of rejection or broken friendships. SO now-after idol lies, He Calls and my quiet times on this blog and in the Word. God has revealed this to me for the red flag is how hard it is for me to “lay it down” after doing all I can. (That means an idol is at work)
The laying it down part has started to change and especially this past month. I have never felt so free!! He changes hearts, I can’t so laying it down is crucial after reaching out and doing all I can, for if I go beyond that and don’t lay it down I am sinning again chasing after my control idol instead of resting in Him. My heart is SO deceitful.
This is so applicable to me, Rebecca. We must share the same idols. I could hear myself in a recent conversation with my husband, speaking from a position of someone with an idol. (I’m trying so hard to….) It’s not always easy to see our own motives in a relationship. This all gets so complicated as the other person has their own idols that they can’t see. It does help to keep the focus on Christ and the teaching of the Bible. What is right vs. what is wrong. The hard part in a marriage is that we can’t lay down some of the issues and move forward in a healthy manner. Sometimes there needs to be a change. That’s where I’m hoping our marriage counseling will help. Please pray the counselor is the right one and can see the needed changes on both sides. Also, praying our hearts are ready to accept and move forward into a more healthy place.
Two beautiful women: Rebecca and Chris.
Thank you for that encouragement, Dee. And for your work here.
Tuesday
6. Read Matthew 6:22-23
A. Why do you think Jesus says the eye is the lamp of the whole body?
The eye is where we get our perspective and looking at these two verses we have a choice of being single-minded towards the things of Christ, which is light or being single-minded towards the things of the world, which is darkness.
B. Share a time when removing a log in your own eye helped you to see more clearly.
We have a couple in our church that are former drug users and I have to admit I was very judgmental of them because of things they’d done and things they’d done to their own kids and of course I was so much better because I didn’t abuse drugs. It was one study we did on this study blog that God opened my eyes and showed me that I needed to remember the grace and love He showed me and extend that same grace and love to them. I couldn’t believe the different perspective I had of them after asking God for forgiveness and showing me the log I had in my eye. This couple have been drug free for over a year and have gotten their kids back. I thank the Lord that He has made a difference in their lives and continue to keep them in my prayers. By the way…they travel over an hour to come to our church every Sunday and they are there every Sunday!
7. Colin Smith says you really have to stretch to get to this last rung. If you can’t, what should you do and why?
Start from the beginning and get your momentum going so you can reach the last rung.
8. If God has given you wisdom and empathy for someone from whom you are not at peace, what action might you take? Report back!
I would pray that God would prepare their hearts to receive what I have to say and that He’d give me wisdom in what to say and help me keep that empathy in my heart for however they may respond.
I love all of this, Sharon.
So good, Sharon. There is so much addiction in the past lives of women in prison.
Wednesday
9. Jesus was the ultimate peacemaker and we are called to walk as he walked. Meditate on the following verses and share your thoughts and any application.
A. Give up your rights! Philippians 2:3-8
Humility…think of others as better than yourself, take interest in others and follow the example of Christ who took a humble position. These verses to me are a great example of meekness (“used to” the “hand”). Jesus humbled Himself in obedience to God…
B. Move toward a barking dog in love before you are loved: Romans 5:8
Before we showed any love towards God, He loved us by sending His Son to died for our sins. This is definitely where the Holy Spirit has to come in and where we ask Him to give us love in moving towards that barking dog because this isn’t natural!
10. What did Paul ask the Philippian church to do in Philippians 4:2-3. If you were in that church, how might you go about this?
To help settle the disagreement between Euodia and Syntyche.
I would speak to them individually and share Paul’s concern over their disagreement. Tell them how effective they’ve been in telling others the Good News and that this disagreement could cause others to stumble. That they would ask the Holy Spirit to give them empathy and understanding of the other persons perspective.
11. Read Romans 12:18
A. What is the command?
Do all you can to live in peace with everyone.
B. In obeying the above, what steps should you take?
Make sure that my momentum has taken me to this rung of being a peacemaker.
Ask the Holy Spirit to give me empathy and understanding of the other persons perspective. (I know I have used this saying a lot but it makes so much sense to me as I really believe that in that prayer God will show me my heart and what I need to change).
C. How do you know when you have done all you can so you can lay it down?
When God has given me a peace and I know all is right between God and me for doing all that I could. I’m in this situation with my brother. I went to him seeking forgiveness and making things right in our relationship, he never responded that he forgave me but I have a peace that I’d done all that I could. We rarely speak to each other but I do love him and have just turned it over to God.
12. How have you seen God at work in your heart or life recently?
He has really helped me have a different outlook on others. I don’t know what kind of day someone may by having or what they’re going through…so smile and be kind.
So good from Sharon:
I’m in this situation with my brother. I went to him seeking forgiveness and making things right in our relationship, he never responded that he forgave me but I have a peace that I’d done all that I could. We rarely speak to each other but I do love him and have just turned it over to God.
Prayer Request …Dorian is heading right for us (Carteret County,NC). We have decided to stay as we don’t live in a flood zone and we cut all our trees down. There are many people in this county who are still recovering from Florence which hit September 13,2018 and it is heartbreaking. My son who is a policeman will be on call…so please keep him and all first responders in your prayers as well. Thank you so much!
It is now 4:36 am… winds 90-100mph. Lost power for a few minutes. Ok!!
Praying!!
Thank you so much for your prayers. We came through with no damage and felt all the prayers going up for us. These storms always remind me (especially as a life lesson) that God may not always remove them or make them go around us but He always carries us through them. Maybe not always the way we would of planned, but He is faithful and He knows best.
Feel blessed to have this extended family of sisters in Christ!!
So glad to hear this
Sharon…I too live in NC but am more in the western central part so the storm did not impact us here but I have lots of friends on the coast and were certainly praying. So glad it was no worse than it was.
Oh Sharon — praying. Let us know.
6. Read Matthew 6:22-23
A. Why do you think Jesus says the eye is the lamp of the whole body? I think the eye is like a window…a good eye can let in light and is always framing our perspective of God and what He is up to. A bad eye keeps out the light and fresh air and frames our perspective with darkness and negativity.
B. Share a time when removing the log in your own eye helped you to see more clearly. I am slowly learning to surrender my idol of control to the Lord and let Him replace it with His peace. I was praying last week and asking forgiveness for all my efforts to control my spouse when the Lord showed me that in that struggle I am ultimately trying to control Him!
7. Colin Smith says you really have to stretch to get to this last rung. If you can’t, what should you do and why? You need to use a stepping stone and that stone is to trust and believe that He can cleanse us.
8. If God has given you wisdom and empathy for someone from who you are not at peace, what action might you take? Report back! The Lord has helped me speak with kindness and encouragement with this person and given me a new degree of empathy for the pain behind their actions. There has been at least a lull in their difficult behavior that has allowed God’s peace to be felt…at least in my heart.
Great report, Lucy!
9. Jesus was the ultimate peacemaker and we are called to walk as He walked. Meditate on the following verses and share your thoughts and any application.
A. Give up your rights! Philippians 2:3-8 Humillity is the key to living a life fully pleasing to God…giving up what I think of as “my rights” for an even greater good…an ultimate joy.
B. Move toward a barking dog and love before you are loved: Romans 5:8 We are to be imitators of our Heavenly Father who paid the price for our reconciliation even while we were sitting in our sinfulness.
10. What did Paul ask the Philippian church to do in Philippians 4:2-3. If you were in that church, how might you go about this? In a podcast I listen to…this was the focus of discussion recently…both of these were godly women whose names were written in the Book of Life…there was not a “right side” or a “wrong side”. That was such an eye opener for me…I am one who usually sees things as right or wrong, good or bad. But often times what I have judged as wrong or bad…is simply different than “my way”! I would urge these women to shift their focus from their differences to God’s sameness and make His work more important than their conflict.
11. Read Romans 12:18
A. What is the command? If it is possible (taking ownership of your own actions) live peaceably with all men.
B. In obeying the above, what steps should you take? Come before the Lord in humility and take a fearless moral inventory, asking Him to reveal to you any areas where your behavior may be contributing to a conflict and ask Him to help you become willing to lay those aside.
C. How do you know when you have done all you can so you can lay it down? I can cease from tugging on my end of the rope in this game of tug of war!
12. How have you seen God at work in your heart or life recently? Yes…He is dealing with my heart and cleansing me in the midst of a painfully difficult marriage.
Love this: when I cease tugging on my end of the rope….
Lucy, praying for you in your difficult marriage.
Thanks Mary and Sharon!
Lucy, my heart and prayers go out to you in your difficult marriage. It can be hard.
13. Notes from Colin Smith.
Peacemaking is not optional. That is true in the family and in the church. Take an active role. Strive for peace, even though it will take effort and perseverance.
A. In practice, deal with conflict early. A small leak can break a dam. There is always a moment where strife begins; every broken marriage had one. Don’t let that first wound fester.
B. Prepare for a long journey. God says He makes peace with those who are far off. Be relentless in the journey.
C. Take a step toward peace. If your enemy is thirsty or hungry, do one small thing. Is there an act of kindness you can show? What one step would help de-escalate things?
D. Aim at humility, not humiliation. Keep that piece of mind you want to give. Jesus came to us vulnerably, not in anger. Do the same.
Peacemakers will be called sons of God because they reflect God in four ways.
1. God has peace in Himself. There is no tension or conflict in the Trinity. Be at peace in yourself.
2. Don’t stand on your own rights. Jesus did not insist on His. Before you start insisting on yours, remember Him.
3. Move toward trouble. Don’t avoid conflict at any cost. Move to the problem, knowing that it could initially be dangerous.
4. Love others first. The Beatitudes go on to say Blessed are those who are persecuted, which is the outcome of a godly life. You will have blessings from God but persecution from the world. Live in costly obedience.
The ending about embracing a life of costly obedience really struck me. Somehow it is easy to think that a life of being a peacemaker and having peace within yourself means that your whole life will be characterized by smooth sailing. But here he says that the opposite will be true. Reminds me of a sermon once where the pastor noted that fish from the ocean don’t taste salty, even though they live in salt water. And we live in a polluted, violent world but are called to have peace within ourselves and do all we can to promote peace around us. This is immensely sobering to me.
Mary, love this…”fish from the ocean don’t taste salty, even though they live in salt water.” That speaks volumes to me and appreciate your wonderful notes, thanks!!
Catching up and readin all the wonderful notes! Love to all!
Tuesday: Purity of Heart Before Peacemaking
6. Read Matthew 6:22-23
A. Why do you think Jesus says the eye is the lamp of the whole body?
It illumines everything you see and feeds the mind. Then how you interpret what you have seen will translate into what the body will do.
B. Share a time when removing the log in your own eye helped you see more clearly.
I have a better relationship now with my daughter but I remember when she was younger how she would keep things from me. She later told me that she did not want to tell me things because I seem oblivious to her need and has tunnel vision with what concerned her. Ouch! Last March, she told me that I have changed in that area and more understanding of her. Praise the Lord!
7. Colin Smith says you really have to stretch to get to this last rung. If you can’t, what should you do and why?
8. If God has given you wisdom and empathy for someone from who you are not at peace, what action might you take? Report back!
I have had difficulty with how one of my sisters-in-law treats my husband. I see a lot of insecurity and issues of jealousy in her. My husband is not perfect by any means but I can understand how he keeps his distance from her because of how she has a way of rattling his composure. And she has done it again lately! When those times come, I just pause and pray to God that she stops what she is doing and that my husband will be able to surrender this “thorn” to God and accept His grace. “I will not let her get to me.” I remind myself. And to ask for grace to love and accept and to create boundaries with her. I have talked to her about this before, she would apologize but then she turns around and does the same thing. What would Jesus do? I know He will not stop loving my sister-in-law. I should do the same.
Wednesday: Sons of God
9. Jesus was the ultimate peacemaker and we are called to walk as He walked. Meditate on the following verses and share your thoughts and any application.
A. Give up your rights! Philippians 2:3-8
Oh, so hard! We do know that Jesus was obedient and even when mocked and maligned, did not open His mouth. He surrendered Himself to His father.
B. Move toward a barking dog and love before you are loved: Romans 5:8
I do not have to be loved first to love. I am loved by Christ and that is what matters the most.
10. What did Paul ask the Philippian church to do in Philippians 4:2-3. If you were in that church, how might you go about this?
To help the women to agree with each other. I have seen this and sometimes the hurt is so keen, all I can do is keep quiet and pray.
11. Read Romans 12:18
A. What is the command?
As far as it depends on me, to be at peace with everybody.
B. In obeying the above, what steps should you take?
To continue to try with God’s help to reach out.
C. How do you know when you have done all you can so you can lay it down?
God will give me peace and I will have peace in my heart that I have done everything I can do.
12. How have you seen God at work in your heart or life recently?
I have been more dependent on Him as I have never been before-quite a few concerns that is heavy on my heart especially with regards to my Mom in the Philippines.
Bing, how hard to be so far in distance from your mom in the Phillippines, and your heart so heavy. Keeping you and your mom in prayer.
Thanks, Susan. I so miss being close to Mom physically but I know God is taking care of her more than I can ask or imagine. And I love what you said below: “… God’s beauty can inhabit our words.” So profound and powerful!
12. How have you seen God at work in your heart or life recently?
I was feeling a little bit down yesterday. It was a beautiful day outside, but I determined to complete one small thing in my home, so I cleaned my living room. Having that done, I drove to one of my favorite Metroparks and went for a walk, enjoying the beauty of the goldenrod in bloom, the birds, the sound of the crickets singing. This park is so beautiful, and I just soaked it all in. I went there feeling empty, and left feeling filled-up. Such beauty from a God who created all of that. I’ve also been listening to podcasts of conversations with Parker Palmer and Carrie Newcomer, called The Growing Edge. They discuss a question, and after listening in the car yesterday, I realized that there is beauty in conversation, in the words, in the gentle tone of voices. They certainly model beauty in conversation, and it was a balm to my soul because of an experience this week with someone whose words are untrue, seeking to manipulate. I realize that God’s beauty can inhabit our words. I like this line from a song that Carrie sings at the beginning of the podcast: “To the words and how they live between us, and to us and how we live, between the words.”
Love that you were filled up. I too am struggling with an empty nest and also work from home so it can get to be so isolating at times. I went out with a friend today and enjoyed a movie and dinner which was sweet to my soul.