I’ll never forget meeting Jan Silvious. We were sharing the speaking at a retreat. Jan was speaking on her classic book: Foolproofing Your Life.
I listened with rapt attention for a young woman whom I’ll call Laura, and for whom I care deeply, had been charmed by a young man who was displaying the characteristics Jan said were consistent in a fool. Laura was confused for she had met this young man at a Christian gathering where he had charmed his way into leadership, but Jan explained that fools may be religious, and be leaders, as Saul was, but in their hearts, they say “There is no God.” Saul spoke often of God, but was intent on murdering David, and, as 1 John 3:15 says, “Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life in him.” I and Laura’s friends had witnessed this young man’s out of control anger, and had each warned Laura, but she pleaded with us to give him grace, feeling he was just under pressure. When I asked Jan what I could do, she said to pray, and that when Laura felt enough pain, she might be willing to listen — and that then Jan would be happy to talk to her.
That finally happened and Laura called Jan. Jan predicted every move this young man was going to make over the next few weeks. The first thing Jan told Laura was: “A fool wants complete control over you. So though this young man has told you it is over between you because you did not do what he wanted, but held firm to your convictions, it is not over. Though he was the one who wronged you, he always believes the other was wrong, for a fool is always right in his own eyes. He’s going to call you in the next few days and tell you he’s willing to forgive you and take you back, but there will be some astounding demands that go with this.” Three days later that is exactly what happened. At that point, Laura trusted Jan. God used Jan and others to set Laura free. When it was over, Laura asked Jan: “Will he one day come to his senses and realize what he lost?” Jan said, unless God intervened, he would not, for a fool is always right in his own eyes and returns to his folly like a dog returns to his vomit.” And that is what this young man has done, continuing to charm and deceive, wrecking havoc in ministries and in the lives of naive believers, By his middle twenties, he was in his third marriage and teaching ethics at a Catholic school. His charm and destruction continues. Jan said she has seen a very small percentage of fools truly converted when enormous pain comes into their lives as a result of their sin — so there is always hope, for nothing is impossible with God.
I long to help those who are suffering from not knowing how to protect themselves from a fool in their life –whether that is a close friend, a parent, a spouse, or a child.
If you have just joined us, please read the opening to last week’s blog — for it is a serious matter to label someone as a fool. We must be cautious.
We will also be continuing our “God Hunts.” I had a wonderful one last week which I shared on my author Facebook page and will share again here, for just as the characteristics of a fool are consistent, so are the characteristics of a genuine believer in Christ. Here is what I wrote:
Sometimes you just know someone is a sister in Christ. This woman, Lekesha, (the mama in the picture) came to my rescue yesterday when I locked my keys in my car far from home. After just a few minutes I asked her, “Are you a Christian?” She laughed and and we embraced as only sisters in Christ can. She stayed with me for an hour until the locksmith she found came to open the door. Blest be the tie that binds!
Why did I suspect Lekesha was a believer? I saw the fruit of Christ in her. Her face was radiant, as she crossed the parking lot to come and help me. When I asked her if she had time she said, “Absolutely” (though she actually had an appointment.) She was calm and I could tell she was determined to stay by my side until I was out of my predicament. That’s when I asked her if she was a Christian.
A fool is concerned only about himself, a true believer is other-centered and lives sacrificially, like Jesus.
Sunday:
- What stands out to you from the above and why?
- As a review, why must we be cautious before deciding someone is a fool?
- How have you seen God move in your life in the last 24 hours?
Monday: 3 Biblical Characteristics of a Fool
Jan told me, “I think I was born to write “Fool-Proofing.” She has rescued so many — so if you are up close and personal with a fool, help is on the way. First, you must recognize the characteristics of a true fool according to Proverbs — for we all behave foolishly at times, but these characteristics are consistent in the life of a fool. Watch this short video from Jan where she lists 3 of the common characteristics of a fool. There are other characteristics we will discover, but let’s start with these. And remember — hold the mirror up to yourself — just in case you are a fool or have a tendency to behave in certain ways like one.
4. What stands out to you from the above and why?
5. What three basic characteristics of a fool does Jan list?
6. Share a God Hunt from the last 24 hours.
Tuesday: A Fool Is Always Right
Because a fool thinks he is always right, he doesn’t listen to advice or pursue wisdom. He feels he has no need of it. He also doesn’t need to repent, for he is sure he is never wrong.
- What stands out to you from the above and why?
- What do you learn from about a fool from the following Proverbs?
A. Proverbs 1:7
B. Proverbs 1:22
C. Proverbs 12:15
3. What characteristic do the above proverbs have in common?.
4. Share a way God has moved in your life in the last day.
5. Holding the mirror up to yourself to see if you have a tendency toward this, answer:
A. Share a time when you refused wisdom and regretted it. (Regret is a good sign!)
B. Share a time when you received wisdom and repented.
Wednesday: A Fool Uses Anger to Control
6. What do you learn about a fool from the following proverbs?
A. Proverbs 12:16
B. Proverbs 17:12
C. Proverbs 20:3
D. Proverbs 29:11
7. What characteristic of a fool to the above proverbs have in common?
8. Holding the mirror up to ourselves:
A. When have you lost your temper and regretted it?
B. When has the Spirit of God helped you to control your anger? Be specific.
9. God Hunt?
Thursday: A Fool Trusts in His Own Heart
10. Have you recognized the deceitfulness of your own heart? If so, give some examples.
11. How have you seen God at work in your life in revealing your own weakness to yourself?
Friday: Upside Down Wisdom From The World
The wisdom of Christ is upside down from the world, and was different from any other religion. He tells us to forgive our enemies, to trust, not in ourselves, but in Him, and to lay down our lives for our brothers. Our own hearts are not trustworthy, but Christ is.
12. Read 1 John 4:1-6
A. How can you recognize the Spirit of God according to verses 2-3?
B. How can you recognize who is from God according to verses 5-6?
13. God Hunt?
Saturday:
14. What is your take-a-way this week and why?
104 comments
How wonderful! I think this post may help me with the question I just posted in last week’s post. I am trying to figure out if someone I know close to me is a fool for perhaps sometimes fools aren’t as obvious as Nabal but I am not sure.
It is hard to know and good to be slow to discern. I remember asking Jan is Laura’s young man was a fool and she did say that when you are young it is hard to know for “folly is bound up in the heart of a child.” She asked me how old his parents were when he was born and I told her 16. She said, “Well, that might contribute to becoming a fool.” It took time to see the consistent traits.
1. What stands out to you from the above and why?
What Jan said, “Fools always think they are right, use anger to control, and trust in their own hearts. ” They control you by the things they say and that is how they get to you in order to control you. I can be in their presence but not under their power.
Also, Laura’s story is very powerful for her fool manipulated and controlled her via justifying his actions/anger blaming her for them-so sacrificing her for his own comfort. Just the complete opposite is Lakesha who sacrificed herself and her comfort for Dee.
1. “…when she felt enough pain she might be willing to listen” jumped at me as soon as I read those words. Had I heeded the warning I received the night before I married my ex-husband, who turned out to be a bigamist, I would have avoided 14 years of suffering. I kept having the thought “ Don’t marry this man” as I tried to sleep and it kept me awake all night. But, I was a stiff-neck and thought I knew best. 14 years later when I began annulment proceedings I stood at a crossroad and realized I had to make a choice…Follow the ways of God or return to my folly. I had felt way more than enough pain and was indeed willing to listen so here I am 11 years later free from my folly and a much wiser woman.
2. We need to be cautious because we could be wrong.
3. This was suppose to be my weekend off but was asked if I would work because we’re short 2 workers this week. I said yes and as I was driving to my first appointment yesterday I had to come to a sudden stop because a flock of guinea fowl were in the road. There was about 20 of them just standing there. They wouldn’t even move when I blew the horn so I eased over and went around them. It was as if God was telling me, “Tammy you don’t know what’s ahead in your life. One day it could come to a sudden stop so you need to slow down and pay attention.”
Such a testimony, Tammy. It does seem that often love is blind.
Tammy, thanks for sharing the lesson you learned from such a painful experience. I am glad God gave you the courage to step out of that relationship. “Stop and pay attention…” God is so creative in doing that with the flock of guinea fowl!
I have 3 friends that were married to fools and stayed married WAY to long because fools are so very good at making others feel like their bad behavior is your fault. also, all 3 couples were Christians and very involved in church. foolish men in each one of the churches counseled them to stay, ALL the children knew they should leave, they begged their mom to leave, they all saw right through their father but the leadership in all 3 churches did not. so sad! many of the children are very messed up because they saw their mom and even worse, the church believe a foolish man and ignore the emotional safety of the kids.
As christians it is so important to look DEEPLY and not just believe the outer actions of a person. In all of these cases the woman looked crazy and unreasonable because the man was that good at being manipulative and looking good.
We’ll look at marriage next week, Cyndi. I have often seen what you have seen. Sometimes the individual is not a fool but addicted to alcohol or drugs — I advise separation until they get help. But it is complicated! More next week!
Interested in what we will look at next week, Dee.
Cyndi, So so so true. I just saw a post by Leslie Vernick who has a new curriculum that just came out to help educate church counselors and/or pastors in how to counsel women or men in relationships like this.
I’ve sort of been a silent blog participant (non-participant!) these past few weeks My youngest of five got married Mother’s Day weekend and I’ve been reading your new book, Dee ~ The Jesus Who Surprises. Through tears at times. Thank you for sharing so personally from your life in this book. Deeply encouraging. I just finished it yesterday.
1. What stands out from the above and why?
Your beautiful story of sensing that Lekesha was a sister and her extraordinary kindness. The bond we have in Jesus is just remarkable. (I remember my mama telling me the story of being in a restaurant with my dad several years ago. My mom’s mom (my grandma) had been murdered. My mom was quietly crying. A woman a few tables away approached my mama and asked if she could give her a hug. Through brief conversation my mom recognized that this kind woman was a compassionate believer in Jesus and wanted to offer comfort in a tangible way. Just what my mom needed at the moment.)
2. Why must we be cautious before labeling someone a fool?
One thought I have about this is that someone can make foolish choices and act foolishly but that does not necessarily make them a fool. To call someone a fool is a very strong statement about that person. It seems like a summary of who they primarily are. Also, I must be careful to identify my own foolishness at any given moment. ….. to keep my own heart right before God, for sometimes interacting with someone who is being foolish can stir me up and tempt me to act or speak foolishly in response.
3. How have you seen God move in the last 24 hours?
I am the staff hostess this weekend here at our Ronald McDonald House in the hospital corridor of our city. One of our guests is a young father with a two year old and an at-risk pregnant wife in the hospital. As I observed the gentle, instructive way he was with his little girl and listened to the way he spoke to other guests, I suspected that he is a believer. As he and I began to talk my heart was “strangely warmed” (In Luke 24:32 ~ two disciples on Road to Emmaus). The more we talked, it became crystal clear that he is my brother in Christ.~ Recognizing the Spirit of the Lord in another is recognizing the Lord’s presence. He noticed my guitar and asked if he might play it. He played and sang. I was surprised by Jesus through the tender heart of this young man.
Sweet story and love that you are at the Ronald McDonald house. Thanks too for your encouraging words.
Nila, wow! I love that special encounter God gave you with the Dad at the Ronald McDonald. And the story of your Mom and Grandma gripped my heart. How you handle your sorrows and pain is such an encouragement to me.
1. What stands out to you from the above and why? “A fool is concerned only about himself….” all the fears and hesitations I cite when delaying (or refusing! Ack!) obedience are being concerned inly about me, myself, and I. Been listening to a lot of Keller on my ling commute to my new job and praying for the Truth that Christ is all to sink so deep that it seeps out my pours and filters my vision … I do not want to be a “practical fool” … knowing God in my heart and yet denying Him with my lack of action …
2. As a review, why must we be cautious before deciding someone is a fool? I cannot remember specifically but we mist not pass judgement on another’s heart … it puts us in danger of judgement (will go back and review this).
3. How have you seen God move in your life in the last 24 hours? (Pardon my rambling…) I started my new job this week – as an RN in a local (somewhat rural, only 90? beds) hospital. At heart I am a pediatric nurse but there are no pediatric positions at this hospital because it is small. So I took a position in the OR (I used to work at a Children’s Hospital in their OR) because you still have the chance to see kids for outpatient procedures. By Thursday I was beaten down and really sad about the prospect of being “stuck” in this job. Really pining for a pediatric position (which doesn’t exist within 150 miles)…. Friday morning on my way to work I listened to Sally Clarkson’s podcast interviewing the authors of “Marriage After God” and through them God buoyed my heart reminding me that we serve not for our glorification but for the glory of God! God softened my heart and reminded me that He has called us here despite the fracturing of our expectations and has again instilled in me a calm waiting to see what He pieces together. It makes no sense to us right now outside of obedience…and I suppose that is the best first step. Praise be.
Praying with you for your heart, Jill. Hard — but I see how you long to obey! Noticing in Psalm 111:10 how understanding follows obedience.
“God buoyed my heart reminding me that we serve not for our glorification but for the glory of God! God softened my heart and reminded me that He has called us here despite the fracturing of our expectations and has again instilled in me a calm waiting to see what He pieces together. It makes no sense to us right now outside of obedience…and I suppose that is the best first step. Praise be.” Beautiful, Jill! And then when reading Dee’s verse from Psalm 111:10 I’m reminded that we are given good understanding when we obey first, not understanding. Reminds me of a verse God often uses in my life when walking through dark times in Isaiah 50:10. “Who among you fears the Lord, and obeys the voice of His servant, and walks in darkness and has no light? Let him trust in the name of the LORD, and stay upon His God.” “Stayed upon Jehovah, hearts are fully blessed, finding, as He promised, perfect peace and rest.”
Oh Jill, I have to give you a lot of credit to work in the OR! I tried my hand at that as a young nurse, but didn’t have thick enough skin. I left after six months and returned to the floors. It must be hard for you to adjust to going back to work after so many years at home, adjusting to the early hours and it’s tiring. Praying for you.
1. What stands out to you from the above and why?
Lakesha sounds like a wonderful lady – coming to your rescue, Dee! That is a God Hunt that you recognized the Jesus in her! Hmm….I am reminded of a similar story that happened to me once in the parking lot of our grocery store. I saw an elderly lady trying to unload her shopping cart full of groceries with some difficulty and I offered to help her, but she looked at me suspiciously and took hold of her purse! She must not have seen Jesus in me, and I wondered why I looked ‘dangerous’ to her? The story of your friend Laura and her then boyfriend is a good example of the characteristics of the fool. He sounds like he is abusive, and it also reminded me of an example that Leslie Vernick uses, which, if you can picture in your mind the face of a clock, goes like this: From 12 pm to 3 pm, the abusive behavior happens, then from 3 pm to 9 pm is the calm, in which the abuser says he is sorry and everything is going smoothly, and then around 9 pm, the abusive behavior begins again, and round and round it goes, the cycle of abuse. Nothing ever really changes. I also like your reminder, Dee, still, that it is a very serious matter to label someone a fool.
2. As a reminder, why must we be cautious before deciding someone is a fool?
I think from last week Dee used the example of Jesus warning about saying “Raca!” to your brother and how that makes YOU in danger of the fires of hell. I think we also must examine ourselves and ask if we are behaving like a fool, or even being a fool in a situation, before we carelessly slap that label on another.
Had not heard the clock analogy. Very good.
Susan, I have not heard of the clock illustration before. That is enlightening.
Sunday:
What stands out to you from the above and why? Dee, your God hunt story stood out to me! Lekesha & her daughter look so radiant, & what a blessing for you…also God’s provision was amazing!
As a review, why must we be cautious before deciding someone is a fool? We don’t want to label someone or judge them prematurely. Sometimes people act foolishly because of a wounded past, but we can set boundaries & look to the Lord for wisdom & guidance
How have you seen God move in your life in the last 24 hours? I think God is reminding me to seek Him continually for wisdom & clarity in setting healthy boundaries. Feeling a bit confused & upset after a confrontation this morning. It was good to clear the air but there was no resolve & I’m seeking the Lord on how to go fwd in healthy ways. Would appreciate prayer for this. Thanks sisters.
Jen, I hate confrontation! I know it is needed at times and praying for resolution and how to forward in healthy ways as you have asked. I can sense your love and concern for the other person/s involved in this situation.
Sunday:
1. What stands out to you from the above and why?
The seriousness of being a fool and the suave ways by how fools operate are sobering to me. I shuddered upon reading Laura’s story and how it could have turned devastating if it were not for the intervention of Dee, her friends and Jan Silvious. It brought to mind what Stuart Olyott said last week about the importance of having godly people surround us to help restrain us when we are going down the path of foolishness.
2. As a review, why must we be cautious before deciding someone is a fool?
Because we might be wrong and we can be placed under judgment or danger of fire in hell if we call somebody a fool without a cause.
3. How have you seen God move in your life in the last 24 hours?
I felt a sense of peace on how I spent my Saturday yesterday helping my husband minister to his Jewish relatives. He officiated at a cousin’s funeral service and burial. The wife who goes to a different denominational church specifically asked Richard, my husband, to conduct a Christian burial. So Richard did so mentioning Jesus many times during the service. I can sense that some of his relatives did not really believe in Jesus. Having been here in this blog and learning more about how to be Christ-like in my responses to non-Christians and/or unbelievers, I had this over-all awareness of the Spirit guiding us on how to relate to the grieving family and friends without pushing our “agenda”. The interactions, though it lasted several hours, were very much on a surface level. I am praying that the reading of the Word of God and the kindnesses and warmth of Christians who were there were seeds that God planted in hearts to woo some to Himself. I was tired by the end of the day but very grateful for the opportunity to minister side by side with my husband.
Wonderful God hunt, Bing.
What stands out to you from the above and why? I absolutely love the picture of Lekesha and her daughter (?) I hope to keep the wisdom of Jan (through the Holy Spirit) when walking someone out of a foolish relationship.
As a review, why must we be cautious before deciding someone is a fool? Because all of us act foolishly at some point. A fool is one who remains in his folly.
How have you seen God move in your life in the last 24 hours? Here’s a good one: our oldest son walked away from the Lord when he was about 16 or 17. He had a set of twins who are five now. This year he and the twins’ mom decided to put them in a private Christian school because they didn’t like the school district. Long story short, he has been attending church and Sunday school because the girls have to attend. He and the kids went to church with us today. The sermon was on the prodigal. 🙂 I was glad to see that he had a bible app on his phone and was following along.
Dawn, wow! Aslan on the move!
Wonderful, Dawn! And a little child will lead them.
1. What stood out? How willing Lekesha was to set aside her agenda for you, Dee. For a friend, it is fairly easy, but to do it for a stranger on just the Lord’s nudge – wow!
2. We must be cautious about calling someone a fool because we can’t see the heart. Only God can do that. Scripture is clear that it isn’t up to us to put on the labels, so we need to be careful.
3. I’m on the planning team for a women’s event in less than two weeks, and since getting home 24hrs ago have been able to connect with several I’d left messages with earlier. That relieves some of my concern for getting things ready in time. I so don’t want to run ahead of God in this, but need to be ready when the day comes.
4. What stood out to me. How this is also the definition of immaturity, selfishness, narcissism, of unsaved humanity in general. Very scary looking in the mirror.
5. The fool tries to control by anger, they think they are always right, and they trust in their own hearts.
What stands out to you from the above and why?
The beauty in the smile of your good Samaritan and the scariness of being a fool myself or interacting with one and not knowing it.
As a review, why must we be cautious before deciding someone is a fool?
we should be cautious because we never know if someone is disabled, taking medicine, or has Alzheimer’s disease.
How have you seen God move in your life in the last 24 hours?
My daughter prompted a discussion about my sewing last night (she was FaceTiming with the kids and saw I was sewing). I told her I was sewing scarves for the Pentecost service. She didn’t know what that meant and even asked if it was a Jewish holiday! I said, “Sarah, we aren’t Jewish!” (lol, she has gone to Christian church her entire life – she has a low IQ) We discussed just what that meant with the Trinity being God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. I also told her that when Jesus died God didn’t want us to be left alone so He sent the Holy Spirit to be with us in this fallen world. Isn’t that cool? I learned most of this because I have been here, with Dee, all these years! I can even say that some of what I said comes from sermons of Mike Reeves. So proud of myself for being able to actually get through a discussion of that sort without fumbling!
I shared the story with my dancers and they were touched and wanted me to share some of it with the church before we danced. I left out the part about the person I was speaking to (my daughter). I felt God with me in the room as I told them the story. I have contemplated this for a long time (about me dancing). I have never been that beautiful dancer, and wondered why I continue. I really believe He has given me the gift to make sure that I touch lives for Him, no matter the size of my body, the amount of creativity, or anything else that dancers worry about, being dancers. One of my students came to see us dance and brought her family (she is autistic). So yesterday, through my dancing I have shared with two people who don’t have God in their lives. One of my dancers’ sisters was there also and she is a non-believer as well. We posted it on the fb page if you want to see it.
This is so beautiful, Laura — love to see truth rippling out from you — and love that Mike Reeves so helped with the Trinity — for it is a very mysterious concept. Exciting!!!!
Yes Laura, that is wonderful!!! You have the boldness & love of the Holy Spirit flowing thro you!!
Hey Laura… this year Pentecost was the same Sunday as the Jewish festival Shavuot…glad to hear you had a good visit via FaceTime with your daughter
Interesting Tammy! It was a nice visit.
4. What stands out to you from the above and why?
The power of life and death are in the tongue. The fool controls you by what they say and that is how they can get to you and control you. BUT you can be in their presence but not under their power.
5. What three basic characteristics of a fool does Jan list?
Always think they are right, use anger to control, and trust their own hearts.
6. Share a God Hunt from the last 24 hours.
So I met a new friend here where I live-mom to a sweet girl my son is now officially dating. I posted about her a few weeks ago. We went to visit their church yesterday and then had lunch with her. There were many sweet kisses from Jesus in conversation with her.
4. What stands out to you from the above and why? Jan has a lot of wisdom in this area. Even tho a fool can use words to try & control; “you can be in their presence but not under their power. ”
5. What three basic characteristics of a fool does Jan list? Fools always think they are right; use anger to control; trust in their own hearts.
6. Share a God Hunt from the last 24 hours. I was feeling a bit overwhelmed & sad yesterday, but a friend from my Life group called me to see how I was doing, & prayed for me. That was from the Lord.
4. “You can be in their presence but not under their power” stood out to me. There are people in my life who demonstrate the characteristics Jan used to describe a fool. Because they are family members I can love them with mercy from an emotional distance and hope one day they will face the truth about who they really are.
5. Fools…think they are right…use anger to control…trust in their own heart which, in my opinion, is the worst characteristic because “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it? (Jeremiah 17:9)
6. Yesterday we had a special service at church and covered dish lunch. My hometown is known for it’s tomatoes which are considered to be the best in this region. As I ate my lunch I enjoyed the simplicity of my surroundings. There were plenty of good dishes to choose from and even a table setup to make bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwiches. 5 flavors of home made ice cream was one of the desserts. This may sound corny but I just enjoyed sharing a meal with the adults who were part of my childhood and youth. There aren’t many left from that era of my life.
Not corny at all!
Tammy, I think your church luncheon sounds wonderful!
Sunday
1. What stands out to you from the above and why?
I enjoyed your God Hunt, knowing that God is watching over you…I can visualize Steve smiling from heaven!
2. As a review, why must we be cautious before deciding someone is a fool?
“Jesus warns that calling a brother a fool without cause puts you in danger of the fire of hell.” (We’ll discuss this theologically complex warning this month.)
3. How have you seen God move in your life in the last 24 hours?
Our women’s ministry met after church yesterday and we were given names of women to chose from out of a hat that are “secret sisters” for six months and when choosing that name we are committed to pray everyday for that person. I received a name of a women that I struggle with. I like her but she is very controlling and just not someone I’d chose to spend time with. I actually looked up and just smiled at God…He knows and I know, that prayer changes the heart.
Sharon — yes, I see God smiling. He knew who could handle that woman!
Monday
4. What stands out to you from the above and why?
“Hold the mirror up to yourself…”. I may see traits of foolishness in others, but oh, may I remember to hold the mirror up to myself!
Also, what Jan said about people who are controlling. “You can be in their presence but not under their power.”
5. What three basic characteristics of a fool does Jan list?
They always think they’re right.
They use anger to control.
They trust in their own hearts.
Can you differentiate between “being a fool” which sounds like is optional and a choice, and a psychosis that may have begun by the same wrong negative choices, but the person seems unable to see the truth, accept love, and cope with relationships. This person is not a believer, refuses professional help and certainly would not accept scriptural comments. I care a lot but staying away seems to be the only solution at the moment tho that isn’t a solution in reality. Prayers have prevented things from being worse but any suggestions would be welcome.
Hi Dee,
I talked this one over with a strong sister who had a daughter with a mental illness. We agreed that though the cause may be different between mental illness, a fool, and a prodigal — that choices do play a part, and that often the response of those dealing with this person may be similar. Here are some lectures you may find helpful — though they are primarily directed toward those dealing with prodigals:
http://www.fouroakschurch.com/lettinggo
Sunday:
What stands out to you from the above and why? I loved how Jan guided you through helping ‘Laura’, that when the time was right, the fool would be revealed. Our own eyes have to be open in order to want to see the foolish behavior in others. God will have those who are to be with us in place so when our eyes are open, our hearts are willing, they will be His helper to guide us along and helps us remove those who can bring us down out of our lives. I also love that smile on Lakesha’s face. How I can imaging just being around her would lighten my load and bring joy and peace to a situation.
As a review, why must we be cautious before deciding someone is a fool? – We have to be careful as to not judge others hastily. We need to watch for the pattern of a foolish person to continue and not judge before that or label them as a fool. There is a fine line that we as Christians can also be included in that definition.
How have you seen God move in your life in the last 24 hours? – My older son, Kyle (some may remember was injured in Afghanistan) is struggling right now, emotionally and financially and can feel the stress of all of it, and when I was talking to my Mom and younger son Justin about it, Justin messaged his brother to see if he wanted the jar of change that he had been saving to use toward whatever way Kyle needed it. He said no, that he needs way more than what is in the jar, but what I saw as a God moment was the concern and compassion Justin had for the situation that Kyle is in. Justin didn’t care that he was messed up, partly due to himself and his choices, he saw his brother in need and wanted to help him in any way he could. God is everywhere, we need to just be willing to see him
Julie-praying for Kyle and Justin and you. So touched to read of your younger son love his brother in a thoughtful way.
1. What stands out to you from the above and why?
“In their presence but not in their power “. Wow! I can engage a fool in a conversation as I may be one of the few Christian influences (spoken in humility) this person may have in his/her life. Or somebody who is concerned for his/her soul. But I need to protect myself so I will not be in their power. I need to be wise and to seek God to lead me in such conversations.
2. What three basic characteristics of a fool does Jan list?
They are always right, use anger to control and trust in their own hearts.
3. Share a God Hunt from the last 24 hours.
I have a very painful canker sore inside my mouth for about 5 days now. Home remedies haven’t been working. I prayed for my doctor to be in so I can ask for some topical medication. The nurse called me and said a prescription was on its way to the pharmacy. I got prompted to check the prescription online when I heard the name of the medicine. So I checked with my doctor again and she corrected herself. I would have been taking the wrong medicine (for cold sore instead of canker sore)! Somehow in the process of leaving messages on voice mail and the receptionist, my request got miscommunicated to my doctor. I am thankful for the prompt to check.
4, What stands out to you from the above and why? In their presence but not under their power…oh how true…AND I think ‘fools’ have a knack for knowing my idols or my hearing has an idol filter because so often what they say strikes fear of loosing my idol (approval for me).
5. What three basic characteristics of a fool does Jan list? 1. Uses anger to control. 2. Trust in their own heart and 3. Always right.
6. Share a God Hunt from the last 24 hours. The house we were going to put an offer on suddenly (just this morning) jumped up in price…right out of do-able range. Disappointing but His hand allows to guide us to the right thing….Even His “no’s” are Him working in our lives…
my job requires very early morning hours so I guess I am a lunch-break and bed-time blog girl now….
I see you trusting Him, Jil. Praying for the right house!
4. What stands out to you from the above and why?
I am nervous about knowing the consistent characteristics of a fool! I could be one, or my husband, and I don’t want to be that person.
5. What three basic characteristics of a fool does Jan list?
Jan says they think they are always right, they use anger to control, and they trust in their own hearts.
6. Share a God Hunt from the last 24 hours.
A few years ago the hurricane Sandy produced terrible winds in NE and one of our trees went through our above ground pool. We took the pool out and I started thinking that it would be nice to have an outdoor entertainment area. My husband did not like the idea initially, and it took him several years to get “on board” with me, but now we have a gorgeous backyard patio with a fire pit, bar, etc. – just need to work on landscaping now. I sat out there on Sunday for about three hours grading papers and enjoying the sun. It was so peaceful! Thankful for this time that was very relaxing even though I am exhausted.
Tuesday
1. What stands out to you from the above and why?
Do I repent enough?
2. What do you learn from about a fool from the following Proverbs?
A. Proverbs 1:7
We should listen to the Lord; it is good to have wisdom and instruction.
B. Proverbs 1:22
Fools hate the truth. They can’t handle it (Jack Nicholson in “A Few Good Men!”)
C. Proverbs 12:15
The wise will listen to others.
3. What characteristic do the above proverbs have in common?
hmmm…they are all about the fool not listening to God or others.
4. Share a way God has moved in your life in the last day.
He has given me strength when I am running on fumes.
5. Holding the mirror up to yourself to see if you have a tendency toward this, answer:
A. Share a time when you refused wisdom and regretted it. (Regret is a good sign!)
I am struggling thinking too hard this morning, but this regret is standing out this morning…when I was 18 I moved to Texas from Florida to begin school as a dance major at TCU. I was bull headed and decided at the last minute to not pursue that degree but go to another school and pursue a different degree path. I wouldn’t listen to anyone, including my mom (wise woman). I have regretted that decision over the years. I probably should have stayed with what I was good doing.
B. Share a time when you received wisdom and repented.
A time stands out when our son was giving us many troubles (court involved) and we had no where to turn; we were out of options. I gave the whole situation to God and trusted He would come through for us. He did and has. It isn’t perfect, but He took care of the situation and I didn’t have to! Whew! That felt GREAT.
6. What do you learn about a fool from the following proverbs?
A. Proverbs 12:16
Fools believe they are always right. They don’t listen to reason.
B. Proverbs 17:12
I’ve always heard a mama bear was very dangerous if someone messed with her cubs. I’m not sure what the “folly” of the fool would be?
C. Proverbs 20:3
Fools argue.
D. Proverbs 29:11
Fools don’t have self-control.
7. What characteristic of a fool to the above proverbs have in common?
Would it be that they speak out? Or would it be they don’t listen?
8. Holding the mirror up to ourselves:
A. When have you lost your temper and regretted it?
Gulp, this is hard…I lose my temper (usually after a while though) with the babies. I definitely have regretted it.
B. When has the Spirit of God helped you to control your anger? Be specific.
I have learned over time that patience is everything and getting mad doesn’t help any situation. He has helped me realize that He has my back and I don’t need to get mad. Usually there is more to the situation than I can see, so it may turn out much different than I thought it would. He helps me breathe and re-group when I am dealing with babies who aren’t listening.
9. God Hunt?
I am so exhausted these past two weeks and yesterday I kept hearing the little chirps of chicks that my colleague hatched with her students this past month. So sweet.
I will be going in an hour early to work this week to make up time for my son’s doctor appointment today-need to take a half day off today. Hopefully I will be able to post tomorrow morning. Just finished reading some comments here. So sweet how God is moving.
4. What stands out to you from the above and why?
That you can be in the presence of a fool, but not under their power. This comes from understanding how a fool operates. It sounds easy when Jan says it, but it’s probably hard to actually do? Maybe because the fool knows how to push all of your buttons.
5. What three basic characteristics of a fool does Jan list?
They always think they’re right, they use anger to control, and they trust in their own hearts.
Tuesday: A Fool is Always Right
1. What stands out to you from the above and why?
That a fool despises, or thinks little of, wisdom and instruction, and the proverb above is saying that a fool thinks little of God.
2. What do you learn about a fool from the following Proverbs?
A. Proverbs 1:7 Fools despise ( think little of ) wisdom and discipline
B. Proverbs 1:22 Fools hate knowledge
C. Proverbs 12:15 Fools don’t listen to advice because they believe they are right
3. What characteristic do the above proverbs have in common?
The fool believes that he or she is complete in himself/herself and has no need of outside knowledge or wisdom.
4. Share a way God has moved in your life in the last day.
I don’t know if I can discern how He did yesterday? I was at work and it was a bit slow, so I helped my co-worker some. We got our emails yesterday informing us all of our ‘appointment’ this Wednesday about what our job offers (if any) will be, as our home care company is merging with the home care company of the hospital that now owns our hospital (it’s a world famous hospital) and I suspect that our particular position as hospital based home care coordinators is going to be eliminated. I think I’ve resigned myself that I will likely return to being a staff nurse because that’s all I know to do. I’m almost 55 and I worry about being able to keep up with the demands of working on the patient care units. The last job I had before this one working closely with patient advocacy was eliminated after this other hospital took over. I feel a bit discouraged, but I did listen to a podcast that I did find somewhat encouraging, as it was about a sense of “lostness”, or feeling lost. I probably shouldn’t mention whose podcast it is because he’s considered controversial, and I just started listening to his podcast because I heard him as a guest on Anita Lustrea’s podcast and she listens to this particular podcast, so I decided to give it a try.
5. Holding the mirror up to yourself to see if you have a tendency toward this, answer:
A. Share a time when you refused wisdom and regretted it.
Well this is a horrible story of me being a fool and STILL living with regret. I think I’ve shared a bit about this before. So I didn’t grow up going to church, and when I met my husband, he was raised Catholic. I started going to Mass with him and as time went on, and we were engaged and then married, I felt drawn to want to desperately BELONG to whatever this was I was seeing, and the word that resounded for me was FAMILY. But I was still so ignorant of God and spiritual matters. After we were married, I voluntarily went through nine months of classes to convert to Catholicism. Fast forward a few years, we had two sons who were attending parochial school. I went to another non-denominational church one Fall for a women’s bible study, and then again the next year. I started reading the Bible for myself for the first time and understanding it. Then, I started going to some of the church services at this church, though I would then also go to Mass. I started to doubt and question some Catholic teachings, and when the non-denominational church built another church right in our community, I stopped going to Mass and took the boys with me to this new church. My husband quit going to church. I was in a bible study and Mary, my teacher, who I had told what was going on, encouraged me to follow my husband’s leading about where our family should attend church, even if he was not a believer. She told me that I could still worship and read the Bible while in the Catholic church. I didn’t listen to her. Though not a believer, can I say that my husband is probably ‘worse’ than he was because at least when he attended Mass, he was in church and hearing God’s Word. Now he hasn’t gone to church in years. He still wanted our boys to stay in the parochial school, so they lived a dual life, being brought up with Catholic and Protestant teachings. My husband and I would argue in those first few years. I remember when the deacon from the church attached to the boys’ school made a home visit, and the truth came out that we weren’t going to the Catholic church. My husband was mad at me for telling, but I said how could I lie to the man’s face, in front of the boys? It caused division in our family. Our daughter is the only one who went to a different school (grade school) than her brothers, a Christian school still, but then she also went to the same Catholic HS that they did. I wanted to be right more than do right. I thought I knew all the answers, and I was right, and the Catholics were wrong. Now I’ve been exposed to the likes of Brennan Manning, who was a priest (before he married), G.K. Chesterton, Dorothy Sayer, and what am I to say, that these are not really Christians because of their Catholicism? My friend and teacher Mary was right, but I refused to listen to her, and now I and my family live with the consequences of my being a fool.
B. Share a time when you received wisdom and repented.
I’m thinking of when God pointed out my idolatry to me and I saw it for what it was and repented.
I like your new picture Susan!
It is so hard to look back and second guess choices. I’m not sure at all that you were wrong. Hard to know if he would be different or not.
I thought it was time to update my picture! It’s just hard to know if what I did was right, or wrong. I feel as if I put my children in a hard place growing up. My oldest son identifies himself as Catholic. My middle son, I’m not even sure; I don’t think he goes to church anymore. And I feel more and more drawn to the beauty of worship in the Catholic church instead of the auditorium setting with a rock-like band.
I have always appreciated the beauty of the Catholic mass too Susan! I especially have been moved by the funeral mass, with the incense and such.
I wanted BE right instead of DO what was right…oh how i have been there! this is such a hard place to be Susan because regret will not change anything and you don’t KNOW that things would have been different but i so appriciate the wisdom in those words, the humility! I love the saying “we do the best we can at the time and when we know better we do better, that is the sign of true growth” What does God want you to do now with what you know now…thats all you can do 🙂 I hurt for you and want to hug you and say “you did the best you knew, please be kind to yourself!” love your heart susan!
6. God hunt for Mon. It sounds really strange, but I know God was at work last night. I met with my mentee, and I kept thinking negative thoughts. Like, “this isn’t working. She doesn’t want to do this anymore. I’m doing this all wrong. I’m such a failure.” But we kept plugging along, and as we went through a couple of psalms and then a few verses in Colossians I was getting more excited about the truths of God and His power and love for us. Even though the whispers have some truth to them, God’s truth is greater.
7. The fool doesn’t pursue wisdom or repentance. That gives me hope, because I’m always telling God I’m sorry and asking how to be better.
8.a. The fool (those who are morally deficient) despise both wisdom and discipline.
b. The simple (those without moral direction and inclined to evil) love pursuing simple things, with mockery and hating knowledge.
c. His own way seems right to him. And while a wise man will listen to a rebuke, the implication is that a fool will not.
9. The shared characteristic is the direction of the mind set. It is set to self, not to God. Now that is scary again, because that is sure my default mode. It is only His new life within me that points to God instead.
4. What stands out to you from the above and why? – Love how she says we can be in their presence but not under their control. LOVE LOVE THIS! As long as I can get my mind and heart right with the Lord to recognize the ‘true fool’ I will no longer have to be subjected to their foolish ways. I will be able to stand up to the in a biblical way and not be a fool like them.
5. What three basic characteristics of a fool does Jan list? – They think they are always right; they use anger to control you; trust in their own hearts; How sad this is for them and for those who are affected by a foolish person.
6. Share a God Hunt from the last 24 hours. – Yesterday as soon as I got to work, I was bombarded by a lot of people and responsibilities, which always happens when my boss is out of the office. I was just not in a good mood at all. One of my co-workers could tell and came by me and just sat down and asked if I was ok. God spoke to her heart to be observant of me and my actions and she heard His voice and came to see if I was ok. Only GOD!!
What stands out to you from the above and why? – How easily it is for me to fit in this category when someone has hurt me or said untrue things about me. How I respond or react will determine if I stand in the foolish line with them. I can think back to when my step son and daughter in law blasted me and my husband on Facebook. I was allowing their hurtful words to dictate how I was acting, thinking that they were the ones that were wrong and should apologize to me. If I can’t forgive, like Jesus forgives me daily, then I’m just as much a fool as them. OUCH!
What do you learn from about a fool from the following Proverbs?
A. Proverbs 1:7 – That a fool despises wisdom and instruction
B. Proverbs 1:22 – fools hate knowledge; I can see why this would be true on their part and for those they are trying to control. Once we gain knowledge and see the true person they are, they will no longer be able to control us.
C. Proverbs 12:15 – The fool thinks he is right and can’t see the true.
3. What characteristic do the above proverbs have in common?. – The fool doesn’t want the truth to be known. They don’t want their victims to be aware of the characteristics of a fool or learn how to deal with them so they are not under their control any longer.
4. Share a way God has moved in your life in the last day. – Just being more aware of how God is moving in my life and those around me. Since doing this study trying to see those God moments so I can see that their is good in every situation if I dig deep enough.
5. Holding the mirror up to yourself to see if you have a tendency toward this, answer:
A. Share a time when you refused wisdom and regretted it. (Regret is a good sign!) – Way back when in 1984 when others were trying to tell me about my now ex husband and I thought, oh they just can’t see the good side of him, I was being sucked in to his lies from the start and just couldn’t see it. I can see now, how they were trying to help me but I would not take that help, and had years of heartache because of it. The only good thing that came from that was my two boys, but sadly they do not have a relationship with him now due to things that came to light just last summer.
B. Share a time when you received wisdom and repented. -When my friend and ‘sister in Christ’ made me see my selfish ways about a situation I thought my husband put me in but he was trying to make everyone happy. I wanted her to side with me, but she did not and made me realize in a loving way that I was wrong. When she opened my eyes to my foolish ways I saw that she was right. Oh how awesome it is to have friends that will love you and tell you that you are wrong and guide me back on track.
Love how open you are to people speaking into your life for either encouragement, as yesterday, or criticism, as in your God hunt.
11.a. A time I refused wisdom and regretted it. It was thirty years ago. I had lost weight, but was still dissatisfied with how I looked and felt. Someone tried to point me wisely to continued exercise and patience. But I gave up and went back to food. How much I regret that! And what is worse is that I’ve repeated the experience several times.
b. A time of receiving wisdom and repenting. I think of a time when God’s word called me to forgive, covering over another’s sin out of love while bearing the pain. I also had to acknowledge that had I acted differently earlier, the outcome would have been something better. It was a very hard time, but has yielded a great harvest of peace.
6.a. A fool is quick to show annoyance.
b. When a fool is in the midst of their folly, you’d be safer with a mad mama bear.
C. Fools are quick to pick a fight.
D. Fools have no ‘wait’ button. They lose control right away.
7. The verses in the last question all show how the fool has no patience. No great surprise, as patience is a fruit of the Spirit, not of the flesh.
Because a fool thinks he is always right, he doesn’t listen to advice or pursue wisdom. He feels he has no need of it. He also doesn’t need to repent, for he is sure he is never wrong.
What stands out to you from the above and why? This sounds like a toxic & dangerous person to be around! The opposite of humility & a teachable spirit.
What do you learn from about a fool from the following Proverbs?
A. Proverbs 1:7 ” Fools despise wisdom & instruction.”
B. Proverbs 1:22 “Fools hate knowledge.”
C. Proverbs 12:15 “The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice”.
3. What characteristic do the above proverbs have in common? Fools going their own way & not heeding wise counsel.
4. Share a way God has moved in your life in the last day. He used me to encourage a very depressed & sick patient. I saw she has a Bible so I asked if she was a Christian…& she is 🙂 We shared how we couldn’t do life without the Lord & I gave her a hug. When I left we both had big smiles on our faces & blessed each other.
5. Holding the mirror up to yourself to see if you have a tendency toward this, answer:
A. Share a time when you refused wisdom and regretted it. (Regret is a good sign!) My mum knew my 1st young husband was not a good match for me, & my dad asked us to wait a few months before we married. We didn’t wait & the marriage ended up crumbling after 3 yrs.
B. Share a time when you received wisdom and repented. When the leader of our small group told me that I was not letting her lead in her own way. I was trying to step in & facilitate things when I wasn’t comfortable with the silences. She shared that she has a different style & she needed me to let her lead, & give room for all the members to speak when they are ready. It was hard for me to hear, cause I take things very much to heart. But I heard the Lord gently saying that He wanted to grow me in the area of listening. I apologized to her & it’s been really good ever since. I feel closer to her now & we pray for each other & appreciate our different personalities & styles.
Love your teachable heart.
8. Holding up a mirror
a. Several years ago, my sister in law was prodding me for my middle name. I told her my feelings about it and why I don’t share it. Later she prodded again, in front of others, and I completely lost it. I am ashamed of the hissy fit I threw.
B. These days, the Spirit helps me to take a deep breath and let that first surge of anger roll over and beyond me. I think specifically of when I’ve told my husband something, but he didn’t pay attention and now he is angry about it. I so want to yell back at him.
10. Is my own heart deceitful? Oh yes. It is sad to know how eager I am to believe the lies I tell myself. I start “believing my own press”, that something I’m doing is special. When God humbles me in that area, then I see the truth that I have nothing in myself to boast about. The biggest in the recent past was my dream for women’s ministry, to connect women and grow relationships. Now I hear the name I gave it and blush. If anything ever comes of any part of that dream, it won’t be because of me.
Mary B I love your honesty & humility! 🙂 It is an inspiration to me.
6. What do you learn about a fool from the following proverbs?
A. Proverbs 12:16; Fools react without a filter, but the wise can overlook an insult…they have self control.
B. Proverbs 17:12; A fool bent on folly is worse than a mama bear with her cubs…defensive, angry, fight to the death!
C. Proverbs 20:3 ; a fool is quick tempered, but a wise person can control his tongue & avoid strife.
D. Proverbs 29:11 ; fools vent their rage but wise bring calm in the end. Kind of like “a soft answer turns away wrath”?
7. What characteristic of a fool to the above proverbs have in common? A bad temper & lack of self control, lack of consideration for the other person.
8. Holding the mirror up to ourselves:
A. When have you lost your temper and regretted it? I haven’t so much lost my temper as been too defensive when attacked. I want to be able to listen if appropriate, & not be defensive…to reflect back what the person is saying & see what the heart is behind it.
B. When has the Spirit of God helped you to control your anger? Be specific. When I’ve been misunderstood & misinterpreted; I know the Spirit has helped me to choose my words carefully & not yell back. To speak boldly but not add fuel to the fire. Wow, that is hard tho!
9. God Hunt? Been praying for my daughter in her new job. Her boss has been totally unrealistic about how much 1 person can do, with very little training or support. (start up with only 2 employees at this time)Yesterday she had a very frank conversation with him & he actually came back & told her to go at her own pace, & they would do whatever necessary to make it work! Praise God..he doesn’t want to lose her!
Wonderful answer to prayer, Jenny.
6. What do you learn about a fool from the following proverbs?
A. Proverbs 12:16 – The foolish ways of the fool will come to light right away.
B. Proverbs 17:12 – A fool will do anything to get you in their control. (not sure if this is right or not on this one)
C. Proverbs 20:3 – A fool loves to pick fights with others.
D. Proverbs 29:11 – A fool will not think before he speaks, he just says whatever he feels like.
7. What characteristic of a fool to the above proverbs have in common? – A fools actions will come out right away because he doesn’t care about the other person. He just wants control.
8. Holding the mirror up to ourselves:
A. When have you lost your temper and regretted it? – I don’t lose my temper as much as I talk with a smart tone and when I do this, it is usually to someone I care about. I hate myself for doing it right after I’ve done it and tell myself to be more patient and understanding.
B. When has the Spirit of God helped you to control your anger? Be specific. – This would go back some to when I had to pick up my kids from their dad’s house. His new wife would constantly cause me trouble and not let them come out of the house, or threaten to beat me up or call the school telling them I’m a bad mom and on and on. As much as I just wanted to scream right back at her, I would speak calmly and just say to let me have my kids. But once I was out of there, I would start shaking. It was only God that helped me through those times.
9. God Hunt? – this is so silly, but I have a stop and go 50+ minute ride home every day and I was aggravated yesterday again because there is never anything going on to cause the stop and go, but I looked up and saw the fluffy white clouds and saw a big ole bear laying on his back all relaxed. I started looking for other ones too, and though OK God this is from you. Thank you!
Love the God hunt Julie! A relaxing bear? Lol!
I can also relate to your anger with you kids’ step mom. I was the step mom for one of my children, and the real mom was the one who treated me horribly. I remember one time I was trying to make sure her son was dressed nicely for something she was going to do. She marched into my house, up to his room, saying, “He can’t possibly wear that…” and found clothes for him that she wanted him to wear. I was mortified that she did that. It hurt my heart when all I was trying to do was something kind. Difficult situations for sure.
Julie and Laura — hard stories about dealing with the “other wife.” A book out of print, I think, but probably old copies available, was “The Wife-InLaw.”
Thanks Dee, I’m going to look for this book. It sounds like a helpful tool.
Oh Laura I can relate so well with this. I’m sorry for the hurt that was felt. It is a hard situation to deal with for sure.
Because a fool thinks he is always right, he doesn’t listen to advice or pursue wisdom. He feels he has no need of it. He also doesn’t need to repent, for he is sure he is never wrong.
1. What stands out to you from the above and why? That I have thought like a fool before (I am right!) Lord, help me acknowledge when I am wrong and repent of it. Help me see the other side.
2. What do you learn about a fool from the following Proverbs?
A. Proverbs 1:7 He despises wisdom
B. Proverbs 1:22 He hates knowledge
C. Proverbs 12:15 He thinks he is right
3. What characteristics do the above proverbs have in common? It is all about self and not learning from others.
4. Share a way God has moved in your life on the last day.
My husband and I have been concerned that we will not have somebody to help us with work at the farm. We have 2 young men helping us temporarily until they hear from their military recruiters. Well, one received a rejection note and he now might be helping us a little longer after all before he goes to a community college in Illinois. He is a young Christian with a sad family background so I think God is allowing this time for him to be with us and we hope we can be an encouragement to him. The other man is an agnostic (that is what he tells us). We are praying for his salvation.
5. Holding the mirror up to yourself to see if you have a tendency toward this, answer:
Yes, I have acted like a fool before.
A. Share a time when you refused wisdom and regretted it. (Regret is a good sign!)
A conversation with my Mom and I thought she was foolish but I got in the “power” of her situation that I acted foolishly myself. After the conversation, I realized I could have handled it better and sure regretted the exchange of harsh words.
B. Share a time when you received wisdom and repented.
I had a letter to write and send one time to our superintendent and my good friend, Julie prayerfully read it and helped me be more objective. She gently suggested I stick to the facts and to delete certain things as it would have been confusing to my superintendent. I had to repent for my defensive attitude. I received a very understanding and thoughtful reply stating my superintendent’s support for me in my situation. This situation was probably the hardest situation I have been in as a teacher.
10. Have you recognized the deceitfulness of your own heart? If so, give some examples.
I’m not sure I have a specific example, but I’m thinking there have been times when I made myself look better than I really was; like in work.
11. How have you seen God at work in your life in revealing your own weakness to yourself?
I think I usually get “put in my place” when I have acted this way.
Double God hunt!
Reflecting on the Pentecost scripture dance we did…I realized that God has managed to put together something very interesting in our group! Four of the dancers are mom-daughter combos. Another dancer introduced me to her mother after the service and I knew her as someone I had danced with before! I told her I really wanted to dance a few times a week over the summer and she could join me if she wanted to. She texted me a few days later and said she was interested. If she joins us then we would have 3 mom-daughter potential combos for the next thing we do. I thought that is neat!
Another God Hunt: I met with a student’s parents last Friday regarding an issue in my class that I was unaware of until they brought it up. Their daughter was struggling coming to speak to me about a couple of grades because she didn’t want to appear rude. I was going to have a semi-awkward talk with the girl about really needing to have discussions with her teachers about grades because they were the only ones who would be able to talk and understand the situation, not parents. These parents were pushing the girl to come, but she wouldn’t. Yesterday it became clear that I made a mistake on the answer key to my portion of the final exam study guide. The study guide was given out 2 weeks ago and NO ONE, not even the other teachers, either noticed, or noticed but never said anything! I went to each class to “own” my mistake, and ended up questioning why the students never came to us earlier. One student (honors) said he knew the right answer but just didn’t say anything! He happened to be in the girls class, so I got to address her problem with everyone and didn’t have to have the awkward conversation with her!! My mistake solved my problem. Thank You Lord Jesus!
Awesome God hunts Laura! Yay God!! 🙂
6. What do you learn about a fool from the following proverbs?
A. Proverbs 12:16 A fool is impatient, showing his anger quickly
B. Proverbs 17:12 A mama bear will get very angry if you mess with her cubs, but it’s better to encounter her than a fool giving full reign to his foolishness
C. Proverbs 20:3 Fools are quick to quarrel with others
D. Proverbs 29:11 A fool vents his anger and gets out of control
7. What characteristics of a fool do the above proverbs have in common? They are angry, quarrelsome people.
8. Holding the mirror up to ourselves:
A. When have you lost your temper and regretted it?
There were times when my children were little and I’d blow my fuse and yell at them; fortunately, God worked in me to produce more patience. I call my oldest son the ‘burnt waffle’ child; I was more patient with his brother and sister. Another incidence occurred at my parents’ home on Christmas Day when my sister was baiting me and I lost my temper. I didn’t yell, but I was mad and I stormed out of the kitchen. Then she got mad at my other sister. My dad got us three together before dinner, and I apologized to her but she wouldn’t accept my apology and glared angrily at me all during dinner. I didn’t enjoy Christmas Day as much that year, and it turned out that was the last Christmas I spent with my nephew because by next Christmas he was dead.
B. When has the Spirit of God helped you to control your anger? Be specific.
Often I react to an offense and want to do something back. Recently, my one sister left me a nasty voice message on my phone because I called my dad and “interrupted their dinner”. (She is the one who answered his cell phone) My three sisters and I have had plans for a while to all go to church with my dad on Father’s Day at his church and then take him out to lunch. I was angry at her message and thinking that I was going to back out of going, but then realized that it would only hurt my dad, so I haven’t said anything. I guess there have been many times when something is on the tip of my tongue to say, but I am prompted to keep it to myself.
Great illustrations of the Spirit keeping you from blowing up or withdrawing.
Susan, I can’t imagine anyone being like this to you. You are so kind.
I agree with you Rebecca!
11. God is at work revealing my weaknesses as a gift to me. It isn’t me that accomplishes anything. It is always Him. Sometimes He lets me ride on His feet and ‘help’ Him. And it is fun. But He did all the work, not me. I’m not really in charge of anything. Not the flowers in my yard, or the women’s events I help plan. Not even the prayers I offer up. It is the Holy Spirit giving words from within.
12.a. You recognize the Spirit of God when it acknowledges Jesus as God.
b. You recognize who is from God by how they speak, which worldview they are coming from. That’s how Jesus could say to Peter, get behind me Satan, because Peter’s statement was from a worldly point of view instead of from a Biblical one.
13. God hunt. We have a cousin who sends long emails when he can’t sleep at night. They go to a whole list of family and friends, and come from a worldly point of view. His most recent one explored having a purpose in life, and he invited others to weigh in. I’ve been praying about it, as I have come across pretty strong at some other times. But I think I’m ready to talk about the macro and the micro purposes of our lives. We’ll see what comes of it.
May God give you wisdom and favor with your cousin, Mary.
I wrote back saying that the micro purposes of my life are to do the good things that are before me every day, and that they feed into the macro. The macro is ‘to know God and enjoy Him forever’ as the Westminster confession says. He wrote back that “I believe a lotta, lotta things Jesus taught were good or right or the perfect or the only way to live and exist together in this world. And I do believe there’s a God. It might take awhile to explain what I mean by ‘God'”.
I intend to carry on the conversation by asking him to go ahead and explain what he means by ‘God’. Appreciate everyone’s prayers in this.
10. Have you recognized the deceitfulness of your own heart? If so, give some examples. – All the time. Every time I listen to my own heart, I end up screwing the situation that I’m in up. The biggest one, is when I listened to my heart regarding the blasting I got on Facebook. I kept listening to my heart say they are at fault, they are the ones that made the bad comments about me and should apologize to me first. This only led to me being bitter toward them and I was miserable about it. They had no idea how bad I was feeling or that I was accusing them, which when you think about it makes me as bad as them.
11. How have you seen God at work in your life in revealing your own weakness to yourself? – I can sense His nudge, reminding me that though what was said about me was not right, He is the one in control and will handle the situation in his timing. It is like a light bulb turning on and a release of frustration vanishes as the light is turned on.
10. Have you recognized the deceitfulness of your own heart? If so, give some examples.
Yes, I chose 2 husbands who were not healthy personality matches for me; I ignored red lights & at the time, I was not listening to the Lord or walking with Him. I realize now how I can be blind & see what I want to see. Also go into denial.
11. How have you seen God at work in your life in revealing your own weakness to yourself?
Yes, teaching me to listen for the heart behind the words & not to jump into defending myself. Also so weak at healthy confrontation, & wanting to smooth things over. Needing more & more to lean on the Spirit, & trust Him to work in all the hard places that I can’t fix.
6. What do you learn about a fool from the following proverbs?
A. Proverbs 12:16 Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult.
B. Proverbs 17:12 Better to meet a bear robbed of her cubs than a fool bent on folly.
C. Proverbs 20:3 It is to one’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.
A. Proverbs 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage,
but the wise bring calm in the end.
4. What characteristic of a fool to the above proverbs have in common?
No filter and quick to vent their anger, bent on folly
5. Holding the mirror up to ourselves:
I have acted foolishly by lashing out in anger.
A. When have you lost your temper and regretted it?
At school with some of my students. At home with my husband.
B. When has the Spirit of God helped you to control your anger? Be specific.
While checking on my students’ written essays, I detected plagiarism in one of them. I was really upset as this particular student has already been in trouble in my class before. But knowing this student has a learning disability, I tried to cool off and paused to ask God to guide me how to approach the situation. He did. After a reminder for the class about the consequences of plagiarism and a call for “confession”, I waited for the student to approach me. God orchestrated it to where the rest of the class went outside to look at the features of an ambulance. This student asked to use the restroom and when he came out, he acknowledged that he was the culprit. I thanked him for confessing, talked to him about how that would affect his essay grade, etc. Though disappointing, I am glad I did not vent my anger in an inappropriate way.
6. God Hunt? A team of three students and I are preparing to go to a National Contest at the end of the month. I was able to do a significant revision of my students script which I feel was more in line with the requirements of the contest. All glory to God!
Great wisdom, Bing.
4. Have you recognized the deceitfulness of your own heart? If so, give some examples.
Yes. I am leading a women’s Bible Study and the attendance has been inconsistent due to summer activities. Though I believe the number is not important; that whoever is present is who the Lord wants to be there, I still struggle with thoughts of insecurity that I am not doing a good job. I go to the Lord when those moments come and confess my idol of approval.
5. How have you seen God at work in your life in revealing your own weakness to yourself?
Through my conscience, through a couple of friends ( Abbie once told me I need to set boundaries), through my husband, Richard
1. What stands out to you from the above and why? That I all to often portray the characteristics of a fool. My idols for approval and fear of being “not good enough” manifest as wanting to always be right, trusting in my own heart, and yes, even using anger to control my circumstances because I am not strong enough to endure the unexpected or hard.
2. What do you learn from about a fool from the following Proverbs?
A. Proverbs 1:7 fools despise wisdom and instruction (why? Because they ar enjoy strong enough to endure being wrong – their identity is tied up in something other than it should be)
B. Proverbs 1:22 fools hate knowledge (why? Because you have to be humble to learn, don’t you? Yes…even if you resist it or learn unintentionally you come to a point of having to humbly change your thought process.
C. Proverbs 12:15 the way of a fool is right in his own eyes (why? Because again he is arrogant and think more of himself…a fool also thinks naively that he is invincible from consequences…that he is so good that he doesn’t deserve bad things and so all will go well and if it doesn’t it certainly isn’t his fault but the fault of others or circumstances)
3. What characteristic do the above proverbs have in common? They all resist learning – and what is learning but s change of mind and heart?! They are all arrogant, thinking they have no need to improve or change.
4. Share a way God has moved in your life in the last day. Time. Working full-time outside of the home for the first time since I had kids I feel my job take all my time…. last night I felt like I had a lot of time… to be outside with my kids, to have dinner with my family, we even played a game all before bed. I was grateful for the window into “maybe it won’t be all that bad….”
5. Holding the mirror up to yourself to see if you have a tendency toward this, answer:
A. Share a time when you refused wisdom and regretted it. Is disobedience to what I think God asks me to do the same as refusing wisdom? The fourth year that I taught at my children’s homeschool co-op my husband advised me not to teach that year. I tried to follow his wisdom but my director kept asking and in the end I felt guilty for not helping more and taught. I regret it – it burned me out in many ways. Since then I have learned “the need is not the call.” Was that here that I heard that?! Yes, must have been Dee.
B. Share a time when you received wisdom and repented. Many times I would lament to my dear friend about my frustrations with my husband (normal almost-newlywed stuff, typical) and she would always gently respond, “have you talked with Marc about this?” Wisdom hidden in that and I would then go to my husband and repent (sometimes not so humbly… but her wisdom always checked my heart).
Because a fool thinks he is always right, he doesn’t listen to advice or pursue wisdom. He feels he has no need of it. He also doesn’t need to repent, for he is sure he is never wrong.
1. What stands out to you from the above and why? He trusts his own heart 100% of the time. That just blows me away..i mean think about how many destroyed relationships come from that. It’s kind of like hastily leaving the oasis of wisdom behind to trudge through the desert to his ruin. 🙁
2. What do you learn from about a fool from the following Proverbs?
A. Proverbs 1:7
Fearing the Lord has to be the beginning because of who He is compared to us but fools don’t see anyone as higher than them. So starting out being in awe of his perfection in wisdom, power, holiness, mercy, and love is the beginning. I think awe melts us to listen and melted hearts are willing to let him tear off scales. I think fools despise this because they despise Him.
B. Proverbs 1:22
I think simple ways are just doing what they want when they want to whoever they want, so what is most comfortable for them in the moment. It is so easy to not turn from folly-to just trudge through looking for the next bit of relief and then starting all over again with folly and temporary happiness until the mountain falls again. Yet even then, while those of us who are truly His tend to wake up and turn eventually, fools never will no matter how bad it gets. There is no evidence in them of any guilt or desire to truly repent and turn. Maybe unless they think they will get something from it and when they don’t they carry on with their folly again.
C. Proverbs 12:15
Fools literally think their wrong way is right, but those who are wise and are wrong will listen to advice and turn.
Sorry I added on to these but wow..what great questions. I also think the difference is those who refuse wisdom and are his ‘regret it’ but fools who refuse wisdom don’t regret it. That is huge.
love this.. Leaving the oasis of wisdom to trudge through the desert to his ruin….
Rebecca — you’ve been a blessing here for so long! Happy Upcoming Birthday Monday!
Thank you Dee! 🙂
6. What do you learn about a fool from the following proverbs?
A. Proverbs 12:16 vexation of a fool is known at once. He has no discretion in reactions….he doesn’t think through or evaluate the situation he just reacts and expects everyone to cater to his whims and wants.
B. Proverbs 17:12 a mauling from a bear is better than a fool’s folly. Being from Montana I know that the only two times you really need to fear a bear is if you get in between it and its food or its cub, then you had better watch out because it will rip you to pieces even if your presence is not malicious!
C. Proverbs 20:3 every fool will be quarreling. A fool doesn’t have conversations, he has fights. He tries to force what he wants or change people by fierceness rather than by love.
D.Proverbs 29:11 A fool gives full vent to his spirit. Again, no discretion. Just lets out whatever because he feels it is justified and it is the responsibility of those around him to fix what he doesn’t like.
7. What characteristic of a fool do the above proverbs have in common? Anger.
8. Holding up the mirror to ourselves:
A. When have you lost your temper and regretted it? Anytime I lose my anger with my kids. There are circumstances that sort of max me out and then there is not much reserve to weather the usual challenges of childhood. I tend to feel like they do things that “make” me angry, but really it is me reacting to their reactions. My mind/heart set frames my feelings…they don’t “make” me anything….
B. When has the Spirit of God helped you to control your anger? Be specific. Sometimes God gives me the perspective to separate myself from my kids actions. I struggle with taking everything personally …. surely you wouldn’t do that/say that if you loved me…. instead of seeing it as a separate individual with choices and a journey…but sometimes the Holy Spirit gives me a calm eyesight to see them as they are and I can reproof with love and scripture instead of emotional reactions that vent my feelings of betrayal and disappointment.
10. Have you recognized the deceitfulness of your own heart? If so, give some examples. I am obsessed with Meyers-Briggs and one of the categories is how people make decisions, either thinkers or feelers. While we all have some degree of both we tend to prefer one or their other. I am definitely a feeler. The decision has to FEEL right in order to decide. This is dangerous because my idols can really sway how I feel about something! My hidden prejudices, fears, and misunderstandings of the world around me all can significantly change how I feel about a decision making me blind to God’s way. I must seek God to erase fear, right misunderstandings, and see the world through His eyes in order to not fall prey to the deceitfulness of my own heart.
11. How have you seen God at work in your life in revealing your own weakness to yourself? Usually through failure. When I fail I see that I am not as strong as a I thought and indeed I depend on Christ alone for my salvation and my identity. Another way is judgement…when I read the stories of the Bible and think, “how foolish they were! I would have trusted God better than they did…” !!!!! Then there comes a whisper in my heart: “Would you really?” Ack…no, I am so much more sinful than that….
Interesting about Meyers Briggs and idols!
12. Read 1 John 4:1-6
A. How can you recognize the Spirit of God according to verses 2-3? Because it confesses that Jesus Christ indeed came in the flesh and physically was present in this world and did what is said of Him.
B. How can you recognize who is from God according to verses 5-6? Those that listen to the apostles (?)…. it says “us” and I assume that means the apostles which would mean the New Testament.
What do you learn about a fool from the following proverbs?
A. Proverbs 12:16
When someone insults a fool they react quickly lashing back, but the prudent overlook it. I think the prudent, while it annoys them, refrain from letting it touch their heart like the fool for several reasons. The insult flows from a foolish heart because the one who insults is a fool. 😉 So the fool who quickly responds to the other fool creates a huge fire from what could have been just an ember. Yikes!
Most likely the insult is not true anyway so the prudent ignore it; in that moment the fool isn’t ready to hear a rebuke anyway. 🙂 Perhaps the only caveat is when the one who insults has a pattern and is close to you relationally. Usually it is wise to wait until they aren’t angry and then try to help them see the pattern. If they don’t turn then the prudent leaves – protecting herself as God tells her to do in Proverbs 17:12.
B. Proverbs 17:12
Better to encounter a mad mamma bear with her cubs than a fool bent on folly. To me it would be horrible to encounter both so I looked this up for more understanding. So Matthew Henry made a great point that Anger is temporary madness made from passion ungoverned. So it is easier to guard, hide or stop and get away from an angry bear but not from an outrageously angry man. He tells us to avoid their company and get out of their way when they are angry so we can be safe.
C. Proverbs 20:3
Avoiding strife is to our honor but every fool is quick to quarrel. This reminds me of Proverbs 12:16..what happens if you take the bait of an insult.
D. Proverbs 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage but the wise bring calm in the end. This is a great verse for what it looks like when something happens that would make someone respond in anger but a fool REALLY responds in anger putting more logs on the fire with no resolve. The wise brings resolve and calm in the end. I think this means the wise work through issues instead of stabbing back after being stabbed.
7. What characteristic of a fool to the above proverbs have in common?
They are quick to anger and carry on with it until it is an out of control fire. They are not interested in avoiding it. They take joy in letting it all out even at the cost of others.
12. Read 1 John 4:1-6
A. How can you recognize the Spirit of God according to verses 2-3? Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ came in the flesh is from God, & every spirit that doesn’t is not from God.
B. How can you recognize who is from God according to verses 5-6? If from God, he hears & receives God’s message ; the Spirit of Truth. If of the world he only sees & hears from the world’s viewpoint.
13. God Hunt?
God sent a dear old friend to minister to me.We hadn’t talked for almost 4 yrs. We had a long fruitful phone conversation & she spoke a lot of truth to me…not easy to hear but good for my soul.
My takeaway is this:
“Fools always think they are right, use anger to control, and trust in their own hearts. ” They control you by the things they say and that is how they get to you in order to control you. I can be in their presence but not under their power.
Great take-a-way Jenny.
Yes, wonderful takeaway!
everytime i sit down to comment someone happens 🙂 or i get sucked into for vortex of facebook…full disclosure :-0
so many wonderful insights from all of you this week! I have to laugh because if you are here you prob. are NOT of fool but we all ACT foolishly at times and that is so hard on a person who KNOWS that they made a bad choice, it is easier on the one how is truly a fool because they just wonder around life hurting people and have no clue!
“A fool does what is right in his(her) own eyes” OUCH so many times in my life I have not only done what is right in my own eyes but expected everyone in my life to follow suit. The longer I am on this plannet the more compassion I have on those who are lost, who just don’t know and on those who THINK if everyone just became like them (legalism in the church) the world would be perfect. They really do believe that, they really do think that they are ALL right and everyone else is ALL wrong.
Susan’s comment about staying in a catholic church with her husband. wanting to BE right rather than DO right. how typical of us big brother types.
LOVE GOD LOVE OTHERS. This is what Jesus told us do do. if it is not loving it is not Gods will for us.
fools do not know how to love anyone but themselves.
the young woman that is living with us is a fool. she is a tallented, kind, beautiful fool. She lies all the time, dates a non christian then leads worship the next day, steals and never admits it, tries to make herself look good in every situation even if it means throwing my daughter under the bus. she is so wounded that she has no idea how else to act. I am positive now that she has borderline personality disorder and most of the time believes her own lies. this is REALLY hard, how do you love someone who can not be honest with you because she can’t even be honest with herself? You build really good boundries, you know your being lied to and you love her anyway. this is so hard but how is she ever going to find healing in Jesus if no one is ever Jesus with skin on for her?
my take away
Jesus calls us to love ourselves when we act foolishly, to forgive ourselves and restore our relationship with HIM as soon as possible and loving a fool is super hard and only Jesus can give us the wisdom and power to do it.
God moment this week was listening to a book with my kids and husband about personality types and getting to understand our modivation for behaving the way we do. Paul and I have done a million of these but this one was from a christian perspective and talked about the message you get in childhood and the underlying belief that we have that drives our actions. A light went on in my husband and he is seeing for the first time why he does what he does and that he CAN change by being healed, not by trying harder.
bonus God hunts
2 beautiful days, 3 walks, visit with my son and grandbaby, visit with my mom and dad, got to help a friend with her sons grad party, finished a bunch of projects that were almost done and cleaned up the mess:-) we got a $1000 quote on what we thought was going to cost $10.000, met our new neighbors, its to wet to do any work next door so it was quiet all week 🙂 coffee with my Abby and her friend who practically lived at my house in highschool with her new baby….how in the world!!!It seems like just yesterday when I was having babies!
🙂 So Cyndi, so dear.