We are in Proverbs this summer, with a different topic
each month.
Billy Graham read a psalm and a chapter of proverbs every day.
Psalms helped him stay right with God,
and proverbs with other people.
In May we will study “the fool” in Proverbs.
We all behave foolishly at times.
Yet there is a person called a “fool” in Proverbs
that has several consistent characteristics.
Why would we even want to label someone as a fool?
Shouldn’t we leave that kind of judgment to God?
I believe He gives us these signs
about fools in Proverbs for two reasons:
1. To consider if we are behaving like a fool
2. To learn how to protect ourselves if we have:
a child who is a fool,
a spouse who is a fool,
or a parent or sibling who is a fool.
The Bible, especially Proverbs, provides needed wisdom.
As you will discover this month, the fool may be very religious,
and claim to be a Christian,
but in his heart, he says there is no God.
A true fool is never a true child of God,
and in fact, Jesus warns that calling a brother a fool without
cause puts you in danger of the fire of hell.
(We’ll discuss this theologically complex warning this month.)
Last week, when we closed our Proverbs’ friendship study
we looked at the importance of having “a filter,” of being
discreet and sensitive. Several of you commented that
people with autism, dementia, Alzheimer’s…etc.
may lack a strong filter, and we need to show grace.
In the same way, we must be cautious about labeling someone as
a fool, for we may be wrong.
Let me tell you a story.
(Yes, another pickleball story.)
In my heart, I wondered if a man at pickleball was a fool, but I knew I didn’t know. He seemed easily angered, was loud, and corrected others frequently. So, I just preferred to play in a different court than he was in, and was usually able to manage that.
When a ball flies out of your court and disrupts another court’s volley, whoever gets the displaced ball throws it back to the right court. But if it is this particular man who gets the ball, he often makes a scene, demanding to know not just which court needs it, but which player is serving next. Then he makes sure the person he throws the ball to thanks him. Last week I put up my hand to show that it was our court that needed the ball back. This man threw the ball to me and then I threw it to the next server. This made him angry and he yelled across the gym: “DEE, WHY DID YOU TAKE THE BALL WHEN YOU WEREN’T SERVING NEXT?”
What bubbled out of me, admittedly in anger, was: “BECAUSE I CAN’T THINK THAT FAST!”
I thought, O foolish Dee, now you are in for it.
But instead, he cooled down, and said to his teammates, but loud enough for the whole gym to hear“Oh! Okay! My bad.” That was it.
I was flabbergasted and humbled, realizing: he isn’t a fool for proverbs says a fool will not receive rebuke. There’s something else going on. I suspect, from knowing and loving families with someone on the autism spectrum, that that or something like it may be it — and that what he needed was grace, not condemnation. It is a serious thing to label someone wrongly as a fool, which I had come close to doing.
I want to take the month to really study this and then, when you are sure someone fits the biblical description of a fool, you can take the measures necessary to protect yourself, and possibly, your loved ones. You can also measure yourself, to see if you are behaving like a fool.
We’re going to begin our study therefore with one whom, in God’s sovereignty, was named Nabal (which means fool.) In this story, we have a true fool (Nabal), a man behaving foolishly (David), and a woman (Abigail) who knows how to deal in godly wisdom with both a fool and with one who is behaving foolishly. There will be times for all of us when we need the wisdom of Abigail. I love the message you’ll hear, and Stuart Olyott asks, “I’ve always wondered why more parents don’t name their daughters Abigail!)
Peter Paul Rubins 1628
Sunday:
- What stands out to you from the above and why?
- How have you seen God move in your life in the last 24 hours? (This is what we call the God Hunt — if you are unfamiliar with this, go to this post: https://deebrestin.com/2019/04/slowing-down-seeing-more/)
Monday: The Story
3. Read 1 Samuel 25 as an overview and:
-
- Summarize in a few sentences what happened.
- How had David and his men treated Nabal’s shepherds according to what the servant told Abigail in verses 15-16?
- What stood out to you and why?
4. Share a God Hunt from the last 24 hours.
Tuesday: Nabal
5. Find everything you can about Nabal.
6. How does Nabal illustrate these characteristics of a fool according to Proverbs?
-
- (Proverbs 12:15 — will not listen)
- (Proverbs 14:15 – hotheaded)
- (Proverbs 11:29 – brings ruin on his family)
- (Proverbs 17:12) – is dangerous)
7. Share a recent God Hunt.
Wednesday: David and Abigail
8. How is David behaving foolishly — and how is this inconsistent with his general character?
9. Describe what Abigail does and how she entreats David.
10. If you are married to a fool, when is it important not to submit to him and how do you discern this?
11.How does David’s response to Abigail give evidence that he is not a true fool?
12. How is God speaking to you through this story? If He is — this is a God hunt!
Thursday-Friday: Character Bad, Flawed, and Beautiful (Stuart Olyott)
13. Share your comments or notes from the above message.
14. What can you learn from Abigail on how to diffuse a bad situation? Look carefully.
15. Is there a way you might have an opportunity to apply this?
Saturday:
16. What is your take-a-way this week and why?
17. What was your favorite God Hunt of the week and why?
180 comments
8-10 He reacts emotionally and pridefully, she speaks to that emotion and pride. if we are wise we can find a way to make a fool believe that they are changing their own mind, that it was their idea all along. appealing to pride is usually the best way to do this. Not obeying a fool when married to him can be dangerous. if it is you must learn to be a master at making it their idea. The earlier you leave a true fool the better for often it is the ones who are around the fools that suffer more harm than the fool.
Just to clarify I am not saying that you should leave someone for not being a christian. I am saying that true fools are usually abusive and that it is never ok to stay in a relationship in which you are being belittled or abused.
Cyndi — I deal with this in two weeks. I do think it is usually wise to separate from a continually abusive person and demand they get help before going back — but it seems a rare choice for the victim to make. I’m not as black and white about this as I was once, but I still think, as you do, it is usually the wiser course for sake of the children. Divorce is a bit trickier, but I’ll deal with this in two weeks and eager to see your input.
Thursday-Friday
13. Share your comments or notes from the above message.
Very informative sermon. One thing he said that stood out to me is we should feel fortunate when we have Godly people in our lives. Just as David had Abagail and her wisdom to diffuse a situation that David would of regretted doing, I’ve been fortunate to have Godly people in my life to guide and give me wisdom. Very grateful!
My takeaway for this week is there is a difference between being a fool and acting like one. Both can have the same devastating results. And I pray that if I am acting foolishly someone will have the discernment and courage to tell me before it is too late.
Great take-a-way Dawn.
My God hunt would be, that I did something foolish at work this week and it came to the attention of a supervisor, but she did not know who did it. When we were having a staff meeting she pretty much demanded to know who did this thing. I really just wanted to let it blow over and not admit to it because there are a lot of people in our department and she never would have figured it out. Later that day I did go to her and my other supervisor and let them know that it was me. They said they’re still going to have to turn it in to the manager and let her deal with it.
So far nothing more has been said or done. Both supervisors haves told me they appreciated my honesty and courage to step forward and admit to it. That was very hard for me, I would have liked to not have them know what kind of person I can be.
It’s a God hunt because I can see God not only pressing my spirit to do what needed to be done, but giving me the courage to do it.
Wow, Dawn — I’m impressed and ask for God’s mercy on you!
Dawn, praise God. He gave you the courage to be honest and though there may be consequences, I pray there would also be much grace. Grace in this situation and in the future to avoid another such act. It’s His grace that makes all the difference in the lives of Christ followers ❤️. Haven’t we all been in such a position where we only wished no one would know what we have done? But God knows, and now you are forgiven. Praise the Lord.
Amen to that Chris & Dee! That was so brave & so honest Dawn. I know the Lord honors that & I pray that your managers will be gracious & give u another chance.
Dawn, I truly admire your courage and your kicking that idol of approval to the curb! The best thing is that now you have a clean conscience!
13. The thoughts that we nourish make all the difference in our character.
13. What stood out to me was the question “Why mention Nabal at all?” He is an example of who you don’t want to be. Without God’s grace the world would be a very dark place.
14. Abigail used gentle words to turn away David’s wrath. She didn’t sweep the truth about her husband under a rug. She faced reality head on as she acknowledged the sovereignty of God.
15. Lol…the opportunity showed up unexpectedly. The grandson of a client informed me that his grandma said, “you’re a loudmouth” His grandad is my client not the grandma. Inwardly I was laughing but outwardly I knew this was a serious situation and had to be handled delicately. First thing I said was he should not tell people what his grandma says. Then I shared the story of how , when I was a child, embarrassed my mother when I repeated to my Sunday School teacher what my mother had said about her. I also stated to his grandma I wasn’t offended and owned to being a talker. I must confess I looked up the definition of a loudmouth-one who speaks with no tact. one who offends others with speech-and discovered, thankfully, I’m not one.
“Character is the fruit of your choices and is governed by the thoughts that you nourish” What thoughts will I nourish! this was my take away from the sermon.
I was in the car with my girls last night and my Lily (17 with arm differences adopted when 10 from China) one moment said “i don’t know why we were not friends this year, she is really nice” and in the next moment said “I will never have a boyfriend” and then when speaking about her older sisters when I was saying that she and her younger sister had made better dating choices by waiting until they were older responded with “boys WANTED to date them”
her thought life is “I am to shy, i am different, no one wants to know me, It is not worth putting myself out there” The TRUTH is that she is lovely and funny and smart and kind and talented and people would love to get to know her if she was brave enough to try. Her thought life has completely dictated what is going on in her outside life. She is so paralized by the fear of what might happen that she cant find out what could happen.
When I began to CHOOSE to believe the best about Paul, when I began to focus on the good even when the bad was shouting at me, I began to open my heart back up to him. it all started in my THOUGHT life.
God hunt this week
It has been beautiful outside which just feeds my soul! My oldest daughter called me and invited me to go clothes shopping with her at a resale shop. it was so fun and I found things I liked which i never do 🙂 after working for almost 2o hours getting our front door installed I was able to figure out a way to do the trim so that you can’t tell how wonky it is and final coat of paint went on this AM! THANK YOU JESUS!
Cyndi — I love your spirit and am so glad you are a mama to Lily — you’ll help her see!
16. My takeaway is that I must remember I will not have final victory over sin until my body is in the grave and I’m in the presence of Jesus. I must always be on guard. Sometimes I forget I have an enemy on the hunt for me as Saul was for David.
How very true, Tammy!
God hunt. We are in Mpls with our daughter, and last night she took us to something called ‘the tabernacle experience’. It was a replica, shorter by 4′ but otherwise real size. You went through with ear phones and they guided you by stations, telling you not only about the tabernacle, but about how Christ was the fulfillment of each thing you saw and experienced. It was very special!
Wow Mary B…that sounds like an awesome experience!!
17. First of all, I’m very grateful the heat wave is over. I was so happy to feel the rain when it began Thursday morning. Little did I realize Thursday would be difficult not N.C. of my clients but because of technology. When I got home after work I had a special package in the mail. The son of a childhood friend is going to be a church planter for the North American Mission Board in Calgary Canada. He and his family are moving there June 25. He designed a T-shirt( I ordered one) that can serve as a reminder to pray for him and the family as they serve on their mission. The words he chose to use on the design were “Everyday Grace”…to me those 2 words sum up our study. Abigail greatly demonstrated “everyday grace” all the years she was married to Nabal.
I have to jump ahead to my takeaway, as I’m over my head in work this weekend! I first read the story of Abigail a few years ago & it was so powerful…it really gripped my heart. I pray that I can be like Abigail; wise, gracious, courageous, discerning & humble. Only the Holy Spirit can make me like that, so Lord I ask that You work this character in me for Your glory. 🙂
My favorite God hunt was my dad telling me that he is calling himself “a Christian again”, after many years of not walking with the Lord. It filled me with joy!
I am a little late posting but listened to the sermon a few times and my takeaway is a combination of what I learned from Olycott and Dee this week.
I have learned how to spot a fool and the differences between David, Nabal and Abigail. I would rather have a heart like Abigail than David in regard to making foolish choices but if I am a David I want his Abigail side when God intervenes. 🙂 David was a man whose habit is crying out to God for direction and waiting on Him before going forward but he also made choices where he moved forward without God. But when Abigail came to open his eyes in regard to Nabal he was literally over-joyed at how God interceded and kept him from making a foolish choice. What heart is that?!?
I also think this week really cleared up for me how I know if I am dealing with a true fool or someone who is making foolish choices, and that it is godly to set boundaries with that true fool. (I have spotted one at work who has ran out several employees. This study has helped me set boundaries and let her behavior not affect my work performance. It is truly freeing to be able to be kind to her when I encounter her yet when she gets aggressive and unkind I just answer her question nicely and move on.)
8. How is David behaving foolishly – and how is this inconsistent with his general character?
David is reacting – immediately after hearing his servants’ report, he is ready to take up the sword and take revenge. He usually pauses to seek the Lord’s advice or takes his complaint to the Lord and asks Him to deal with those who are against him, but here he takes matters into his own hands.
9. Describe what Abigail does and how she entreats David.
It says that Abigail “lost no time”. She acted decidedly and swiftly to save her household, and she didn’t bother to ask her husband or to rebuke him for his foolishness. She loaded up donkeys with all kinds of provisions for David and his men and set out to meet them. When she saw David, she bowed herself to the ground before him, and said that she would shoulder the blame for this mess. She explains that she was not the one that received the message asking for provisions, and also she reminds David that God has kept him from avenging himself with his own hands, and that David is God’s anointed and under His care and protection. Most importantly, she tells David that when he does become the next king, if he relents in this situation, he won’t have on his conscience the “staggering burden of needless bloodshed.”
10. If you are married to a fool, when is it important not to submit to him and how do you discern this?
I would say not to submit to your husband when his actions are going to bring disaster upon his wife and/or children. Discerning this could come from prayer, or just knowing that what he is doing goes against what God says is right to do.
11. How does David’s response to Abigail give evidence that he is not a true fool?
David listens to Abigail’s wise words and accepts her gifts, understanding that through her, God has kept him from bloodshed. By listening to her, he was listening to God.
12. How is God speaking to you through this story?
I can have a quick temper and can be quick to react, just like David. This often happens when I am tired, hungry, or lonely. I can want to take matters into my own hands, which is dangerous when I’m “hot” with anger. This kind of behavior is foolish. I may not have an “Abigail” to bring me to my senses, but I have the Holy Spirit who will, if I will listen to Him.
Sooo..I have a question. I am not sure all fools are as easy to spot as a Nabal. Can true fools be chameleon’s making you think they have repented and turned from their foolish ways-basically for damage control-but deep inside they are justifying their behavior? Perhaps it means just paying close attention over time for they tend to repent and be sweet at first, then later you can start picking up on manipulation via self pity or other creative ways.
hmmm.. (Even those who claim to be Christians.) I have found watching and asking God to show me has helped with some chameleon- like fools I have known. The hard part for me is if I have seen someone change in the past but it seems the more they are in the wilderness the more they turn into a biblical fool but I could be mistaken for I tend to believe if one truly knows Jesus she/he can’t be a true biblical fool.
This is a good question, Rebecca. I believe that only time will tell if a person is truly only “flawed” and repentant, or a true fool who is set in their way and only seems sorry because they don’t want to suffer the consequences of their bad behavior. And honestly, at time I think we (at least I have) have all done this in our flawed sinfulness – consequences of our sin are painful and so we want to say we’re sorry and have everyone happy with us again and escape the pain, but we haven’t done the deep heart work of repentance.
9. Share your comments or notes from the above message.
a. Nabal is an example of a bad character; David, a flawed one and Abigail, the beautiful character, Jesus the impeccable one (accomplishments, thoughts, and character)
b. I need to be watchful as sin can happen when I least expect it.
c. Seek God when making a decision.
d. I need to remind myself to be grateful for godly people God has placed in my life whom He has used to restrain me from being foolish or becoming a fool.
10. What can you learn from Abigail on how to diffuse a bad situation? Look carefully.
I see the thread of inner beauty in Abigail as Stuart Olyott said in his sermon. Her inner beauty coming from a trained mind focused on God. As a result, she was quick to act with boldness, used persuasive words to diffuse an angry David. Her tact and wisdom showed in how she gently reminded David of who he is (a king in the making) and the consequences of his plans if carried out. Her words were used by God to restrain him from very foolish and deadly actions.
11. Is there a way you might have an opportunity to apply this?
As a teacher, I am often privy to disagreements among my students. As a pastor’s wife, sometimes a person may ask me for advice about a family situation or something she may be confused about. This study is helping me process some of my conversations with these people. I want to be an Abigail to help diffuse bad situations. And what I am learning is that no matter what the issue might be, I need to prepare my mind by being in God’s Word. To seek Him faithfully and to pray for direction.
Saturday:
12. What is your take-a-way this week and why?
That I can be foolish in my ways. To humble myself when somebody is calling out my foolish ways and to be ready to repent and change.
13. What was your favorite God Hunt of the week and why?
The awareness that even if I have been foolish, God loves me and has been merciful not to have left me in my foolishness. He has used many people to restrain me from being a true fool.
13. Share your comments or notes from the above message.
I listened twice and it was a very good, helpful, and sobering sermon. He seems to categorize people into three categories: bad, flawed, and beautiful, though he does point out that even Abigail is a sinner because we are all sinners, yet in this story, her character shines and is beautiful. David is flawed, and the application is that just when we think we have a particular sin under control, it can flare up again, so we must always be on guard and careful. I like what he said about our character: character is not inevitable. Character is governed by the thoughts that you nourish. I believe that is why the mind is Satan’s playground and where he will attack us.
14. What can you learn from Abigail on how to diffuse a bad situation? Look carefully.
Even though this was not her fault, she takes responsibility for the whole thing. “Let the blame be on me”. That is so hard to do because of idols of approval and affirmation, we don’t want the blame – even when it is our fault but to take the blame for something that is not?! And then she acted so winsomely and affirmed David’s character and the Lord’s hand on his life – how could David look at her and not have his heart just melt? And I don’t think this was just an act on her part for saving herself and her household; I think she really cared about the kind of man David would be, and in this situation, a man who was coming as an enemy to her household. She didn’t caricature David nor hate him, but truly displayed love for him in that she wanted what was best for him and for his future.
15. Is there a way you might have an opportunity to apply this?
While I don’t have someone out to destroy me and my family, arguments, disagreements, differing opinions, even heated at times, happen every week. Can I learn to see the other person the way Abigail saw David? Am I willing to humbly take responsibility, even when I feel I am not at fault?
Thank you for sharing this. I am to present to a group of women across the nation, during a zoom call, about Abigail. I came upon your study when I did a GOOGLE search for Calebite. Not easy to find the character traits of this tribe thus far.