So many of the Proverbs warn about the fool’s mouth.
Not only are these red flag warnings that you might be dealing with a fool,
they are warnings to our own heart to not behave like a fool.
For the tongue is a fire that can destroy families, friends, and fellowship.
How often I have regretted words spoken in haste.
When Steve was sick, a friend of mine told me that he would be
much more handsome with different glasses.
I mentioned that to him and the look of hurt I’ll never forget.
I know he was thinking: “I may be dying and you are worried about my glasses?”
You can’t retract words.
All you can say is “I’m so sorry. That was so stupid.”
And it was.
How thankful I’d be to have that dear man back with those glasses.
This picture was taken two years before he died.
I saved those glasses to remind me of him,
but they also remind me to put a guard over my mouth.
This picture was taken two years before Steve’s death.
In “I Want To Say I’m Sorry,” Andrew Peterson writes:
Well, I want to say I’m sorry but I don’t know how
But I’m sorry, I’m so sorry now
I said some words to you I wish I never said
I know words can kill ’cause something’s dead
And now my heart is like a catacomb
And I’m praying we can find a way to raise these bones
Again, oh, again
Sunday:
- What stands out to you from the above and why?
- How have you seen God at work in your life in the last 24 hours?
Monday: The “Babbling” Fool
When I was a new Christian in Bible study, and so excited, I said almost any thought that came to my mind and there was so much in my heart it kept flowing over. But maturity leads to restraint and waiting on the Spirit. I know I need to choose my words and give long silences for shy people to gather the courage to speak up. I certainly do not need to say everything in my heart! I’ve noticed how often the word “babbling” (or chattering or prating) occurs to describe a fool, reminding me of a continually babbling fountain. It just won’t stop to take a breath. The Hebrew has the idea of spilling over the lip or boundary.
3. What do the following Proverbs teach about a fool?
A. Proverbs 10:8
B. Proverbs 10:14
C. Proverbs 10:18
4. What verb is used to describe the mouth of a fool in Proverbs 15:2?
5. According to James 1:19-20 what should we do and why?
6. How have you seen God move in the last 24 hours?
Tuesday: Quick to Anger
7. What characteristics of a fool do you see in the following?
A. Proverbs 12:16
B. Proverbs 20:3
C. Proverbs 29:9
D. Proverbs 29:11
8. Jan Silvious makes the point that a fool uses anger to control. Review what she advised the person who is up close and personal with a fool to do. Are you able to do this — if so, what has helped you?
9. Has the Holy Spirit (which I am convinced a true fool does not have) helped you be quick to listen and slow to speak and slow to become angry? If so, share an illustration from your life.
There has been some discussion on whether a fool can be a believer or not — I’ll discuss that more in the next post and you can give your thoughtful input.
Wednesday: How To Respond To A Fool’s Words
8. What the following from Jan and share your comments and thoughts.
I would add to this that in addition to telling your soul, “You are not going to get to me,” I would cry out to God for help for him or her not to get to you. I’m going through the psalms of ascent now (120 to 134) and seeing how after the lament, the psalmist always cries out for help to Yahweh (which means the Great I AM). “Where does my help come from?” From the Maker of Heaven and Earth! He is able to come to our help when we are in the presence of the fool. I know Jan agrees, but I wanted to emphasize this. Ask Him, in faith and confidence, to help you.
9. How have you seen God at work in the last 24 hours?
Thursday: Out of The Overflow Of The Heart
Matthew 12:34; Proverbs 4:23; Proverbs 10:11
10. Our real problem Jesus tells us is not our mouth, but our heart, for out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. What does he say in Matthew 12:34? What does this mean — and how would you apply its truth?
11. What do the following proverbs teach?
A. Proverbs 4:23
B. Proverbs 10:11
Just as it seems to help me to just get rid of junk food, for I’m so easily tempted, it has helped me to get rid of cable television and People Magazine. I like to listen to sermons and edifying audiobooks (usually fiction as I like to underline nonfiction) when I’m multi-tasking. Memorizing 1 John has had a huge impact on me. I love the interaction with you, my rich sisters, on this blog. My local church, my women’s study, and one on one with in-depth believers fill up my heart with riches.
12. What helps you to put good things in your heart? Be specific — even listing great fiction, non-fiction, musical artists, methods. We can help one another!
Friday: Answers Before Listening
I loved the story our own Susan told last week. After she simply asked the woman at the Dry Cleaners how her day was going, the woman said “It will be better after tomorrow.”
Susan heard and knew to draw her out, asking,”What is happening tomorrow?”
And the woman told her that her divorce would be final. Susan listened more and then prayed for her.
Being “other-centered” means you really listen to understand, draw out, and respond. But a fool is self-centered, so really cannot hear.
People have teased Tim Keller that he listens so carefully to someone with an opposing opinion, and repeats it back to him so sympathetically, that he becomes convinced. I don’t think that is true, but I think we need to be open to the fact that we could be wrong.
13. Read Proverbs 18:2. Meditate on it and describe the fool and his motivation here.
14. Read Proverbs 18:13. What does it say?
15. Have you ever had a discussion with someone about abortion, the practice of homosexuality, or the political party that you do not belong to and practiced what Keller advises: listening carefully and repeating their argument back to them sympathetically so they absolutely know they have been heard before you attempt to dismantle it? If so, share here.
Saturday:
16. What stands out to you from the above and why?
101 comments
What stands out to me is what you said to Steve about his glasses. I felt a stab in my heart when I read that. I know how horrible you must have felt afterward.
My persistent prayer is that God would keep a guard over my mouth. When I recall hurtful things that were said to me, I remind myself that I have said many things that I wish I could take back and I’m relatively sure that the things I remember, the other person wishes they could take back. Especially if they’ve never said it again.
My God hunt is the beautiful weather we’ve been having, it’s such a relief from the rain. It’s allowed us to spend time with kids and grandkids at the drive-in, dinner with friends and open houses with family this weekend.
Yes. It was so stupid. My approval idol. Lord, put a guard over my lips!
Dawn, our weather here in MO has been similarly erratic. Rain also but Thursday was a warm beautiful day. It is bittersweet for us here as some farmlands are still under water and they do not need the rain. But then farmers on the hills need the rain for their crops. We are trusting ourselves in God’s hands. Glad you have gotten some relief.
Dawn, I like the part you said about showing mercy to others who say hurtful things, knowing how many times we have also said hurtful things we regretted later. That’s actually very helpful to me. Thank you.
Dawn–I agree with Miriam here. There is wisdom in your words about realizing when others say hurtful things they likely regret and wish they could take them back. I’m thinking of a particular instance in my life when someone said something hurtful..it does help me forgive when I can imagine they probably regret having said it.
What stood out to me was the beautiful picture of Dee & Steve! Oh Dee what sweet love between you! I think Steve was very handsome with those glasses….a gorgeous couple for sure. As always your humility Dee shines thro in how you confess your mistakes & willingness to change. May I do the same!
God Hunt: It’s been a rough week emotionally, but the Lord has surrounded me with loving sisters & prayer. I am going to go to a Christian counselor on Wed, & praying for wisdom & clarity & energy in steps going fwd.
Jenny, whatever you are going through, may the Lord lead with wisdom, clarity, and energy as you have prayed for. Praying I Peter 5:7 for you “Cast all your cares upon Him for He cares for you.”
Jen — thank you. And I do pray, agreeing with Bing’s prayer for you.
I will pray for you Jenny.
Thank u dear ones for your prayers..
Thinking of you tonight. Praying for tomorrow.
Jenny–praying for this visit with a counselor on Wednesday. Christian counseling has been such a help to me over my life–I am praying God will use this richly–to bring healing and for His purpose and glory.
Praying for you Jenny. Christian counseling did me a world of good. Hard work, but worth it!
Jenny, today is Wednesday….praying that everything goes well for your counseling appointment today!
Jenny,
May God give you both clarity, courage and comfort as you weigh your steps forward.
This song for you tonight. I sometimes sing this prayer/song to the Lord when I need to affirm what is true amidst emotional confusion. Be comforted sweet sister:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgnWpOToF7E
3. What do the following Proverbs teach about a fool?
A. Proverbs 10:8
Those who talk foolishly will come to ruin.
B. Proverbs 10:14
When fools speak, trouble is not far off. The wise gain all the knowledge they can.
C. Proverbs 10:18
Anyone who spreads gossip is a fool.
4. What verb is used to describe the mouth of a fool in Proverbs 15:2?
a spout….”stupid people spout nonsense”.
5. According to James 1:19-20 what should we do and why?
Be quick to listen, slow to speak & slow to become angry. Man’s anger does not achieve God’s righteous purpose.
6. How have you seen God move in the last 24 hours?
I sang with the worship team this morning, & all the songs were proclamations of Who God is. He is our Salvation! Who is like the Lord our God? It was so uplifting & powerful to sing out the Truth! I had a prayer time afterwards with one of my dear sisters & I got a huge bear hug 🙂
1. What stood out? The line from Andrew Peterson’s song that maybe I can be a new person, able to love better than I ever have before… I’ve seen this in our marriage, where after a previous, and grievous hurt, we are different people because of it. But we also love each other better than we did before. I’d like to say that is a positive pattern in my life after a hurt either given or taken, but it needs to be something I search for from now on.
2. God hunt. I’ve missed going to my Spanish club for about three months just because of being too busy. But I made it yesterday, and the tender care people extended to me made me feel God in the room. It was an encouragement to me to continue struggling to learn.
Mary! So fun to see you mention being in a Spanish club. I have a Duolingo app for Spanish that I do 5-10 minutes a day. It is so stimulating to learn another language. Don’t give up-I know it can be discouraging-I growl whenever I see things like vive, vivo, vivir, vivos. LOL But I keep at it hoping I will get better at it in the future.
I love this Mary:
where after a previous, and grievous hurt, we are different people because of it. But we also love each other better than we did before.
1. What stands out to you from the above and why?
The power of the tongue. Kind words can build others up more than anything we can offer them, but unkind or ill thought ones can instantly sting and leave painful scars indefinitely. There are words that were said to me as a child that still linger, and hold the weight to still bring pain. Regrettably, I’m sure words I’ve said to others still linger in their mind. Hurtful words seem to stick and have a longer lifespan than the kind ones. I think of other times too when I’ve wished words had been spoken to me that weren’t.
Our God is relational and He values words, he calls Himself the Word—we have been given a tremendous gift in the ability to share words. Lord, help me to use this gift carefully, wisely, for Your glory and not my own.
2. How have you seen God at work in your life in the last 24 hours?
A long hike alone with my husband yesterday while my 12 year old watched Philip for us. The outpouring of support today from our church body on the blood drive we hosted.
Love those 2 God hunts, Lizzy.
Lizzy, I love this: Our God is relational and He values words, he calls Himself the Word—we have been given a tremendous gift in the ability to share words. Lord, help me to use this gift carefully, wisely, for Your glory and not my own. “
Sunday:
1. What stands out to you from the above and why?
Dee, so encouraged by your honesty as it helps me be open and vulnerable here as well. I have spoken words to my husband before that I have regretted and I have seen the hurt in his eyes. But oh, he is so forgiving of me! I agree with Mary B when she said, “…where after a previous, and grievous hurt, we are different people because of it. But we also love each other better than we did before.”
I love the picture of you and Steve. His arm around you and his eyes conveyed a protective, abiding, and pure love. And you look so happy being loved by such a man.
I thought of the verse also in Proverbs that says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.” Proverbs 18:21 Oh, the power of the tongue and our words!
2. How have you seen God at work in your life in the last 24 hours?
Answer to prayer: I am not the most tech savvy and was sure having a hard time figuring out something yesterday about instructions on google classroom. I got fed up and finally prayed a prayer for help (oh, only if I would learn to pray first!) and left my desk to do something else. When I got back to working on this issue, I was prompted to check Youtube. And there was my help! God in the person of a writer and blogger by the name of Michael. I thank God not only for the specific answer to my prayer but for the other bonus tips that clarified other tech issues for me.
Bing — we both loved the same words from Mary B.
Bing, we have so many things in common! Both nurses, both married to good men, both learning Spanish on Duolingo, both eager participants on this blog….
Mary & Bing: I’m a nurse too! And I think Susan is also 🙂
Good God hunt Bing! The Lord provides in all kinds of surprising ways 🙂
Mary B and Jenny! Amazing how God has placed us here with so many commonalities! Yes, Susan is a nurse, too and so is Jill. But more than anything, we all love God and want to walk closely with Him. What a gift He has given us.
I’m a nurse, too!
Yes, Bing (and Miriam, too!), the best is that we are sisters in Christ! Though it is nice to have other things in common as well…
3.a. Prov 10:8 the fool keeps on talking instead of obeying God or other authority.
b. 10:14 while the wise are pondering and ingesting wisdom, the fool by his mouth is inviting ruin.
c. 10:18 both concealing hatred and spreading slander are foolish actions and choices.
4. Prov 15:12 in my NIV, the verb is to gush. Makes me think of a fire hydrant.
5. James 1:19-20 be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for anger does not bring the righteous life God desires.
This study today convicted me so very deeply, feeling the recent burden of stinging words that I have spoken to someone I love. My hasty passionate tongue has gotten me into this mess before, and, as much as I hate it, I feel so bankrupt, so helpless to avoid it in the future. I had been studying Isaiah 41:10 yesterday, and, oh, how it speaks to this issue of His righteous help in my time of great need. But tonight, I was directed further in Isaiah 41 to verses 17-20 which speak of the bankrupt condition (poor, needy, tongues failing for thirst) and yet, in their deep distress, He, the LORD, hears and does not forsake! And He can even plant a fir tree in the middle of the desert! I’ve often wanted a painting of such a scene, to remind myself, that in me I am nothing, but that He can do the impossible – lasso this wild, evil tongue of mine and tame it to sing His praises and overflow with kindness to others.
Miriam, yes, ‘I feel so bankrupt, so helpless to stop it from happening again’. I sure resonate with that, for my besetting sins. But I’m glad you are finding scripture to help. I was encouraged this last week that it is when we know our utter bankruptcy and throw ourselves on Christ that we will find Him sufficient. Thank you for the verses, dear sister.
So thankful His mercies are new every morning.
I find I grow in some areas and then discover new areas of bankruptcy!
This is good imagery Miriam; the fir tree in the desert. Yes, He can do the impossible. I am weak.
I repeated this every morning I had radiation for breast cancer a few years ago:
“For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.”
Isaiah 41:13 NIV
https://www.bible.com/111/isa.41.13.niv
Laura, I didn’t know that you had breast cancer. You have been through so much and still standing! Don’t you just love Isaiah! My very favorite book! Great verse you quoted!
1. What stands out to you from the above and why. Words spoken in haste how I too am guilty of that. I even think I spoke too much my last few posts last week! I am wondering if perhaps, while the timing with Steve might not have been good, that he wasn’t hurt by it and especially so when Dee apologized. Of course I am glad Dee posted that picture of her and Steve for I adore it. I admire Dee’s vulnerability-honesty.
2. How have you seen God at work in your life in the last 24 hours? God has been helping me by showing me some things about this person yet I am still not sure this person is a true biblical fool for that person may know Jesus. Just skimming through this weeks’ post I started saying, they do consistently this, yes, this, yes.. 🙁 I am wondering if someone can be raised by parents who might have been fools and that person learned to respond in conversations that way never learning not to babble on and on? Responding with what you say by telling you what they think all the time? In trying to help this person I said it is like you are preaching at us when you talk instead of engaging back and forth with us. Next week’s post will shed some light I am sure. 🙂
1. What stands out to you from the above and why?
It was painful to read Dee’s account of what she said to Steve about his glasses, and I know it took courage and humility for Dee to share that with us here. Oh how we do fear the loss of approval of others! I am always thankful for Dee’s honesty and vulnerability. I’ve been in the same boat, too, wishing that I would never have said some of the things I’ve said to my husband. I agree that the tongue can be a fire that destroys relationships, and it doesn’t act independently; what is says comes from my heart, and if my heart is full of anger, resentment, and bitterness, it’s bound to come out in what I say. I know that I have deliberately said words to inflict pain and hurt when I feel that I’ve been wronged. I think I’m seeing new insight into what Jesus said about murder and our words.
2. How have you seen God at work in your life in the last 24 hours?
God has been convicting me that something that I’ve been interested in is turning into an idol; I’ve been spending way too much time on it and choosing to be on the internet or FB learning more about self-improvement instead of spending my time learning about Him.
3. What do the following proverbs teach about a fool?
A. Proverbs 10:8 A chattering fool comes to ruin. The opposite is a wise person accepts commands; maybe the fool is too busy chattering to listen.
B. Proverbs 10:14 The mouth of a fool invites ruin.
C. Proverbs 10:18 The fool spreads slander.
4. What verb is used to describe the mouth of a fool in Proverbs 15:2? “gushes”
5. According to James 1:19-20 what should we do and why? We should listen more, think before we speak, and be slow to become angry. Often, we just react to what we hear without getting all the facts. We should do this because being quick-tempered does not make us live righteously as God desires.
1. What stands out to you from the above and why?
I know that feeling of “putting my foot in my mouth” that you describe with the Steve’s glasses story.
The tongue is a fire….oh yes.
2. How have you seen God at work in your life in the last 24 hours?
Most of my crazy family is together at the beach this past weekend (including Sarah and her awful boyfriend Mike). We are all so flawed in our lives. But, although we have issues with each other, He is in this place, at work. My husband and I have been accepting, and they are stepping up to help with the kids. Our youngest had friends come and visit and we had a nice time playing cards and talking. No one has argued, and the weather has been beautiful. So relaxed, I have needed that. We are off to see 91 year old Nannie today. Thank You Lord.
Oh praises for all that Laura! Have a wonderful trip to see ❣️ Nannie! Xx
Thanks Jenny…after I posted this we had a call from my husband’s sister that his favorite uncle passed today. We are in the area so my husband will stay and be here for family. My son and I will take babies and go home. We may need to travel back this next week for the funeral. Please pray for the family.
Laura–so sorry. Praying now for all.
Oh so sorry to hear that Laura…yes praying for you all. 🙁
3. What do the following Proverbs teach about a fool?
A. Proverbs 10:8
Wise people will listen. Foolish people just talk.
B. Proverbs 10:14
Wise people appreciate the truth (knowledge) whereas a fool’s chattering brings pain.
C. Proverbs 10:18
Gossip is foolish behavior. Speak the truth always in love.
4. What verb is used to describe the mouth of a fool in Proverbs 15:2?
Gushes, belches, adorns, poureth out, spouts
5. According to James 1:19-20 what should we do and why?
Listen more, speak less, don’t get angry. This is so we can display the behavior God wants from us.
6. How have you seen God move in the last 24 hours?
As I took my morning run on the boardwalk next to the ocean, a beautiful Monarch butterfly flew into my path. We did not collide! Lovely.
3. What do the following Proverbs teach about a fool?
A. Proverbs 10:8- the wise are teachable, but a “babbling fool will come to ruin”. Babble-to talk rapidly and continuously in a foolish, excited, or incomprehensible way.
B. Proverbs 10:14-the wise lay up knowledge, but mouth, the words, of a fool brings ruin.
C. Proverbs 10:18-one who conceals hatred is a liar, and one who slanders is a fool
4. What verb is used to describe the mouth of a fool in Proverbs 15:2?
Pour. The mouth of the fool pours out folly.
5. According to James 1:19-20 what should we do and why?
be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
6. How have you seen God move in the last 24 hours?
It’s been a messy 24 hours, but I’ve seen Him. Last night my husband and I found ourselves coveting a couple friend who are going away for a week without kids, something we’ve never been able to do. We prayed but still felt the cloud that the sin of covetousness brings. Then I “stumbled” upon a (current) diary of my daughter’s, I now so wish I hadn’t read, the words were harsh. They cut to my core and threatened to throw me in a spin of depression and anger. But as my husband and I talked, God brought us from a place of pity and anger at the “unfairness”—to a realization of what all God has done in us, for us. I recently heard a friend talking about not wanting her teen daughter to date the guy she was because of his family history…which was far better than my husband’s past and her daughter’s is far better than mine…and I just saw anew what all He has carried us through. It has been hard and there are still rough spots, but always, He brings us back to Him, and to each other. He takes us past that hard spot and you feel stronger than before. Sometimes I think our marriage is a miracle. And I thank Him. Sorry—this got longer than I meant! 😉
Oh Lizzy, sorry it’s been so hard! 🙁 Praise God tho, for how u & your husband are able to process things to a wise end. That is truly a gift from the Lord!!
Dear Lizzy — I wish that for you too! But I love how you talk to your soul. And how you and your husband help one another.
It’s truly a gift how you and your husband work through the hard things in your life together!
Tues
7. What characteristics of a fool do you see in the following?
A. Proverbs 12:16: Hot temper with little self control
B. Proverbs 20:3: Fools are quarrelsome
C. Proverbs 29:9: The fool will always want the last word. No resolve or peace when contending with a fool.
D. Proverbs 29:11 : Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm.
8. Jan Silvious makes the point that a fool uses anger to control. Review what she advised the person who is up close and personal with a fool to do. Are you able to do this — if so, what has helped you?
If up close with a fool, keep your drawbridge shut, detach yet still be respectful. Say to yourself “you’re not going to get to me”! It takes the power from the fool & protects my soul. It helps me to be prepared & not let the arrows penetrate. If I feel an onslaught coming, I can pull up my drawbridge, listen but not take anything personally. I can retreat into my castle & know that the Lord is my Fortress.
9. Has the Holy Spirit (which I am convinced a true fool does not have) helped you be quick to listen and slow to speak and slow to become angry? If so, share an illustration from your life. I know I need to be a better listener & not rush into defending myself. By God’s grace I am slow to anger. I will be more intentional about being slow to speak. Then the “fool” hears their own words coming back to them. I can also say that I hear, but need to think on these things. And I can speak truth when prompted.
6. God hunt. I met with my mentee tonight, praying before she came, being so very aware that I have nothing to give her. When we finished our time in the Bible and I had prayed for her, she opened up some about how she continues to behave in ways that keep her emotionally stuck. She talked about thinking that no one saw her choices, and that it didn’t really matter, that it wasn’t hurting anyone. Except that it is hurting her. She was referencing her depression and grief. But I heard it through my ears of food choices. And I feel God telling me that I may be encouraging her in Bible knowledge, but she is also encouraging me to leave my tattered nest of sin and head out into the world God has for me. May it be so, that I change.
7.a. A fool is quick to convey annoyance. I fight with this all the time. God is always telling me to bite my tongue and let things go.
b. A fool is quick to quarrel. They are ready and willing to step into a fight anytime, anywhere, over anything.
c. A fool is full of rage and scoffing, using it continually. I was raised in a family that did this. Lots of anger, .
lots of putting everyone down.
d. Fools don’t even try to control themselves. It is talking about the mouth here, but I wonder if it doesn’t hold true in other areas as well? Self control is a fruit of the Spirit, so it would stand to reason that any lack of self control is foolishness.
Mary B, this is so good:
“And I feel God telling me that I may be encouraging her in Bible knowledge, but she is also encouraging me to leave my tattered nest of sin and head out into the world God has for me. May it be so, that I change.” Your mentee is so blessed to have you for a humble teacher & encourager!
What do the following Proverbs teach about a fool?
A. Proverbs 10:8
A Wise heart obeys but a chattering fool comes to ruin. So this must mean that someone who is wise listens to, accepts and follows through in obedience to wise instruction even if it goes against what their flesh tells them to do. As a result he won’t come to ruin. Unlike the fool who speaks more than he listens. He isn’t ready to hear anything that doesn’t align with what he thinks he should do hence he ends up in ruin.
B. Proverbs 10:14
The wise store up knowledge, but the mouth of a fool invites ruin. Perhaps this means the wise use restraint with knowledge considering who those are around them that may need or not need to hear it. The fool blurts out knowledge to whomever whenever and it invites ruin on themselves and most likely others.
C. Proverbs 10:18
Whoever conceals hatred with lying lips and spreads slander is a fool. So I think this is when someone hates someone else they make up lies about them to slander them to make themselves look good.
4. What verb is used to describe the mouth of a fool in Proverbs 15:2?
The mouth of a fool gushes.
5. According to James 1:19-20 what should we do and why?
we should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger. Human anger doesn’t produce the righteousness that God desires.
7. What characteristics of a fool do you see in the following?
A. Proverbs 12:16
The fool uses anger to control.
B. Proverbs 20:3
He always thinks he is right so he argues.
C. Proverbs 29:9
The fool again thinks he is right so he argues.
D. Proverbs 29:11
He uses anger to control.
8. Jan Silvious makes the point that a fool uses anger to control. Review what she advised the person who is up close and personal with a fool to do. Are you able to do this — if so, what has helped you?
If you are close to a fool it is important to use emotional detachment to protect yourself. I have used this and yes it works. With our daughter, I have stood in court and not said a word as her boyfriend hurled extremely nasty things about me, my husband, and our family. We have had so many mean things done to us and said about us in the last 3 years it’s crazy. I love her and understand that they are both pretty weak people (mentally) who are trying to make it on their own (will not comply with us so we could help them) and just want for themselves. They can’t get out of their own selves at all and think of anyone else. So, over time I have had to pretend that she is someone else’s child, or that she is incapable of understanding truths because of her lacking the brain power to consider other ways for her life. She is one of these that is definitely a fool but can’t know otherwise.
9. Has the Holy Spirit (which I am convinced a true fool does not have) helped you be quick to listen and slow to speak and slow to become angry? If so, share an illustration from your life.
I tend to get in heated discussions about things I am passionate about personally…Christianity and politics specifically. I am much better these days (since I have been here on Dee’s blog!) at stuffing something in my mouth when I disagree with someone spewing false statements about Christians and absurdities (think global climate change) with respect to politics (although I am still working on this one in particular because people are so bad at looking at all sides instead of their own viewpoints on this one – see, I’m already getting better at being “slow to speak” 😇 angel emoji goes here) lol
BTW Dee, any chance we can have emojis back?
Laura — I’ll ask about the emojis — as one who seldom uses them I hadn’t noticed!
Sunday:
What stands out to you from the above and why? The words we say can do so much harm. Maybe not direct physical harm, but certainly direct spiritual harm. Our hearts can be wounded to a point of hurting our relationships.
How have you seen God at work in your life in the last 24 hours? Sunday morning I was getting the house and food ready for company coming after church. As usual I asked my 13 year old son and 11 year old daughter to help. As my son was not getting things done, I became angry. I began to bang the dishes around noisily and complain that I don’t get any help. My husband surprised me and sweetly diffused the situation by whispering in my ear, ‘remember our talk’- and then saying to our son, ‘come on, just be nice, like me.’ We finished cleaning up together and I was able to apologize for getting angry.
Wow, Chris…sweet victory & progress 🙂
Wonderful, Chrfs!
8. Jan Silvious advises to pull up the drawbridge, smile and wave from the tower, and keep saying, ‘I won’t let you get to me ‘. I have done it with my sisters. It is hard work, and not without pain. Afterwards I always felt agitated and upset, but also glad that I’d stayed behind my wall.
9. I shared some on this in 7a, about the Spirit’s prompting. I’m still too quick to jump in, but for sure better than I used to be. These are everyday things, like how to load the dishwasher or which route to take across town. The sinful nature has no lack of areas to want to be first.
8. When responding to others, first ask if what they are saying about you is true. If it is, accept it and acknowledge it. Be willing to bring it to God for help. If it isn’t true, repeat to yourself, you’re not going to get to me. Pull up your drawbridge. Speak truth to yourself. If it is something that causes pain, remind yourself that you can’t make someone love you.
9. God hunt. Being very aware tonight of what a gift my husband is. My joke is that the only thing he doesn’t do is cook. Which is good, because then I would be extraneous. Seriously, he cares for the lawn and helps me with the gardens. He takes care of the cars and all household maintenance. He puts up with my lack of energy. And He loves the Lord. I am so very, very blessed.
Just want to say hi and reading comments. Am in Louisville, KY with a team of three at a SkillsUSA contest. They present tomorrow afternoon. Our days are packed so will be silently following from now on.
Hope your students have a successful time at the contest, Bing! I know you put in a lot of hard work for this!
Good luck Bing!
Yes Bing…hope it goes well! 🙂
We’ll be eager to hear, Bing!
8. Watch the following from Jan and share your comments and thoughts.
What Jan said:
–When I hear the truth about myself. (Fools can also tell the truth) I need to listen, that really could be me and then ask God to tell me the truth if I don’t know for sure. If it is true then ask God help me change or just ask Him to change me because I am in a bad way here. I can do something about something that is true.
-If it isn’t true and yet it is weighing on me, or I am around someone who stomps on my heart regularly I say, You’re not going to get to me, you’re not going to get to me.
-If something is said that is painful remember I can’t make someone love me.
I found it enlightening that fools can also tell the truth but loved her encouragement to sift it through. If it is true then ask God to help me change or if I am too distraught to ask Him to just change me.
7. What characteristics of a fool do you see in the following?
A. Proverbs 12:16 A fool is easily irritated or annoyed, and shows it.
B. Proverbs 20:3 A fool is quick to quarrel.
C. Proverbs 29:9 A fool rages and scoffs and there is no peace when you’re around a fool. It says that a fool will behave like this in court.
D. Proverbs 29:11 A fool gives full vent to his anger.
8. Jan Silvious makes the point that a fool uses anger to control. Review what she advised the person who is up close and personal with a fool to do. Are you able to do this – if so, what has helped you?
Jan said not to share personal information with a fool because it gives them power; you can be in their presence but not under their power. If they are raging at you, you can mentally go into your castle and pull-up the drawbridge, and say to yourself, “You can’t get to me”. I think I have learned that not reacting or remaining quiet is a good response to another’s anger because then my response doesn’t add any fuel to the fire.
9. Has the Holy Spirit helped you be quick to listen and slow to speak and slow to become angry? If so, share an illustration from your life.
I know that with my firstborn son, I was very impatient and would get angry quickly if he didn’t do what I told him, and it didn’t help that he was ornery and strong-willed. All I can say is that God helped me to grow to be more patient and to not use anger, like yelling and screaming at my kids, to try to control them. I remember once when some friends came to pick me up for a luncheon and I had three kids by then, and my son ran into the kitchen and said that his toe was bleeding and it got on the carpet on the stairs. I didn’t faze me, and my friends remarked about how patient I was! I was a new Christian around the time my oldest was born, and so was “in process” of growing and also learning to not be selfish with my time.
Great example of calm!
8. What the following from Jan and share your comments and thoughts.
If a fool says something truthful about you, you may have to acknowledge and change.
If a fool says something not truthful about you, you should say (3 times), “You’re not going to get to me.”
You can’t make anyone love you. This one reminds me of a Bonnie Raitt song that I love…
https://youtu.be/oOzMGYCTn-Q
If a fool says something truthful about you…acknowledge it. Ask God for help to change if needed.If a fool says something that is not truthful about you, remember to say to yourself…“You’re not going to get to me.” Over & over if need be! Pull that drawbridge up! Detach!I can’t make someone love me.
God hunt: I had a good counseling session with a Christian counselor today & will meet a few more times. She will help me walk thro a necessary detachment from a toxic situation.
Please pray that I will stay strong & focused in the Lord, & follow through with whatever He asks me to do. This is going to be tough. Thanks sisters!
Jenny, will be praying for you! I’m so glad that you have your counselor to help you walk through this.
So glad to hear of the visit Jenny! I will continue to pray.
Jenny,
May God give you both clarity, courage and comfort as you weigh your steps forward. (I too have been seeing a counselor as I attempt to navigate a difficult relationship.)This song for you this early morning. I sometimes sing this prayer/song to the Lord when I need to affirm what is true amidst emotional confusion. Be comforted sweet sister:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgnWpOToF7E
LOVE THE SUPPORT HERE! I ASK GOD TO HELP YOU AS WELL, JENNY.
10. Jesus says that those who are evil can’t say anything good. Reminds me of when the rich young ruler came to Him saying, ‘good teacher’, and Jesus said only God is good. Godly speech can’t come out of a fool, out of an evil person, out of an unbeliever. They can have a kernel of the truth, but the package isn’t good. It’s OK for me to acknowledge a kernel of truth, but first importance is to hold up whatever is said to God, to the truth of scripture, and measure it from there. That’s why it is so essential to take time and not just knee jerk a reaction or words.
11.a. Guard your heart. Don’t let the arrows or firebrands of hurt take root. And I would add, don’t let the fool’s words and attitudes entice you to think and act as they do. Be careful.
b. The mouth controlled by the Spirit brings life, delightfully so. But the wicked just bring violence. (Abuse? Pain? Negative examples that turn us away from God and life.)
12. How to bring in the good? By feeding your mind and spirit on God. For me, that means reading the Bible daily. This blog. Reviewing memory verses. Talking with people about God’s word and truth. Even studying Spanish, with the goal of being able to use it in mission trips. Prayer. Transparency before God and accountability partners. Meeting with like minded sisters.
10. Our real problem Jesus tells us is not our mouth, but our heart, for out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. What does he say in Matthew 12:34? What does this mean — and how would you apply its truth?
How are you who are evil say anything good? For out of the mouth the heart speaks. Whatever lies in our heart comes out of our mouth. To be careful of what I hold in my heart via what I hear, see and how I listen to my thoughts. For me that is a huge one-listening to my thoughts, believing lies and letting them permeate my heart so I have to be careful.
11. What do the following proverbs teach?
A. Proverbs 4:23: To guard my heart for everything I do flows from it. – ah..so true! I kind of answered that above.
B. Proverbs 10:11: The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence. – The contrast here is what captures me..just how overflowing in healing we can be to others when we let Him have our hearts and minds every day as opposed to the tongue and actions of the wicked who can hurt others so deeply.
10. Our real problem Jesus tells us is not our mouth, but our heart, for out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. What does he say in Matthew 12:34? What does this mean — and how would you apply its truth?
It means that you speak what is in your heart, so if you have evil in your heart it will bubble to the surface and come out through your mouth. We have to change our hearts to be more gentle, not evil. Then, we will have pure words.
11. What do the following proverbs teach?
A. Proverbs 4:23
Guard your heart for it determines your course in life.
B. Proverbs 10:11
Good words are from the righteous and evil words are from evil people.
Just as it seems to help me to just get rid of junk food, for I’m so easily tempted, it has helped me to get rid of cable television and People Magazine. I like to listen to sermons and edifying audiobooks (usually fiction as I like to underline nonfiction) when I’m multi-tasking. Memorizing 1 John has had a huge impact on me. I love the interaction with you, my rich sisters, on this blog. My local church, my women’s study, and one on one with in-depth believers fill up my heart with riches.
12. What helps you to put good things in your heart? Be specific — even listing great fiction, non-fiction, musical artists, methods. We can help one another!
I don’t listen to the radio anymore; no “pop” music, just Pandora radio so I choose what I hear. I listen to podcasts from Revive Our Hearts (Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth) and any sermon from greats like Tim Keller, RC Sproul, etc. I like historical fiction so I read that and any good read suggested by ladies here. My husband and I got rid of cable tv, so we only have internet. I don’t like most tv shows and even when I had cable I wouldn’t watch many shows because of the actors who professed political views (Ashley Judd types), or if I knew it supported social views I disagree with (like that Modern Family show). I can’t help watching Blue Bloods with Tom Selleck though! I find podcasts of people I like on the internet if I want to hear their views on a topic. I read a lot of the blog and learn so much here. Our country has become quite polarized and it’s hard to have a rational discussion with others. It’s led by the crazy media, so I have opted out of listening to the lies upon lies they spew. That has been the best thing for cleansing my heart I do believe. No news is safe; even local. I am going to lead a bible study for young women in our church starting next week, and have deemed this summer “The Summer of God,” to myself of course. I will be dancing (hopefully) three times a week to His glory specifically. I’m hoping others in my church and around the community will join me. I have also thought we might invite neighbors to join us on Thursday nights for a community dinner on our back patio; bring a dish and share to get to know each other better.
WONDERFUL, LAURA. PRAYING FOR YOUR STUDY.
Thanks Dee!
I should have included social media too…I only do Facebook, and that only a couple of times a week, only to share pictures or keep in touch with others for meetings and such.
You are an inspiration with your summer plans! You go, girl! May God have His hand of blessing on it and bring you great refreshment in it.
13. The fool and his motivation. The fool’s motivation is merely to feel better about himself. He imagines that what he has to say is really something. Ouch. They also see no value in understanding others. They are very shallow.
This describes me often when I act out of my flesh. Or, as the KJV would say it, when I am acting carnally.
14. A food will answer before the whole question is out, before listening. That is both his foolishness and his shame. It is so easy to have a game show mentality, where the fastest to answer garners the most points. That is the opposite of what the Bible is teaching here.
15. I usually shy away from controversial conversations, and can’t see myself listening that long. I check out mentally. Even to think about doing it right feels terribly uncomfortable. I have so much to learn and to put into practice!
Love your analogy to the game show Mary! That is so true. I’m definitely going to think of that/you next time I am beginning to open my mouth to speak.
13. Read Proverbs 18:2. Meditate on it and describe the fool and his motivation here.
A fool takes more pleasure in expressing his opinion than in listening to understand others.
14. Read Proverbs 18:13. What does it say?
If one gives an answer before he hears it is folly and shame.
WOW not sure where this week went! I just did all days this morning but will not answer everything here! All of you have shared such precious stuff this week and I have so enjoyed hearing how you are growing and learning!
My mouth gets me into trouble ALL THE TIME. I am a fixer and see everything wrong (so that i can make it better of course) with everything! I am a 1 wing 2 on the enneagram personality scale which means I SEE every flaw. it has taken me over 40 years to figure out that others do not just ignore flaws, they just really do not see them!!! who knew?!?!?!
(I too would have commented on steves glasses)
I was asked to leave a ministry because all my “helpful hints” on how to live a better life with Jesus were not appriciated by the college students i was trying to help. I see a problem and i attack a problem.. but for some reason it is the PERSON that feels attacked… (bad glasses, not bad steve)
I also tend to share stories that are not mine to share..always to “help” someone by showing them the lesson in the story but I have learned the hard way that sometimes others don’t want how they learned something the hard way shared with others.
at the moment my husband is wearing brown plaid shorts with an indians sports shirt…it is LAUGHABLE but he will be hurt if i say it does not match because there is a fine blue line running through the shorts, thus he has matched the blue with the blue which in his head = matching (oh how i wish i could share a picture ;-)) but I will keep my mouth shut! thank you DEE for saving our day 🙂
God hunt for the week
my daughter that was on track to own her own chick-fil-a store before she turned 30 (Abigail) has made a 180 and her husband and her are going into full time ministry. our church plant has asked Josh to become the associate pastor with the intent to grow into lead pastor over the next 10 years and she is taking the childrens director job. this helps my Ellie (my 3rd born and middle child) who also wants to own her own chick-fil-a and is also on track to do just that in the next 10 years. she has always felt she was in her big sisters shadow and this gives her a place to call her own.
Emma has had a lightbulb moment and understands that she has disconnected from me and that has caused her to rebel. Please pray that she will continue to grow in wisdom and healing
Lily also seems to be finding herself, we have been working on getting her temps and when we ran into yet another snag she was able to get angry and then get over it instead of turn inward and hide for days.
What exciting news about your daughter and husband, Cindy. And will pray for Emma and Lily. (Love your names for them!)
Thank you, I love their names too until I try to call one of them by name and always say the wrong name because Abby, Ellie, Lily and Emma are also stupid all so stupid close LOL pretty sure I only call them by the right name 25% of the time
Cyndi you crack me up! I too have used my mouth for “folly” as the Bible says. I have taken 55 years to figure out I should just be quiet. I am better now; I do listen more to others better.
I also tend to “see every flaw”, Cyndi! I have never really looked into the enneagram but I’ve heard it talked about on podcasts. Like your God Hunts, too!
13. Read Proverbs 18:2. Meditate on it and describe the fool and his motivation here.
Fools have no desire to understand, but rather just want to be heard. They don’t care about others thoughts, they only care about themselves. They are selfish.
14. Read Proverbs 18:13. What does it say?
It says that it’s is foolish and shameful to spout out without listening.
15. Have you ever had a discussion with someone about abortion, the practice of homosexuality, or the political party that you do not belong to and practiced what Keller advises: listening carefully and repeating their argument back to them sympathetically so they absolutely know they have been heard before you attempt to dismantle it? If so, share here.
Not really, although I do listen to others’ arguments, I just haven’t repeated it back to them as you suggest. The one that comes to mind is global climate change. I have found that people listen to news reports and believe them without doing their own research. In science it is important to see all sides of an issues without bias. I have studied this topic for 20 years because I am interested in it. I have spoken to meteorologists, climatologists, professors (emeritus and otherwise), read papers, articles, and anything I could to help myself understand. Most scientists believe the general public can’t possibly understand the complexity of their research, and end up not giving interviews because they don’t want to dumb down their subject. They are correct to a point, however people like me can try to understand their view and make it simpler for the general public. For example, do you know that sunspots and termites have something to do with GCC? Did you know that earth is dynamic and has gone through many highs and lows with respect to temperatures? Or, that the entire US was under water except for the tops of the Rockies? We are imposing ourselves in the planet and earth will do its own thing regardless of us.
It’s very hard to talk to people who are “in the tank” with the news media and politicians who need a talking point. I really can’t believe how gullible the general public is. I also can’t believe politicians are driving their races on this topic. The earth is dynamic; it changes. Electric cars are not good for the environment….where does the electricity come from in the NE? Burning coal! Getting rid of fossil fuels means we get rid of anything that has plastic, including your cell phone and really any product you use. I do believe we should use many types of energy sources, but the cost is too much for most of us at this point. Solar panels have never come down in price, and aren’t useful in some areas/time of day (you still have to use batteries) and not every place is windy enough for wind turbines (not to mention our town won’t let us put one on our roof).
We need to work together to understand before we push it on voters. Politicians are only listening to one side of the story, many scientists do not agree with what is being said in the news.
Okay, off my soapbox! I will try what TK suggests next time I have a conversation about a controversial subject. I will listen and repeat their statement back to them.
Lol. I love this Laura!
OH Laura this is SO true, it is astounding to me how people will just beleive whatever the media tells them! but i did the same thing with the other side too. It makes me so angry that we have powerful people in media that just feed a fear or belief just to get their way. I do NOT tend to listen to people who just repeat what the general public believes…honesty in my head i think “how can you be so stupid” very compassionate of me i know 🙂 I just tend to say “you can’t believe everything you hear” and end the conversation so that i do not call them names.:-) if its my kids or a good friend i will have a convo and try to listen with compassion and understanding though.
i always go to your answers when i don’t have time to really read a vs. you always follow the rules and make it easy for me to follow 🙂 Im not a rule follower….i know that shocks you
Hahaha Cyndi! Again, you crack me up!
Thank you Laura for all of this scientific information! My husband and I watched some of the Democratic debate on television this week, and I heard things said, like getting rid of fossil fuels and transitioning to all electric cars, and wind turbines. The environment and climate are very emotional issues because no one wants to see our planet destroyed; after all, we kind of depend upon it! I believe I heard one candidate comment that (a scientific fact) we have twelve years to turn things around before it’s too late.
Oh my gosh Susan, please tell me you don’t believe the 12 year thing?! Remember Y2K? I too love the planet; I am an earth scientist. You can’t believe how many people don’t recycle. And, if people really cared they would stop blowing leaves and using gas lawn mowers as well as cars…those politicians should put their money where their mouths are! Love you sister!
Tomorrow we leave for a week traveling with our grandkids, so I’m anticipating I’ll be doing well to follow along with all of you. See you back the week after!
take away
I need JESUS! I suck at this so much! my mouth opens and I say what i think which is usually a way to correct someone or something because THE WHOLE WORLD IS MESSED UP AND OF COURSE I NEED TO FIX IT!
OH dear JESUS put a lock on my mouth! I so wish that some days i could wear another lens in which to see the world with, mine just sees all the things that are wrong. if i am looking out the window i see the dust if i don’t force myself to see the beauty. I have learned to FOCUS on the beauty but i still ALWAYS see the dust…
I am an equal opportunity fault seeer, i see them in myself, in the room i am in, in my husband, parents, friends and kids. I notice things that no one else seems to see and that makes me naturally a critic. BUT all that means is that I need more of JESUS eyes, I need to let HIM come in and perfect my lenses. To focus on the things that are good instead of the things that are wrong I need HOLY SPIRIT glasses.
I know i will always naturally see how things and people can be improved, its hard wired into my soul but I can choose to FOCUS on the beautiful and keep my mouth shut about the not so beautiful….I will still clean my kitchen every morning…but i will not grumble about the “stupid people who don’t know how to put anything back where it goes” 😉 and I do not need to point out that dear husband has no fashion sense what so ever, i will just learn to think black socks with tennis shoes is endearing…HEAVEN help me.
Yes, black socks with tennis shoes is endearing. Steve’s glasses were too.
Yes, they were! His kind eyes showed through then and that was what mattered!
:-)Thank you, Cyndi! I tried to do en emoji but apparently that isn’t working yet!
Dee, there is an empty text box with your name on it. I can’t see anything in it???
Thanks