WHY IS IT VITAL THAT WE DISCERN WHEN WE ARE DEALING WITH A TRUE FOOL?
FIRST, WE MUST BE SURE, FOR JESUS SAID CALLING A BROTHER A FOOL
CAN PUT YOU IN DANGER OF HELLFIRE.
A TRUE CHILD OF GOD CANNOT BE A FOOL, AS YOU WILL SEE,
THOUGH SOMEONE MAY BE RELIGIOUS AND BE A FOOL.
WE MUST LEARN TO DISCERN THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
BEHAVING FOOLISHLY (which we all, even children of God, do)
& BEING A TRUE FOOL.
SECOND, WHEN WE SEE ALL THE RED FLAGS FOR A TRUE FOOL,
WE MUST BE ON GUARD, FOR THE BIBLE TELLS US HOW DANGEROUS FOOLS CAN BE.
IGNORING THE DANGER OF FOOLS IS AKIN TO WHAT THESE PARENTS DID IN PHOTOGRAPHING THEIR BABY CRAWLING NEAR THIS PRECIPICE.
Author Jan Silvious told me once that she thought she was born to write her classic, “Fool-Proofing Your Life,” which has recently come out in a revised edition with free videos. I personally know and love two young women whom God rescued from abusive marriages through the wise counsel of Jan. They escaped with their lives.
I was visiting with one of those women recently, who is now in a healthy marriage. She said, “My husband said that if our daughter ever became involved with someone like my first husband he would do EVERYTHING in his power to stop her from marrying him. WE WILL BOTH BE ALERT TO THE RED FLAGS OF A FOOL.”
But we must be sure. For many young people who behave foolishly, as is characteristic of the young, are not true fools. “Foolishness,” proverbs tells us, “is bound up in the heart of a child.” Wise parents and mentors can drive it from them.
So what are the characteristics, together, that signify, indeed, that someone is a biblical fool?
Sunday of Week One:
1. What stands out to you from the above and why?
Monday-Tuesday of Week Two
2. Watch this thirty minute video and share your notes and comments:
Wednesday-Friday of Week One
3. Using a concordance or an online one (such as Bible Gateway) check out how the word fool is used in proverbs and find a proverb or proverbs to support the three flags Jan gave. Write it out to help you remember it. If you disagree with her, explain why.
A. A fool trusts in his own heart
B. A fool is always right
C. A fool uses anger to control
4. What other verses about a fool stood out to you and how are they corollaries to the above three characteristics? For example, because a fool is “always right” he doesn’t need to listen to others but babbles on. (Proverbs 10:14)
5. Read Proverbs 25 in its entirety and share anything that quickens you.
6. What word picture is given about a fool below and why does this show that is may not work to reason with him?
Saturday
7. What stood out to you this week and why?
Week Two (Labor Day Weekend)
Two real life biblical examples of fools are Saul and Nabal. Saul is confusing because he was religious, but it is possible to be religious, yet, in your heart say, “There is no God.” Religious fools are especially dangerous to naive Christians. But both of these men are helpful examples because David and Abigail, correspondingly, dealt wisely with them.
David forgave Saul from his heart and prayed for him, but he also kept a safe distance from him. He was not deceived, as Jonathan was, by Saul’s penitent speeches, because he looked at the fruit in his life and his pattern of betrayal. At the end of his life, Saul ran to the Witch of Endor instead of the Lord for help, revealing again, his unbelief.
Sunday of Week Two:
1. What stands out to you from the above and why?
2. What do you learn from David or Abigail about relating to a fool?
Monday-Wednesday of Week Two
3. Read Proverbs 26 in its entirety and share anything that quickens you.
4. Why do you think Proverbs 26:4 and 5 give opposite advice?
5. What else do you learn about fools from Proverbs 26?
6. What word picture is given about a fool that shows that it is wise to keep him at a safe distance, or at the very least, to guard your heart from him (or her)?
Thursday-Friday: Parable of The Rich Fool
8. Read Luke 12:13-21
A. What initial observations do you have — about context, about his main problem?
B. Watch and comment:
C. What parallel teaching do you see between proverbs concerning the fool and this parable?
Saturday
9. What is your take-a-way and why?
299 comments
1. What stands out from the above to you, and why? Every Sunday morning, as time allows, I do anticipate taking a peek at what you have prepared for us before leaving for church…..Dee, you really do settle my heart in a special way as I prepare for worshiping together with my local body! I love that you are tackling this much needed topic of “fools” here. I guess the standout to me is the DANGER of fools (I’m thinking now of your friend Leslie Vernick’s book “The Emotionally Abusive Marraige”) and the critical need for DISCERNMENT that you have presented to us here. I think that often the word “fool” conjures up a picture of someone quite innocuous and even a little amusing – while the Scriptures present an entirely different picture. The photo you have included here of the baby on the precipice speaks better than words ever could of just how critical the danger of a fool can be. 🙁 I’m really anticipating the next two weeks of digging in and growing in wisdom together here on this topic!
Thank you, Jackie — and I’m so glad to have your discerning thoughts to help us do so. Yes, Leslie is so helpful as well on this subject.
1. What stands out to you from the above and why? Wow, what stood out to me is that I have never participated in a study of fools before! I have not read Jan Silvious’ book on this topic but this has sparked my interest. I do recall that Abigail (from the Bible, on of David’s wives) was married to Nable and his name meant fool! And he was treacherous.
Good example, Mary — to show the danger!
1. What stand out from the above to you and why?
“I was visiting with one of those women recently, who is now in a healthy marriage. She said, “My husband said that if our daughter ever became involved with someone like my first husband he would do EVERYTHING in his power to stop her from marrying him. WE WILL BOTH BE ALERT TO THE RED FLAGS OF A FOOL.””
This struck me in two different ways…first, how I would love the power to “stop” my daughter from involvement with a fool in marriage, to not repeat mistakes I have made, and then secondly, in reading Deborah Tannen’s book, “Your wearing that?,” I realize how difficult this is with metamessage(s) involved.
I look forward to delving into learning to discern correctly those behaving foolish and those who are fools.
An aside…
Yesterday in my Jesus Calling devotional, it said (my words) sit quietly with the Lord, put aside all that needs to be done and refuse worry. Allow the Lord to strengthen and prepare me for the day that is before me. He will guide me clearly through His Spirit and His Word. (quote) “The world is so complex and overstimulating that you can easily lose your sense of direction. Doing countless unnecessary activities will dissipate your energy. When you spend time with Me, I restore your sense of direction. As you look to Me for guidance, I enable you to do less but accomplish more.”
I have been struggling with balance and priorities…this devotion hit the target yesterday. It doesn’t say “work” or “job” but “activities“…for me this could mean television viewing, internet, pinterest browsing, magazine reading/looking, facebook, shopping, appearance contemplation and re-contemplation…time and energy drains that I allow when not monitored with a certain allowance rather than free reign. My prayer is that the Lord direct me, that I be obedient to His directing, that I not put off today what should be done today.
Nancy, Thank you for these life-giving words here this morning. “The world is so complex and overstimulating that you can easily lose your sense of direction. …….When you spend time with Me, I restore your sense of direction. As you look to Me for guidance, I enable you to do less but accomplish more.”
Nanci, I was really looking for the “like” button for your last paragraph, concerning all the distractions that we all (not just you) face in our daily lives. Your “aside” was right on target!
Wonderful from Jesus Calling and the application.
And yes, we will learn from one another wisdom in mother/daughter relationships and how to speak. I heard a message on Focus on the Family on how one father really encouraged their child to consider how deeply they respected the person far more than they “loved” the person. I thought that wise.
1. What stands out to you & why?
I take comfort in “A TRUE CHILD OF GOD CANNOT BE A FOOL”, and yet recognize my own foolish ways at times–wanting to be right, and trusting in myself. But what really stood out to me was this line “IGNORING THE DANGER OF FOOLS …”. It made me ask “why?” why would we ignore the danger? What’s behind the tendency to ignore the danger? I’m naturally skeptical, yet I can see times when I have been tempted to ignore , and I think behind those times sometimes is a belief that I can fix the situation (control idol). I can see where sometimes to avoid a danger might be uncomfortable–like maybe it would mean saying no to watching a movie others wanted to (which actually I have no problem saying no to, but just looking for an example!), or maybe for those struggling with certain temptations, to avoid danger would mean to avoid certain situations, and the comfort idol calls to not be ignored…still processing…But that ignoring danger stood out!
Izzy-no, I agree with you. I think ignoring danger is SO crucial here for we can do that and then the fool can carry us to our idols and away from Him.
Lizzy and Rebecca,
Helpful to me how you connected the danger of fools to our idols. I will need to think about this some more. Thank you for the stimulation.
Lizzy, Rebecca and Nila! I too have been thinking on these entries….Lizzy what a great springboard you gave us!! Sadly, even as I was working my way through it, I realized that I fell smack dab into ignoring the danger and falling into the arms of my idols very early this very morning. 🙁 Proverbs 14:1 says “The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.” Conversations with my husband can be such a slippery, dangerous place for me – and this morning I ignored danger and tore down rather than building. I am ever thankful beyond words for the forgiveness of my Abba….and in his mercies which are new every morning. This day I will be praying for opportunities to re-build where I have torn down. 🙂
1. What stands out to you from the above and why?
It breaks my heart to hear how these two women suffered at the hands of a fool, yet oh how God desired to rescue them and He did so via Jan. I have never done a study on fools and what to look for so I am looking forward to this!
Lizzy and Rebecca — so discerning to ask “Why would we ignore the danger?”
I know that momentum toward a wedding, like a snowball, is hard to stop and the idols of approval and comfort cry out. We also have a propensity to ignore danger because we don’t want to believe it could happen to us — whether it is cancer, or a child headed into a terrible marriage…the proverb “The wise man sees danger and turns around but the fool keeps going and suffers for it” comes to mind.
Over the summer in my Sunday school class, we studied women from the Bible. Jezebel was an example of one who didn’t turn around, but just kept going, in spite of warnings. She met a terrible end!
Dee, so wise. I know when my cardiologist told me to take a blood thinner due to my high risk of stroke I didn’t at first which was foolish because I didn’t think it could happen to me. It wasn’t until she told me the story of a gal whose condition was the same as mine-she didn’t either and ended up having a massive stroke that was devastating. That was enough of a warning from God for me to turn.
Rebecca — that’s an excellent example.
1. What stands out to you from the above and why?
Okay – the picture of the baby near the edge freaked me out! I know how quickly even a crawling baby can move…it literally gave me a chill down my spine. I am looking forward to this topic, too. I want to know if there are ways that I am behaving like a fool. I agree with Jackie, that we have a mental image of a fool as sort of a clown-harmless, really. But after reading so many proverbs about wisdom, and how it is life-giving, then the foolish path must surely be the opposite, leading to death. That is serious.
I know — it freaked me out too!
Dee ~ I too look forward every week to this early morning peek at what you have for us. Though I am not saying a lot on the blog these days, I am following along. Thank you for your faithfulness here, Dee.
With this theme of foolishness I was reminded of I Cor. 1:27, “God has chosen what is foolish in the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen what is weak in the world to shame the strong.” Michael Card’s song captures this paradox in his song God’s Own Fool: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sklJ2vCgVtU
Years ago my dad was a volunteer fireman who started a brigade of clowns to entertain children at parades. I made a photograph collage of my dad and three of my young children dressed up and faces painted as clowns with this I Cor. verse enscribed on the collage.
The humility of Christ was and can be seen as foolishness to this world. Oh, Lord give us the courage to choose the foolishness of humility. And give us the much-needed discernment to clearly see and name the foolishness of this world. And give us the heart to address in timely, necessary ways, the foolishness we see in ourselves and in those we love, especially our children.
Nila, you are so right (with the Michael Card song example) by the world’s standards we are the fools!
Nila, thanks for posting Michael Card; LOVE this song! It always brings a tear for me when I hear it. Nice prayer as well.
1. What stands out to you from the above and why?
Recognizing a true fool, versus foolish action, is an area in which I could grow for centuries. Dee, this is an excellent topic, because I certainly have difficulty walking the fine line between “fool vs. foolishness.” In separating a person from their behaviour, my desire is to better understand what constitutes an isolated occurrence (a foolish action) as opposed to a pattern of behaviour (more akin to being a fool). Especially when it comes to the religious fools, I find it very tricky to discern the truth about them, so I don’t just look at their pretense.
I want to live out Proverbs 13:20 (ESV) “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” The old adage “you are the company you keep” is very true! Who you spend time with says a lot about who you are, and God is right to warn us. I also find it quite scary to think about what can happen to us if we do not guard our hearts and minds when we are around this type of person.
My prayer is this:
Jesus, please protect us so that we will not be deceived. Give us all wisdom and discernment so that we can know a true fool when we see one, and guard our hearts & minds from corruption. Please bless Dee in her efforts to teach us and give us a spirit of vigilance over every aspect of our being, so that we remain pure and blameless. Amen.
*As a side note, I am the same Amy that Dee has written about a few times in weeks past. Thank you to those who have written about my teachable heart, it has been a wonderful encouragement, and has helped me navigate the ebbs and flows of life by riding the wave of grace. I delight in how God loves us!!
Oh Amy — What a delight to see you here and participating with us!
Dee
oh Amy! How fun that you’re “the” Amy whose heart I love though I’ve never met you! Thank you so much for sharing your story with us–I was so humbled by your response, your teachable-ness, your confidence in Christ alone. And loved the photo of your sweet family! Beautiful prayer you gave us here. So glad you posted–welcome!
Amy ~ Welcome to this safe and encouraging place. Loved the way you said this about the encouragement you have already found here: ” has helped me navigate the ebbs and flows of life by riding the wave of grace ” And this has also been my experience here as well for these past 15 months.
Amy – how SWEET to see you here! I was just getting into your first paragraph when I had this little tingling sensation and I thought “this is ‘the’ Amy, I bet!”. Your phrase “the wave of grace” really captured me. One of our songs at church this past Sunday was Amazing Grace. It always stops me in my tracks and helps me ponder the mystery and awesomeness of our God! His Grace truly is a wave that baptizes us into the blood of Jesus, shed at the cross…….and then…..our lives are brand new.
Your prayer for wisdom and discernment touched me so – I’m adding it into my prayer journal this morning! Also….I already have Proverbs 13:20 written in my prayer journal – in my “wise women” section! Over so many years, the Lord has poured LIFE into my life through so many incredible, wise women…..and the way His Spirit speaks through them. He is so good.
I hope we will see more of you here – welcome! 🙂
Amy we are delighted to have you!What a good first post!
Welcome, Amy! It’s nice to have you join us here!
YEAH AMY!! Hearing of your play dough heart was such a sweet wind of fresh air to me! 🙂 I too already love you and am so excited you are going to participate with us! You are starting so well-“I delight in how God loves us!” I sense God has such an amazing journey planned for you as you spend more time in His presence. Much love to you!
Amy Welcome to the blog. Loved hearing parts of your story of Gods transforming work in your life. Always love to see sisters in Christ who are hungry. Such a joy!
Hi Amy! Glad you found us….you were much more mature than I would have been in your shoes. What Dee said would have made me cry :/ and run away! I can be too “chatty” at times, but I mean well…..
1. What stands out to you from the above and why?
Interesting that we are studying foolishness this week. I had 2 things occur this morning to make me ponder foolishness.
First, my husband is preaching a series through Galatians right now and this morning preached on Galatians 3:1ff. The very first words are “O foolish Galatians!” Then Paul goes on to exhort them not to believe that having been saved by faith, they ought not to believe that they must now live by “works of the law”. The point is that some other Jews were trying to persuade them that they had to obey the Jewish laws such as circumcision. It was the Holy Spirit + works. Paul calls that foolishness.
Second, after church one of the women was telling us that her “boyfriend” was so mad at her that he had not spoken to her for 3 days. She knows she is not perfect, but she is hurt and perplexed at what to do. She lives with him. They have both been married before and he has a history of “anger”. Pray for V (the woman) and for G (the man). They both have church pasts, but I do not where they truly are in their walk with the Lord. Pray that we will have the wisdom to know what to say or do to help.
Oh Diane – you truly have a complicated situation that has been brought to your attention. I think you have rightly discerned that V and G having “church pasts” does not equal “a walk with God”. That “Religion vs. Relationship” question arises…..and as I offered a prayer to God just now for them both, I prayed that the Word that your husband is preaching through in Galatians would have Holy Spirit annointing (I am hesitant to use that phrase but the Lord knows what to do with it when I pray that way! 🙂 ) and that these dear ones would come to a place of repentance unto life. G’s past history of anger sets my stomach to rolling – this is nothing to toy with. Thank you Diane, for caring so much and sharing this need with us here. 🙂
Diane we prayed just for this very thing in our ladies prayer on Tuesday. I pray the Holy Spirit lead us al in this area.
I read Fool proofing your life and also have the tapes. I am looking forward to seeing the videos. When I heard Jan speak on Focus on The Family I could not have ordered the book fast enough. I did have some struggles with it but so much spoke to me and it was a huge releif in a way to read as at times i have felt so crazy in a relationship. I guess what I struggled with was the guilt I felt about calling someone a fool and examining my own heart. Examing my own heart is a life long journey I am never going to stop.
Correction it was Midday Connection that I first heard Jan Silvious
2. Watch this thirty minute video and share your notes and comments:
Jan noted two distinct patterns she noticed in her counseling,
1. those who cared that things got better, and
2. those who didn’t care if things got better or didn’t think there was a problem/issue.
How we think determines how we live.
The definition of “fool” is one who thinks they are always right, they use anger to control, and trust in their own heart (i.e., they don’t need help; they don’t have a problem).
Romans 12:18…as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
Jan points out the “as far as it depends on you” speaks to what one person can do and clarifies that mutuality of desire is needed for peace. Despite all of one’s efforts, without a mutual desire for peace on the part of both members in the relationship, peace will not happen.
If there is not a mutual desire, then the only person you can work on is you…let God work on me.
Proverbs gives wisdom for getting along with people.
Proverbs defining the fool:
Prov. 12:15…a fool thinks s/he is always right, will not confess wrong, will not go in a different direction or change.
Prov. 29:9…a fool laughs or rages in controversy; s/he laughs thinking “you’re crazy” or rages to push you away.
Prov. 28:26…a fool trust in their own heart; they do it their way because it’s the right way.
A fool needs to maintain control.
The cycle of fool’s behavior:
1. everything is fine
2. controversy
3. anger
4. punishment/making the other suffer
5. silent treatment/quiet
6. “honeymoon”…everything is fine/okay (i.e., did anything happen?…not that I’m aware of)
The typical line uttered from someone who thinks they are always right when controversy strikes is: “If you treated me differently, I’d be different.” There is not way to talk or reason with type of person; “nice” doesn’t work in this kind of situation.
The fool…
*can be wonderful part of the time
*uses money to make things better
*thinks they are wonderful…if you don’t think them wonderful then something is wrong with you.
It is an arrangement and not a relationship.
“Honor” means to give weight to, to do what you need to do; you can be in one’s presence without being under their power.
A crisis is created when one recognizes what is going on (i.e., the fool’s behavioral cycle) and refuses to continue the cycle.
Pursuing peace with a fool is a foolhardy journey; peace will not be attained.
Matthew 5 provides a remedy when a Christian brother/sister calls another Christian brother/sister a fool.
What is missing in the person who agrees to the fool’s behavior/arrangement?
On one level there is lack of self-worth and value, concern for financial security, and a desire for approval. On another level, some think that God would not be pleased if the “relationship” was questioned. Jan notes that sometimes we underestimate God; God is all about relationship and not arrangement.
A foolish person reveals themselves first with their mouth.
My daughter and granddaughter just arrived…I will need to add comments a little later.
Good notes, Nanci.
Yes, thank you for your notes, Nanci. I had some difficulty also with the vimeobut finally was able to finish listening to the whole thing. An arrangement…not a relationship. Wow! It hit me that sometimes I operate on an arrangement mode with God rather than desiring a relationship with Him. If you do this, God, I will do this. Thankful God does not leave me to my foolish tendencies-I want to be a wise woman, wife, mother, friend, teacher.
Comments: Wow! Jan really tells it like it is; love her style. What freedom to know that “nice will not work.” The behavioral cycle…so interesting, it brought back memories from my first marriage…counseling three different times, lack of mutuality in desiring resolution/reconciliation/peace, “nice” didn’t work. Praise God that He has blessed me with a healthy, loving, peaceful second marriage and allowed me freedom from the first.
Nanci–thank you for your notes! I’m having trouble with the video getting stuck every few seconds (even directly through vimeo)–obviously a problem on my end, but these notes are so helpful! thank you!
3) A. A fool trusts in his own heart
Prov. 12:15 “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.”
Prov. 14:1 “The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.”
Prov. 26:12 “Do you see a man who is wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.”
B. A fool is always right:
Prov. 18:2 “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion”
Prov. 1:7 “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.”
Prov. 15:5 “A fool despises his father’s instruction, but whoever heeds reproof is prudent.”
C. A fool uses anger to control
Prov. 29:9 “If a wise man has an argument with a fool, the fool only rages and laughs, and there is no quiet.”
Excellent supportive verses!
Love this post, Lizzy! You really found the right verses to help clarify and define who a fool really is.
What stood out to you and why?
The picture of the baby near the precipice sent goose bumps to my skin and made my knees tremble! What were the parents thinking? Oh, boy! It surely gave me the ibbie-jibbies (sp?). Plus the fact that I have fear of heights!
I don’t think I have ever done a study on fools so I am looking forward to participating as time allows. Dee, I also appreciate the word pictures. They do bring home the point more acutely for me.
Michael Card is one of my favorite singers and I am always blessed by his songs including God’s Own Fool. Thanks for the reminder, Nila.
ibbie-jibbies? 🙂 Love you Bing!
Smile. Thanks to Deanna and I did check the spelling, “heebie-jeebies”. Cracked me up! Love you, too, Dee!
Not that the spelling was very important, but I searched and found it is “heebie-jeebies.” Not only have I never done a study on fools — I haven’t even given it much thought. This should be a very helpful topic for us all!
Oh Dee I feel like the Lord is using this directly to speak to me. I did go ahead and listen to the video. I had never seen the video. I shared earlier I read the book and have tapes as when I heard Jan speak on Midday connection I could not get the material fast enough but struggled some with calling someone a fool. In the video Jan interrupts her teaching for a minute and went right to my struggle!!!!! Looking at this teaching has been so helpful. I have been living in an arrangement for a very long time. I am tired and feel defeated. I have made a choice to leave my arrangement, being the one to leave is so difficult for me but I feel I have been given no other option. I have put in so many years of working on fixing it with no cooperation and barely any acknowledgement of 2 sides to this struggle. I have felt I MUST ENDURE. what I need is peace. I pray this crisis I am creating will be life changing. I will never stop praying and have hope.
Liz, praying for you. I have a long time friend who is going through a similar situation. It is painful to watch and I hope I am being the friend that God wants me to be for her during this difficult journey. Praying for godly friends to come alongside you and help carry your burdens.
Liz, I am praying along with you, that “this crisis I am creating will be life changing.” Praying for you to be flooded with His peace, too. I’m so sorry, Liz.
Oh dear Liz…I know the pain of an “arrangement” all too well, I have come to realize that was indeed my first marriage. I will be praying for your peace; if you need or want to talk, please don’t hesitate (Dee has my contact information), my listening ears and eyes are here for you.
I will be praying too Liz, for clear headed wisdom and peace for you and repentance for your husband.
Psalm 139
5″You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.”
Oh Liz — so thankful for this. And now we must pray for you!
Thank you all for your prayers. I have been dealing with a lot of emotions yet I am finding peace in the midst of it. I just know there is so much more work to be done in me. One of the first lessons I think I am already seeing is how judgmental I have been of others in the past when I truly did not know all the details of their situation. How to stand strong in the Lord when the enemy just wants to bring me down with thoughts of being a failure, fear for my husbands future, fear of my future, loss of family ties, a whole bunch of junk really. Asking for the Holy Spirits leading and not making decisions based on my emotions, hurt, nothing done in haste. Guarding my heart big time. Resisting temptations and not going to my pity party world. I really ask for prayers for my husband. I have the Lord. I have my praying friends, I have my family and I have my blog sisters. He does not really seem to have anyone and my heart truly breaks for him. I cannot stand in the way of what the Lord may have planned. Please Please Pray for him.
Liz, I will add your husband to my prayers…so glad that you are finding peace in the midst of this storm; may the Holy Spirit be your guide and protector in these tumultuous waters. Praying for you.
1. What stands out to you from the above and why?
That we shouldn’t call our brother a fool, but that we can hope to become discerning… to have fool detection abilitiesI am puzzled and interested.
I am puzzled a bit too, Chris. As I read the “fool” entries, I am starting to get a little confused. In Michael Cards’ song Jesus is Gods own fool, according to the world. He was a foolish man who believed in something others (some) could not see. We too, in today’s world must seem foolish to believe when so many are being persecuted for their Christian faith. A good example of this is the county clerk in Kentucky who refused to sign marriage certificates for gay people. She is the office “manager” who prepared for the recent supreme court decision on gay marriage. She says she thought long and hard about what to do if it passed. She knew she could do as others and allow other clerks to handle it, but she decided to not issue any marriage certificates to gays or straight people. She wanted to stand up for her faith and said she was not two people, one who left her faith at the door when she went to work. She said she needed to walk the walk and wanted to bring attention to the issue. That’s why she went to jail. She is my hero today! Why is it that she not being discriminated against? I don’t get that. When she announced all of this, the gays and gay supporters threatened her and her husband saying the most vile things; like burning her body, having sex with her in front of her husband and so on. Most people would think of her as a fool. I say, “You go girlfriend!!” She is standing up for God.
2. Watch this thirty minute video and share your notes and comments.
I won’t share my notes because Nanci already did a thorough job! You got it all covered, Nanci! I’ll just share a couple of things that stood out to me:
There must be a mutual desire for peace. (If there’s not), then the only person you can work on is you, because you can’t fix the other person. I really think this statement needs to be taken to heart. At first glance, it seems, to me, to be selfish, or self-focused, but then on the other hand, I see how in my own life I’ve let another person hold me back, for example, of growing spiritually.
The fool either rages or laughs in a controversy and there is no peace. I’ve been in this situation. The “laughs” is often the other side of using rage/anger/shouting down to control; it manifests in making fun of, belittling, mocking.
Pursuing peace with a fool is a fool-hardy journey and You can be in their presence but not under their power. Jan has a lot of wisdom to share and I am considering getting her book for further study on my own.
2. Jan Silvious video: I am so grateful for counselors like Jan Silvious and Leslie Vernick who see God’s big picture for relationships. That they are not to be lived out as ‘arrangements’, but relationships and that usually means setting boundaries. Jan said, Life is to be lived, not to be drug through trying to make someone who always believes they are right satisfied with what they are doing. I think this looks like-at least to me-doing our best to avoid having this person (fool) go to their unhappy place because when they do we will be treated poorly by them not desiring to connect with us relationally, or being cranky with us, or abusive etc..We want to keep the peace with someone who isn’t interested in keeping the peace when he doesn’t get what he wants. 🙂
I loved this Proverb Jan gave: as much as it is in you, live in peace. We miss the first part, “As much as it is in you…
My thoughts after listening to Jan: I think in our Christian marriages and friendships there are two things that keep us from leaving a fool who refuses to change even after we have gone to him or her to help them see that they don’t see! One is that we have been taught to stay even when life is like this with a fool because God hates divorce, or if it is a friend-God hates division in the body. The other reason is that we can win them over with a quiet spirit. I agree with Liz that if we want peace but the fool doesn’t-it won’t happen. The only thing that will happen is that we will be drug through their cycle which is this: Everything is fine, then irritation-controversy, then I am mad and I am going to control you, then I am going to make you suffer. Then a quiet period-no conversation, then the honeymoon-gifts..then everything’s fine. Then they start all over again.
5. Read Proverbs 25 in its entirety and share anything that quickens you.
There is SO much here, I’m only posting a few that struck me–
v. 6-7 “Do not put yourself forward in the king’s presence or stand in the place of the great, for it is better to be told, “Come up here,” than to be put lower in the presence of a noble.
What I liked here—we are instructed to be humble, not to presume we have a place we don’t—and YET, our King HAS said “Come to Me”! That thought hit me last night, and it just made me smile~
V. 20 “Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, and like vinegar on soda.”—and I would add, they need to read “God of All Comfort” and learn how to sit shiva!
Verse 28 always speaks loudly to me “A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.”
I like the safety implied by self-control. I also love Keller’s definition of self-control: “the ability to pursue the important over the urgent, rather than to be always impulsive or uncontrolled”. Then he adds convicting clincher “the slightly surprising counterfeit is a willpower which is based on pride, the need to feel in control.”
I’ve also always liked v. 11 “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.”
I so long to have the right word at the right time, but don’t nearly as often as I’d like to.
some times i come on here and I think you must live in my head! This weekend went so well with my Emma, and this morning she had a stomach ache and I was able to put some essentional oils on it and hug her and have a REAL moment with her! sounds so little and trivial when i write it but it was a BIG heart moment for me!
my favorite vs. in psalm 25 is also 11. I know that the right words at the right time can change a life, and vise versa! I can say things in such an unkind way! “someone left the dishes out” SOMEONE didn’t close the bottle all the way” whatever, just to make sure everyone in the room knows it was NOT ME that messed up….I am a mess 🙁
Cyndi — you are so lovable.
oh cyndi–would you believe I had the SAME response as I used a knife to scrape gum out of the dryer yesterday? I actually said “I’m not naming names, but somebody left gum in their shorts, again!”
we are peas in a pod my friend 😉
Im sorry LOL we are cut from the same cloth 🙂
Cyndi, I have been there and done that (said that) too! You put your finger right on a good application! You made me roll my eyes and chuckle!
Amy — from last week’s blog, has joined us. See her comment above!
I find that I live life afraid that Im going to make a mistake, make the wrong choice, say/do the wrong thing, I KNOW that God is good and that HE is in control, but I do not “heart know” it….after getting into 2 car accidents I am terrified of making another mistake driving. Lead Bible study or Teach English to Internationals??? If I make meals that are not organic or high in fat will it be my fault if my husband gets sick? SO MANY NEEDS to be met and just not even close to enough time or energy to meet them all!
The fool I need to protect myself from right now is ME. how do you all handle the pressure of knowing that Your choices and actions have the power to change a persons life for good or for bad???
Cyndi, this sermon immediately came to mind when I read your comment, have you heard this one?http://sermons2.redeemer.com/sermons/entering-his-rest
thank you, I will listen this morning!
Cyndi – I think that it was you who commented earlier about getting on here and feeling like Dee was living inside your head! Well, I feel somewhat that way about this entry of yours. 🙂 I too had 2 car accidents within just about 5 years….the last being about 5 years ago! Both times I rear ended large vehicles….( a dump truck and then a city bus!). Both times there was zero damage to the other vehicles, but serious damage to mine! Both times I beat myself up endlessly over my stupidity! My PRIDE was much more damaged than my car……and that was something that I needed to examine and repent of.
“how do you all handle the pressure of knowing that your choices and actions have the power to change a persons life for good or for bad???” This is where I really need to talk to my soul. The answer for me is “on my knees before God”. The reality is that I stop to worry and fret a bit almost always BEFORE going to God….or sometimes even simultaneously WITH going to God. Even as I write this I’m pondering a text from my daughter that I received at around 6 a.m……she has late stage ovarian cancer (I feel like a broken record referencing this so often, but I’m never sure who on the blog knows and who doesn’t)…..the complications are absolutely endless and totally unpredictable in some instances. The needs are HUGE. So far beyond my earthly ability to meet that there truly is no question there. My husband is not a believer in Jesus and we do not agree very often on how to handle much of this “crisis”. 🙁 Our finances have taken such a hit that there are no words. I could go on and on……but yes, daily I am praying for HIs Wisdom in the storm. His glory out of the rubble.
The BEST thing about all of the above? I am hearing Jesus call me to love Him above all others. To follow Him and to trust Him. I really do have such a sense of His presence with me in the battle. His unfailing trustworthiness. His steadfast love for me whether I make the “right” or the “wrong” choice day by day. His unending forgiveness. And a very, very strange peace in pondering a Holy God…..whose ways are higher than mine. The Scriptures say “Will not the judge of all the earth do right?”. Amen and amen. I have banked my life on Him.
Jackie, this gave me chills”“Will not the judge of all the earth do right?”. Amen and amen. I have banked my life on Him.”
Me too! I think of this verse when doubts about where my sister stood with the Lord enter my mind. I trust to the bottom that I won’t find fault with Him when get there.
I didn’t know your husband was not a believer. I will be praying for him too.
thank you! I am so sorry about your daughter! I can’t even imagine…I pray that some how Jesus will make his love known to your husband, He needs HIM now so much!
your right, I worry before I pray, but sometimes I turn my prayer into worry sessions. going to HIM and trusting HIM to tell me what HE wants me to do wiht my day has been missing, thank you for the loving reminder!
Also Im reminded that its not GOD who is judging my choices, its me. I really need to RELAX! BUT there is a lost world out there….such a very hard balance for my soul…
Jackie,
Thank you for these heartening words.
“I have banked my life on Him.” Amen.
Jackie, hugs to you as you deal with your daughter with ovarian cancer. Tears for your pain both for the many kinds of stresses you and your family are going through, and for your daughter and husband who are unbelievers. Praise, however, for the “very, very strange peace in pondering a holy God … whose ways are higher than” ours. I love the verse “Will not the judge of all the earth do right?” Yes, truly, truly. We humble our aching, messed up selves before Him.
Jackie, I feel you have unearthed a treasure here, saying that pondering a Holy God is a way to find peace. Prayers for your husband and daughter…
Jackie I am so grateful you do speak of Jes here on this blog and the very difficult walk she is going thru and you along with her. I think also of our own dear Mary and how we need to keep those in these trials of health issues in prayer. I think of Renee as well and I am sure there are others I do not know yet. This is a special place to share and encourage and a great place of learning and growing closer to the Lord thru the great studies Dee presents here each week. I loved your line ” His steadfast love for me whether I make the “right” choice or the “wrong” choice day by day” oh how I can get so anxious about making those choices when I do not have absolute clear answers.
Oh yes, Jackie, you are an inspiration as you “have banked your life on Him.”
You are in my prayers and the needs of your daughter and husband. God is our ever present help through all our trials.
Your tender heart is a blessing on the blog.
Jackie, what a wonderful response to Cyndi…one that we all can benefit from. I continue to pray for Jes (and you and your husband).
Cyndi, thank you for sharing so transparently…you are not alone.
Chris, thank you for the sermon recommendation…:)
Jackie, you are loved. I am thinking of your family and praying for each of you. This is a tough situation; He is near.
Cyndi,
Tears reading your post. So much of what you say here resonates with me. I have lived too much of my life in fear. And He keeps patiently telling me, “Fear not ….. I am with you.”
How do you all handle the pressure of knowing that Your choices and actions have the power to change a persons life for good or for bad???
I wish I could say that I handle this pressure well….. but I don’t, often. My heart is messy in this process. I think that’s why I love the song by Jason Gray called Nothing is Wasted (which I have posted here before). Because I often need to stop and recognize that in the hands of my redeemer, life can truly be redeemed. So, for me, I sing the truth to my soul until I find some rest. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvnBhtbATag
I am learning to rest in the ultimate sovereignty of God.
Nila, thanks for the Jason Gray song, Nothing Is Wasted. Don’t worry about how many times you post it here. I needed it today, so needed it today as Satan whispers his lies that I “can’t do it” and I am “wasting my time”.
Nila love this post and I will listen to the song. Praying for you as you sing to your soul.
thank you Nila, learning to rest! yes yes yes!! why is it so hard?!?!?
Cyndi, I have been pondering similar things about living my life — “afraid that I’m going to make a mistake, make the wrong choice, say/do the wrong thing”. I am aware that many times I do not start new things because I am afraid I might do them wrong/ or even “not perfectly”. I have a growing awareness that this is Satan’s lie to keep me from following God’s desires for service and also for enjoyment of life. Thanks for your honest reflections of your life. It helps us see our own.
I do believe that it is more satan trying to steal my joy then anything else! I am not good at pretending to be OK when im not. its a blessing and a curse 🙂
The topic for this week is wonderful and I am looking forward to delving into the ways of the fool as God sees.
Glad to see Amy and I welcome her. I loved last week’s illustration and immediately began to examine my own behavior in Bible study.
I would like to be a light and not be overbearing. I know that sometimes I seem to monopolize and need to do more listening. Amy’s response to Dee was so wise and impressed me.
I have listened to the video and am intrigued by it. Wishing that I had more knowledge of this Biblical truth earlier in life. There have been so many times that I have had to deal with behavior that was described: A fool trusts in his own heart. My desire was always to be the “peacemaker” and never realized that it needed to be a goal of both persons in a relationship, rather than an arrangement…
The cycle of abuse always seemed in my mind to be from a person who was angry and repeated a pattern. Now there is more to look at: a fool as God’s word teaches.
I will pray for wisdom for each of us, and am praying for you, especially, Liz, as you seek to pursue the right direction.
The verse,standing out to me now is Proverbs 29:9 If a wise man has an argument with a fool, the fool only rages and laughs and there is no quiet. What a description this is!
Welcome Amy…thank you for allowing Dee to share your experience. So glad you will be joining our “family.”
3A. A fool trusts in his own heart
Proverbs 10:23, “doing wrong is fun for a fool, but living wisely brings pleasure to the sensible.” Proverbs 14:16, “the wise are cautious and avoid danger; fools plunge ahead with reckless confidence.” Proverbs 28:26, “those who trust their own insight are foolish, but anyone who walks in wisdom is safe.”
B. A fool is always right:
Proverbs 1:7, “fear of the Lord is the foundation of true knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline” Proverbs 10:8, “the wise are glad to be instructed, but babbling fools fall flat on their faces.” Proverbs 12:15, “fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others.” Proverbs 15:5, “only a fool despises a parent’s discipline; whoever learns from correction is wise.” Proverbs 17:16, “it is senseless to pay tuition to educate a fool, sine he has no heart for learning.” Proverbs 18:2, “fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions.” Proverbs 23:9, “don’t waste your breath on fools, for they will despise the wisest advice.”
C. A fool uses anger to control
Proverbs 12:16, “a fool is quick-tempered but a wise person stays calm when insulted.” Proverbs 17:12, “it is safer to meet a bear robbed of her cubs than to confront a fool caught in foolishness.” Proverbs 20:3, “avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on quarreling.” Proverbs 29:11, “fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back.”
1. What stands out to you from the above and why?
This post makes me nervous….I hope I’m not the “true” fool, just a foolish person at times. I am afraid to find out But interested in learning.
Laura, you’re not alone. When I heard that a fool “trusts in his own heart,” I sort of cringed because I know I am guilty of this from time to time! I find it easiest to separate being a fool from being foolish by looking at whether or not it’s a pattern, and my heart attitude when I realize I’ve done that. A true fool thinks he’s always right, so if there’s repentance and humbleness, I think that qualifies as a foolish moment, rather than being a fool.
Good points Amy!
Good distinction, Amy!
5. Read Proverbs 25 in its entirety and share anything that quickens you.
v. 15, Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.
v. 20, Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on a wound, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.
v. 15 speaks to patience and gentleness, the benefit of perseverance in a gentle yet persistent manner. A gentle manner being more beneficial to the cause than coming on “gang busters,” strong and demanding. Such wisdom in how best to deal with people…gentle persistence will prevail.
v. 20 speaks to the hurt caused by insensitivity. The examples of having your coat taken on a cold day…burr!, and vinegar being poured on a wound…ouch! makes it pretty clear that insensitivity, lacking empathy and compassion, is hurtfulness taken up a notch.
A fool trusts in his own heart
Proverbs 28:26
Those who trust in themselves are fools, but those who walk in wisdom are kept safe.
Proverbs 17:24
A discerning person keeps wisdom in view, but a fool’s eyes wander to the ends of the earth.
Proverbs 12:15
The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice.
B. A fool is always right
Proverbs 12:15
The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice.
Proverbs 15:5
A fool spurns a parent’s discipline, but whoever heeds correction shows prudence
Proverbs 15:14
The discerning heart seeks knowledge, but the mouth of a fool feeds on folly.
Proverbs 18:2
Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions.
C. A fool uses anger to control
Proverbs 17:12
Better to meet a bear robbed of her cubs than a fool bent on folly.
Proverbs 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.
Proverbs 12:16
Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult.
Proverbs 14:16
The wise fear the Lord and shun evil, but a fool is hotheaded and yet feels secure.
6. What word picture is given about a fool below and why does this show that is may not work to reason with him?
Gross, but anyone who has or had a dog knows it is true…a dog returns to it’s vomit…yuck! Similarly, a fool will return to his/her foolishness. One can reason with a fool, but ultimately, foolishness is what the fool is drawn to and will return to. I think this is where the points that a fool always thinks s/he is right and follows his/her own heart are pivotal. It is very unlikely that a fool will change.
Just a thought…I wonder how the adage, “old habits are hard to break,” works into this. Interesting thought to ponder…
Gross Nanci! But, so true about dogs!
So…I believe it was Nila who suggested the YouTube video of Caroline Leaf, the Sower and the Seed. Yesterday while doing some mundane type work at work, I listened to the YouTube video. It was so interesting! and so timely…it talks about a short-term memory becoming long-term memory (21 days of consistency and engagement) and the process of the long-term memory becoming habit…two additional cycles of 21 days for a total of 63 days of consistency and engagement. So I guess it answered part of my questions why “old habits are hard to break.” I will be listening again, I’m sure there is more to be gleaned that I missed in the first viewing. thanks for the recommendation Nila…:)
4. What other verses about a fool stood out to you and how are they corollaries to the above three characteristics? For example, because a fool is “always right” he doesn’t need to listen to others but babbles on. (Proverbs 10:14)
Proverbs 14:1-3
The wise woman builds her house,
but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.
Whoever fears the Lord walks uprightly,
but those who despise him are devious in their ways.
A fool’s mouth lashes out with pride,
but the lips of the wise protect them.
I felt like I was supposed to be looking for someone elses foolish behavior here but I see my own. I thought about our focus on our words recently. How I can choose to fear God, and honor Him in my thought life and speech or I can be self righteous and damage my families with proud thoughts and speech. I want to be submitted, to be wise and God fearing. But sometimes I know I lash out in harmful ways, sometimes it feel like I can see the hurtful thing coming out of my mouth and I feel like wait a minute…how did that get out!
Another chance to celebrate grace as I see how much I need it.
Chris – I somehow missed this particular entry – and then I responded to one much earlier by Lizzy, Elizabeth and Nila…..we’re tracking a bit together this week also Chris! I also used Proverbs 14:1 in my response…..just this morning had occasion to “tear down” rather than “build”. 🙁 How I can relate to “wait a minute….how did that get out?”! And now I’m celebrating God’s grace…..and just received my husband’s forgiveness as well! 🙂
Chris I to can be self righteous and damage others with my proud thoughts and speech. SO thankful His grace is like an ocean
“so thankful His grace is like an ocean”…Amen!
5. Read Proverbs 25 in its entirety and share anything that quickens you.
25 Like cold water to a thirsty soul, so is good news from a far [home] country. I thought of how in my worst, thirstiest desert times, nothing revives me like Revelation 21, good news from my far home country.
Chris – oh yes. You inspired me to read Revelation 21 again just now…..”good news from a far country” it is! Sometimes I will say to a friend the words “better days ahead”. 🙂 No matter how agonizing the days here on earth might be…..even no matter the state of the souls of those we love so dearly…..God’s Word never lies…..and for His true children, Rev 21 is our true home. Our longed for far country. Bless you Chris, for taking me to a place in Scripture that I hadn’t been in awhile…..and needed to be!
I am back again — post my daughter’s wedding! It all went wonderfully well. God truly smiled on us — the rain that was predicted (and almost drove the wedding ceremony inside) held off until after the ceremony, and fifteen minutes later it poured. Wendy and her fiance had at first (around 9 am) decided that it would have to be inside, but our day-planner said she was going to set up outside, and re-assess it at 2 PM. The wedding was at 4 PM, and the rain came about 5:15 PM. The ceremony was about an hour long. It was medieval-themed wedding, and it took a little longer than most weddings would. I am so glad they are married, glad the whole occasion went very well (although not perfect). I am so weary that I am glad it is behind us as well! Have had out-of-town guests eating three different meals. Glad we did it, and glad it is over as well! For those who are my facebook friends — you can go to my timeline (Deanna Tuley Farran) and there I have posted the professional photographer’s preview. If there are some of you who are on FB but not a “friend” yet, just request me as a friend, and I will confirm it, and then you can see as well.
1. What stands out to you from the above and why?
I know I have done foolish things in my life. I have never considered myself a true “fool.” I am sort of thinking like Laura — I am afraid I will find out that I have been a fool without realizing it. The photo gave me the ibbie-jibbies and heebie-jeebies both! 🙂 I had seen this photo earlier on facebook, and I had thought “Oh my goodness, these people don’t have the sense of a full-sized goose!” Actually the photo originally only showed one adult photographing the baby, and then when they got the criticism, they showed that there were all of these other people around to help “catch” the child. We all know it only takes a nano-second for things to go very wrong!
Deanna – so thrilled to have you back again! Even though I’ve been on a bit of a “FB fast” this past month, I did take a peek yesterday at the photos you posted from your daughter’s wedding – and I was BLOWN AWAY!!!! It looked absolutely incredible!!! You, my dear, looked amazing…..and your daughter (who looks a lot like you) was stunning!!
So good to hear about the wedding Deanna! Glad you are back!
Deanna, congrats on your daughter’s marriage! My husband Eric and I will celebrate our 6th wedding anniversary this October, but I remember that day like it was yesterday. I hope your daughter and son-in-law have many fond memories of their day. 🙂
Surely sounds like the Lord blessed that wedding, even holding off the rain!
Deanna, glad everything went well for your daughter’s wedding, including the rain being delayed-surely an answered prayer!
Welcome back Deanna. Glad the wedding went well
2. Watch this thirty minute video and share your notes and comments:
I have a few people in my life like this. They are close to me, and I may have been one at some point in my life. I enjoyed seeing Jan “in action” since I have heard so much about her over the years. I want to know how to break the cycle! I recognized it immediately when she explained it. Will we be able to see more of Jan? I kinda felt like I was left “hanging.”
Laura, you can find all six teaching videos on Jan’s vimeo site!
Good to know…thanks Susan!
2. Watch this 30 minute video and share your notes and comments
Nanci J.,
WOW – you covered that video better than a college professor! All my notes match yours (plus a bunch of additional info you had that I didn’t), so I will just post my comments. It brings me almost rapturous delight when the Lord leads me as he did this morning. Guess what my One Minute Devotions for Mom’s lead me to today? Ecclesiastes 4:12, which was one column over from these verses:
5:1 “… draw near to hear rather than to give the sacrifice of fools, for they do not know that they do evil”
5:3 “… And a fool’s voice is known by his many words”
5:4 “… When you make a vow to God, do not delay to pay it;
For He has no pleasure in fools.”
Talk about hitting me straight between the eyes! So much of this references how we speak, as well as when we should not speak – it’s really making me think about my words.
As Dee says, you were “kissed by the King” in His gift of your devotional reading for the day…:) Love when things come together like that.
2. What do you learn from David or Abigail about relating to a fool?
It seemed that in each of these cases, David and Abigail, they used their wits to avoid direct confrontations with someone who was being a fool. I think I learn that it is best to not to waste my time arguing, debating, or battling in any way with these types of people. It is better to just work around them and avoid them.
Woops, I just caught on — there are two weeks worth of study here, and I just answered #1 from week one and #2 from week two. Truly I am out of practice. Please ignore my last post!
Never hurts to work ahead!
2. Watch this thirty minute video and share your notes and comments:
Nanci, I loved your notes on Jan’s video and used them as I listened. I really hope we can listen to more of Jan’s videos. I found the video really helpful. I need to buy the book. I know some people who are religious but foolish, I fear. They have done a great deal of damage to many lives.
3. Using a concordance or an online one (such as Bible Gateway) check out how the word fool is used in proverbs and find a proverb or proverbs to support the three flags Jan gave. Write it out to help you remember it. If you disagree with her, explain why.
First flag – “Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered.”
Proverbs 28:26 ESV
Agree with Jan on this. People who are unwilling to self reflect and consider others ideas or ways of doing things is caught up in himself and needs “perspective.” For Christians, I think everything we do should be God questioned first. I am trying to do this more often, even on little things. For example, if I can’t decide what to wear to an event I am attending, I ask God to show me which outfit will be a better choice. Sometimes a third outfit will appear that I didn’t expect to feel inclined to wear! He is with me always.
3. Using a concordance or an online one (such as Bible Gateway) check out how the word fool is used in proverbs and find a proverb or proverbs to support the three flags Jan gave. Write it out to help you remember it. If you disagree with her, explain why.
Using a concordance, I found three different Hebrew words for fool that are used in the book of Proverbs; one is “nabal” – meaning stupid, wicked, impious, foolish man, vile person. The other two had definitions of stupid or silly, to be foolish, to be perverse.
A. A fool trusts in his own heart – Proverbs 23:9 says that a fool scorns wisdom…Do not speak to a fool, for he will scorn the wisdom of your words. Proverbs 28:26 says that a fool trusts in himself…He who trusts in himself is a fool.
B. A fool is always right – Proverbs 12:15 says that a fool always thinks he is right…The way of a fool seems right to him. Proverbs 17:10 says that a fool never learns from his mistakes…A rebuke impresses a man of discernment more than a hundred lashes a fool and Proverbs 26:11 says that a fool will repeat his folly…As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.
C. A fool uses anger to control – Proverbs 14:16 says that a fool is hotheaded…but a fool is hotheaded and reckless. Proverbs 20:3 says that a fool is quarrelsome…but every fool is quick to quarrel. Proverbs 29:11 says that a fool vents his anger…A fool gives full vent to his anger.
Good support, Susan!
Liz, you have been on my mind and heart, and in my prayers… God bless you, sister.
Thank you Nanci.
I have some good news and a prayer request ladies. The good news is that our church’s women ministry is offering two book choices this fall I am going to be leading a group through Idol Lies 🙂
There is a ministry fair this Sunday at church, but I will be out of town this weekend. Will you dear ones pray that those whom God would have hear the message in Idol Lies would be drawn to join the study, that the enemy would not cause them to shrink back from the inclination to join, that through the study the love of God would be better understood and yielded to and that He would be glorified?
Thanks in advance, it is so good to have you like minded sisters to share in this with!
Spectacular Chris! This is a joyful prayer request and I will be praying….drawing just the right hearts and preparing them even now!
Yeah! Praying.
Praying for you, Christina, and for the women who really need the message from Idol Lies.
Lord you hear Chris’s request here. We ask Lord that you draw the hearts of those who really will be blessed by this study in their lives RIGHT NOW. You know the hearts already and you will orchestrate just who will be there. Prepare Chris’s heart as she leads and unite the hearts together in unity as they study Idol Lies together. Thank you in advance for what you will do and for the freedom that will be found in opening their eyes and releasing the idols from these lives. In Jesus name Amen
Praying for you and for the women He will lead to this study, Chris!
Praying Chris…
Amen to Liz’s prayer.
~HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU DEAR WANDA!!! YOU ARE SO VERY LOVED! PRAYING FOR YOU TO HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY~
Missing you Wanda Happy Birthday!!!!!
Yes, HAPPY BIRTHDAY WANDA! I am so glad Lizzy keeps track of all these special dates!
This is an article by Paul Tripp. I think it ties in well with our topic this week on fools. We need to admit we need help instead of thinking we can do it on our own. It’s called “Help Wanted”:
http://www.paultripp.com/wednesdays-word/posts/help
Oh Diane this cut to my independent heart. I know I can be very independent and head strong. I know this is an area that has caused me harm in my marriage. I do want to change. I am good at talking about how much I need help in this area with the Lord and perhaps with others but with the one closest to me I do not humble myself to do that. I feel taken advantage of when I have even ventured down that road and so just keep my admitting this to myself and I am afraid I have gotten nowhere:( Well that’s not true, I am going somewhere but its away from the one who challenges me in this area the most:( Oh Lord please help me learn, please know my heart wants to get this right. Please give the other person in this equation a desire to do the same. We are 2 independent bucking heads. Help me not to be a fool.
Liz, I am glad Paul Tripp’s article was helpful to you, though conviction of sin is hard, yet, if it leads to repentance, it is oh so good. It is hard to admit we need help, isn’t it. I will pray for you in this area. I appreciated the 3 short prayers Tripp prays each day:
diane, thanks for posting this. I am going to say this prayer each morning from now on!
I had to look up the reason why dogs return to their vomit and the most common answer I found was related to instinctual tendencies. So fools return to their folly because it is a normal instinct for them. Oh, Lord, have mercy! May I not be a fool and if ever one, I would be God’s own fool (Michael Card).
When we in our foolishness thought we were wiseHe played the fool and He opened our eyesWhen we in our weakness believed we were strongHe became helpless to show we were wrongSo we follow God’s own FoolFor only the foolish can tellBelieve the unbelievable, come be a fool as well.
Another one is so they can erase their presence (and be safe from predators identifying their territory). A fool therefore “erase their presence” from where they came from and thereby themselves can’t remember and recognize their foolishness and move on with same foolhardy actions. Aaaghh! Always right in their own eyes.
Bing–great insight on the instinctual tendency of a fool returning to folly–wow, sobering!
LIzzy, thanks for your response. This verse really was sobering to me, too especially since I feel like I am seeing it in a friend. I do not want to be judgmental and I do pray for her but it seems like we just go round and round with her issues. I want to be there for her but I am starting to get really frustrated and my husband even warned me about spending time with her. He has advised me to give myself space from her. I have known her for so long (20 some years) and right now she does not have very many friends. I am praying for God to help me be wise and be a real true friend even if it means lovingly confronting her and taking the risk of her getting angry at me. I need prayers. I know God loves my friend very much but she needs professional help she can not afford.
oh Bing–I haven’t been able to post much this week, but reading and praying–and as I read yours just now, I had to respond. My heart just feels heavy for, and with you. I know well the heavy burden of loving a friend but feeling like the most loving thing may be the “hard” thing. I am praying right now for you to have wisdom and discernment in this relationship–to know when and how to speak truth in love. Bing, you have much wisdom, the Lord uses you to speak truth so often here, and I see the strength in you of resting in Him as you still battle through the loss of your sister Grace. My love for you, makes me want to agree with your husband and protect you from more weariness! But I will pray for you to hear Him clearly. Your heart for your friend is humbling.
I will pray for discernment for you regarding your friend, Bing. So hard.
2. Watch this thirty minute video and share your notes and comments:
I know this is sounding like a cop-out, but actually Nanci did such a good job on her notes — I just followed them along as I listened to Jan Silvious. It was very helpful.
The line that I recognized hearing before was “If you treated me differently, I’d be different.” I have known people who have said that. Basically they are throwing the blame back on the other person. It has to be someone else’s fault, because the fool knows he/she is right! So it would be foolish of me to waste my time trying to point out the error of their ways.
:)…glad I could return the favor you so often give, Deanna. Glad the wedding went well…the pictures are wonderful.
Using a concordance or an online one (such as Bible Gateway) check out how the word fool is used in proverbs and find a proverb or proverbs to support the three flags Jan gave. Write it out to help you remember it. If you disagree with her, explain why.
A. A fool trusts in his own heart: Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding”.
B. A fool is always right Proverbs 12:15: “The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.” Very definitely I agree. A true fool is inpenetratable — you just can’t get through to him/her. It is like pounding on a stone wall!
C. A fool uses anger to control ; Proverbs 29:9 “If a wise man goes to court with a fool, the fool rages and scoffs, and there is no peace.” Whether in court or out of court, a fool tends to rage. He is so sure he is right, and he tries to drum his thoughts into others by raging. It is intimidating to others, and usually the fool wins. Also Proverbs 29:11 “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.” The comment we tend to make when a fool is in the process of raging is that the person is “out of control.”
B. A fool is always right
“Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the heart.”
Proverbs 21:2 ESV
I agree with Jan again here; God knows how we truly feel inside although others see the outward appearance of who we are. This summer, Sarah took a class that only had about 10 people in it. She was very cognizant of two who seemed to be (her words) “know it alls.” She said they took over the class and sometimes wouldn’t let others speak, including the teacher! It made others feel uncomfortable.
so, funny story, this is the lesson we are on in the college Bible study that I lead..Its from the guardrails series and it is exactly what we are studying.
https://youtu.be/dqly7PiEy0o
Good stuff by Andy Stanley, cyndi. Thanks for sharing that.
please know that when you pray GOD LISTENS! I have felt a freedom this week like never before. It is so much like an onion, there are just more and more layers and just when you think you have figured yourself out there is another layer to peal off…We went to see WAR Room tuesday night and I am ashamed to admit that while i was convicted about my prayer life I was also really frustrated. My husband is the exact opposite of the husband in that movie. He is so passive and all the things that I am mad at him for are thing that he does not do (bare with me this is going somewhere) When we left I was in a foul mood, snapping at emma and when we got home Paul asked me a question that I had answered 2 times earlier that day and I made a snotty comment and he went off on me (can you imagine!) 🙂
well, i snapped, I got out of bed and I prayed, and I prayed and I prayed. first with anger in my heart “smite him oh mighty smitter”, then with hurt “how could he be so heartless” then with confusion “what did I do that was so wrong?” then, slowly, like a small ember catching dry grass on fire, I began to see MY HEART….and it was not pretty ladies! not pretty at all.
What I thought was me wanting to be perfect was really me wanting everyone else around me to be perfect. What I thought was a desire to help was really my fear of getting hurt. And most of all what I thought was my need to control was really my deep rooted beleif that I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYONE AROUND ME’S HAPPINESS AND SUCCESS IN LIFE. Well, after 4 hours on me knees God revieled to me that in fact I AM NOT, HE IS. This deep seeded feeling that some how it is all my responsibility to make sure the world revolves correctly on its axis is KILLING MY JOY. and everyone around me…(although lets face it, if they would just listen to me and get with the program all would be right with the world) 😉
the revelation that i am not RESPONSIBLE FOR ANYONE BUT MYSELF has been simmering under the surface, wanting to come out, I have known that I wanted control, known that my idol is control but I never quite understood WHY my heart longed for control, I mean, I really do not desire control in itself (I have no desire to run a company or be a boss) but I long for the protection from pain that somehow my heart thought I would have if I could just make all the people around me happy, healthy and wise.
SOOOOO I am now on a journey of looking at my OWN junk, taking responsibility for MY MOOD, MY DIET, MY FITNESS, MY PRAYER LIFE, MY JOY…and no one elses. Its all about ME, and I think in this case, thats a good thing.
thank you for your prayers friends. I love you all.
Cyndi – wow, God’s Spirit has so graciously moved in your heart!! What a journey He has you on. I notice that you’ve repeated the words “what I thought….”. SO true that what we think is crucial in how we live. And it seems so often what we call “love” for our families IS truly something else entirely…..control or approval….or so many other idols and sins. Over the past couple of years or so, the Lord has greatly used Matthew 10:34-39 to pierce my mother’s heart …ESPECIALLY the phrase “whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” and also “whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” I’ve been asking Jesus to show me how to love him most of all….to teach me how to love him most of all…..and I THINK he’s teaching me how to truly love my family so much better through it all! That FREEDOM you speak of Cyndi…..it’s a beautiful gift from our Father. It is a precious thing to re-learn every day that He is God and I am not. He is so utterly trustworthy that Job can lead us in praising Him to the heavens…..”Though he slay me, I will hope in him.” I’m rejoicing with you and for you in your joy today!!
Oh my goodness, cyndi. The insight into yourself which God gave you is SO POWERFUL! Thanks for sharing this online so that I can examine my own heart and see how I need to grow in this area.
Cyndi, I really appreciate your honesty here. I too saw the War Room movie and it moved me to really look at the seriousness by which I practice the discipline of prayer.
Cyndi I can resonate with you on the 2 lines you capitalized here. Lord help us with what we are focusing on.
Cyndi, wow…what a breakthrough God has given you! I can relate to a lot of what you said, too. The part about feeling responsible for everyone else’s happiness in life and how it really does kill any joy in my own life. And yes, the idol of control underneath it all. Thanks for your honesty, Cyndi.
thank you everyone, you are all so kind. I have already seen some set backs in my heart and had to “reboot” but I caught them so far 🙂
Cyndi, I have often dealt with this issue in reference to my thought patterns. It is like catching the snowflake before it becomes the avalanche! EXCELLENT work that you were able to catch them and immediately “reboot.” I have had several times when I did not stop myself early enough, and saw how quickly I could spiral back down to the old (negative, destructive) ones. All I can say is … KEEP ON KEEPIN’ ON!!!