Blest Be The Tie That Binds!
And what is that Tie?
Jesus and the Gospel He brings.
A gospel that can deliver us not only from the penalty of sin,
but also from the cruel power of sin.
Sin abuses, breaks, and destroys relationships that are precious to us.
The movie Beaches is a classic in women’s friendships.
Though a secular movie, it vividly portrays
the pain in the demise of a close relationship, but also,
the power of a Christ-like response to redeem that same relationship.
Watch this clip:
How we need the power of Christ in our relationships.
In the final chapter of Galatians,
Paul gets so practical in applying the power of the gospel
to our relationships,
showing us how to respond to people
in the Spirit instead of in the flesh.
He has told us the whole law is summed up in this:
And now he gives us practical ways
to love our neighbor.
All spring from “staying in step with the Spirit” so that
the power of the gospel can be unleashed.
In the above clip from Beaches, Barbara Hershey, who plays Hillary, confesses her jealousy of her friend CC Bloom, played by Bette Midler. Jealousy destroys relationships. Think of how Saul initially was so drawn to David, but then jealousy turned him into one trying to destroy David. We too can be plagued by jealousy — and often we are most susceptible to the green monster with those who excel in an area where God has gifted us.
I remember picking up Ann VosKamp’s book One Thousand Gifts, wondering how a Christian book on gratitude could get on, and stay on, the New York Times’ Bestseller list. I’d read only a few sentences before I understood. God had gifted this woman extraordinarily! I had the true, laughable, and small thought: “I hope she’s old and ugly.” I flipped to the back to see a young and beautiful woman.
I began to preach the gospel to my depraved heart, my heart that tends to crave the praise of man more than the praise of God:
Dee, you are so loved that Christ went to the cross for you. He has also given you talents, and though they pale in comparison to this woman’s talents, they matter. All God asks of you is that you be faithful, not that you get on the New York Times Bestseller list. You can either be jealous of her or serve her, helping others discover her teachings.
God opened a little door for me to serve Ann when I saw she was being so unfairly attacked for using language from the scriptural bridegroom metaphor. She wrote that she flew to Paris and made love to God. I understood what she was saying, for I have been so captivated by the bridegroom metaphor throughout Scripture. It was bold of her to say “made love,” yet isn’t that the metaphor the Song of Songs uses? And I have had the same sense of when I am overwhelmed by His beauty and mindfulness of me. But so many did not understand and turned viciously on her, devouring her, hurting her deeply, living out what Galatians 5:15 says about how we in our flesh devour our brothers and sisters. A mutual friend told me Ann was most grieved, not over her loss of reputation, but wondering if she had indeed grieved God. I defended her in my blog and someone showed it to her. She then wrote me the most beautiful letter of thanks and a little friendship began. Then, a few years ago, my friend Christy sent me this. So like Ann — so full of gospel love.
When we bite and devour, it is we ourselves, others, and the testimony of Christianity that is destroyed. But when we stay in step with the Spirit, loving and serving, beauty is infused into our lives and the lives of others, and joy follows!
Sunday:
1. What do you learn about jealousy from the above that might be helpful to you?
2. Of whom do you tend to be jealous? How could you preach the gospel to yourself about this?
3. Has “staying in step with the Spirit” helped you redeem a relationship? If so, share briefly about it.
Monday: Serve People Instead of Eating People
The Lord opened my eyes to a sinful way that I have approached new people, looking at them through the question, “How will they be useful to me?” Keller says “The world eats people, the Christian serves people.” Staying in step with the Spirit means serving, not eating. Our own Chris put it well last week:
I think in our flesh we look at other people as ways to fill up ourselves, when self interest rules my heart I will use people or step over them to get what I think I need. This is a dangerous way to live.
4. When we look at people as ways to fill us up, what will be the result according to Galatians 5:15?
5. How might you apply this gospel principle to a relationship in your life?
Tuesday: See People Through Your Father’s Eyes
“Staying in step with the Spirit” means seeing people as Jesus does. We need His Spirit to see people like He did — as individuals with different kinds of brokenness and needs. Though Martha and Mary each said the same thing to Him, (“If you had been here, my brother would not have died.”) Jesus responded so differently to each for He could see their hearts and their needs. So often we get really angry with people who are broken, but if we knew what God knew, we’d respond with compassion, knowing that hurt people hurt people.
The most natural response in the world when people hurt you is to either hurt them back or withdraw. Philip Yancey says that grace is amazing because it’s not natural, it’s supernatural. Again, we need to be filled with His Spirit, rather than quenching His Spirit through the flesh.
When I was in Georgia last week, one woman gave a testimony of how she would cut herself. She did it to keep people away for she has been so hurt by people. So often when people hurt us it is because they are wounded themselves, and are putting up a wall, a wall only the love of Christ can melt. I saw my husband Steve restore our very wounded daughter Beth when we adopted her from Thailand at the age of 12. She rejected us whenever we reached out to her, for she had built a wall. I got weary of being rejected, and, in part, withdrew. Steve pressed on, seeing Beth through God’s eyes, and the wall melted.
6. Think about someone difficult in your life who has brought you pain. How might they be broken? How might Jesus see them and restore them?
We know that insofar as it lies within us, we are to be at peace with all men. It isn’t always possible, but it is so pleasing to God when we humble ourselves and give it our very best. It is rare for the one who has inflicted the most hurt to initiate reconciliation, so it is left to the one who is “spiritual,” “in step with the Spirit,” to not cling to her rights, but to humble herself, admitting her share of the blame, and not accusing.
First, we truly must forgive from the heart — and that is painful, for someone must pay the price for forgiveness to happen, as Christ did for us. Then, if it seems wise and could be effective, go to the person, preferably in person, confessing any wrong, affirming where you can, and asking caring questions to try to understand their hurt, seeing them as Jesus does. This is truly the gospel in action.
7. Is there a time you have done this, or is the Lord leading you to do this? If so, share.
Wednesday: Gently Restoring A Brother Caught in a Sin
The Keller sermon this week is not free, but I hope you will listen. One of the gems he shares is that this passage is talking about confronting “brothers” gently. Confronting unbelievers about their behavior often backfires for what needs to be changed is their hearts, their blindness. It is better to look for opportunities to introduce them to Christ and HIs gospel, rather than challenging their opinions or behavior on what God considers sin. I don’t think Keller means we can’t have caring and listening discussions when an unbeliever initiates a discussion about homosexuality, abortion, or whatever, but that there is not much hope for a change in attitude until the blinders are removed, and that indeed, arguments lead to walls being built, and less chance of them responding to the gospel.
8. Read Galatians 6:1
A. Whom is he addressing (first word), and why is this important to note?
B. What do you think it means to be “caught in a sin?”
C. Give an example of another restoring you gently, or you restoring another gently.
D. What warning follows? Why, do you think?
Keller believes this is not when you have been offended by someone, but rather, when you see a brother caught in a sin — and you should pray, asking God if it would be effective, and how to do it gently. I always remember how Jan Silvious gently restored me when I was complaining about my administrative assistants quitting. All she said was “Dee, this seems to be a pattern in your life.”
Thursday: Carry Each Others Burdens
I’m not sure why it divides the pain when someone grieves with me instead of preaches to me when the sky falls, but it does. Indeed, it truly feels like they have gotten next to me and lifted some of the burden. Watch this following clip and comment:
9. What stands out to you from the above?
10. Read Galatians 6:2
A. What command is given and what do you think this means?
B. How have people helped you to carry a burden
If Galatians 6:2 is actually a continuation of Galatians 6:1, and I am thinking it is, which is a lightbulb for me, for usually Galatians 6:2 is taken as a solitary verse. But it may be the burden referred to here is the burden of sin, and how it enslaves us. Strong’s Concordance supports this translating: ‘bear one another’s faults’). I think of the volunteers in the prison ministry who are helping women break the cycle of addiction — that’s work, but they are “bearing their burden of enslaving sins” to help them get set free.
A young woman I’ve been mentoring whom I’ll call Ellie provides a living example of helping someone get set free, of taking on a job she didn’t need to take on, but doing it out of obedience to Galatians 6:1-2.
Ellie was aware of hostility toward her from a woman in her church I’ll call Jo. She knew that several other women in her church also felt that hostility. So Ellie went to Jo in hopes of understanding what was going on and helping her. Ellie listened carefully, affirmed her where she could, and drew out the deep waters of her soul with questions. She discovered that Jo had been severely hurt by another woman in the church, and now was erroneously projecting that woman’s feelings to Ellie and some other women. Ellie told me, “It made me realize how easy it is in our brokenness to make wrong assumptions. I do it too. And I think some light came for her. I’m glad I went.” Ellie didn’t have to go, but she stayed in step with the Spirit by going, loving, listening, and helping Jo get set free.
This is living out Galatians 6:1-2. These two women are now at peace, and this is rippling out to that church body, and is such a good stomach punch to Satan.
11. If Galatians 6:1-2 are meant to be a unit, what do you learn from this?
Friday: Optional Keller Sermon
12. Read Galatians 6 in its entirety and share anything that stands out to you and why.
There is much more we could cover in Galatians 6, but I’ve run out of time, as Lent begins next week! I have loved going through this with you. I do think this sermon is wonderful, but it is not free, so it is optional. If you listen, share your notes and thoughts. (I’m having trouble giving the link so please copy and paste the following.)
https://gospelinlife.com/downloads/freedom-in-relationships-5913/
(When you go on the Gospel in Life site, you’ll see an opportunity to listen to a live stream of Keller during Lent. I’m doing it — and will make it an optional exercise during our Lenten study.)
13. Share your notes and comments.
Saturday:
14. What is your take-a-way and why?
139 comments
Tears as I read through this introduction. Once again, thank you for your vulnerability. Your willingness to honestly share your brokenness somehow makes this a safe place to share our brokenness.
Sara Groves ~ Bless Be the Tie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gcYFtihSg_8
1. What do you learn about jealousy from the above that might be helpful to you?
That it is insidious and potentially crippling. Sometimes it causes me to distance myself from someone. Thank you, Dee, for modeling how to apply the gospel in this instance of recognizing the jealousy. By arresting the jealous thoughts, recognizing them for what they are and replacing those thoughts with gratitude, my heart is adjusted.. . . again and again…… as often as necessary. Help us Lord.
2. Of whom do you tend to be jealous? How could you preach the gospel to yourself about this?
At this point in life, having raised my five children and having been married for over 40 years, I am sometimes painfully jealous of younger, beautiful women. I can preach the gospel to myself by choosing gratitude that He has given me breath for 65 years and that I get to laugh with grandchildren and that I get to (potentially) have a long perspective on life and wisdom that comes with some of that.
I also tend to be jealous of others who have success in ministry that I do not have. And that can send me down a long road of regret. Sometimes this jealousy can be arrested by simple actions. I was finishing Eugene Peterson’s book yesterday ~ A Long Obedience in the Same Direction. Quoting from page 194:
You can act yourself into a new way of being. Find the right things to do, practice the actions, and other things will follow…….Act your gratitude; pantomime your thanks; you will become that which you do.
And the feelings follow.
The clip from the movie really got to me. Because sometimes it seems the real feelings are only released in the very hard moments with deep emotion. One person’s humility can be all that it takes for the dam to break and healing to flow.
So much beauty here.
The link to Sara Grove’s Blest Be…
The vulnerability and way out
Peterson’s quote
That humility can break the dam
oh Nila–you have such a wealth of wisdom, I can’t imagine you jealous of younger women for your “years” and I know suffering too, have brought out such immense beauty in you. I love this “One person’s humility can be all that it takes for the dam to break and healing to flow.”
That Eugene Peterson quote is very profound, Nila. Thank you. I guess the question I ask myself is “Can I act myself into a new way of being? … Can I act my gratitude? pantomine my thanks? become a grateful person?” I am trying, but I can only change if God helps me!!! I have tried before and failed before, but I have hope because HE is with me and is still working on me.
Diane,
I think of “acting” as choosing. And since I read Ann Voskamp’s book One Thousand Gifts seven years ago I have made more of a deliberate choice to identify a way to say or write my gratitude. It has been a bumpy road with fits and starts, but it has been a life-giving road. It has been far from perfect.
I give guitar lessons. I often tell my students that if they will practice, their muscles will eventually remember the movements. At first every movement of the fingers has to be thought out and slowly developed. But if they practice (if they ask their fingers to act a certain way enough times), their muscles will remember what to do and it will not be such an effort in the long run. So the “being” emerges as the student asks their fingers to “act” a certain way. It is called muscle-memory. And it is the pathway to playing beautiful music.
And so practicing gratitude has been a journey of developing my spiritual-memory. I have not “arrived” but I’ve understood better how acting (choosing) is sometimes the starting point to re-directing my thinking. It is sometimes my desperate attempt at obedience as we fight this good fight.
Nila, this is a great analogy between practicing music so that you develop “muscle memory” and practicing gratitude to develop my spiritual memory. Fighting the good fight as well!
Thank you, Nila for your insight. I, too, find myself jealous of beauty and strength in younger women, and difficulty accepting my aging self. I love your advice to replace jealous thoughts with gratitude “ again and again as often as necessary “ I will definitely be doing that this week as I head off to Hawaii. I’m already cringing at the picture of me in my swimsuit with my flabby, white, age-spotted thighs. But I’ll be there to attend my sons wedding with all of my beautiful children and grandchildren😎. And that is something to be thankful for.
I agree with all the replies given here on your comment, Nila. Such insight into the power of practicing the right things to do. It may be “forced” at first but then as you do, you become. Thank you all for such rich insights!
1. What do you learn about jealousy from the above that might be helpful to you? That it can be sneakier than we realize and more destructive than we realize. Dee, I admire you for being honest within your heart about Ann. I remember that blog post (or at least a similar one) during our Song of Songs study. I have used what I learned in that study to defend Ann as well. So thank you, Dee!
2. Of whom do you tend to be jealous? How could you preach the gospel to yourself about this? I tend to be jealous of people who have friends, especially close, long friendships. Jealousy is so condemning. The Gospel: (from John 15) “Jesus calls me friend. What He has done for me, in me, and will do is to make my joy wholly mature. I did not choose Him, but He choose me so that I could love others with Him, through Him, by His strength.”
3. Has “staying in step with the Spirit” helped you redeem a relationship? If so, share briefly about it. I don’t know… I am struck by Ellie’s story, she went to the other gal and had a seemingly productive conversation…. I have tried this several times and have not had success that I can remember. Honestly, this is a painful topic because I don’t have many friends and have had many women retract their friendship from me and I have never understood why. I have even beseeched fellow Christians who didn’t want to be friends any more to help me learn about myself but none have offered helpful feedback. And all this leads me to conclude that the fruit must not be in me or I would be able to be a better friend….or that I wasn’t intended to have many friendships but just to serve as needed.
I digress…sorry. Thank you for letting me ‘journal’ here, it is therapeutic. I will be deep in prayer and thought this week… thank you, Dee, for being in step with the Spirit doing these studies, it is so often exactly what I need and takes me to the cross! ❤️
PS I absolutely loved the candid video of Ann! 😊
Jill — how dear and vulnerable you are here.
Interesting that you have beseeched fellow Christians to learn and they didn’t offer feedback. I think it does show how hesitant we are to bear one another’s burdens — and I think I learned so much about the link between Galatians 1 and 2 this week, and it will help me to do better with this. Just seeing your pain is helpful, Jill. You are definitely loved and appreciated here!
Oh, Jill. Wish we could meet for coffee on this snowy, cold day here in Montana. It has been too long since our first meeting at the coffee shop.
Please let me know when you are back here again, for I have sensed a kindredness with you since we first “met” on the blog.
Jill–I relate to some of your feelings, seeing others with long-term friendships. I used to look at my mom, who had stayed close to high school or even elementary aged friends and wonder why I hadn’t. But I’ve come to realize I tend towards only a few close friends and it’s taken me until my 40s to really have a few that I feel are the “long term”… and I think part of why it finally works is that we have very low demands on each other. My 2 closest local friends I rarely see, but I know if I need prayer in the middle of the night, they are there. Sorry, I hope some of that was helpful. I’m saying a prayer now for you to have peace in this area and for God to bless.
Jill, you are loved and appreciated by me and thankful for your insights here. Praying for a friend in the flesh for you. I wish we live close by!
Jill, I can so relate to your friendship struggles and I feel for you….my dear mom had a wealth of friends; friends from high school that she remained in touch with into their 80’s; a pen pal she began writing to in high school who lived in England; they met once and wrote to each other until Vera died. I have also been baffled by several friendships that ended and I don’t know why. One was a friend I’d had since we were 14….I had last talked to her about ten years ago, just before I had major surgery. I never heard from her afterwards….years went by, and two years ago, I sent her a Christmas card and wrote that I felt so badly we’d lost touch. I gave her my number and that I’d really like to meet for coffee and reconnect. I got, in return, one of those Christmas cards that is a family picture, with nothing written on it. So, I let it go. But I, too, have felt a tinge of jealousy and just a longing when I see women who seem to have such a full life that is full of friends. If I had a personal crisis, I don’t know that I have a close-enough friend right now that I could call for help. I keep thinking of what C.S. Lewis said about friendship….not so much about the ‘trying to be a good friend’, but when you meet someone and say, “What, you too?!”…..a friendship is born. Praying for you, Jill. Thank you for sharing honestly. I think you have a lovely heart.
Sunday
1. What do you learn about jealousy from the above that might be helpful to you?
What was helpful for me was to read how honest you were with yourself when it reared it’s ugly head..”I began to preach the gospel to my depraved heart.” And I loved what you preached to yourself!! Once jealousy creeps into my mind I have two choices…I can feed it or I can starve it. Oh, may I chose to starve it and preach the gospel to my depraved heart.
2. Of whom do you tend to be jealous? How could you preach the gospel to yourself about this?
I tend to be jealous of those who have talents I have, are asked to use them, but I’m not. This can and has caused me to retreat into my own little world of self-pity. I really liked what Nila quoted from Eugene Peterson. Sharon, keep your thoughts focused on what Christ has done for you…He loves you so much. I know that being an introvert doesn’t help and sometimes instead of being jealous, ask God for strength to go forward and put yourself out there. It may honestly be they don’t even know what talents you have, so the jealousy is for not.
3. Has “staying in step with the Spirit” helped you redeem a relationship? If so share briefly about it.
Yes. My sister-in-Law and I had a strenuous competitive relationship for several years. When she had some health issues, I wrote her a letter of encouragement and ever since then we have become very close. I really can’t remember what I wrote but her response was one of surprise, acceptance and love.
Love your testimony in 3, Sharon!
Once jealousy creeps into my mind I have two choices…I can feed it or I can starve it! Lord, please let Your word soak into my heart and mind and help starve out jealousy when it rears it’s ugly head!
1. What do you learn about jealousy from the above that might be helpful to you?
What a powerful example of turning away from the destructiveness of jealousy to the opposite–encouragement and building up. Recently, and I have to be vague here, we had a visit from someone who, given their role, should be an encourager to myself and my family, but instead made several “jabs” at me and my 12 year old during the visit. When it was over, I struggled to explain to my son why the comments had been made and all I could really find was that this person was jealous and felt so insecure that they tried to cut us down in order to feel better about themselves. I don’t want to give the details, but it was a significant relationship and it took me a few days to get over the “sting” of the jabs, but mostly I felt sad for her that she was stuck in that bitter place. Jealousy drives a wedge between us because it blinds us to appreciating what God has given–to us, and to others, and instead fills us with bitterness. I can think of times I have felt jealous, even envious, and in those moments it becomes consuming and I am incapable of loving or displaying the fruit of the Spirit. But to use Dee’s model, and turn instead in gratitude to God for what He has given me, the jealousy dissolves and I am able to appreciate the beauty of another or their gifts.
Your story makes me think of the Proverb, Lizzy, of “Who can stand before jealousy?” There is really nothing you can do to change them, but we can change our responses to it. Which you do and model to your children.
2. Of whom do you tend to be jealous? How could you preach the gospel to yourself about this?
It’s always been easy for me to be jealous of another’s appearance, but in more recent years I have struggled most with watching other moms with their daughters. Extended family is also a big sore spot for me, seeing others who are close to their parents or siblings is especially painful. I encounter these reminder of these losses daily, and usually I just pray “take it Lord” and imagine myself bringing the load of pain to His feet, again. And I am trying to do what Mary E. models for me, and that is thank Him for it, even though I don’t like it or understand it, He has it. And I ask Him to fill the holes in my heart, and bring Himself glory through the pain.
I want to add though too, that I have seen Him come to me in these “losses” and bring rescue. I feel more aware of His specific love for me and His “seeing” me that ever before, and I know He will continue to grow that. There is an awareness in me even in the midst of the pain, that it is better that I have these trials, because He is using them to bring my dependence on Him deeper and fuller, richer, and I am honestly so thankful for that, I wouldn’t change the trials if I could. Wow. Didn’t expect to say that now, but I do feel that, and that is His great mercy. Sorry for the spiel there! 😉
So much pain — yet the light comes to you through the cracks and also shines out to us!
3. Has “staying in step with the Spirit” helped you redeem a relationship? If so, share briefly about it
What comes to mind is my marriage. Nila mentioned humility and I believe that really is the balm for relational discord. I think my husband is better at it than I am, and usually he is the first to bend, but when he owns his part, there is an opening in the wall between us and my defense begins to crumble. It is hard to take that first step–there is a cost, but the reward of reconciliation is immeasurable.
1. What do you learn about jealousy from the above that might be helpful to you?
Jealousy gets you nowhere. It doesn’t help your situation, it only hurts you. The other person doesn’t care! It’s like when you don’t forgive someone. You think not liking them and fretting over their deserved “punishment” is what you should do, but you are only hurting yourself. Again, they don’t care.
By supporting those whom you admire (not envy), you too are blessed.
2. Of whom do you tend to be jealous? How could you preach the gospel to yourself about this?
Oh wow…too many things to count 😩. I definitely am jealous of people who dance better, who are thin and can eat anything they want and not gain a pound, and those who are more intelligent or organized. I also struggle with people who seem to have the perfect kids (and we all know that mine didn’t turn out quite that way…) However, I know I should not be jealous and I do not dwell on these things even though sometimes I feel that twinge. I tell myself that God made me for some reason too. Not sure I know what that is at this point in my life, but He must have made me for something…
3. Has “staying in step with the Spirit” helped you redeem a relationship? If so, share briefly about it.
Hmmmm….yes, I am closer to my sister now more than ever. I used to get mad and not speak to her for years at a time. I think knowing Jesus has helped me ignore some of the annoying things she used to do, and see her in a different way as I (and she) have gotten older.
Love your whole post, Laura!
1. What do you learn about jealousy from the above that might be helpful to you?
Tears here! Oh, Dee, your introductory story about your jealousy of Ann and then your turning it around with God’s strength to bless her by defending her comments about making love to God in Paris!!! Ann is a very special person and I guess I feel a special connection to her because she is Canadian and because she has been so vulnerable about her pains and shyness. I read her blog regularly even after many years! Something about the way she shares touches me in a deep way that no one else does!
And you! … That you would reach out to a younger sister in need of encouragement and continue to reach out to so many of us for so many years — choosing to minister and work for the Lord, rather than relaxing and focusing on yourself in your senior years! You are a shining example to so many of us! and God bless you!
Oh Diane — you are an encourager!
1. Jealousy. Yes, so true that the worst is when they have something good you have, only more of it. I usually just try to push the thoughts away, but it would be much better to speak truth to myself and try to bless the other person.
2. Who? Yesterday we were at the funeral of a Godly woman. Her three adult children each got up and talked about their mom. Like in Prov 31, her children arose and called her blessed.
i found myself wondering what my children would say, and if anyone would even come to my funeral. It is that old approval thing. So now, having written this I can say, Mary, God chose the children you had for you to have your impact on them. It was not perfect, but Adam and Eve had the perfect parent and they didn’t turn out. Remember, the goal wasn’t for people to be impressed with you. The goal was to instill in them a passion for Jesus. Jesus in you, and in them, is all that matters.
3. I read Jill’s answer, and I resemble her remarks. I’ve all but begged my Christian brethren to show me where I’m off. I, too, struggle with friendship. It goes a little way only. Some have survived over the years, maybe because we don’t live in the same town anymore. I know I am lacking as a friend. In the last few years I’ve tried concentrating more on listening, trying to meet their needs, and bless them than to make a friendship. Generally I am convinced it takes the grace of God to intervene and make friendship happen.
You are so wise. Nailing it with your last sentence.
Mary- we can pray for each other. Have you done any personality testing? I have found it helpful to understand myself a bit more. I am fascinated by Meyers-Briggs and it has given me some of the input I did not receive from others. Personality Hackers is my favorite, though not Christian the info can still give great insight. (There is, though a fine balance between understanding yourself better in the light of the cross and becoming self-obsessed. 😬)
Mary B–I love this too ” I am convinced it takes the grace of God to intervene and make friendship happen.”–SO true and a great reminder to me it is ALL by His grace and mercy.
1. What do you learn about jealousy from the above that might be helpful to you?
I have known this truth in my heart…that we are most susceptible to jealousy with those who excel in an area where God has also gifted us…but don’t know that I could have articulated that knowledge. Thank you for including that as well as your own story!
2. Of whom do you tend to be jealous? I tend to be jealous of younger women in the workplace that are incredibly smart. The Lord has indeed gifted me with the ability to learn quickly and with deep insight as well. But, I feel a deep sense of insecurity and jealousy when someone else “threatens” my territory.
How could you preach the gospel to yourself about this? Lucy, you are of so much more value to Me than just having a keen mind…I love all the wonderfully complex parts of you and will continue to do so, no matter what happens to your mind! It is a privilege to mentor the next generation and you will have unique opportunities to point some of these women to Me. Knowledge without love is nothing. I have called you to love Me and make Me known.
3. Has “staying in step with the Spirit” helped you redeem a relationship? If so, share briefly about it. I am in the midst of an unfinished story on that now and am not sure what the outcome will be. But, I do know that for the first time in a long time, I feel a glimmer of hope. Staying in step with the Spirit requires that we allow Him to remove our heart of stone and give us a heart of flesh…painful…yes…but also a life-giving surgery!
Lucy,
I too am in the midst of an unfinished story ~
Love the way you worded this: I am in the midst of an unfinished story on that now and am not sure what the outcome will be. But, I do know that for the first time in a long time, I feel a glimmer of hope. Staying in step with the Spirit requires that we allow Him to remove our heart of stone and give us a heart of flesh…painful…yes…but also a life-giving surgery!
Love your vulnerability and excited to hear the end of the last story, Lucy!
Sunday:
1. What do you learn about jealousy from the above that might be helpful to you? – When I’m jealous of someone, my attitude is not what it should be. I hurt myself and them. A relationship is between at least two people. You both agreed to be in the relationship that you need to discuss whatever may come up before just walking away. Both need to make the decision if the relationship was just for a season or if it was for eternity.
2. Of whom do you tend to be jealous? How could you preach the gospel to yourself about this? – At this time of my life, I tend to want to be in the shoes of those who can freely have time to do things and not have to worry about working. Honestly I so just want to be able to retire, or if I have to keep working, be closer to home working and not 50 minutes away. I can tell myself, that God has me planted right where I’m to be at this time, so I need to do what I’m doing with joy.
3. Has “staying in step with the Spirit” helped you redeem a relationship? If so, share briefly about it. – Right now it hasn’t, the relationship that is broken is between my stepson, his wife and us (my husband and I). I pray that the Lord can soften my heart when that time comes and be able to forgive them for what was said about us.
I pray this for you too, Julie. I know forgiveness is so much harder when there is not repentance! But God! Thanks for sharing vulnerably.
1. What do you learn about jealousy from the above that might be helpful to you?
I have a depraved heart that needs to be surrendered to God moment by moment. No hoarding from previous day of my dependence on Him. Who I am and what I do matters to God. There is no need for comparison-God loves me just the way I am.
2. Of whom do you tend to be jealous? How could you preach the gospel to yourself about this?
I think I have quite a few of those true, laughable small thought, too, Dee. And thank you for sharing so openly about your experience with jealousy with Ann.
I think for me for a while it was wanting to have a little of the other woman’s looks, a little of this woman’s wit, and another’s success etc. For a while it was somebody’s long legs or height. LOL In short (pardon the pun), I don’t like me. So I have been telling myself, “Bing-you are loved just as you are. Every inch of you was created by God. You have your unique heritage, talents and gifts and purpose. There is no one like you.” Sometimes I sing “Jesus loves the little children.” A friend loaned me a biography of Fred Rogers and I can still hear him saying, “I like you just the way you are.”
3. Has “staying in step with the Spirit” helped you redeem a relationship? If so, share briefly about it.
I feel each day that I have been on this blog has brought me closer to a redeemed relationship with my daughter, Ruth. I am no longer obsessed with being in control of her life. God does and I know this but did not live it out and she can feel it, I am sure. I no longer worry so much for her future because I have turned her over to the Lord. And when temptations come, I need to pray to the Spirit to help me overcome. He will help me as stay in step with Him.
Oh Bing. Now you need to go listen to Andrew Peterson’s Be Kind To Yourself!
Dee, thanks for reminding me of that song by Andrew Peterson. Yes, indeed, I need to be kind to myself. I am getting better at it-it might have come from being the oldest in the family, being a perfectionist and trying to meet everybody’s expectations and their approval.
I love it here because I feel accepted and understood.
1. What do you learn about jealousy from the above that might be helpful to you?
I loved your honest example of preaching the gospel to yourself Dee 🙂
2. Of whom do you tend to be jealous? How could you preach the gospel to yourself about this?
I can tend to be jealous, or at least to feeling really inferior to women who’ve done a remarkable job of raising godly children. My children are worldly. Nothing grieves me more.
3. Has “staying in step with the Spirit” helped you redeem a relationship? If so, share briefly about it.
I benefitted greatly from a study here that led me to a sermon from Keller that helped me understand more about confronting and offense, and the heart work I needed to do before speaking. I confronted my sister who I had been hurt by repeatedly, the encounter went better than I ever imagined it could. It was an answer to prayer for sure.
Oh Chris — would love for you to write me that last story in detail — would love to use it with anonymous names! When you have time and if you feel led!
That stand-alone encounter went really well, my sister laid down much of her normal defense language, she let me speak and I felt that she heard me. And yet… 2 of my 4 siblings have died. The two that remain are close to one another but not to me.
My oldest sister and I were very very close until our mom was dying. We had a falling out from which we never have recovered. It was the first time I stood against her in any way.
As I thought further about who I am jealous of, I can be jealous of sister relationships, and families at the holidays who have everyone in their fold, together and happy.
I can devolve into self-pity if I hang around those thoughts for too long.
4. When we look at other people through our own needs, we devour them and we end up destroyed.
I can see this truth in my mother’s life. It is difficult to explain, but one sister used the words devour and consume to describe what it felt like to be, or try to be, in relationship with her. And she ended up very alone by the time she died. Even her only sibling wanted nothing to do with her.
5. Application. Maybe this has been my unconscious thought in relationships. Wánting them to be my friend, wanting my needs met. And when it doesn’t happen that way, I feel destroyed. But when I place myself squarely where I belong, in Christ, I am free to just love on the person with no pressure and enjoy whatever happens.
Good application, Mary.
Mary…love how you stated #4…when we look at other people through our own needs…I fall victim to this all too often…how can someone else fill my lack…when that God sized hole can only be filled by One!
Mary, thank you for pulling together these two threads…the scripture about biting and devouring one another, and friendship. It’s exactly what Chris said: “in our flesh we look at other people as ways to fill up ourselves. When self interest rules my heart I will use people or step over them to get what I think I need. “ I love your reminder that in Christ I can be free to simply love the other person.
4. When we look at people as ways to fill us up, what will be the result according to Galatians 5:15?
I like the the Amplified Bible here:
”But if you bite and devour one another [in bickering and strife], watch out that you [along with your entire fellowship] are not consumed by one another.”
In a way I can see this dynamic having had its destructive way in our church body right now. We are in a precarious position primarily fueled by the jealousy of one woman.
5. How might you apply this gospel principle to a relationship in your life?
I need to be on guard in my thought life for anything that motives me out of selfish- ambition or vain conceit.
Father, I lift up this woman in Chris’ church. I pray for a change of heart, and if it would be efficacious, for You to show “one who is spiritual” to go to her and gently restore her. I pray against the enemy who loves to divide. In Jesus Name
Thank you for this prayer Dee, it is a scary thing to contemplate where her heart is. May the Lord intervene and the scales fall from her eyes.
4. When we look at people as ways to fill us up, what will be the result according to Galatians 5:15?
We will be consumed by one another, destroying each other.
5. How might you apply this gospel principle to a relationship in your life?
It is easy for me to fall into wanting approval or appreciation at work, or at home. The Gospel reminds me that my deepest need has been met through the Cross, and when I first fill myself with Christ—His acceptance of me , His truth about me in His Word, my heart is full and I am free to serve out of my excess, to bless, rather than to get something in return.
6. Think about someone difficult in your life who has brought you pain. How might they be broken? How might Jesus see them and restore them?
Steve’s example to Beth is such a powerful model for me. He was willing to risk further rejection because He was filled up with Christ’s love for him, humbled by it, and able to serve in love out of that excess, not asking for anything in return.
It is helpful to see their brokenness, and see that they need His covering but are not experiencing it, so they are lashing out from their own pain. I can then see it as more about them and God, than it is “at me”. This moves me to a place of pity and then empathy. My heart is softer and I can pray for Him to meet them in their pain.
7. Is there a time you have done this, or is the Lord leading you to do this? If so, share.
I have a relationship where I have tried to bring reconciliation and it was rejected. I’ve had to press on to find peace without reconciliation because I don’t see it likely in the future. I’ve realized it is harder for me to forgive someone when they do not acknowledge wrong doing and refuse reconciliation. But I do know He wants me to forgive, and I feel He has softened my heart to be able to. It’s a continual thing though, for memories come to mind, or like a few nights ago in a terrible nightmare, and I have to again, give it to Him, and ask for help to forgive. He has graciously opened my eyes lately to the mercies He has brought in my life, and as I reflect on those treasures, I am steadied by His immense love for me, that it overpowers any insecurity, fear or self-protection in me. But as we know, it’s a continual thing, preaching the gospel to myself over and over.
8. Read Galatians 6:1 A. Whom is he addressing (first word), and why is this important to note?
Brothers. He is speaking to fellow believers about dealing with fellow believers. This is important because we are called to encourage on another in our faith and obedience, because we share the Spirit, unlike a non Christian.
B. What do you think it means to be “caught in a sin?”
More than just seen performing the sin. Entrapped, entangled, enslaved to it. The sin has become an idol and displaced God in our heart.
C. Give an example of another restoring you gently, or you restoring another gently.
I had a friend once who lovingly “rebuked” me for not allowing her to help me more. She was right, I love to help others but it’s still a tendency of mine to not ask for help. My not wanting to be a burden causes others to feel like I am shutting them out, and I see now how it is against the community of the Body God meant for me to experience.
D. What warning follows? Why, do you think?
The warning is that in my rebuking another, I too could fall into temptation. I know I have to watch myself from becoming self-righteous. I really need to first pray, asking God to align my heart with His and rid me of my own pride, and then go to my sister in humility and gentleness. I do love the Message here “Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ’s law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived.
I think this is so key, Lizzy — good for all of us to ponder:
It is helpful to see their brokenness, and see that they need His covering but are not experiencing it, so they are lashing out from their own pain. I can then see it as more about them and God, than it is “at me”. This moves me to a place of pity and then empathy. My heart is softer and I can pray for Him to meet them in their pain.
As always, such good contemplative answers, Lizzy. You have some hard paths in your life but I do see you treading them with more and more faith.
4. When we look at people as ways to fill us up, what will be the result according to Galatians 5:15? You will be devoured, you and the one you are biting. This is tricky, and again, comes back to the heart, because we have a need for friendship and fellowship so it is difficult not to think of those needs as we interact. But Chris’s words mirror this scripture…the question then becomes: how do I live without having needs met, with holes in myself? The answer becomes obvious once heard aloud…one must serve and love God’s creation/people and trust for the needs or trust Him for purpose in the holes of our heart.
Nila, Dee, and Lizzy – thank you each for your encouraging comments above.
Nila- we are moving back permanently (God-willing) in April! ❤️
Oh! What part of Montana??
4. When we look at people as ways to fill us up, what will be the result according to Galatians 5:15?
We will destroy each other.
5. How might you apply this gospel principle to a relationship in your life?
I think we should love each other and not worry about ourselves, especially what others can do for us. Our goal is to spread the love of Jesus only. What comes of that is immaterial. A perfect example is our daughter. We are just trying to keep doing the next right thing regardless of her actions. We haven’t been perfect. There have been times where we wanted her to change based on our actions and the results were painful all the way around. One specific example was that she and her boyfriend took our car to New Orleans without our permission. We kept trying to get them to come back but they had no money for the gas. We kept giving them money and they just kept spending it instead of bringing the car back. Eventually, I flew to NO and drove the car back. We all lost out.
Such a battle – -but such a model of doing the next right thing.
Monday
4. When we look at people as ways to fill us up, what will be the result according to Galatians 5:15?
The result will be, we’ll destroy one another.
5. How might you apply this gospel principle to a relationship in your life?
I go back to Keller’s sermon last week where he says “Crucify the sinful nature.” “Find things which are too important to you, more important than Jesus Christ that are running your life and creating the works of the flesh.” If Jesus Christ isn’t the most important person/relationship in my life, that will trickle down into my other relationships, because my focus becomes about me.
4. When we look at people as ways to fill us up, what will be the result according to Galatians 5:15? – We will also be devoured back.
5. How might you apply this gospel principle to a relationship in your life? – I can look at each relationship with a servants heart and to not demand reciprocating actions back to me. I need to look to Jesus for the help I need and to fulfill heart with jo.y. I fail daily at doing and saying the right things, so I can’t expect someone else to do that for me. Jesus is the only one that can fill those empty ‘wineskins’ of my soul
4. When we look at people as ways to fill us up, what will be the result according to Galatians 5:15?
We destroy our own freedom when we do that! It’s amazing how often we are deceived in thinking we are exercising our “God given” freedom when we are actually biting and devouring another and losing our freedom in the process!
5.How might you apply this gospel principle to a relationship in your life?
When I am using another person to fill me up…I use my husband to make me feel secure…or my children to make me feel loved…I find that I usually end up resorting to manipulation to get their behavior to keep meeting my needs…which eats away at our relationship until it is gone. Instead, I am to walk by faith, in my God-given freedom and identity as His child and free a heart that is free from condemnation, love and serve others.
1. What do you learn from the above about jealousy that might be helpful to you?
First, that though sinful, jealousy is a normal human response; likely every human being has felt it, I know I have. Suddenly, our own view of ourselves is challenged, or diminished, by someone who is ‘better than’. It’s what we do next that counts. In the Beaches movie, jealousy stole years of friendship from these women. I see that Dee stopped it in its tracks by telling herself the truth of the gospel and not allowing it to grow, refusing to nurture it. I believe the truth that Dee saw is that she is deeply loved and valued by God, and she trusted in that.
2. Of whom do you tend to be jealous? How could you preach the gospel to yourself about this?
I tend to be jealous of other moms; moms of some of the friends my children have had….the ‘cool’ moms who throw the best birthday parties for their kids, or the mom who all the kids just love to talk to, the mom who everybody likes. The mom who, according to my child, is doing more for her child than I am doing for mine! And, women who seem so capable, smart, and savvy….recently, a co-worker who casually said how over the weekend she’d cooked food for a week, house was clean, and she did everyone’s taxes! I have to preach to myself that God made them who they are, and me, who I am. I can only be the best ‘me’ and not the best at trying to be like somebody else. It’s also the old approval idol when I get jealous of other moms who seem to be more popular than me. The truth is, I was never popular – not in school, nor anywhere else. I am not a lively, outgoing personality. God loves them as they are, and me as I am.
3. Has “staying in step with the Spirit” helped you redeem a relationship? If so, share briefly about it.
I shared the other week about asking my son and daughter to forgive me….staying in step with the Spirit means being willing and humble to admit when I am wrong and have offended and hurt someone (or pestered them). My daughter so clearly stated to me how my words had hurt her and our relationship felt ‘off’ to her….that’s the wedge that sin drives between.
Your comment about differing personalities, Susan, reminds me of how Keller says that what appears to be the fruit of the Spirit may be a pleasing Meyers-Brigg personality. Indeed, I see true fruit in you.
3. Has “staying in step with the Spirit” helped you redeem a relationship? If so, share briefly about it.
I have a long-time friend with whom there have been tensions. The hurt has been so mutual and long-term that we cannot even remember what the original problems were about. Yet, because we had made a commitment to each other, we have continued to stay in touch – even though the trusting and deep sharing has been lacking and strained. It has been like a wall. Then one day, she reached out to me and I reached out to her – and something clicked – WE REALLY TALKED!!! We found out a few days later that each of us had separately prayed earnestly about the healing of our relationship in the previous days. And God has opened the door once again to a deeper friendship! It is a little miracle – and only by His Spirit, beginning to redeem the “years that the locusts have eaten”.
I share this partly because I hear the pain of rejection from some of the women here. My heart aches for you. I know your pain. Perhaps my story will encourage some of you to keep praying and reaching out in vulnerability. May God give you special friends and give you eyes to see who those special friends are.
oh Diane!! I LOVE this testimony!! All of it–your faithfulness to remain even though there was tension, your prayerfulness, and the reaching out of your friend–what a beautiful testament to God’s desire for reconciliation and His blessing! I hope everyone sees this!
LOVE THIS DIANE!
Diane,
This is so encouraging to maintain “surface conversation” with the hope of walls coming down in time. Some kind of connection can lead to restored connection. Thank you ~
This is so good, Diane. I recently had a falling out with my dear cousin because I had let bitterness build up inside of me instead of praying about it and bringing it out into the open with her. When it exploded all over the place, I felt the impenetrable wall go up. Of course, I had already been building that wall on my side to protect myself. I’m encouraged by your story. Jesus can change our story if I bring it to Him. The trusting and deep sharing definitely is gone, but I need to remember to make the effort to keep the door open between us. Thank you so much.
Diane, thank you for your openness, this give me hope that the relationship between me, my husband, stepson and daughter in law will be reconciled. I always do my lesson first before coming back and reading the comments, so this falls right in line with what I wrote that I know I need to do, but oh so hard to make that step.
Diane, isn’t it amazing how God was working behind the scenes in both of your hearts, and led both of you to reach out to one another….”WE REALLY TALKED!!!” WOW.
Thanks for all the kind comments, everyone. Yes, God is gracious and amazing! I’m way behind in reading comments.
I’m sorry everyone, I got hit with some sort of infection last Tuesday night. I’m comfortable but still not functioning very well. I will jump back in next week.
So sorry to hear…take care of yourself and praying recovery comes quickly!
prayers for you Dawn to feel better. Rest up, see you next week.
Hope you are feeling better soon!
6. Someone difficult. It took some time for me to admit there is a sister in Christ who has been pushing my buttons for a couple of years. We don’t live close, so contact is mostly mail or Facebook, so I haven’t said anything I regret, thankfully. How might she be broken? Earlier in our history, she wanted me to become a career missionary. She no longer is one, and is somewhat bitter at her sending organization. She is a nurse, but hasn’t been able to work in that capacity for decades. Her children are not walking with the Lord; a heavy burden. Her extended family are not believers and have not been supportive of her. And she has health issues, real or imagined. I’ve withdrawn a lot, in hurt and in not wanting to get sucked into whatever. I’ve been thinking about how she needs to change instead of just loving her through the eyes of Jesus. You talked about not clinging to our rights. That has been me. I need to forgive, have compassion, and not accuse.
7. Have I tried reconciliation in the past? A time comes to mind of a conflict with a relative I’m usually close to. I blew up at her over it. The next morning, early, I woke her. We talked and cried and prayed together. My sin colors my memory of this, but we are close again despite that scar between us.
Love your heart, Mary, and will pray God will you wisdom on this friend.
9. What stands out to you from the above?
Oh. This brought the lump in ,y throat because it speaks to a recent memory. This was so good. I loved this– empathy fuels connection, it is a choice to connect with something within myself that knows the feeling so I can connect with that person. It is perspective taking, not judging, recognizing the emotion in another. It is diving into that “sacred space”, when someone is in a deep hole, overwhelmed–and I can say, I know what it feels like, you’re not alone. *Rarely can a response make something better, what makes something better, is a connection.
My husband and I experienced this Sunday night. We are in a community group at our new church, this was about our 4th time to go, but that night we shared a tiny piece of our “hard” from last Spring, and then this younger couple shared a piece of their story we didn’t know. Oh how He works. The similarities were amazing. When it was over I simply went to the mom and she opened her arms and we sobbed in a hug. No words, we didn’t even share all our details, we just knew we understood what the other was going through in a way no one else we knew could, and that was a gift, connection. His rich mercies flood us if we open our eyes to see Him.
Poignant wonderful story.
Lizzy, I’m so glad you and this younger couple were able to make this connection. Isn’t it glorious when the Lord does this?!!!
6. Think about someone difficult in your life who has brought you pain. How might they be broken? How might Jesus see them and restore them?
Oh how the most difficult person in my life is broken! I know this to be true and have prayed for restoration of this persons soul; that they remember who they are and that they realize that the most important thing is to know Jesus. I think Jesus sees this person as lost and needy, but for some reason He doesn’t help them.
7. Is there a time you have done this, or is the Lord leading you to do this? If so, share.
I have swallowed my pride and humbled myself to others, but I don’t think I felt there was that much at stake at the time I attended to the relationship. Often times I wait a very long time until most of the hurt is gone and it isn’t so hard to “make-up” then. I don’t know if that is how it should be done, it’s just how I have done it in the past.
With the current situation, I try to apologize, explain, etc. but the other party isn’t interested in listening. I think this is a valid point; both parties need to be willing to try or it won’t work (like Diane’s relationship above). In my other situations the other party was open to the dialog, even if they hadn’t thought about the relationship or prayed about it. Very hard to be like Christ…
Yes, Laura. I often think of the verse “insofar as it lies with you, be at peace with all men.” Both parties need to be open.
Laura, relationships are difficult aren’t they. I believe that God is always at work, even in relationship where nothing seems to be going well. His timing is not our timing. There are bigger issues at stake than we can see. I have prayed about some relationships for years and there seems no mending – but I often do not see what God is doing.
6. Think about someone difficult in your life who has brought you pain. How might they be broken? How might Jesus see them and restore them? – I am seeing a different path to the issue between my step-son and new daughter in law. Although many hurtful things have been posted by her, and just recently she married my stepson but we were not invited, due to whatever it was that we did. My stepson lashed out at my husband the weekend of the wedding after my husband reached out to him. We believe that a lot of what is being said is initiated by her, and our son lets her do it. I’m wondering now as I read today’s lesson that maybe she is hurting and lashed out at us because her dad is no longer alive. I would have loved to have my dad at my 2nd wedding but he had pasted away in October and we were married the following July. Just how God could reach her would be to let her know that HE is her Father, and will be there for her at all times. I’m not sure they are believers by the fruit that is seen or not seen, but I know that the Lord can place someone in her life that will be able to show her how loving Our Heavenly Father is.
Praying for wisdom for you, Julie. So hard, but may He show you a way to overcome evil with good.
I love this Dee and quoted you in our Life Group Facebook page. Thank you for hearing from the Lord and teaching us how to who He created us to be. “We know that insofar as it lies within us, we are to be at peace with all men. It isn’t always possible, but it is so pleasing to God when we humble ourselves and give it our very best. It is rare for the one who has inflicted the most hurt to initiate reconciliation, so it is left to the one who is “spiritual,” “in step with the Spirit,” to not cling to her rights, but to humble herself, admitting her share of the blame, and not accusing. First, we truly must forgive from the heart — and that is painful, for someone must pay the price for forgiveness to happen, as Christ did for us. Then, if it seems wise and could be effective, go to the person, preferably in person, confessing any wrong, affirming where you can, and asking caring questions to try to understand their hurt, seeing them as Jesus does. This is truly the gospel in action.”
7. Is there a time you have done this, or is the Lord leading you to do this? If so, share. – This is so hard for me as I am not one who likes confrontation, especially in person. I am feeling more toward the tug of sending a letter or email to them (stepson & daughter in law) to try and get this resolved before it lingers even more. I know the Lord is a God of restoration, I need to get myself out of the way, pray, listen and write what He is instructing me to write and mail it.
8.a. Paul is addressing brothers, believers in Christ. He isn’t talking to unbelievers, or even about them. Believers need help from each other her about sin and relationships.
b. To be caught in a sin could mean you’ve been uncovered; your sin has come out into the open. Or it could mean that they are ensnared in the sin. That one would be my guess for this verse.
c. Restoring gently. I don’t remember the details, but my near adult son brought me up short with just a few words, and I realized my words and attitude in the situation were sinful. It reminds me of Nathan saying to David, “you are the man”.
d. A warning follows to watch yourself. As many were posting at the end of last week’s study, it is easy to start something with the right motives and then have it quickly morph into something else completely. Like pride, arrogance, or gossip. I know for me that it is too easy to cast myself in a better light than I deserve.
Yes — the Greek has the element of surprise in the word “caught” which is interesting.
6. Think about someone difficult in your life who has brought you pain. How might they be broken?
I am married to someone for whom love is a scary and unsafe emotion. He does not know how to connect emotionally and from the heart. His mother suffered from depression and anxiety for much of her life which may have prevented him from trusting in love from an early age. He also had a high school girlfriend that caused a lot of pain.
How might Jesus see them and restore them?
I think Jesus sees the child within who longs to be loved but much like Dee’s daughter, Beth…this (grown) child rejects others first.
7. Is there a time you have done this, or is the Lord leading you to do this? If so, share. The past 3 years of marriage have been the hardest. I think this is due in part to the many losses people often face in midlife…loss of parents and children growing up and moving out, etc. My husband has withdrawn in more unhealthy ways than ever. My heart has longed to flee and seek solace and peace in living alone, yet the Lord has said No to that. In my hurt and pain, I have grown bitter and controlling. Over the past few months however, the Lord has been working on my heart, revealing all the pockets of sin for which I need His forgiveness. All the “self-righteousness” that I cling to in order to protect my own heart. This has been humbling indeed! It does not negate my husbands responsibility for his actions but it has given me a new appreciation for his inability to change (so far) as we are both caterpillars in our own rings of fire…we cannot save ourselves or each other. We are both helpless! I knew I was harboring unforgiveness but until the Lord began to reveal to me my own deep needs for forgiveness I was stuck in that bitter place. Before we can forgive, we need to be convinced of our own need to be forgiven! Now that I have begun to let the Lord deal with my heart, I am seeing glimmers of hope that He might one day restore my husbands heart but if not, then I will have done my best and the Lord will be pleased.
Lucy, there is so much insight and wisdom, and pain, in your post….before we can forgive, we need to be convinced of our own need to be forgiven.
Good pondering for your hard situaton, Lucy.
Lucy,
This is so hard. Thank you for your honest and courageous reflections here. In Sept. of 2014 Dee gave us a week of study on the blog that was helpful to many of us in a variety of difficult relationships here. A few of Dee’s words in the introduction that week:
God tells us that rash words can pierce just as much as physical sword thrusts. In marriage, the thrusts go particularly deep, for this is your covenant partner who promised to love you.
Here is the link to that week of study if you haven’t seen it:
https://deebrestin.com/2014/09/emotional-abuse-recognizing-repenting-and-responding-to-abuse/comment-page-1/
4. What we look at people as ways to fill us up, what will be the result according to Galatians 5:15?
It has the potential to destroy both persons. I also thought of Psalm 14:4, which says, “Will evildoers never learn – those who devour my people as men eat bread….”
5. How might you apply this gospel principle to a relationship in your life?
Dee, again, you are so honest before us….you say that God opened your eyes to the way you were approaching new people, asking how they might be useful to you? When I am scanning the crowd, hoping to maybe find a new friend, aren’t my own thoughts similar? Can this person be my friend….will this person be there for me….will they help me not to feel lonely…. I am looking to get my own needs met. This principle is also a daily reminder in my relationship with my daughter, as we are very close and we do enjoy spending time together. But I realize that I must ‘have my own life’ and allow her to grow as her own person, separate from me, and walk the path that God has for her. It is hard, and scary, but I sure don’t want to hold her back from growing into the woman God has made her to be, and to learn to be independent of me.
Susan, letting go of my firstborn daughter, Sally, was really hard for me, so I sympathize. It really is an act of faith to let them fly, and to realize that even her falls were part of His maturing her. I pray for you and for her!
Thanks, Dee! She’s also my baby….the last one at home. I also admire her because she is so much more than I was at her age….outspoken (but not harsh) and not afraid to use her voice and speak-up. She often defends the under-dog.
8. Read Galatians 6:1
A. Whom is he addressing (first word), and why is this important to note?
Brothers
B. What do you think it means to be “caught in a sin?”
I suppose it means that others may see us in the sinning?
C. Give an example of another restoring you gently, or you restoring another gently.
I suppose reminding them of Jesus’ light? But, you wouldn’t want to d that by acting superior…it is a fine line. Maybe actions speak better than words here? Giving them a book about Jesus? Asking them to a prayer service or another Christian event?
D. What warning follows? Why, do you think?
The warning that we should not get caught up in others’ sins. It is easy to be a sinner here on earth. It is easy to forget our reason for being here; to spread the light of the Lord.
The “caught” word is interesting — it has, in the Greek, an element of surprise. We are so good at deceiving ourselves, that we don’t see where we are headed — like I was in manipulating my administrative assistants — I truly was surprised when Jan said “Seems to be a pattern in your life.’ I think you have to be close to someone for them to hear you — I so respected Jan.
Tuesday
6 & 7. Think about someone difficult in your life who has brought you pain. How might they be broken? How might Jesus see them and restore them? Is there a time you’ve done this, or is the Lord leading you to do this? If so, share.
I didn’t realize how broken the person in my life was until they moved close to me. This person hurt me in ways that still affect my life today. I know within my heart that I have forgiven them but I will never forget. I prayed for years that this this person’s heart would be softened to the things of the Lord and God answered my prayer which was one reason why they moved close to me. I learned very quickly the insecurities this person had and how easily hurt they would become if challenged. I think Jesus is in the process of restoring them as He is all of us and I have just committed them to the Lord. I don’t think our relationship will ever be close due to lack of trust on my part and theirs, but I do love them and have asked them to forgive me for the hurt I caused through our heated and challenging conversations. It was received in word but not in action as they kept their distance and then literally by moving to another state.
Oh Sharon — your love had this person move close to you. Reminds me of a strong believer who said to me, “Dee, I’m not going to pray for a friend anymore because God always gives me someone who needs me a whole lot more than I need her.” 🙂
8. Read Galatians 6:1
A. Whom is he addressing (first word), and why is this important to note? – All Christians. I think as Christians we need to be a tuned to what is in God’s Word so we can lift our friends or family up and guide them to the Word and show just what God thinks of the sin they are committing. If non-Christians try to lift someone up, they may be able to help, but they won’t be giving them the truth about the sin if they don’t know themselves what the Word says.
B. What do you think it means to be “caught in a sin?” – I think it means that you are being convicted in your heart of something you really know is wrong. I think this could happen to non Christians as well as Christians. I think most people are morally right, they just don’t know the REAL TRUTH.
C. Give an example of another restoring you gently, or you restoring another gently. – My husband and I had a discussion about an birthday party invite we received verbally. We both decided that we would not be able to go because it fell on the same day we held our Life Group and being leaders of this group or commitment was to the group. A few days before the party, my stepson called my husband and pretty much guilted him in going. He told me to cancel group at the last minute and I told him I wasn’t because we had agreed we wouldn’t be going and he was letting his son make him feel guilty about not going. He went himself and I led group. I confided this to my friend and she gently did not agree with me and said that she could see where my husband felt pulled. She led me back to know that it was his son asking.
D. What warning follows? Why, do you think? – That we need to watch ourselves to make sure the temptation does not get buried in our hearts as we try to help them clear up theirs. We need to be strong in our faith to be able to help those sinning and not sin ourselves.
Interesting illustration in C, Julie. Love your heart.
10. Read Galatians 6:2 A. What command is given and what do you think this means?
“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” The Law of Christ is to love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself. When we bear one another’s burdens, we are really loving one another as our own body, their wounds become ours,we are, as much as humanly possible, taking them on as our own, we are sharing in the weight, strengthening each other.
B. How have people helped you to carry a burden?
Prayer. There is one day last Spring that I can say without being overly dramatic, was the worst day of my life. After first calling my husband and facing it with him, I called my prayer partner from church. I barely remember dialing her number, I do remember feeling swallowed up by grief and asking her, “where is He?!” She spoke truth to my soul and I hung up knowing she was carrying my burden with me through the power of prayer. A few other close friends who I could share with also stepped in and prayed and also followed up with me, continuing to ask how I was doing. David Powlison, in his book on suffering, makes the point that people who love you can add to your suffering when they focus exclusively on “the problem”, wanting to fix it, and miss the person who is facing the problem. I was blessed by friends who really cared for me and my feelings more than fixating on trying to find a solution.
11. If Galatians 6:1-2 are meant to be a unit, what do you learn from this?
We are connected as one Body in Christ. When my brother or sister in Chris is caught in sin, it hurts the whole Body. It is my responsibility to care for them as I would myself, and to be as invested in their freedom from sin as I am my own freedom. The church we are now attending models this well. There is a situation where a man was caught in sin, and has been separated from the church and family because of it, yet I see the leaders surrounding him, supporting him in his recovery and restoration.
I love your description of being connected as one body in Christ and when one person is caught up in sin…we are all hurt. I think many of us are content to acknowledge that fact but end up focusing on the problem and not the person facing the problem. I am convicted of the times I have shirked my responsibility to care for them as I would for myself!
Lizzy, your statement surely shows why we need to just mourn with those who mourn:
I was blessed by friends who really cared for me and my feelings more than fixating on trying to find a solution.
8. Read Galatians 6:1
A. Whom is he addressing (first word), and why is this important to note?
Paul is addressing “brethren”. It is important so that we apply this truth in the proper context.
B. What do you think it means to be “caught in a sin?”
Different versions say caught, overtaken, or falls into so it could mean caught “red handed” or could mean caught as in caught “off guard” or caught by surprise by their own sin nature…like, wow…how could I do that!
C. Give an example of another restoring you gently, or you restoring another gently.
I was talking to a dear and godly friend about my marriage issues and saying if my husband would only change…then things would be ok…and she said…but what if he doesn’t? Meaning, will God be enough even if your circumstances never change or not? That one question set me on a different path mentally…it began to reset my focus back on my relationship with my Father!
D. What warning follows? Looking to your own self lest you too be tempted. Why, do you think? Pride goeth before a fall! If one of our brothers can get caught up in sin then so can I.
What a hard but good question from your friend.
It reminds me of a Jan Silvious type of question.
9. What stands out to you from the above? I loved the contrasts…empathy feels connection while sympathy drives disconnection. Entering into a sacred space with another to let them know they are not alone. How often do we respond with the silver lining?? Rarely can a response make something better…it takes connection.
10. Read Galatians 6:2
A. What command is given and what do you think this means? Bear one another’s burdens or as the Message puts it, stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Doing so fulfills the law of Christ…which is love your neighbor as yourself!
B. How have people helped you to carry a burden? Our family walked through 8 years of my Mom’s cancer. That time was filled with surgeries, chemo, radiation. Those who were filled with empathy came to just visit, brought funny movies, stayed with our Mom while we went out to do something fun and “normal”, listened to our difficult emotions without judging. Those who had sympathy just called for the latest update, or to share the latest cure they had heard about, or to share their own horror stories with an illness. It felt as if some came to “be with” us and some came to “be seen” in their role as helper.
11.If Galatians 6: 1-2 are meant to be a unit, what do you learn from this? I find The Message rendition of these verses so helpful…Live creatively friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day is out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ’s law. It takes a lot of intentionality and humility to live this out! It makes me think of the verse…filling up what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ (Col 1:24).
9. What stood out to me was the phrase ‘what makes something better is connection ‘. How hard that can be when the other’s pit is exceptionally deep and dark and ongoing.
The college girl I’ve been mentoring since Nov 2017 is hospitalized for suicidal thoughts, for the third time since I’ve known her. I love her and want to just be there for her, along with pointing her to Jesus. But in my flesh it is frustrating, wondering what it will take for things to turn around in her mind and spirit. The problem with what I wrote is that I don’t want to feel her pain anymore. I want her to get better, for my sake. Oh, how shallow I am.
10.a. The command is to carry each other’s burdens. The only way I know how to attempt doing this is to pray with/for the person, and to offer presence or a hug.
b. When my son was a huge burden on my heart, the people I really appreciated were the ones who encouraged me by saying they were praying for ‘our boy’, or who reminded me that God wasn’t done with any of us yet. I have the feeling I’m missing a whole boat-load of application, but this is what I know.
I think you basically nailed it, Mary, when it comes to helping someone in grief.
When someone is “caught in a sin,” I think the question to find is the one to help them see that sin — and that’s tricky.
Mary B.–your honesty here convicts me to, I know that feeling of ” I want her to get better, for my sake. Oh, how shallow I am.” It is hard to be with people who are suffering, especially long-suffering that we cannot fix, but I think your wanting her better is not just for you, maybe it shows how much you feel her pain too.
5. How might you apply this gospel principle to a relationship in your life? When we seek to fill ourselves selfishly with those around us then they in turn will do the same and the result will be empty people still starving for that which they though would be filled in the relationship. If instead we love and allow the Spirit to fill us we will overflow the fruit into others, serving, but becoming fuller because of it, not emptier. Seeing things so much more clearly this week…
6. Think about someone difficult in your life who has brought you pain. How might they be broken? How might Jesus them and restore them? Everyone has a story and all are bound by something, seeing life through their difficulties. The challenge for me is not to see their brokenness but to see how I might help them. I am a withdrawer, feeling ill-equipped and drained by the tension, Christ has shown me (tho it is still a hard choice) to move toward the person in forgiveness, for most of the hurt comes unintentionally and desperately because they do not yet know Christ’s joy. I pray Jesus breaks the walls, both theirs and mine!, revealing soft hearts who seek Him Andy not our needs.
7. Is there a time you have done this, or is the alord leading you to do this? If so, share. I have done this with my children, often. (Haha, but truly, I have…) But there is another friendship that I lost that has been on my heart for years, never quite settled, or been able to figure out “what happened” … many details that I will not go into here but after much pondering, processing, and prayer this week I think I am beginning to see more through Christ’s eyes, rather than mine in regards to this situation. I may reach out one more time to se if there can be reconciliation…..or it may be that I can just put it to rest without it haunting me….
Praying you know which way to go, Jill. Don’t want you haunted!
9. What stands out to you from the above?
The sympathizer is funny, but not helpful to the sad individual. The empathizer is kind, and I love when “he” gets down on his knees and hugs the saddened one. Their clouds merge and become a heart. So sweet.
10. Read Galatians 6:2
A. What command is given and what do you think this means?
We are to share the burdens of each other. It means to help one another out in our painful times.
B. How have people helped you to carry a burden?
Some have prayed. There is this awesome group at my church who pray for people. They are women and I call them my “prayer warriors.” It is so nice to know they are consistently there, every Tuesday morning, since my mom has passed away; she use to be my prayer warrior. I usually have a request for them and they know my family’s struggles.
My mom used to listen to my whoas. Now my sister and best friends are the ones who have taken on that role.
Wednesday
8.
A. Whom is he addressing (first word), and why is this important to note?
Brethren, brothers and sisters. It’s important to know to know that this passage is for believers not unbelievers.
B. What do you think it means to be “caught in a sin?”
Vines dictionary says the meaning is not that of detecting a person in the act, but of his being off his guard.
C. Give an example of another restoring you gently, or you restoring another gently.
I think it helps when a relationship is such that you can restore someone and be honest. I had an older, good friend who really helped me with my anger as a young mother and called it what it was, sin! I am so very grateful to her, for loving me enough to come along side and restore me.
D. What warning follows? Why, do you think?
Be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. The temptation could be self-righteousness and arrogance.
11. If the first two verses are meant to be a unit, then the text is encouraging me to help others when they cry out for help getting away from sin, and to cry out myself, allowing others to help.
So often it seems that as soon as someone tries to give suggestions, we get defensive and refuse it all. I can see where it takes major listening, with an ability to ask the right questions, to help move someone from wanting freedom from the consequences of sin to where they don’t want even a hint of sin.
12. The transition from verse one to verse two. Maybe the idea is that if you are feeling the weight of sin, you’re less likely to think yourself above it, which feeds right into verse three.
I love the encouragement of nine and ten to not grow tired or weary. Keep doing what is right, keep doing good. Trust that God will settle accounts in the end.
9. What stands out to you from the above? – this was so eye opening. Her illustration of empathy and sympathy is much clearer. It is so much nicer and so much more compassionate to help someone through their suffering than to sugar coat it, and make them feel more failure because they are suffering.
10. Read Galatians 6:2
A. What command is given and what do you think this means? – we are to carry each others burden and will be fulfilling God’s law. To me it means being a friend to them and walk along side them and listen to how they are hurting
B. How have people helped you to carry a burden – my friends come to my aid and help me see a way to get through my hurt and make me aware of the wrong I may have done. They listen and show love to me
8. Read Galatians 6:1
A. Whom is he addressing (first word), and why is this important to not? “Brothers” This is important because it is a family discussion, not an evangelical discussion.
B. What do you think it means to be “caught in a sin?” The expanded Bible says, “does something wrong [or is overcome by some transgression/sin; or is discovered/caught in some transgression/sin]” I have always interpreted this as ‘discovered they were doing something bad and therefore need to be called out.’ However, I missed the immediate instruction to help carry one another’s burdens, which is an entirely different approach to helping a brother out of sin.
C. Give an example of another restoring you gently, or you restoring another gently. In my early married years I used to complain about my husband to a friend and she would always sweetly affirm my feelings but then ask, “Have you talked to Marc about this?” Or even more convicting, “What did Marc say when you talked to him about this?” It stopped my slander and even changed my thinking! I, in turn, have been able to use that same question to her a couple of times for often our learned wisdom escapes us in the face of our own frustration but it mostly clear in the face of others’ struggles.
D. What warning follows? Why, do you think? To watch that you, yourself, don’t fall into sin. If you are walking with those struggling it will be easier to fall into sin yourself so while we must be compassionate, gentle, and help carry each other’s burdens we must be careful of temptation, walking in the Spirit.
Jill — your answer to B. Yes — I think that is very enlightening to put those verses together in context.
Jill,
Thank you for this nugget of wisdom on 8C:
It stopped my slander and even changed my thinking! I, in turn, have been able to use that same question to her a couple of times for often our learned wisdom escapes us in the face of our own frustration but it mostly clear in the face of others’ struggles.
Yes, how true that the very help (rebuke) we embrace from a friend can be the very help we offer them at a different point in life. How we need each other to maintain perspective (to see our sin and run to Him).
I agree, Nila. Great story from Jill on C.