Last week we had such a good discussion over the proverb that talks about “a friend closer than a brother.” Sometimes our most faithful friends are not biological family, but the family of God.
But this week we are going to consider not whom we should look to for faithfulness, but how we are ourselves can be faithful.
A few years ago I received a letter from a husband of a young woman I mentored twenty years ago in another state, admonishing me for not living up to what I expressed in my book on friendship, saying I had failed his wife in not continuing to be a real friend to her. I took his criticism before the Lord, but the Lord freed me, and I wrote back explaining that his wife was truly special, and I loved her, but that the mentoring was for a season, and though I’d like to stay in touch, I wasn’t one who could continue to be there for her at the same level of friendship, for I wanted to have time to mentor other women the Lord brought to me. The husband graciously received this, and I was thankful.
(In the same way, I want women on this blog to have the freedom to come and go, and not feel faithless when God calls them away for a season or for longer. If they return, it’s like an old friend popping up — we take up where we left off with joy! This blog is a blessing to me in that I do take seriously the call to mentor, and I find women with tender and hungry hearts come here and are mentored not just by me, but by others, and grow to become mentors themselves.)
We can’t be devoted to everyone we have cared about at all times.
Even Jesus had circles of friendship
during his three years of ministry on earth.
I have found it helpful to ask the Lord:
“To whom are You calling me to be true?”
I want to be open to anyone who approaches me, as Jesus was,
not seeing people as “interruptions,” but as sovereignly placed.
But the longer you live, you realize you can’t give devoted attention to all you love for the rest of your life, and God doesn’t call us to do so. Most friends are like annual flowers, in our lives for a season, but then fade away and are gone to make room for other annuals.
Having said that, we are called to faithfulness, for a moment, a season, years, or even, for life.
So what does faithfulness in friendship look like?
Again, Proverbs gives wisdom
and His Spirit gives power.
On a personal note, the pre-release books of The Jesus Who Surprises are gone. Thank you so much to those of you who responded — I wish I had more to send out! To those of you writing reviews, you’ll need to say at the end that you received this pre-release book from the publisher in exchange for writing a review. Christianbook.com takes reviews now, but Amazon and B and N makes you wait until the release on July 23rd. I’m hoping many others will purchase a book and write a review. I am so pleased with the videos — God brought so many wonderful people to help!
Sunday:
1. What stands out to you from the above and why?
2. What do you learn for your own life from the above relational chart?
3. Share a time when you felt certain God was leading in friendship? How did you know?
Monday-Tuesday: Seeking Wisdom in Friendship
4. Share a time God gave you wisdom in friendship.
I remember when I first realized that I needed to seek God for wisdom on to whom I should be true. Some of the questions I asked God were:
To whom is my heart knit?
To whom are You calling me to be true?
Has she shown a reciprocal desire to be close to me? (For if not, then it won’t work.)
He gave me the names of five women, and it really did help me to be truer to them. Ten years later I needed to ask again. One had died, one faded from my life (no quarrel, just faded) and three were “long distance friends,” so not demanding a lot of time, though we stayed in touch and our hearts were still close. Life circumstances change — I was a widow, so unless a husband could handle his wife ‘leaving him’ occasionally to be with me, it wouldn’t work. I had three grown daughters to whom I was called to be true. And I had moved, and needed friends right where I was. I remember Jan Silvious telling me: “Friendship is the only close relationship that is truly free.” We are called, in so far as we able and are welcomed by them, to be true to children, siblings, and parents — whether we find them easy or not. But deciding on our closest friendships calls for wisdom.
Annual Friends
Most friends are like annual flowers. We brighten one another’s lives for a season and then fade, to make room for new annual flowers. This realization has been freeing to me, especially since I have lived so many years and in so many places. I can love them, and yet not be distraught if they move in and out of my life and I become more of an occasional e-mail or facebook friend.
Perennial Friends
But now and then God gives you a friend who is in your life season after season — a Ruth or a Jonathan to whom your heart is knit. Til death you will be friends, even if distance separates you, you will be intentional about notes, calls, and even visits. I’ve backed away from my thought of making promises of unfailing love, because of the gravity of that before God, but to endeavor in my heart to be true.
5. What thoughts do you have on the above?
6. Proverbs continually stress seeking wisdom from God. Do so now, asking Him “to whom are you calling me to be true?” You don’t have to share names here — but you might share if this was helpful — or not!
Wednesday: A Friend Loves At All Times
7. Think about a time when a friend loved you and it was costly to her. How did that impact you?
8. Read Proverbs 17:17
A. What point is being made by “a friend loves at all times.”
B. Strong’s implies that the “brother” here is a sibling of the same parents. How does that affect your interpretation of this phrase?
9. When are some times when it is costly to love?
10. How can melting your heart with the gospel help you be this kind of friend?
Thursday: Faithful Are The Wounds of A Friend
It is hard for any of us to receive criticism, despite the multitude of proverbs that tell us a wise man is swift to receive rebuke. But when it comes from someone whom you know loves you, it is easier, because you are certain their wounds come from wanting your best. I recently, unwisely, asked advice in a small group in the presence of one whom I know tends toward legalism. She told me what to do, for she saw the issue as black and white, whereas I saw it as gray. I sensed she was offended when I demurred. As I pondered this later with my dear friend Twila, she said, gently, “You opened yourself up to that.” So true. I will be wiser next time. I am truly thankful for wounds from a friend, even though they may initially smart, they help me become more of the woman God is calling me to be.
11. Share a recent God hunt or a memory of a time you grew from the wounds of a faithful friend.
12. Read Proverbs 27:6
A. What does the first part of the verse say, and what do you think it means?
B. How well do you receive wounds from a friend?
C. What contrast is made with the second phrase? What should this teach us?
Friday: A Faithful Friend, Who Can Find?
13. How has the Lord been faithful to you recently?
14. Read Proverbs 20:6 and, looking at the contrast, what observation is being made?
15. Why shouldn’t we be surprised when our closest friends let us down?
16. How do you think the Lord would have you respond when a good friend lets you down?
17. How should you respond when you let a friend down?
Saturday:
18. What’s your take-a-way and why?
164 comments
11. Share a recent God hunt or a memory of a time you grew from the wounds of a faithful friend.
I too go to people I know love me. There was a recent time with a family member I fretted to that I may have made a mistake in accepting a promotion for I want my old job back!! (and this was only after a few weeks in training!). He pointed out that this is a pattern with me and he was waiting for me to do this. He told me that usually after I start a new job I start freaking out that it might be too much, and after a few months into it I end up doing great-hence why I keep getting promoted. It was hard to hear it is a pattern but good to hear I am doing well with what God has entrusted to me. We agreed it was my comfort idol wanting to run back to what I know well and the sin was fear-not trusting God whether it works out well or not. 🙂
12. Read Proverbs 27:6
A. What does the first part of the verse say, and what do you think it means?
Wounds from a friend can be trusted. That if that friend truly loves me I can trust what she says.
B. How well do you receive wounds from a friend?
Actually, if it is a friend I know loves me I accept their wounds well because I don’t trust my heart! I can’t see what is inside and God gives us loving friends who sometimes can.
C. What contrast is made with the second phrase? What should this teach us?
To beware of friends who justify my sinful behavior or unwise decisions.
That family member was certainly speaking the truth to you — for I do see that too — and pray for you dear dear Rebecca!
Dee, you are sooo right and I am wondering if you have been praying because I stopped fretting and started resting this week (my third week in) and am more confident which is soooo much shorter than the past! Yesterday when I met with another Admin to Director she said I am on track for an Executive position in the future for I am rocking this position. Not interested in Executive yet but it was encouraging! 🙂
I have been and was really excited to have this person speak truth to your soul. And how encouraging from your Admin to Director!
I’m really not surprised that you are “rocking this position”!
Susan and Dee, you are so encouraging. Thank you! 🙂 I wish I had heart icons on my laptop.:))
12.a. Profuse are the kisses of an enemy. Satan is exceedingly good at making it seem like we are being blessed (giving kisses) yet he only does that to get more glee from betraying us the next moment. Can’t help but see the parallel with Judas betraying Jesus with a kiss.
b. The faithful wounds sting for quite a bit. But I keep praying to get better at taking them and letting God use them.
c. When the wounds come from a true friend, they are faithful. They act in character with God and for our good. Not just to hurt us. In fact, effort will be made not to hurt, but to build up and correct. If we hold it up to Scripture and see God’s fingerprints on it, we need to be as quick as possible to accept it.
Great parallel with Judas.
Thursday
11. Share a recent God hunt or memory of a time you grew from the wounds of a faithful friend.
I had a boss/friend who had the gift of exhortation…I don’t have an exact example, but there were times in our conversations that she would give a viewpoint and usually from the Word of God that would sting and I would find myself retreating from her and then realize, she was right on. Our friendship was based on truth and I know that’s why it was so special. She went home to be with the Lord several years ago and I really miss her!
12. Read Proverbs 27:6
A. What does the first part of the verse say and what do you think it means?
“Faithful are the wounds of a friend…” It’s a friend who will be honest out of concern and love…tell it like it is! It may sting and cause a wound, but it’s done with your best interest in mind.
B. How well do you receive wounds from a friend?
I find that it takes time to work through them but coming from a true friend, I do sit up and take note and come around.
C. What contrast is made with the second phrase? What should this teach us?
“Kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” To seek God’s wisdom for discernment. Again, a true friend will have my best interest in mind, not just wanting to flatter me by agreeing.
How true about how we receive wounds from a friend if we are wise — from Sharon:
I find that it takes time to work through them but coming from a true friend, I do sit up and take note and come around.
11. Share a recent God hunt or a memory of a time you grew from the wounds of a faithful friend. – For me this happened the end of April. My husband had gone on a long weekend trip with his Mustang Car club, they were meeting up from all of the US. He left our house before I got home as he was going to stop in Ohio first at another club member’s house. When he got there, he texted and said “we are here”, I said “we?”. He told me that a woman in the club, who I know but not real keen on, followed him out there. I know he felt my hesitation about this. This woman has asked my husband for marital advice which I have told him he needs to direct her to another woman. (Maybe I’m wrong on that, but I don’t think a Christian Married Man should be do this). There were times throughout the weekend that I didn’t hear from him and on his way home on Sunday, I couldn’t get of hold of him at all because his phone was dead. My mind wandered to not very good thoughts. I said something about this at our Small Group that day and my best, who is like a sister to me, said to not allow the devil to let my mind go there. She took a chance but I trust her as a Godly woman so I know she was helping me get out of the grasp of the enemy and back to the truth of God. I did confront him when he finally got home and told him what I thought and how it looks for a Christian married man to be hanging around a woman that is struggling in her marriage and has left her husband before. I love the friends God has put in my garden.
12. Read Proverbs 27:6
A. What does the first part of the verse say, and what do you think it means? – ‘Faithful are the wounds of a friend’ I think this is saying that we can always depend on our friends to guide us along when we are going off the path. As hard as it might be to take the rebuke, they love us enough to be honest with us and lead us back to what the Word says.
B. How well do you receive wounds from a friend? – I of course want everyone to agree with me and think that what I’m saying or doing is right, but a true friend will not do that. They will correct me and I need to be big enough to accept the correction if I want to be a true woman of God. Correction by God or someone he has appointed to correct me will only help me grow more as a Christian, but my heart, mind and soul need to be open to the correction and learn from it.
C. What contrast is made with the second phrase? What should this teach us? – ‘profuse are the kisses of the enemy’. Does it mean that we need to be leery of those who throw their opinions around all the time, especially if not asked for? That we need to be careful as they may come across as really caring for us, but in the end, turn their backs on us when needed? A bit unsure how to explain this part of the verse.
7. Think about a time when a friend loved you and it was costly to her how did that impact you? The one that jumps to the forefront in my mind is my precious friend (who I took flowers to after the loss of her first-born). I was such an immature and selfish person when we first became friends … but she prayed faithfully and kept in touch with me. She would occasionally call, write me letters, emails, seek to visit or host us and basically kept the friendship alive and was available for me as I bore the pains of ‘growing up’ spiritually and emotionally. To this day I am amazed (and grateful!!) for the investment she put into us, especially since I know how irritating I must have been in the beginning!!
8. Read Proverbs 17:17
A. What point is being made by “a friend loves at all times.” That friends are committed through all circumstances… in joy and sorrow … in plenty and scarcity … in peace and conflict …
B. Strong’s implies that the “brother” here is a sibling of the same parents. How does that effect your interpretation of this phrase? Hmmmmm I suppose that family is our fall back during hard times … or rather *should be*? During really hard times we should be able to go to family and find help or at least support and understanding … especially since we have such shared history…. sibling relationship is so different….
9. When are some times when it is costly to love? When you don’t agree. When they need more than you feel you can give (which is why dee’s questions are so helpful – when to keep investing and when to set a boundary). When being ‘friendly ‘ isn’t geographically convenient. When you have to work through conflict. When they hurt you. When other demands in your life are loud.
10. How can melting your heart with the Gospel help you be this friend? To remember the Gospel effectively is to see how richly God has loved and forgiven. I always tell my boys: loved people love and forgiven people forgive. If you had a bank full of all the riches in the world would you withhold a quarter from someone who needed it (or even really notice that it was gone)? No. And so it is with our love and forgiveness… our bank is full of it, if we would just REALIZE it.
I love your answer to #10 🙂
Amen to Chris’s affirmation, Jill.
7. Think about a time when a friend loved you and it was costly to her. How did that impact you? I had a friend come help me after a surgery. She had to drive a distance and take time away from her family and I know she didn’t have much money at the time and her own struggles, but she was there for me. I was grateful at the time but looking back I regret not doing the same for her.
8. A. What point is being made by a friend loves at all times? all times, good & bad-no strings attached. B. Brother being a sibling, to me this means just what it says. Brothers fight. My boys fight. Adversity is unavoidable with brothers. They are born for it.
8B. Boy was I tired last night! So after a good nights sleep, and looking at this again, I see that while a friend is free to love at all times and may choose to do this , a brother is born with a responsibility to be there for his siblings during hard times.
🙂
13. How has the Lord been faithful to you recently?
My husband has been out of work recently and we are doing okay so far.
14. Read Proverbs 20:6 and, looking at the contrast, what observation is being made?
It’s contrasting loyalty versus faithfulness. I looked up the two and loyal is defined using the word faithful, so it seems that they are the same word. I think of loyalty as a long term commitment and faithful as being devoted to someone. Maybe faithful is more personal? I’m not sure.
15. Why shouldn’t we be surprised when our closest friends let us down?
We are human and make mistakes!
16. How do you think the Lord would have you respond when a good friend lets you down?
We should forgive them quickly.
17. How should you respond when you let a friend down?
I should apologize and try to make it right. I should take personal responsibility.
11. Share a recent God hunt. A random gentleman gave my son money “to buy your parents dinner.” That was neat….
12. Read Proverbs 27:6
A. What does the first part of the verse say, and what do you think it means? I can’t help but think of surgery (I have worked in the operating room as a nurse). Those wounds are purposeful, carefully executed, cared for, and helpful. The doctor invests time, talent, and care into the situation…not only to inflict the would to help cure the ailment but to make sure it is healing and offers help and support for that process. Same with the wounds of a friend – the wound is necessary for healing but a friend walks through the process with you. Enemies do not care of your well being only their own gain.
B. How well do you receive wounds from a friend? Not super well… depends on the person giving it. Of course, the instinct is to defend because there is an instant connection to approval and worth. I have grown to the point where I can just listen and then take it home and ponder it and pray about it. It is never easy to hear that I am “not good enough.” But that is a works-based worth. I have not grown enough to be able to return to the situation and say, “thank you”… it is awkward and embarrassing…humbling! But again this is me leaning on a false worth!
C. What contrast is made with the second phrase? What should this teach us? To always be sincere. If a wound is needed give it in love, if you compliment let it be sincere and encouraging not manipulative to build up your image. We may unwittingly be an enemy by only doing what is “easy.”
Jill, on the criticism part….I teach a class online at a local community college and the students always have to fill out evaluations of the course. I can’t read those very easily and I usually take a semester to go back through and look at them. It is difficult.
Good processing with B. “The not good enough” is a lie from the enemy, for we are so loved and valued. Of course we are flawed, but the mature person receives and grows, as I so see you doing, Jill.
Friday
13. How has Lord been faithful to you recently?
Everyday I see His faithfulness, through His hand of provision, His unconditional love and His mercies that are new every morning. What an awesome God!!
14. Read Proverbs 20:6 and, looking at the contrast, what observation is being made?
I like this from Matthew Henry…
1. It is easy to find those that will pretend to be kind or liberal. Many a man will call himself a man of mercy, will boast what good he has done and what good he designs to do, or, at least what an affection he has to well-doing. Most men will take a great deal of their charity, generosity, hospitality, and piety, will sound a trumpet to themselves, as the Pharisees, and what little goodness they have will proclaim it and make a mighty matter of it.
2. But it is hard to find those that really are kind and liberal, that have done and will do more than either they speak of or care to hear spoken of, that will be true friends in a strait; such a one as one may trust to is like a black swan.
15. Why shouldn’t we be surprised when our closest friends let us down?
Because they are only human.
16. How do you think the Lord would have you respond when a good friend let you down?
I think He would want me to show mercy and forgiveness just as He has shown me.
17. How should you respond when you let a friend down?
I should apologize and ask for their forgiveness.
Good from Matthew Henry. We have so many new Christians in our church who just google Bible questions and there’s so much crazy out there, so I tell them to google Matthew Henry!
13. The Lord is continually faithful to me. Lately I’ve felt it in His being the ‘everlasting arms’ under me. I know He is holding me at the foundation, even if my building sways a little.
14. The verse contrasts , bringing observation. There are many acts of friendship done or words said that don’t come from a friend or lead to being a friend.
15. When we were sharing with each other on Sunday, my new friend said “we’re all so complicated, aren’t we?” And we are. We were designed for so much more in relationships, but we are fallen, broken, sinful creatures. I shouldn’t go around expecting from others what I’m not able to consistently give.
16. First, I need to talk to God about it and process my feelings there. So important to not do this with another person. Next, I need to ask the Lord to help me see it from both her perspective and from His. Then I need to ask for help in forgiving. And for wisdom on what to say to her, if anything at all. I think sometimes we need to just take it, and not let it change us toward them.
17. When I let someone down, I think I need to ‘leave my offering at the altar ‘ and go to my friend with repentance and contrition. I need to ask for forgiveness, and a way to make restitution. The sooner I can do this the better. I’ve sometimes struggled to get to that point, and by then their hurt has settled in and while they say it’s OK, it never is again.
We are complicated!
God sighting/friend story
My best friend just texted me and asked me to bring her family dinner. her son had surgery on his hand and she isnt feeling well. What a blessing to have a friend who ASKS for help when i neglect to offer it instead of feeling as if no one cares about her 🙂
During my quiet time this morning I was feeling very distracted, a friends name kept popping into my head. i texted her and asked what was going on. her husband, who is not able to work because he has a brain tumor, was feeling very upset about not being able to be the provider for his family and was in tears at that moment. So thankful when God places people on my heart!
cyndi- it really is a gift to have a friend come to you and ask for help! such a good reminder to me, who hates to ask for help!, that it feels so good to be the one helping, and I shouldn’t keep others from that joy 🙂
YES we forget that it is a blessing to be a blessing. what a gift to have a friend who will say “hey, i need help here” rather than hold resentment inside that no one helped!
What a brave friend!
I am having to ask for help more as a widow — I tend to go to the same people — but should be brave and ask others!
Dee, wouldnt it be fun to have a work/fellowship weekend at your house some time 🙂 spring or fall clean up days :-0
9. When are some times when it is costly to love?
Giving up time, when it’s not convenient, is costly. I have gotten better at this, seeing the value of giving time to friends,but my default nature of hyper-planning and productivity used to struggle with the cost to my schedule.
I’m also reminded of a relationship, 3 really, where there has been offense to me, but no apology, no attempt at reconciliation–and still, I must pay the cost to forgive, and I have, because I know the negative cost of not forgiving, and because I want the Gospel to truly take over every part of me. I came too close to the growth of bitterness, but by His mercy, He reminds me to continually forgive, and I believe I have. I do not feel ill will towards any of them, but a sadness, for them,and me.
10. How can melting your heart with the gospel help you be this kind of friend?
I just finished re-listening to Keller talk on 1 John and about applying the Gospel to every part of our lives, and how that changes us, our responses, to our core. The Gospel reminds me of my own depravity and God’s complete acceptance of me through Christ, and also opens my eyes to seeing the value of each life that God brings in my path,each one He died for–how can I not give my time, energy, prayers, for them?
Feeling sadness is good — and so good you don’t feel ill toward them. I think the disappearance of “malice” (wishing harm) is a good evidence of forgiveness.
So behind but this was our last week with students! Thank you, Lord, for sustaining me.
7. Think about a time when a friend loved you and it was costly to her. How did that impact you?
It made me feel loved and appreciated and cemented our friendship all the more.
8. Read Proverbs 17:17
A. What point is being made by “a friend loves at all times.”
All times meaning the good, the bad, and the ugly and anything in between.
B. Strong’s implies that the “brother” here is a sibling of the same parents. How does that affect your interpretation of this phrase?
It is often to somebody in the family that we turn to when the going gets rough. There seems to be an unspoken expectation that one should be there when a sibling is in adverse circumstances. However, my question is: what if you are not in good terms with a brother or a sister?
2. When are some times when it is costly to love?
When one has to give up something valuable (subjective) in order to love the other person.
3. How can melting your heart with the gospel help you be this kind of friend?
I am loved and called by God and He will not withhold anything for me. Since I am fully loved and provided for, I can freely love (a process for me) and be a friend to somebody God has sovereignly placed in my life.
Bing, your answer to three was so good. I need to remember more often that in Christ, I have everything. It is not too costly to give to a friend.
11. Share a recent God hunt or a memory of a time you grew from the wounds of a faithful friend.
A God Hunt: Two nights ago, my friend Judy called me very excited to tell me something. Her husband just finished chemo/radiation for tonsilar cancer, they moved into a small condo after selling their home, and then two weeks ago, Judy hurt her arm moving boxes. She’s been in so much pain and unable to move or use her left arm. She saw an orthopedic MD and started physical therapy. She told me that the day before, she came home from PT in so much pain, almost sick to her stomach, and sat down on a chair and said to God, “I just want my arm back.” She said she went on to pray and tell God she feels so overwhelmed, has so much to do to settle in their new place, and was very tearful. She said she got up, and she doesn’t know why, but “something told me to go to the chair and move it.” (this was a big chair, not like a kitchen chair) She went and moved the chair, and she said she felt something in her arm and then it was as if nothing had ever happened to her arm. She couldn’t believe it. Moving the chair was not something she would have done as she couldn’t even pull up her own pants using that arm. I believe God knew she had to move that chair to fix her arm….maybe a nerve was pinched or something and that movement released it.
12. Read Proverbs 27:6
A. What does the first part of the verse say, and what do you think it means?
“Wounds from a friend can be trusted”. A friend may have to “tell you like it is”, but they have your best interest at heart and are not trying to cut you with their words or be mean.
B. How well do you receive wounds from a friend?
I haven’t received many such wounds from my friends; the few times I have, it initially stings and I believe that is my pride being hurt. Then I think it over and begin to see the truth in it.
C. What contrast is made with the second phrase? What should this teach us?
The contrast in the second phrase is the use of the word “enemy”. Interesting that in the first part, it links friend with wound but trust; then in the second it links enemy with kisses. It makes me think of Judas kissing Jesus as he greeted Him, as he was betraying Him. The “kisses” from an enemy might be false flattery, fake kindness, or criticism masked as concern.
God was her great physician! And how fun she called you!
11. Share a recent God hunt or a memory of a time you grew from the wounds of a faithful friend. I remember being sure I was to marry my college boyfriends house I had dated for 6 years. My father spoke to me at length one day saying he felt like we were not well matched in our relationship in our goals and desires in life. He thought we would always struggle and that it would be wise to not marry. But…he would support me in whatever decision I made. In the end…we did not marry and I knew it was right.
12. Read Proverbs 27:6
A. What does the first part of the verse say, and what do you think it means? “Faithful are the wounds of a friend…” means that when a friend says something that is painful to us they are doing so out of their love for us and because they want the best for us.
B. How well do you receive wounds from a friend? When the wounds are given in a gentle and thoughtful way I usually receive it in that same spirit. I don’t receive it as well when it is shared from a place of exasperation or frustration.
C. What contrast is made with the second phrase? What should this teach us? Kisses from our enemies are deceitful…compliments not to be trusted. Much like Satan can temporarily disguise himself as an angel of light our enemies can temporarily disguise themselves as friends.
Wise father. Wise daughter to listen.
13. How has the Lord been faithful to you recently? The Lord has faithfully provided a godly friend for my husband who was able to come be with us during my husbands liver biopsy this week and this gave the friend a chance to ask me some difficult questions so that he might better minister to my husband. I had an offer of help and took this person up on their offer for planning our son’s rehearsal dinner…wedding in August.
14. Read Proverbs 20:6 and, looking at the contrast, what observation is being made? Many men state their own loyalty but few and far between are those who are trustworthy.
15. Why shouldn’t we be surprised when our closest friends let us down? Scripture makes it clear that the “men of this world” will let you down…only Jesus can be our faithful and true.
16. How do you think the Lord would have you respond when a good friend lets you down? We are to respond in compassion with forgiveness.
17. How should you respond when you let a friend down? In the same way…treat myself with compassion and forgiveness…but also provide a sincere apology to that friend we have let down. I am usually much harder on myself than on my friends! Probably because of my own heart idols😊
18. What is your takeaway and why? My take away from this week is that it takes real discernment to initially distinguish between a friend and an enemy. These people will ultimately reveal themselves by their fruit but much heartache could be avoided if I prayed for discernment and God’s wisdom from the beginning. Wounds from a friend can produce great growth in my life if I will take heed. We are called to speak the truth in love even when it costs us greatly!
My God hunt from last night. I asked my husband to help me finish assembling the ice cream sandwiches I’ll be serving for Sarah’s open house. I knew he wasn’t happy about it, but all he would say is that he didn’t know how he felt about it. Afterwards I let him eat the last one, but he was still moody. When he was done, I asked if it was good. He exploded, saying it was way too much food, and no one wants to eat that much. I just listened. Inside I was trying to process it. Was I doing wrong? I couldn’t see that I was, but decided I should just take it. No try to defend myself or anything else. He was moody the rest of the evening, though I offered to have a bonfire or watch a movie with him. When we headed to bed, he turned around and apologized to me for his attitude and words and behavior. I never expected that! So glad I didn’t respond in kind initially!
Mary…wow, awesome that your husband apologized!
I haven’t been on all week & have missed u sisters. Its been really busy at work . I’ve read a lot of the comments & love to see what God has done & is doing in u all! 🙂
My God hunt is that I’m leaving in a few minutes to go to DC to spend weekend with my youngest son. My hubby is staying home & playing golf but I decided I needed to see my boy & so I’m going in the strength & blessing of the Lord. Praying for sweet time & goo converastion, & just that I can show Jeremy how loved he is. He is 24 & has been on his own for 2 yrs now. Love to u all. Have a great weekend!
Mary — you have a good filter. This is a great illustration for the current blogpost!
Was I doing wrong? I couldn’t see that I was, but decided I should just take it. No try to defend myself or anything else. He was moody the rest of the evening, though I offered to have a bonfire or watch a movie with him. When we headed to bed, he turned around and apologized to me for his attitude and words and behavior. I never expected that! So glad I didn’t respond in kind initially!
13. How has the Lord been faithful to you recently? The Lord orchestrated a beautiful coffee date with an aunt of a friend of mine (the friend is a missionary in Africa, the aunt lives in the town we just moved to). I am such an introvert that the courage to make the call and do coffee with a stranger could only have come from the Lord…. it was needed fellowship.
14. Read Proverbs 20:6 and, looking at the contrast, what observation is being made? That people think they are loyal and steadfast but really we are not.
15. Why shouldn’t we be surprised when our closest friends let us down? Because we are all sinners, we all make mistakes and choices based on our current burden…sometimes we succumb to our unhealthy instincts or coping behaviors that are not Gospel based. This all can manifest in relationships.
16. How do you think the Lord would have you respond when a good friend lets you down? With grace…not necessarily just to let it go but to speak truth in love having Grace for whatever situation led your good friend to let your u down (most likely it was not malicious but rather weakness or misunderstanding…). However sometimes the Lord would have us just let it go….to live in forgiveness…
17. How should you respond when you let a friend down? To first of all realize it….then do be humble and apologize, without excuse (that’s the hard part…I always want to justify myself with excuses….). And then make it right as much as I am able and then continue t invest and bear the burden of reconciliation…
1. Share a recent God hunt or a memory of a time you grew from the wounds of a faithful friend.
I was very stressed at school last fall and shared about it to a dear friend. She drew my thoughts out and after patiently listening to me, she told me that perhaps I need to set some boundaries in how I manage communicating with my students after school hours. I balked at her suggestion as I felt trapped with school and parent expectations. But as I began to process what she was saying to me, I felt a rightness to her point of view. And I know God was using her to humble me and not give in to my idol of approval.
12. Read Proverbs 27:6
A. What does the first part of the verse say, and what do you think it means?
Wounds from a friend can be trusted. I love what Jill had to say about surgery (Jill, BTW, I worked as an OR nurse, too!). I also have seen serious wounds that needed to be scraped to make room for healthy skin. The process looks very painful but the pain is so worth it after healing takes place.
B. How well do you receive wounds from a friend?
Sometimes not very well. I am learning to not be defensive and to listen well.
C. What contrast is made with the second phrase? What should this teach us?
“But an enemy multiplies kisses”. I have had some painful experiences with a “Judas”. If it were not for the grace of God, I could have been a bitter person these days.
=D
13. How has the Lord been faithful to you recently?
How He has led me to the decision on how to spend my summer this year. I was conflicted with ministry and school responsibilities. How He faithfully guided, opened and closed doors and bringing along who might be another friend has blessed my heart so much. And helping me deal with some not-so-good emotions while going through the process.
14. Read Proverbs 20:6 and, looking at the contrast, what observation is being made?
That we can make so many promises but need to be careful that we cannot be everything or available all the time to a friend.
15. Why shouldn’t we be surprised when our closest friends let us down?
It is impossible for another person to be what only Jesus can be to us or to our friends.
16. How do you think the Lord would have you respond when a good friend lets you down?
To forgive and to give my expectations to the Lord. To ask myself what idol I am worshiping.
17. How should you respond when you let a friend down?
Apologize sincerely and acknowledge your role in both you letting the other person down and your limitations as a friend.
Saturday:
18. What’s your take-a-way and why?
a. Jesus was, not seeing people as “interruptions,” but as sovereignly placed. …we are called to faithfulness, for a moment, a season, years, or even, for life.
I can only be faithful to a few but to continue to be a friend to somebody even if it is only for a moment or a season.
b. the time and relationship priorities circle. Identifying them has really helped me prioritize my friendships. This has also made me realize I have quite a few friends! Thank you, Lord!
I am doing the study and reading all of the comments. I don’t feel like I have much to add. I have tried so many times to develop friendships, but just when I think they are going good something happens to make it go south. Sometimes it’s just me realizing that I am the only one interested and sometimes it’s the other person taking offense to something and when we try to work it out things are never the same.
I had decided a couple of years ago that the work friendships that I have are superficial and the ladies in my church all seem to have their own little groups that are either relatives or old classmates (it’s a small town and although I have lived here for 26 years I didn’t grow up here).
I guess I am not the long term kind of friend. I came to the realization that I won’t have a deep friendship and I stopped “putting myself out there” I’ll have all of eternity for deep friendships.
But these last few studies have made me feel like I’m being selfish and not in God’s will. They have given me a lot to think about and pray about.
Dawn, reading your post this morning….my initial thoughts to “I guess I am not the long term kind of friend” – you have been a long time, faithful member of this blog. I wish very much that we lived close enough to see each other in person because I would want to be your friend “in person”! Keep seeking God about this and I will pray too!
Oh Dawn — this makes me sad. I am praying — for I don’t want you to give up on having a long-term friend! I see so much loveliness in you.
Dawnms, Don’t give up. 🙂 I know how it feels for I am experiencing it too but this fellowship is what God desires for us. So if He can work in my life as He is doing right now, I know He will in yours. I know that sounds like a present wrapped in a bow but I have to admit in my case that I think He has provided in the past but I missed the boat due to family issues with time and just the stupid lies that I can so easily believe but His mercies are new. every. single. morning. 🙂 🙂
There is no greater freedom and joy than embracing the truth about how God sees me and embracing His love for me deeper. When I remember these truths I am not alone anymore and am freer to reach out.
Dawn–I agree with Susan’s words. Praying for your heart this morning, and that He will bring hope today.
Dawn I just want you to know are not the only one who feels that way. The ladies on this blog have been my truest friends for several years and I haven’t met any of them in person yet.
Sometimes I stay quiet until I sense the need to share. I often wish I could express myself better. Rebecca has reminded us God’s people are never alone and you’re never alone here. I know it’s tough not having someone close by to pal around with because that’s how my life is.
A dear Christian friend shared this with me, and I agree with much of what you’ve stated to a certain degree. I am a very private person, but I have a very small group of trusted friends that are as close to my heart as my blood family – within this group of ladies there’s a group of 3 (4 with me) that get together monthly to love on and support one another.
Thank you for what you shared as it caused me to think deeper about those people who purposely seek to hurt us.
Blessings to you, your family, our Christian sisters, and those seeking to know God on a deeper level.
Nellie Ramos