The Healing Power of Friendship

1. What stands out to you from the above and why? The topic of friendship stands out to me. This is something I have struggled with “all my life.” And has been a source of pain, confusion, and struggle … it has probably effected me more than a lot of other things in my life. I have learned bit by bit but in this last year or two I feel like I have been able to really start to see some “whys” that have helped me wrestle with past experiences.
 
2. God-hunt. I have been learning so much in From Fear to Freedom … I had to face a repetitive conflict in my life for the first time in awhile and for the first time since i have begun reading that book and i had a different verbal and heart response … i was amazed at the peace that was there! Growth is step by small step but I rejoice at His Spirit that gave me peace.

A little late, but I’d love to join the study ❤️

I have a prayer request that I’m posting here. Many of you prayed for my son Ryan during his time in Europe; he’s the one that lives in TX. Well, he was home with us for two weeks and went back to Houston on Saturday. I learned last night that he plans to go sky-diving today. Cannot persuade him otherwise, so please, please pray that he survives the jump. He is doing a “tandem jump” where he will be attached to the instructor.

3.  How has a friend brought me healing? Everytime someone says they want to be with me, it helps heal the wounds that accumulate every day.
 
4.a.  Solomon compares the purposes of a man’s heart to deep waters.
b. I take that to mean that it isn’t easy to see them or even discuss them. It takes time and effort.
c.  A man of understanding can help bring those purposes to the surface. To see them in the light and help the person do the same, because sometimes we can see what the person cannot. Too often we leave it at knowing something about that person they are not aware of themselves. But that isn’t what friendship is about.
d.  When a good friend takes the things I’ve shared, summarizing them, and giving them back to me with a statement of what they see or hear of God in it, that is precious to me.

1. What stands out to you from the above and why? I have been learning lessons on the topic of not making my spouse or friends my solid rock for the past few years. Of course I have always known not to do that but in times of great stress, when life is so hard, it is tempting to look for a “god” with skin on…one who can give a hug when needed. That is not bad, in and of itself, but friendships and marriages can easily become idols.
2. How have you seen God in your life in the last day?  In answer to prayer…husband and sons went on a long planned deep sea fishing trip this weekend and it looked like bad weather might interfere. That would have been the 3rd trip in a row of theirs to get cancelled due to weather. They were able to fish both days and while the fishing was slow they all caught several fish! I enjoyed time at home and was able to have a whole day to spend with friends too.
 

3. Think of a way in the past a friend has brought healing to you – for often we spy Jesus in our friends. Almost two years ago I met a gal that eventually became a best friend. My brain works different than a lot of people and this is one reason why I have struggled with friendship over the years – I just do friendship different and a lot of people interpret this as needy, or intimidating, or just plain get uncomfortable and stop fellowshipping with me. (I have been told all these things.) Granted, I am a sinner and so have contributed to my friendship problems as well BUT (oh dear rambling….) the very first time this friend invited me to her house I had gotten to a very lonely place and as we talked I just started to weep and said, “Even if we never hang out again it is such a balm to my heart to really talk with someone whose heart thinks the same as mine!” (We had been discussing our response to orphans!) She very quickly assured me that we would hang out again and indeed we are still very close. She has been the one who has helped me process friendship gone wrong in my life and it has brought healing. 
4. Read slowly Proverbs 20:5.
A. To what does Solomon compare the purposes of a man’s heart? Deep water.
B. What does this word picture teach you about our hearts? That our hearts are very deep and we cannot understand most of it. We can only clearly see what is in the shallows or what rises to the surface. Anything could be lurking down there! Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all else….Who can understand it?
C. What can a man of understanding do? He can draw out the hidden purposes in a man’s heart. Interesting… as always read this as one man drawing another man’s purposes out but it could also be read as a man drawing out his own purposes.
D. What are some ways a good friend has done this for you? Questions! I have a dear, dear friend who always asks the greatest questions! They are so simple but heart-targeted. She is so good at it in my life that I have often prayed, “Lord, let me ask good questions like Julie.”  People respond so much softer when it is their own realization than when you try to force or manipulate a specific observation. Though there are times when truth needs to be spoken in love. Also…. being patient while you struggle through. Not agreeing with you but not condemning  you as  you wrestle with hard things and go through different sinful reactions until you finally “get it.” And prayer…always prayer.

4. Read slowly Proverbs 20:5.
A. To what does Solomon compare the purposes of a man’s heart?
Deep water
B. What does this word picture teach you about our hearts?
It would take time and effort to get to its very core.
My husband used the illustration of an onion when he referred to people’s hearts. It has layers and layers that need peeling before you can get to the core.
C. What can a man of understanding do?
Draw it out.
D. What are some ways a good friend has done this for you?
By seeking to understand and using words like:
a.   Did I hear you say ______________?
b. Tell me more about it.
c.   How did you feel about this situation?
d. Let us talk about your options. (This is my other friend, Abbie.)

3. Think of a way in the past a friend has brought healing to you – for often we spy Jesus in our friends.
 
Once there was something that I was struggling with that God had made me understand that it was sin. But I didn’t tell anybody. I tried to process through it by myself. I believe that this is one of Satan’s schemes because even when we confess the sin to God, if we feel shame and we still struggle with it, not telling anyone and keeping it in the dark only allows it to continue to plague us, isolate us, and often continues to feed the sin. (Perhaps there is some value in the Catholic practice of confession to a priest? I know the argument of  “it’s between me and God”, but confession to another believer is freeing) I had two close friends that I finally told them what was going on, and guess what – they didn’t judge me, condemn me, or abandon me. They listened and still loved me, and bringing that sin into the light of friendship brought freedom and healing. Also, when you have a good friend you can come clean with, they can pray for you, too.
 
Thank you for praying for my son, Ryan – he made his jump yesterday and survived! (But I’m still kind of mad at him)

5. Share a God Hunt from the last 48 hours.
 
We, FINALLY had a spring like day! No rain and the sun was shining. It was 60 degrees. Thank You Jesus! The babies and I went on a walk and played in the back yard. It was so nice. 
6. What two questions did Ed’s friend ask him? Can you think of another good question to draw out the deep waters of another’s heart?
He was asked what were the good things and the bad things in your week? I guess something like how are you feeling?
7. Ed Welch made an important comment at the end, saying: “We want to hear what was a weight to their soul, and what lifted their soul — and enter into each with either empathy or joy.” How might you do each of those things? Be specific.
 
You could acknowledge each by nodding, looking into their eyes directly, and commenting by saying something like, “that must have been hard,” or “yay! that’s awesome!”

1.   Share a God Hunt from the last 48 hours.
Answered prayer and a verse that became radioactive:
Last Saturday about 2 AM (1 PM Friday here), my brother in law had to take my Mom to the ER because of difficulty of breathing. After initial treatment at the ER, she was sent home but had a spell while still at the parking lot. My brother in law decided to get her admitted. In my country, some hospitals need a down payment before a patient can be admitted. My cousin who takes care of my Mom’s financial affair was gone on a vacation and couldn’t be reached. My Mom did not have the cash (long story to explain here) so I prayed somehow she would be provided for. I went to bed concerned but at peace knowing God heard my prayers.
Later on, I learned my cousin actually had money sent to my brother in law while on vacation. My Mom was taken care of and treated for pneumonia. They are hoping she will be dismissed Wednesday, Philippine time.
I thought of the verse that says, “Before you call, I will answer; and before you speak, I will hear.” Isaiah 65:24 God knew my Mom would be in need and even before I prayed, He had a plan at work. This brings me to tears.
Another verse that I sent to my brother in law to share with my Mom is in Isaiah 54:5 “Your maker is your husband.” I trust this verse brought comfort to my Mom these days as it had for me as I think of my Mom being a widow now for 30 years.
Watch this two-minute video from Ed Welch of CCEF:
 
 
2. What two questions did Ed’s friend ask him? Can you think of another good question to draw out the deep waters of another’s heart?
Tell me the best thing in your week and the worst thing in your week.
I often think of my students especially the ones who are either so needy or kept to themselves a lot. One question may not be enough to draw them out.
Can a simple “how are you?” be a good start and to really take a listen and respond accordingly. Then a follow-up, “how are you doing dealing with this situation?”
In a world of instant everything, I need to really pay attention to others, slow down and convey, “I see you” to them.

5. Share a God hunt from the last 48 hours. As I have sought jobs I have had to petition former coworkers to be references for me. As someone who struggles with an approval idol these types of tasks fill me with angst. But God was gracious and three responded yesterday/today not only with affirmation of willingness to refer me but with such kind words that I was blessed. It was a little different this time, too, more of a God-affirmation through people rather than a people affirmation to assuage my fears. Don’t know if that makes sense but it was a significant to me. 
6. What two questions did Ed’s friend ask him? Can you think of another good question to draw out the deep waters of another’s heart? Ed’s friend asked him what was the best thing in  his week and what was the worst thing. I love that. I also love that Ed was willing to share. So many times people don’t want to share. My questions usually stem from observations (tho I think I will use Ed’s friend’s questions for awhile). Such as, “You seem very joyful this morning, what is filling your heart?” Or “Is your heart hurting, you don’t seem to be smiling today.” Or from their answers to generic questions, “Your mother came to visit, are you two close? Do you look forward to/enjoy weekends like that?” “Sounds like you had an adventure this weekend, would you say you enjoy adventure? What other adventures have you enjoyed and remembered fondly/not so fondly.” 
7. Ed Welch made an important comment at the end, saying: “We want to hear what was a weight to their soul, and what lifted their soul – and enter into each with either empathy or joy.” How might you do each of those things? Be specific. I think listening with the appropriate facial expressions is often enough. Letting sadness show, or joy show while they tell their story. I also try to mirror back what they have said, “Sounds like you have been waiting a long time for that promotion. I am so glad for you!” Or “That must have been very difficult and painful.” Also to draw out the whole story to let them share everything is also important. Asking for details or more about how they felt in a situation. 
A question I often ask my few close friends is, “How have you sought Truth today?”

11.  God hunt. How has God been pursuing me? I’ve not been sleeping well – awake every hour or two, staring at the clock from four on…. It finally hit me last night that God is pursuing my prayers. Since I’m not making the concerted effort in my daytime hours God is saying, how about if you do it at night then? 
 
12.  Ed Welch says God pursues us relentlessly. He doesn’t give up. Oh, I’m so grateful for that! 
 
13.  To get closer to people, literally I can just walk towards them. I can speak first. Ask questions and listen much. All these things are easier said than done. I’m an introvert, and especially if I’m tired or don’t feel well, I don’t have the energy to extend myself like that. Sometimes it is even difficult to respond if someone comes to me. I’ve also been known to get things really mixed up in my mind, and start to think I’m the only one giving in this situation. 
 
14.  To have a little of someone etched on your soul means you’ve allowed them to become enough a part of your life that you carry a part of them with you. When we moved away from Minnesota, someone close gave me a little picture that says: you never really leave a place you love – part of it you take with you, leaving a part of you behind. That’s being etched, because it isn’t the place you love, it is your relationships there. You really want for those people to have less pain and more joy in the same way you want it for yourself.

12. How does Welch describe God pursuing us?
We have been pursued from the foundation of the world and we continue to be pursued by “the Lover of our souls”. He pursues us in the good places and runs after us in the midst of bad places.
 
13. How might you move toward people, rather than waiting for them to move toward you? Think about church, small group, your workplace, or any place you frequent.
This has never been easy for me, to make the first move. Last year, one of my coworkers resigned from her job. It seemed we were just getting to know each other a little bit more deeply, and then she was leaving. We put each other’s numbers in our contact list, and right after she left, she was going to visit her sister in Washington State for a few weeks. She sent me some beautiful pictures of apple orchards and the area where she was staying, and we kept in touch. We live about 25 minutes apart, and she lives closer to where there is a national park, so I asked her if she’d like to meet at the park sometimes and walk together, which she responded yes. We’ve been trying to meet about once a month to walk together. I knew that nature speaks to her soul like it does mine, so that’s why I suggested the walking instead of going out for lunch. We even walked in January when it was very cold and snowy; we just put on our boots and all the winter gear! Sometimes, those people in our lives just slip away and we never see or hear from them again, but I didn’t want that to happen with her, so I determined to keep in touch.
14. Welch talks about caring enough about people to have a little of them etched on your soul. What does that mean?
I think it means that you don’t use other people as a way to get your own needs met, thinking only of yourself. I should “carry them in my heart” and truly seek to know them for who they are, their joys, difficulties, and sorrows.