SWEET SUMMER DAYS
MY CHILDREN AND MY CHILDREN’S CHILDREN ARE VISITING THE CABIN
BUT I CAN RUIN A PERFECT DAY IN A MOMENT
WITH A CARELESS WORD TO MY ADULT DAUGHTER:
FORGETTING THE POWER OF THE TONGUE
TO PIERCE THE HEART.
DEATH AND LIFE, PROVERBS TELLS US, IS IN THE POWER OF THE TONGUE
AND WILL AFFECT NOT ONLY OUR HEARER’S HEART, BUT OUR OWN.
THIS WEEK’S LESSON APPLIES TO ALL,
BUT I HAVE BEEN REFLECTING ON THE ADULT MOTHER/DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP.
MY MOTHER HAD THREE DAUGHTERS
AND I HAVE THREE DAUGHTERS
SO I SHOULD REMEMBER HOW I LONGED FOR MY MOTHER’S BLESSING,
AND HOW A CARELESS WORD FROM HER COULD CRUSH ME.
SO WHY CAN I NOT CONTROL MY OWN TONGUE
CONSISTENTLY WITH MY OWN DAUGHTERS?
ONE OF MY DAUGHTERS TOLD ME LAST WEEK
HOW SHE LONGED FOR MY BLESSING.
I THOUGHT, DOES SHE NOT KNOW SHE HAS IT?
AND YET I ALSO KNOW THAT DESPITE ALL THE ENCOURAGEMENT I GIVE
ONE CARELESS WORD
CAN BE LIKE A SWORD THRUST TO HER HEART.
THE HURT MAY BE UN-INTENTIONAL,
YET, IF I HAD BEEN SLOWER TO SPEAK, I COULD HAVE AVOIDED IT.
WHEN WORDS ARE MANY, PROVERBS TELLS US, SIN IS NOT ABSENT.
IN THE SHORT VIDEO YOU’LL WATCH TODAY FROM DEBORAH TANNEN,
SHE SAYS THAT MOTHER AND DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIPS ARE COMPLEX.
MOTHERS WANT “TO HELP.”
THEY WANT THEIR DAUGHTERS TO AVOID THE MISTAKES THEY MADE.
SO THEY GIVE UNSOLICITED ADVICE.
DAUGHTERS HEAR “META-MESSAGES” OF DISAPPROVAL.
THE BEST RELATIONSHIPS ARE WITH
MOTHERS WHO BITE THEIR TONGUES.
WE MUST NEVER FORGET THAT OUR HEARTS ARE DARK AND DECEITFUL.
SO THE SECRET TO CONTROLLING OUR TONGUE,
JESUS TELLS US, IS TO BEGIN WITH THE HEART,
FOR OUT OF THE OVERFLOW OF THE HEART, THE MOUTH SPEAKS.
Deborah Tannen is a linguist, a communication specialist, with informative and intriguing books — her best known being: “You Just Don’t Understand: Men and Women in Conversation.” She is a Jewish Professor and I have learned much from her. The following interview is on her book on mothers and daughters. I think there is valuable advice here, though I think the conflict that Christian mothers and daughters would not be, hopefully, over the transitory issues of “hair, clothes, and weight,” but rather, matters of the heart. But the principles are still valid. AND CAN I NOT PRAY INSTEAD OF GIVING UNSOLICITED ADVICE AND BELIEVE GOD WILL WORK?
Watch and I’ll give you a chance to share your thoughts.
1. Other than Deborah Tannen’s video, what stood out to you from the above and why?
2. What thoughts do you have on Deborah Tannen’s comments?
Monday-Wednesday Bible Study
4. Think about times when you have hidden hatred or anger or a lack of forgiveness toward someone with whom you spend a fair amount of time. How has what is in your heart come out in direct or passive aggressive ways?
5. What, therefore, would improve your words and your relationship with this person?
We’ll be reading Proverbs 15-16 and looking also at assorted Proverbs about the tongue.
6. Read Proverbs 10:19
A. What does this teach you?
B. Why should you bite your tongue with your adult children (or other relatives) when you feel prone to “help?”
C. Does this mean you can do nothing? What could you do?
6. According to Proverbs 12:13-14, how does what we say affect our own lives and hearts?
Have you experienced this? Explain.
7. How damaging and lasting can a rash word be according to Proverbs 12:18?
8. Read Proverbs 15-16 and note anything that quickens you.
9. Read Proverbs !5:1 — have you seen this work in your own life? How is Proverbs 15:4a like this?
10. Read Proverbs 16:24 and explain the power of blessing others. How well do you do this and what could help you do this more?
11. What warning does Proverbs 18:13 give? Tim Keller says that it is vital that we listen to the person with whom we disagree so well that we can repeat his argument back to him so well that he absolutely knows he has been heard.
This week my niece is staying with me and I applied the above to the gay marriage debate, for she has had much on Facebook. I told her I simply wanted to hear her out to understand her. She cried as she wept about her gay friends who just want what other people have. I wept too, and I think the tears were healing for both of us — so much better than vitriolic exchanges. I said little and apologized to her for the unkind ways Christians have entered into this discussion. I felt God’s pleasure. She knows I see it differently — but I felt it was a step forward.
12. Our key verse is Proverbs 18:21. What does “will eat its fruits” mean?
13. What does Proverbs 25:15-16 teach is possible? What does this mean?
Thursday-Friday Sermon: (Not free but excellent)
If the link doesn’t work, please visit this url: http://www.gospelinlife.com/words-5459.html
14. What is your take-a-way and why?