Paul Tripp calls it “apple-stapling.”
Apple-stapling occurs when you obey the rules so that you will look good, but the fruit is fake.
Elyse Fitzpatrick says that, to her great regret, that without realizing it, apple-stapling is how she mothered. Her daughter won “Miss Christian Character” in elementary school — but she didn’t know the Lord.
Christianity, unlike the world religions, is organic. We belong to a living God who tells us if we abide in Him, we will bear much fruit.
I too can staple. I can go through the motions in my quiet time so I feel good about myself, yet I am not abiding. I can be in church and yet not be worshipping and receiving. I can act loving on the outside yet be seething on the inside.
How do we mother and mentor and personally live so that we and the next generation abides rather than staples?
My children are grown, and I too have regrets that I could have done so much better. I did teach them, and yet I often lacked grace, that great love of God flowing from me to them. This is what Steve had. I want to show you a video that Anne had made for her wedding reception, remembering her dad.
To explain a bit of what you are going to see, much of it is the day Anne came to us from an orphanage in Korea, flying in with many babies, to adoptive parents waiting in the Des Moines airport. I, with a bad perm, was so nervous. Steve was so focused on loving her — and we finally warmed her up in the hotel room when John (our teenage son) bonked her on the head with a stuffed rabbit and the game was on. You’ll see scenes from our family Sunday School class where Steve is singing with Anne and Sally the song “I am the body of Christ.” (He’s the heart.) You’ll also see scenes at our cabin when our eldest J. R., was making a silly “family work-out video” and Rita, the young wife from Nepal is on Sally’s back. (Rita died of cancer at 23) What I hope you catch all the way through is the love and the grace and the joy Steve had in the Lord — it was organic, flowing from Jesus to Steve to our children, to Rita (who trusted Christ before she died) to all who crossed his path. As Paul Tripp says, “the law never saved anyone, it is grace that is the key.”
There is a poignant new post from Rachel that I just saw this morning (Sunday) and approved that is on last week. I’m going to copy it and put it on this week so you can comment.
Sunday Icebreakers
1. What stands out to you from the above and why?
Monday-Wednesday Bible Study
Before we can preach the gospel to the next generation, we need to preach it to ourselves. Sing or meditate on this hymn and then be prepared to preach the gospel to yourself.
2. How do you need His grace today?
Tim Keller quotes Ken Miller’s definition of the gospel:
We are more wicked than we ever dared believe, but more loved and accepted in Christ than we ever dared hope — at the very same time.
3. Read The Song of Songs 1:5
A. How does she describe herself?
B. She says she is as dark as the weathered tents of Kedar. How is facing the darkness in our hearts helpful in being good repenters? When is the last time you repented? Be specific.
C. She says she is as lovely as the curtains of Solomon, the curtains that were so close to the presence of God. Are you confident in God’s love for you, in His seeing you as lovely? When is the last time you had a sense of HIs overwhelming love. Be specific.
4. Give an example from your own life of mothering or mentoring (or being mothered or mentored) where the gospel was used to help you overcome a sin or have confidence.
5. Read Ephesians 2:1-10
A. Describe the images of powerlessness you find in verses 1-3.
B. In the same way, your children are powerless, and you are powerless to save them. That is why the “but God” of verse 4 is so encouraging. How have you seen God work in the life of someone you love despite your worst mistakes?
C. What images of power do you find in verses 4-7?
D. What are we clearly told in verses 8-9?
E. Whose workmanship are we? How is this related to “I am the vine and you are the branches?”
6. I have always loved the first letter of John, just as I love John’s gospel. There is so much in this letter about how Christianity is organic, how if we abide we will be transformed. Read 1 John 2:28-3:3.
A. Why does John tell us to abide in 2:28?
B. What truth does he proclaim in 2:29?
C. 3:1 is an outburst — and overwhelming thought to John. This is the love of God that we should have confidence in, despite all our messes. And which our children should have too. Describe this outburst.
D. What great promises are we given in verses 3:2-3?
Thursday-Friday Watch this video and then comment.
7. Notes and Comments:
Saturday
8. What is your take-a-way and why?
157 comments
I’m copying and pasting this from Rachel who submitted it yesterday while I was speaking at a retreat — so want you to see and comment to her.
Hey, so I just started doing the Idol Lies study with some ladies at my church. I guess I feel a lot of conflict on this subject. Even just reading on this blog post. Just some back story. I’m 26, single and never really had any dating relationships, I love Jesus I really do and am doing everything I can to pursue a deeper relationship with Jesus, I am/have followed his commands on purity. That said – I want to be married. I really really really do. I adore kiddos and want a family. Most people as soon as I say this immediately start going on about how we shouldn’t put marriage or relationships before God (I agree), highlight how much a marriage isn’t a fairytale (I know!) and when they do this it feels like they automatically assume that I lack commitment to Jesus. A lot of people say I have to/need to be satisfied with being single forever. “Would you be ok if God had you stay single forever?” that’s the question people always ask. Short answer: no. I don’t desire to be single forever. And I can’t seem to force myself to want to (which makes me feel like a failure). As many times as I have prayed that Jesus would banish this struggle inside and that I would want only Him and not care about being single, it still remains. But honestly, I don’t think Jesus isn’t the focus of my life. I am actively pursuing Him and serving, it’s not like I spend every waking moment trying to snag a man lol, dating everything that moves or anything like that. In fact quite the opposite, I’m waiting, and waiting, and waiting, for a godly man who loves Jesus, is actively pursuing and serving Him. And while I’m waiting I’m pursuing and serving the Lord in many different ways. But waiting is hard, waiting hurts actually… a lot. I think it hurts so much because it requires discipline and commitment. Makes me think of exercising… lol discipline, commitment, pain…. But in that pain of waiting, the struggle of waiting, everyone wants to give you their advice, but no one just wants to give you a hug, say they understand, and encourage you in your struggle…
I feel so conflicted between all the “oughts” I should be doing/thinking/feeling/accepting and my true and I am beginning to believe godly desire. I’m beginning to think that there is no way wanting to be married is ungodly because I think that would have to also make marriage ungodly which it is not. I also feel conflicted because there is a struggle at all – which in a way puts me at odds with what everyone “advice” is. Am I being super hard on myself or is this struggle natural? Sometimes I wish people would just be happy I want to be married in a culture and generation that totally believes marriage is unnecessary.
Am I in sin or bondage because I want to be married? Or because I struggle with sadness and hurt because I guy I liked who loves Jesus and has a godly character chose to date another girl? Am I not trusting God because I feel lonely at times or feel “barren”? Am I wrong because I am not happy with being single forever?
Rachel
Wow, Rachel’s story struck a chord in me since I did not get married until I was 31. Used to be teased I got on the last train when I finally got married (laugh here) In my culture then, one should be married in their early 20’s; it is different now. I believe being married or staying single is a gift from God. I ache for Rachel and pray for friends to come alongside her who understands her yearning to be married and pray with her for God’s discernment of His will in her life. I have a couple of friends who are in their late 50’s who are single and serving the Lord with much joy and enthusiasm. Do we talk about their desire to be married? Absolutely. To one, it has been a struggle but she says the Lord gives her contentment and speaks to her lovingly in ways that bring peace. To the other, she gives of her life to her widowed Mom and “adopts” many children at church.
Rachel,
First of all I agree with you in regard to the advice! 🙂 AND I am giving you a cyber hug. 🙂 Another thing is it thrills me that God is on the move in your heart-the fact you are questioning things and are struggling with this is huge.
I was there in your shoes and your issue was exactly mine. I grew tired of all the ‘pat’ answers. I started to feel it was ‘wrong’ or even a ‘sin’ to desire to be married yet I knew it was from God and wasn’t ‘wrong’. I actually would tell other singles..it is not WRONG to desire to be married! 🙂 Heck I am sure the people who tell you that are struggling with idolatry in areas in their life-maybe areas they can’t see, like I am! We all have hidden areas of epi-desires. 🙂 And really as you are learning in Idol Lies the bottom line is-anything that we say in our hearts that ‘we can’t live without’-and we all say this to ourselves with food, relationships etc.., is a red flag that this just might be our desire above desires and if it indeed is something we can’t live without then it is most likely an idol issue-so just take that before God-He will help you discern that in your heart if it is an issue. Our affections are not wrong we just so easily misplace them and I don’t care how mature we are in the Lord! We all do it-daily.
Really, and I need to hear this too, just continue to abide in Him-in HIs word, talking with Him in prayer-listening to Him-even in your pain of waiting-even in the pain of other believers not being sensitive to you, for I believe your desire of being married and having a family IS from Him. He SO desires time with you-to be with you..for your voice and your face is lovely to Him. :))
Thanks Rebecca! I’m really grateful that God has opened doors to discuss this with people. You can only mush stuff around in your own heart and mind for so long y’know? Sometimes ya gotta just spit it out and be like hey siblings in the Lord, this struggle isn’t going down my metaphorical esophagus right. How do I find some peace in it so I can swallow it and the struggle can actually be digested to edify my spiritual life and become an opportunity instead of a spiritual choking hazard…… Aaaaand now I’m hungry. Gonna break out the Greek Yogurt ya’ll.
Rachel — glad to see you on this week’s blog. I hope all the responses have been helpful — hope you see how I pasted last week’s response from you at the top and all the responses.
Rachel, lol! Yes..I LOVE Greek Yogurt too. 🙂 SO Loved your whole word picture: ..this struggle isn’t going down my metaphorical esophagus right. How do I find some peace in it so I can swallow it and the struggle can actually be digested to edify my spiritual life and become an opportunity instead of a spiritual choking hazard. :))))
Rachel, I feel your frustration in this post. I am glad you are here with us! I agree with everything you said also…..the waiting is the hardest part, you are right. But, God’s timing is not necessarily ours. You seem to know what you are talking about and probably already know about timing too. My situation is a bit different, but alas! still a frustration as well.
One of my idols is my children….how they behave, how we look as a family, what they end up pursuing in their lives, etc. I can’t deny I am disappointed in them all (did I say that out loud?). I had such high hopes; they would be smart, they would be talented, they would be compliant, they would always choose the right path…..how I set myself up. If I had just focused on teaching them to love Jesus (we did go to church every week and participated in church events as a family for years) more than anything else, maybe it would have been different? I can’t go back and I am doing my best to show them Jesus (like Steve!) now. I accept who they are (for the most part…I’m not perfect), and they know how important Jesus is to me because they see me doing my bible study, listening to Christian music, and I have changed my demeanor. I am a more pleasant, joyful person to be around. I don’t worry anymore! They notice the changes in me.
I don’t understand why it has come to this for us, in our family. I struggle sometimes watching my friends’ children succeed and become what I thought my children would be. We all raised our families together in the same community and church family. I see college graduates, hard working children, talented singers, top of the class children; all the things I wanted for my kids too. I don’t want to feel like this. I want to be happy for my friends children. In these times, I remember Job. He never knew why. If you have been on the blog for awhile, you know we have talked about Job a lot. I always wondered why he got a new family and was just supposed to be ok with losing the “old” family. We must trust as Job did. I may never know why my kids didn’t live up to my expectations; maybe I needed to learn to just love them and leave the rest to Him. Who am I to question God’s work in my life? He died for me, end of story.
You are on the right path….you have the right views. I used to tell my daughter that God had a special person just for her. She just needed to wait for the right timing. It is amazing what God does when we least expect it. On the blog we call it “kisses from the King.” I look forward to the next kiss each time I get one! It’s always better than I imagined it would be 🙂 now that you are here, we can all pray and wait with you. Dee calls it “sitting shiva.” you are not alone.
I grew up in a stapled “Christian” (religious) family. It was all about keeping the rules and looking good around others. Yet I was unable to be myself, to feel my own feelings, or to talk about what was inside me, or to be allowed to develop trusting relationships because I was taught that people (especially men) could not be trusted. Yet this was confusing to me. My Dad and brothers were very trustworthy, yet I often heard men/boys can’t be trusted. In my efforts to please and look good and perfect, I suppressed any desires to be in a relationship with future potential of marriage.
i so connect with Rachel’s struggle with being single. I am 54 years old and never married and rarely ever dated. My therapist and I are exploring all the false beliefs and old ingrained messages that have ruled my life and suppressed my dreams and desires for relationship. Being vulnerable and intimate is too scary simply because it was never modeled to me as a kid as to how to be vulnerable and intimate. I am grieving the realization of what I didn’t have growing up.
I was “Miss Christian Character” and I did not understand what God’s grace was all about because I had to keep the rules to gain any approval from others and (I thought) from God. I praise God now that He is patiently teaching me and helping me to realize He loves me just as I am, without one plea. And I value so much that He cares so much for me that’d He is not going to leave me where I am at. He is growing and challenging my faith. He is showing me The Way. As Paul Tripp said in the video last week, to get on my knees and pray that my Lord will help me to know that I desperately need Him, to ask for Him to provide those who can help me along the way, and to be able to receive and accept the help He sends my way.
i’ve been away for a few weeks from this group as my Mom was in hospital 4 times for heart issues, along with my own work being busy with crisises and my own personal struggles. Dee, great to again have your topic for this week catch my eye and to be focusing on what God desires I focus on – finding healing from past hurts from mom and how to move forward as a mentor for others.
Welcome Carol — you bring insight into your own heart and for others.
Carol, your post is so rich with meaning. I especially appreciate the paragraph that begins with ‘I was Miss Christian Character’ and did not understand what God’s grace was all about…. Oh, I think that describes so many of us and I am so grateful for this place where we can express our hearts and learn from others who have had similar stories.
It sounds as though your plate is very full caring for your mom and her increased health needs recently. I am adding this to my prayer list for this week. Blessings to you and I’m glad you’re here!
Thank you, Wanda, for your prayers. It is hard watching Mom grow old and begin to fail in health, all while trying to live my own life and work thru my own stuff.
i recently had a great conversation with my pastor and he commented how he has just in the past couple of months had several people express to him how they grew up in the church with a sense of being judged by God and others, with a lot of self-effort to live a God-pleasig life. He said these people are experiencing God’s grace for the first time and he is in awe of how God is working in their lives. I added my name to his group who are waking up to realize I am unable to earn my way into God’s favor; I already have His favor, just cuz he made me and loves me.
So how do I need God’s grace today? In every way! I am unworthy, self-centered, selfish, running to my addictive behaviors, and so very much unsatisfied with me and all I do. I am lonely because I’ve run away from God. I am filled with toxic shame. I need instead to run towards God in my sin so that He can love me, forgive me, and tell me how much I matter to Him.
So glad you are here Carol! Wanda is right; I think many of us can identify with your “Miss Christian Character.” I’m sorry to hear of your mom’s health issues. It’s hard to watch our parents get older. Looking forward to seeing more of you on the blog!
Welcome Carol! Thank you so much for your honesty…trying to truly grasp the grace of God is something I believe we all struggle with and it’s so easy to default back to believing we have to work to earn His love and acceptance – following the rules, trying to be “good”. I feel for you with your mom’s aging and health struggles; it is so hard to watch our parents’ health decline.
Oh Rachel, I hope you have come onto this week’s blog and are reading theses responses. Certainly your desire to marry is not sin. It is so easy for others (who ARE married) to tell single people what they need to do! I am 48 and never married. I have to say, though that I cannot totally relate to you because I always assumed that I’d do the “normal” stuff (marry and have kids.) You definitely fit in better at church doing the “normal.” It is hard to feel like a firth wheel all the time. But, as the years passed I realized that (for me) my motivation for wanting to marry was wrong (and selfish.) Wanting to “fit in” and honestly, wanting a husband to take care of me. I wanted to be a stay-at-home wife and mom. I never wanted to have a career. I hate being out “in the world” so-to-speak. I could easily be someone who never leaves her house! So, for me, I think marriage was not the right thing. I would never totally rule it out. Now I have a deep love relationship with Jesus and (as Rebecca mentioned, idols are a life-long struggle) I’m so much better now about keeping Him central to my well-being, rather than a person or situation. But, I tend to believe the most people in whom God puts a deep desire to marry, probably are meant to marry (at some point.) So often, though His timing does not look like ours. I’m so glad you shared. And…I wish I could give you a hug right now, dear one.
Dear Rachel, I saw this last night, but didn’t respond because I wanted to give my response more thought.
Oh…I get your desire for the companionship of marriage and the blessing of children, family. It was a desire that stirred my heart as well…I am now in my early 50’s, married when I was 24, divorced when I was 34, remarried at 37 and contently married for the past 15 years. My second marriage was God’s plan; I can see the Lord all over our lives; He is the third strand of our relationship/marriage.
My words are this…when the desire/”want” morphs into a “need,” that is an invitation for trouble…as Rebecca mentioned, a “red flag” that this has taken the form of an idol, has taken hold of a part of your heart that it is not entitled to. Waiting (yes, I do know the difficulty and the angst in hearing this) for God’s plan is crucial. Alas, (as I’m sure you are aware) you can “make” a relationship happen, but what a price you will pay if instead of God’s will you follow the will of impatience and immediacy. How many fall into the trap of desperation, with devastating results (I can count myself among this group at one time in my life). My first marriage was a mistake from the very start of the relationship, the only light in that darkness is my two daughters, all else was pretty much for naught…much hurt and loneliness. My dear Rachel, 26 is young..:) (another thing you are probably sick of hearing). You likely have many years ahead and if it be God’s will that you be married, Mr. Right is out there and will appear at the right time and place. The lyrics from Christa Wells song, “Have Your Eyes Open” comes to mind...
Little hands on a June evening/As the stars are coming out/He wants to capture fireflies,/But he doesn’t know how/Tears run faster than those little feet/Til Daddy says//Trust me, we can catch some light if we/Have our eyes open when it comes/Have your eyes open/Have your eyes open/When it comes//Maybe you sailed in with a bright vision/And you lost it on the way/Maybe you felt a bit of blindness/Would lessen your pain/You don’t think that life belongs to you/But I know better//Trust me, you can catch some light if you/keep your eyes open til it comes/Have your eyes open…/When it comes//You have heard of the strange figure/Who visited the poor/He gave his own body/To ransom their souls/Seems to good to be true/But you haven’t found it false//I believe there is a light coming to find you with your eyes open/Have your eyes open…/When it comes
The Lord has a plan that is far greater than anything you can imagine…whether that is married or single, only He knows. There is nothing wrong with your questioning and hoping, just don’t settle out of desperation for something that will cut you to pieces in the end.
Peace to you sister…and welcome to our bible study blog family.
Nanci–beautiful post, and love how you added those lyrics from Christa Wells “I believe there is a light coming to find you with your eyes open/Have your eyes open…”
Elizabeth, Christa Wells is one of my most favorite artists; her music speaks volumes for me. Do you recall who introduced me to her music?…:thank you, Elizabeth!…:)
Dee, thank you once again for speaking honestly about your life and your mothering through the years. This gives me hope as I trust God to redeem the years that the locusts have eaten in my own mothering of our now grown daughter, Ruth Ann. This gives me hope for my nieces and nephew who might be losing their mother, my sister anytime. I have been “stapling” fruit in my life. My idol of approval and comfort still rear their ugly heads and they will probably for the rest of my life. But I a m taking heart and the Body of Christ in this blog continues to be a source of encouragement to me not to give up.
The video got my eyes misty. Steve looked so sweet and just like you said Steve had an organic love flowing from Jesus to him and to those around him. What great yet poignant memories. Thank you for sharing.
The video of Steve-oh. I have loved this video and love Steve but every time I watch tears come, and you miss him so. Yes, Steve exudes His Love. Jesus’ Love is organic indeed.
Also, this post encourages me so because I have had moments of lacking Grace with my boys too. I like what Ernema reminded us of-that God restores what the locusts have eaten. He is all about that.
I am looking forward to meeting Steve in heaven. The video just gives a snapshot of the kind of Dad he was. I just finished leading a women’s Bible study on Dee’s God of All Comfort and SO admire him, his love for the Lord and for life. What a wonderful witness for his Lord and Savior he must have been, casting a looooooooong shadow that still brings us to tears even today, though many of us never met him. I want to be like Steve when I grow up. LOL! But, for today, I am just so aware of how desperately in need of grace I am.
WE all so need His grace, Diane. Thanks for your warm comments.
1. What stands out to you from the above and why?
Wow, what love in that video….you are right Dee, love flows directly from Jesus to Steve to others.
OH WOW. SO much to take in, all so rich! Yes, I fully relate to the fruit stapling, to too often still lacking grace in my parenting, and even to Elyse Fitzpatrick’s daughter’s story. My daughter won a trophy last summer of similar title from FCA camp. I wanted to be “proud” and yet, I was also sad at how it was really affirmation of outward behavior and it reminded me how we can appear to be walking, when we’re not really abiding. How often I have done the same.
BUT OH–the big tear-jerker for me was of course the video–never ceases to pull on my heart. I love when Steve says that their desire is the make Annie feel “at home”–all of the things Dee has talked about that Steve did, how he played basketball with her, made her laugh–this heart’s desire shines through. His goal was to build an atmosphere of grace, acceptance, and model Christ. Lord, help me learn from this godly example–give me the grace to follow it.
Lastly, I also wanted to respond to Rachel. Thank you for sharing–so love your tender, vulnerable honesty. I know the situations are vastly different, but with my years of struggling through infertility, on some level, I relate to the unsolicited advice, and the questions of “how long?” “will I ever…?” I just want to say I am so sorry for the ache you feel. I am sorry for that lonely feeling and wondering if anyone “gets it”. I’m glad you’re here, and I’m praying for you as I type this. Keep pouring out this honest lament to Him–He hears, He sees, He will answer.
This is priceless advice, Elizabeth! : “Keep pouring out this honest lament to Him–He hears, He sees, He will answer.”
ooops, sorry for sharing your video for this week last week!! Love this video though, worth seeing many times 🙂 the video of steve…oh my! still crying over your loss of such a “life filled” person.
struggling BIG time with Emma still, she has lied to me all weekend and im seeing no remorse, on the good side of the coin I see Paul getting more involved and trying to help her.
amazing love newsboys
https://youtu.be/nwjTT2bqKk0
hillsong
https://youtu.be/nwjTT2bqKk0
I NEED HIS grace upon grace upon grace upon grace upon grace upon grace upon grace upon grace…….
I’m such a selfish, prideful person and that comes out as a mom more then any other role other then wife. I find that some days its so much easier to be angry rather than broken, its easier to be self sufficient then to admit that I need HIS help…its easier to harden my heart then to love my children when they make bad choices…
its so frustrating to be on my 5th child and still feel like im a mess some days, you would think by now I would have this parenting thing down….but I don’t have perfection down so im still riding the struggle bus 🙂
I have to teach parenting tomorrow, to women with little english AND I DON’T HAVE ANY DESIRE TO DO THAT! I really want to net flix binge and eat chocolate :-/
BUT Jesus will be my wisdom and my strength and I know from experience that HE will show up even if only my body is there.
love you guys, hope you have a great week 🙂 looking forward to diving into this!
Cyndi, Love this. I can so identify with it.
Except that, right now I am feeling so broken, so insufficient that I am second-guessing everything I do, especially with our daughter. Anger is still a close default at times, but currently, seeing the damage anger has wreaked in my daughter’s life by her ex, I am choosing the comfort idol of remaining silent, instead of the control idol of anger and trying to fix, because I see her as so fragile. However, remaining silent when I should speak up is not a good thing either. Yet I know the lie I often believe “I am not enough” is not true and the result of it is fear and hiding myself; and I am praying that truly deep down in my soul I will come to KNOW that “I am enough because He is mine and I am His”. That is the only way I can live freely, courageously and joyfully in the Truth, and I can truly help my fragile daughter and grandsons.
i cant imagine how hard it would be to walk through a divorce with a child! so HARD! praying for super natural wisdom to know how to llove her in a way she can feel and except at this point in her life!
can anyone walk me through changing the little picture above my name..its really old!
I always forget how to do that too, cyndi, so I went searching. I clicked on “Bible Study blog” at the top and then to the top right see “Getting Started”. I clicked on it and read until it gave me a link to the gravatar site. Try http://en.gravatar.com.
Thank you
1. What stood out?
Oh, the video. What a precious gift for all of you, Dee!!! Lump in my throat and tears in my eyes throughout it. Honestly, Dee, I see your sweet, tended love for that little one in there as well. You are also a channel of His grace and love, Dee. I have experienced that first-hand. But, as Diane mentioned, I also feel like I love your Steve just from what you share of him and I can’t wait to meet him one day. What a comfort we have to know that once this tiny blink of time passes we have all of eternity to be with the ONE we love AND the ones we love. 🙂
This, Mary–I needed this reminder this morning! “What a comfort we have to know that once this tiny blink of time passes we have all of eternity to be with the ONE we love AND the ones we love. :-)”–Yes, and to know that then I will fully love as He loves, the war within me of selfishness will be over! Freedom to fully love without reverting to my sin nature–JOY!
Me too, Mary. The sentence Elizabeth highlighted jumped right out at me. Thinking a lot about this lately. You said it so well!
ooops, sorry for sharing your video for this week last week!! Love this video though, worth seeing many times 🙂 the video of steve…oh my! still crying over your loss of such a “life filled” person.struggling BIG time with Emma still, she has lied to me all weekend and im seeing no remorse, on the good side of the coin I see Paul getting more involved and trying to help her.amazing love hillsonghttps://youtu.be/nwjTT2bqKk0 I NEED HIS grace upon grace upon grace upon grace upon grace upon grace upon grace upon grace…….I’m such a selfish, prideful person and that comes out as a mom more then any other role other then wife. I find that some days its so much easier to be angry rather than broken, its easier to be self sufficient then to admit that I need HIS help…its easier to harden my heart then to love my children when they make bad choices…its so frustrating to be on my 5th child and still feel like im a mess some days, you would think by now I would have this parenting thing down….but I don’t have perfection down so im still riding the struggle bus :-)I have to teach parenting tomorrow, to women with little english AND I DON’T HAVE ANY DESIRE TO DO THAT! I really want to net flix binge and eat chocolate :-/BUT Jesus will be my wisdom and my strength and I know from experience that HE will show up even if only my body is there.love you guys, hope you have a great week 🙂 looking forward to diving into this!
this is great Cyndi “BUT Jesus will be my wisdom and my strength and I know from experience that HE will show up even if only my body is there”–amen!
Praying for you with your Emma and so glad Paul is getting involved too — may the Lord reach her heart and the sin beneath the sin of lying.
Ugggg. I’m so sorry!! My post didn’t show up so I reposted it and now it’s there….as sorry!
I’ve had company and haven’t been able to absorb the introduction enough to comment yet, but wanted to jump in and let people here know that the DVD for the documentary Patterns of Evidence (which was mentioned here in January, when it came out in theatres)is now available. A book by the same title will also be in print this week. We had the unique opportunity of watching it again tonight at our local church and the film maker, Tim Mahoney as well as one of the main archeologists, David Rohl, were there for a Q and A time afterwards. The movie is really well done; a wealth of information with a comprehensive, broad scope. Includes very notable experts from around the world who hold different positions. And for the believer, looking to reinforce their faith in the God of the OT, the message really rings clear. You can go to the website or the facebook page for more info and to order a copy. Worth watching!
Ok~commercial over! I hope I will get into the lesson soon!
Thank you, Wanda!
2. How do you need His grace today?
In stepping back into the fallen world this morning; back to school after a week of vacation. Who knows what will pop out of my mouth at times? Grace when my own children do the things they shouldn’t and I open my mouth to condemn.
3. Read The Song of Songs 1:5
A. How does she describe herself?
…as dark and lovely as the tents of Kedar…
B. She says she is as dark as the weathered tents of Kedar. How is facing the darkness in our hearts helpful in being good repenters? When is the last time you repented? Be specific.
When we repent, we cleanse ourselves from within. I feel like I ask forgiveness often, but trying to remember actually asking for a specific sin? I’m not sure….probably for something I said; most likely, to my kids or my husband or maybe for being judgmental toward others.
C. She says she is as lovely as the curtains of Solomon, the curtains that were so close to the presence of God. Are you confident in God’s love for you, in His seeing you as lovely? When is the last time you had a sense of HIs overwhelming love. Be specific.
I do think I am loved by God, as flawed as I am! It’s hard to believe sometimes. I have felt His love as I deal with two difficult situations in my family recently. He has softened my daughters heart; she is home and safe, and has been for a couple of months now. She is not belligerent. She is accepting us (mostly) and open to new ideas of how we can help her. I haven’t gotten her to church yet, but there is time. She did go to the Ashland event to see Dee; that is progress! She has agreed to attend a “group” of women who will be great mentors for her (at church) beginning Wednesday, and I am thankful for that. She has agreed to take a course at the local community college on being a vet assistant. I am watching God work on her, and that is exciting. I know He is near.
Laura-dancer — those are all encouraging answers!
2. How do you need His grace today?
In how I interact with my boys in regard to character issues- when they need correction and training. God has opened my eyes and I am starting to see a familiar pattern in how I respond when I bend to my flesh. I can be SELFISH and come in sideways with critical remarks! I need His Grace today!
Rebecca–me too. Praying for us both now.
Thank you Elizabeth! 🙂
I woke with another thought about why Steve’s words on the video struck me “I’m looking forward to this new chapter, wanting to do the best we can to make our little daughter feel at home”, and then the scenes in the hotel room–it’s the emphasis on just loving her. He didn’t say “we hope to teach her…or train her to be…” In both he and Dee, in all of them, is a desire to just make her laugh, let her feel accepted, part of a family, loved. As a parent it is so easy for me to get in the mode of teaching/correcting, “training”, discipline….I know its necessary and wise. But it was good to remember to first show love. That is what we do, as He first loved us,while we were sinners!,and so we are to first love our kids-no conditions. It’s easy to keep this priority when they are tiny, but the older they get the more we expect, and it feels so easy to fall into primarily teaching mode. To know the godly woman Annie has become, and all their children really, Steve’s example reminds me to “show them Jesus” and they will fall in love with Him, and then He will change their hearts.
You melt my heart with how clearly you see Steve — makes me feel so connected to you.
1. What stands out to you from the above and why? Well, of course, the video is striking. I love that Annie included it at her wedding. When an earthly adoption is filled with grace and love, it is such a picture of God the Father adopting us as His children.
The apple stapled to the tree is an amazing visual. (Did you create that photo, Dee? It’s perfect.) When you alluded to this concept last week, it went past me. To see the visual with the description let’s me understand. Yes, I have done this. Many times. I grew up with a strong sense of just how those apples needed to be stapled on too. And now that we are delving into this topic, I feel a sense of remorse because I passed on some of those apple stapling techniques and expectations as a young parent.
2. How do you need His grace today? For all of the above. I need His grace to help me forgive myself for the times I modeled apple stapling/ doing everything right on the outside but not looking at what was inside my heart. For what that meant in my kids’ lives. And now, that I am being consistently challenged to look deeper at my own heart idols and my own heart misdeeds, I need God’s grace so desperately to not keep a mental list of how I see apple stapling and other forms of facade in believers around me. Paul Tripp’s words from last week have been permeating my thoughts since I posted them. ‘No one gives the law more perseveringly than one who believes s/he is keeping it and no one offers grace more tenderly than one who knows s/he desperately needs it.’ And here I am. Knowing I need it, yet pointing out others’ flaws as though I am keeping it. I will always need to look inside and see on which side of the statement, I stand. Only through God’s grace, can I even seek His grace to stand on the side of grace and offer it to others.
Wanda — I too love that quote from Tripp. And the apple-stapling picture was from him!
One of my email devotions this morning says a lot about confession:
Dear God, before Whose anger the universe quakes in awe, but Who is yet slow . . . slow . . . slow to such anger, I come. I come with my toxic, simmering, explosive angers that don’t work Your righteousness — but my destruction. I cry for mercy.Forgive me the long-held grudge, hidden behind the icy smile and plastic words. Forgive me the defining resentments, long since separated from offense, that keep me warm with the slow-burning fire of simmering rage — a smoldering soul. Forgive me the way I hold on to those unintended, untargeted, unconscious woundings received — keeping them covered, not allowing the light and fresh air in to heal them, choosing rather to let them fester in unforgiveness. Forgive me the explosions born out of frustration and fear, triggered by small irritations, mostly imagined, that ought simply to be ignored, but made worse by weariness or a sense of “enough is enough!”O Lord Jesus, please teach me out of Your own chosen anger. Show me the deep sources of my rage. Help me recognize and fully accept my anger in enough time to know what to do with it. Instruct me in the structures of release, so that I may let go without allowing any lodging of those things for which anger is not a helpful or necessary reaction. And for those things which call for action moved by anger, help me to speak appropriate, helpful, non-destructive words, carefully chosen to address issues and causes. When anger is no longer needed, let me release it quickly and without residue.O Lord Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.
Dr. Bill Dogterom, Professor of Pastoral Ministries, Vanguard University
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls.
James 1:19-21
Wow, Carol. What a powerful prayer! Thanks for sharing this. So much needs to be pondered here about our anger — from long-held grudges, defining resentments, simmering rage, unintended woundings to icy smiles, plastic words and explosions borne from frustration and fear. And then,
Thanks, Carol (and good to have you here). SO GOOD. Tried to post earlier on another browser that often doesn’t like me. This prayer helped move me toward repentance.
Oh such deep words to ponder. Thanks for sharing this, Carol.
Wow–really good read at Desiring God today on parenting. Here’s a quote: “Teach the truths of the gospel to your children, “seventy-seven times” (Matthew 18:21–22). Go into the chaotic, death-filled valley of your kids’ sins and walk amongst it all because you know that every raindrop that falls on the earth today shows his mercy toward those who’ve rejected him (Matthew 5:45). Serve them with peace and humility because you can smell the breakfast cooking on the beach for a man who, three times, denied even knowing Jesus (John 21:9–19). Speak confidently of God’s power over every competing rule, including your child’s heart.”
http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/parenting-in-the-valley-of-dry-bones?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+DGBlog+%28Desiring+God+Blog%29
Oh my. This hits hard. And it’s SO good and so true. I’m thinking not of parental roles only, but many relationships.
Thanks for posting, Elizabeth.
Elizabeth-I so needed this this morning..God is doing a work in me right now..once again..Grateful! 🙂
This is so good! life from dry bones! when i begin to lose hope for my Emma I’m going to keep this picture in my mind and everytime I feel hopeless I will sing the song “dry bones” in my head! thank you so much!
I passed this on to a friend who is in the midst of a parenting storm, thank you for posting it.
2. How do you need His grace today? I need His grace in more ways than I can count. I need His grace even to accept His grace and His love for me. I need His grace to respond with grace and truth (toward myself, as well as others) when it seems that lies and manipulation triumph. I need His grace to have courage to face days filled with evil, and I need His grace to focus on Him and to be thankful. I KNOW He is in control, and I need His grace to live with confidence (only) in Him, one step at a time.
“I need His grace even to accept His grace for me!”
3. Read The Song of Songs 1:5
A. How does she describe herself? “I am very dark, but lovely” Interesting and encouraging: “but”
B. She says she is as dark as the weathered tents of Kedar. How is facing the darkness in our hearts helpful in being good repenters?
Seeing/facing the darkness in my heart helps me recognize my own desperation — that I can’t “fix” the darkness in my heart. I really am as helpless as I feel. It’s easier to be a good repenter when the darkness in my own heart and my helplessness to change myself is so evident. Where else can I turn? What else can I do? (If I could think of another “effective” option, I’d probably take it — but I don’t know of any that wouldn’t hurt God and others I care about. I’ve probably tried everything under the sun to fix myself in the past)
When is the last time you repented? Be specific. Just now. I came to the blog to get into Bible Study, after reading and reacting to one more lie. The combination of that and a medication thing pushed me right in the face of my control idol with an “end of my rope” response, and the idol was destroying me. The only thing I could think of doing is getting into the Word, and I needed something structured. So here I am. This may involve constant repentance because the situation that triggers my reaction seems constant when I am around here (was a relief to be gone for a few days). I’ve been praying that God would help me respond with grace,and obviously, that involved seeing the darkness of my own heart first. But my heart is pretty dark (but loved:) ), and my reactions can go south pretty quickly.
C. She says she is as lovely as the curtains of Solomon, the curtains that were so close to the presence of God. Are you confident in God’s love for you, in His seeing you as lovely? When is the last time you had a sense of His overwhelming love. Be specific. I’m getting that sense of His overwhelming love now. I am encouraged that all of this happened quickly — the anger, frustration, and tears, seeking Him, repentance and being reminded of His love. A couple weeks ago, something similar happened and I could barely function for part of a day — and I had to be around other people (a day is short, too, if I were to start comparing to previous times). Even though I am miserable, I can see how God is using this to draw me to Him — and that seeing my own sin, need for repentance and absolute safety in Him continues to sink in more deeply. As I am writing, I realize this is pretty amazing because I am living what have been my worst fears, and He is faithful — even when I am not. I don’t have to hide from Him because of Jesus. Though I haven’t been doing that intentionally, I have been hiding. He LOVES me, even though I still am very tempted to “make” someone else be truthful — or to provide evidence (i.e., documentation, records) of truth. This may be more vague than specific, but…occasionally I have to keep my mouth shut.
Just thinking more: It’s not too effective when someone else tries to “make” me see my sin; I become even more resistant. If this mess is going to change, it will only be because God is changing hearts. (but I’d still like to not spend as much time in the messy situation)
WOW!! Just scrolled ahead…”images of powerlessness” — being powerless to save someone else. EXACTLY what I am experiencing right now. I did everything (ethical) in my power, carefully documenting “the truth,” followed policy, and it wasn’t enough to encourage others to be truthful. But policy doesn’t matter in the face of lawlessness. Why would I expect truth to be spoken by someone who doesn’t believe in the existence of truth?
Dee, thanks for this study, for following His leading. What amazing timing! The amazing timing of this study also increases my sense of His Amazing Love.
1. What stands out to you?
First I am really being convicted with the study on Mothering and Mentoring. The picture of the cluster of grapes stands out because I have had a small poster similar to it with the words “Thank the Lord for the gift of His rich abundance.”
Thanks, Dee, for this study. Mothering has been my passion, and I now am thankful for my children’s children(11 of them).
I am looking back at my parenting days and feel convicted of the error of my ways.It took me many years to come to recognize my idols,
and the foremost one was that of approval. Work hard, earn approval and respect. This tipped the scale away from grace. I regret that I wasn’t able to have this be the standard of my parenting. I am thankful for God’s faithfulness and forgiveness. Children are a blessing and at least we continue to have chances to exhibit that grace even now in elder years.
Yes, I am with Renee, I am increasing my sense, too, of His Amazing Love!
1. What stands out to you from the above and why?
*going through the motions; stapling fruit on for appearance sake
A while back in a book I was reading, there was much written about impure motives and how an impure motive is synonymous to a half-truth (which is a whole lie). I was convicted as I pondered my motives (some good, some impure) in various past and present situations/interactions. I have a greater awareness and have been trying to align my motives properly. Authenticity and genuineness are so important to me, so valued…I want to walk the talk always. This is yet another reminder the Lord has put in my path…:)
*”the law never saved anyone, it is grace that is the key.”
Grace is sweet…undeserved, but oh so welcomed. The law is a guide, not meant to save (due to our sinful nature, we are incapable of following it always), but a guide for the best life possible. I’m thinking about when I made the realization that the ten commandments weren’t restrictive rules handed down by a dictator-type God, but guides that the Lord in His great love for us gave to help us.
*Annie’s video
What a lovely tribute to a lovely man.
Nanci — your relationship with your daughter is such a beautiful picture of love and grace.
Nanci–I so relate to all of what you said about motives.Like you, I so value genuineness. I remember having my eyes opened to how easily I could do “good” for the wrong reason, in order to be liked or be recognized–and the bitter (fake) fruit that resulted.Even giving, in some cases I’ve felt the need to be “anonymous” because I couldn’t trust that I didn’t in some way want them to think better of me for giving generously. It can become a crazy cycle though, and I know I can’t expect to ever have 100% pure motives! –the more I question my motives, the more I really see “that nothing good dwells in me” (Rom 7:18), except what Christ has done!
And I agree with Dee, your model of unconditional love towards your daughter has spoken volumes to me.
1. What stands out to you from the above and why?
The emotion of the video…the message of the precious brevity of life and the importance of relationship. Knowing a bit of the story of your fears Dee and Steve’s heart for Annie. I sobbed. Thank you again for honestly sharing your life with us.
The fruit stapling analogy is a favorite with our pastor and he did a sermon series on abiding. I am so blessed to have great leadership here and in our church, and I love, love, love it when the Holy Spirit gives the same message from different sources, the pounding in of the gospel.
The last thing was that thank goodness God works in our children in spite of our imperfect parenting… praise Him!
Chris, I sobbed, too. The whole intro tapped into so much emotion that I decided to move on without thinking too much — not enough emotional stamina to process it now
1. What stands out to you from the above and why?
Apple-stapling occurs when you obey the rules so that you will look good, but the fruit is fake. Oh. And thank you, Dee, for being very honest in giving personal examples of how you “staple”. As I’ve pondered this, I see how much this “apple stapling” is tied to my idol of approval/affirmation. Being nice, being careful not to gossip, trying not to talk too much about myself in a conversation…because I want to be liked, to fit in to the group. I do see that the difference between stapling and the organic kind of love – really, just letting Jesus live His life through me, is huge. But in order to do the latter, I have to get myself out of the way first…that freedom of self-forgetfulness, as Keller puts it. The apple strung on the bare tree is a great visual as it really shows how phony it is!
I also loved the video of Steve. How very much he was loved by his family…it was beautiful and very, very moving.
Susan–so glad you reminded me of Keller’s “freedom of self-forgetfulness”–that little booklet is one I need to read again and keep re-reading! Love this: “letting Jesus live His life through me…I have to get myself out of the way first”
4. Give an example from your own life of mothering or mentoring (or being mothered or mentored) where the gospel was used to help you overcome a sin or have confidence.
The gospel helped me understand faith.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. (James 1:2-3, 12 NIV)
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for. (Hebrews 11:1-2 NIV)
I guess I need to explain my answer more…..my mom displayed faith over thr course of her life. She mentored me this way.
Laura–love this.I can picture your Mom smiling on you now, the way you HAVE persevered through so much suffering, including losing her, and how beautiful He is making you because of it.
5. Read Ephesians 2:1-10
A. Describe the images of powerlessness you find in verses 1-3.
We are overcome by the sin of this world….we have little control. We give in to it.
B. In the same way, your children are powerless, and you are powerless to save them. That is why the “but God” of verse 4 is so encouraging. How have you seen God work in the life of someone you love despite your worst mistakes?
Many know the story of my Sarah…she is on a “good” path these days in spite of me. Same for my other kids.
He lifts us up. He has great mercy for us. He loves us. We are saved.
D. What are we clearly told in verses 8-9?
Works will not “get” us a ticket to heaven…..we are saved by GRACE.
E. Whose workmanship are we? How is this related to “I am the vine and you are the branches?”
We are God’s handiwork…we are connected, a part of Him.
4. Give an example from your own life of mothering or mentoring (or being mothered or mentored) where the gospel was used to help you overcome a sin or have confidence.
Last week — both overcoming a sin (though this is a constant battle) and having confidence. I was driving someplace out of town (to airport?), one of my rare times to think, took a big sigh of relief , realizing that I don’t have to be in control or make wrong become right; knowing God is in control gave me/gives me confidence — even though wrong continues to be justified.
5. Read Ephesians 2:1-10
A. Describe the images of powerlessness you find in verses 1-3.
dead = dead. Dead people are helpless to do anything. After the word dead soaks in, the horror of the rest of the passage is evident. I don’t think the horror of powerlessness soaked in until now as these verses remind me of zombie movies (and I’ve only seen 1 or 2 lightweight, “humorous” ones with nieces– and they were WAY too much). Being powerless to avoid “following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience” is frightening.
B. How have you seen God work in the life of someone you love despite your worst mistakes?
The mistakes are too painful to write about (though I did talk about them recently); it hurts to think I may have hurt someone I love when I was trying to do my best. I still don’t know if these were my worst mistakes or best decisions (and this is taking awhile to write — so I keep thinking of more mistakes). I may never know, especially in this life, if some of the actions I took/things I said were mistakes. In retrospect, anything I could have done in these situations would have been a mistake. Recognizing that God is in control and works in my life and in the lives of those I love despite me is comforting. I don’t understand His plan for my life or others’ lives, but I know I can trust Him. He is much greater than the times “nothing I can do is right.” His grace, as well as my powerlessness, makes the worst mistakes bearable. Maybe these mistakes aren’t as painful as I thought:)
C. What images of power do you find in verses 4-7?
His love, His power to make the dead come to life, He raised us up WITH him and seated us in heavenly places
D. What are we clearly told in verses 8-9? We’ve been saved by grace, through faith — and even that faith is a gift from Him. We didn’t DO anything to earn our salvation and, therefore, have no reason to brag about it. E. Whose workmanship are we? HIS:) How is this related to “I am the vine and you are the branches?” His life flows through us. Stapled fruit is not the real deal even though some fake fruit is pretty convincing (or, at best, the fruit will rot if not connected to the tree by a live branch).This question reminds me of:
Renee — as a leader, you “realizing you don’t have to be in control” is huge.
6. I have always loved the first letter of John, just as I love John’s gospel. There is so much in this letter about how Christianity is organic, how if we abide we will be transformed. Read 1 John 2:28-3:3.
A. Why does John tell us to abide in 2:28?
So that when He comes, we will be ready and blameless.
B. What truth does he proclaim in 2:29?
All who do right, are born of Him, because He is righteous.
3B. How is facing the darkness in our hearts helpful in being good repenters? When is the last time you repented?
“Seeing” the darkness allows awareness of my sin…my penchant for falling short of what the Lord desires for me…it brings to light my immense need of grace.
In many respects, I am seeking the Lord’s forgiveness quite often throughout my days for words spoken/unspoken, judgmental thoughts, when the blessing of the day becomes routine, when I am lacking in gratitude (just a few examples.). The last “big” repentance was after the Lord drew my attention to my motives through a variety of means (e.g., podcast, book)…He brought to light the question of what my motives really were (i.e., whether pure through and through, or a mixture that included some impure). More often than I would like to admit, the latter was true, and this awareness brought me to my knees…:( In pondering past and present interactions, I saw clearly my mixed motives (e.g., rather than simply stating an opinion, I would provide information that would hopefully influence thoughts and opinions…similar to sideways comments, there is a certain amount of deception involved in wanting to say something, but not saying it outright). I repented then for past offenses and continue to repent if/when this occurs; my awareness has put me on guard and I continually pray for the Lord’s assistance in being genuine through and through.
2. How do you need His grace today?
I need His grace to face what lies ahead. Life is hard and often unpredictable. I resonate with Carol’s post about how hard it is to deal with the health problems of aging parents, and I know many of you have done this or are in the midst of it right now. I need His grace to be brave and to be supportive to my mom and dad in their failing health. My dad has been having his own health problems and my mom’s Alzheimer’s is progressing. I need His grace to remain patient, kind, and understanding, and His grace to cover me when I fail. I need His grace to help me slowly release my daughter as she “grows up”…my tendency is to want to cling as she’s my “baby”, the last child at home. As she enters high school in the Fall and grows more independent, I need to let her become the young lady the Lord designed her to be.
I would also ask for prayer for my dad. He has had this strange rash since last October. At first, doctor thought it was eczema, but it is not. It has been getting worse and causes severe itching. He’s been to two dermatologists, the last one saying she cannot help him as this is caused by “something growing on the inside”. He has seen his infectious disease specialist who manages his chronic bladder infections, and we discussed it with him and he ordered several blood tests which all came back ok, but we are awaiting the urine test results which he was going to check a few different things. My dad is getting very tired and discouraged, as the itching keeps him awake a good part of the night. He cannot take Prednisone as he is diabetic. Please pray that we’ll get to the bottom of this soon…yet I am afraid of getting bad news.
Susan, my heart aches for you and your parents as you go through these difficult declining years together. I am so sorry that your dad is having a spreading painful rash since October. That is scary! Oh, I hope they can find something to cure it soon. Prayers!
Oh, I’m sorry to hear of this painful trouble for your dad, Susan. Discouraging and frightening as well as causing pain and sleeplessness. I’m adding him to my prayers this week. And you, of course too, Susan.
Susan, I will pray for your parents. It is hard. About your dad’s skin disorder….so funny because a colleague wore Capri pants to school yesterday and I noticed a horrible rash on her legs. She told me that is was actually looking better (!) and said about 5 years ago is when she started getting it. It started on her legs and over the years has gone to her upper and lower back. She has been to several doctors and I can’t remember if they could actually diagnose it or not. I think she finally said it was extremely dry skin. It is only present from fall until now! It sounds just like what your dad has? I will ask her what she does to combat it and get back to you. Meanwhile I will pray.
Susan–praying for you all, so sorry, you carry so much–praying you can feel Him carrying you through it all
1. What stands out to you from the above and why?
I apologize for getting started so late this week — somehow life just conspired against me in several ways. Once I get behind, it is twice as difficult to get started. Perhaps some of the rest of you can identify with this problem.
I haven’t read all of the comments so far, but I read enough to see that many of you were saying the video of Dee’s family stood out to you, and that is definitely what stood out for me as well. I never knew Steve, but his sweet smile and seemingly relaxed, unruffled style is very winsome in the video. One thing that I don’t believe anyone else has mentioned yet about the video — it occured to me that there is a theme in it. That theme would be “carrying one another!” Families do that — we carry one another through the tough times of life. Whoa! Just saying that brought tears to my eyes.
2. How do you need His grace today?
I need God’s forgiveness and help for not managing my time well this week. I’m doing things, but not in the order of their importance. Perhaps if I can get focused on Christ, all of the other things will fall into place at the right time.
3. Read The Song of Songs 1:5
A. How does she describe herself?
Black and beautiful, like the tents of Kedar, like the curtains of Solomon.
B. She says she is as dark as the weathered tents of Kedar. How is facing the darkness in our hearts helpful in being good repenters? When is the last time you repented? Be specific.
We can’t repent unless we face the darkness in ourselves, because that is a major part of repentance. It is not just helpful–it is necessary!
Last Friday night, I was working on the church rummage sale. I had spent a large part of the day folding clothes that had been donated. Some of them did not smell good, and some others were covered with animal hair. I had muttered under my breath that I didn’t understand how anyone could donate items to a church rummage sale in that condition. However, I had just finally gotten all the clothes folded, when a young woman arrived to donate a sizeable amount of items — bags of clothes included, then she turned and went back home.This was tantamount to being at the “last minute” because the sale was to begin the following morning. I complained that it would have been nice if she would have stayed to put her items out on display, instead of just dumping her bags and boxes down and leaving. My younger daughter, exclaimed “Why, Mom! She worked until 3 PM, and she has 3 dogs and a baby at home.” My daughter was afraid my attitude was evident to the young woman when she was there. Immediately I felt ashamed of myself. My servant attitude had just gotten up and walked away. As it turned out, her donated items were some of the nicest we received. I had to ask God’s forgiveness; and when I got home, I wrote the young woman a private IM telling her how nice her items were and asking that she overlook my attitude when she was there, as I was just having a pity-party.
Deanna, this is such a good example of being a good repenter!
2. How do you need His grace today?
Several families I am close to are going through deep waters. I need grace to trust all of this to Him, to not feel the need like I have answers, but the leading of the Spirit to point them to Christ. I need grace to believe again and again that God filters everything that he allows through hands of love.
B. She says she is as dark as the weathered tents of Kedar. How is facing the darkness in our hearts helpful in being good repenters?
Facing my darkness keeps me from running deeper into it. When I see my sin and want to be rid of it more than I love it or more than I want to protect myself, I can repent, turn and be changed. I can be joyously grateful that I trust in my savior and not in my ability to keep the law!
When was the last time you repented? Be specific
Just about 10 minutes ago I asked God to keep making me aware of when I am being critical, and to let me see how it wounds my husband, I asked for heart change, and I am so grateful he promises to keep changing me.
B. She says she is as dark as the weathered tents of Kedar. How is facing the darkness in our hearts helpful in being good repenters? When is the last time you repented? Be specific. I will never repent unless I see the darkness inside of me: the pride, the apathy, the inadequacy, the mean-ness, the unworthiness. My heart is full of these, but I can get so good at covering them up with stapled fruit or just blatant refusal to look deep enough inside to find them. Evil is always lurking there. I need constant renewal which only truly comes from repenting.
The last time I really felt that terrible weight of sin for having wronged someone, was when my kids were visiting a few weeks ago: my son and daughter in law who are walking with the Lord and serving him wholeheartedly and sacrificially in ministry to at risk kids. I felt like a complete failure when I realized that I had said critical, judgmental things to them about the church they had chosen to attend on Saturday evening while they were here. I have frustrations over this mega-mega church and how it operates, taking so many people away from their local congregations where they are so missed. And I also question the depth of theology and practice there. But, it was so wrong, not to mention, absurd of me to give them my soap box speech as they came home excited to share with me some things they had learned about the church. I, who mourn for other loved ones, who have left the faith, was now grumbling to the ones who are steadfast and growing, just because of this particular church and its practices. We talked awhile and I’m sure I came up with more reasons about why I am ‘right’ but it didn’t really hit me how foolish I had been until I went to bed. I got up and repented to God and spent some time in the Word. Didn’t sleep much at all and was up as early as I could as I couldn’t wait to apologize to them. They forgave me instantly, but It took me a few days to forgive myself and let go of that remorse.
Thanks so for sharing that, Wanda. So easy to do and a good reminder to us all not to throw water on fires that are blazing for Him.
Wanda–this jumped out at me “I couldn’t wait to apologize to them”–how you felt that burn of His presence in you, conviction, that leads to repentance–beautiful example of humility here, thank you
When is the last time you had a sense of HIs overwhelming love. Be specific. Last evening, when I watched the movie, Of Gods and Men with my brother. (thanks again for the movie, Renee!) I had seen it before, a couple years ago. He hadn’t. There is such incredible dialogue and liturgical worship lyrics (subtitled as the movie is in French) that went deep into my heart. (In fact, I think I will go back and pause and write them down….one benefit to having subtitles!) The depth of the love that the brothers exemplified for each other, but even more so, for their Lord is totally humbling. They, who were in imminent danger from violent terrorists, not only chose to remain so as not leave the people of their Algerian community who depended on them, they did so with complete resignation of their wills because of nothing else but their devotion and love for their Redeemer. Yes, this film speaks powerfully of the love a man has for His God, but I kept thinking over and over; We love Him because He first loved us. No one can have that overflow of love in their hearts for another or for their God, without first being completely overwhelmed with the unbounded love that God first had for us. And when I thought of the mystery of the communion of saints; that I am a sister to these men, through the blood of our Redeemer and will one day, stand in Heaven and praise Him with them (the liturgical chants and songs are so beautiful in the film) His love overwhelmed me.
I also feel this when I hear and sing (loudly!) Rich Mullins’ song ‘The love of God’ ….in the reckless, raging fury that we call the love of God. AND in a completely different musical genre and vintage, I feel overwhelmed by His love when I sing the old hymn by the same name. Oh love of God! So rich and pure. So measureless and strong. It shall forevermore endure, the saints and angels song…. Could we with ink the ocean fill and were the skies of parchment made, Were every stalk on earth, a quill and every man a scribe by trade, To write the Love of God above would drain the oceans dry. Nor could the scroll contain the whole, though stretched from sky to sky! Words that never fail to draw me into His presence.
Oh Wanda, I LOVED that movie!! You know the scene where they eat supper together, and the one brother puts on the classical music, and there’s no dialogue, but the camera focuses on each one of their faces…it reminded me of a “Last Supper” scene…I cried and cried as I watched it. Such a powerful movie.
YES! Susan. That scene is really the climax of the movie, I think. I saw it in a theatre (had to drive an hour to see it as it was only shown in 1 theatre in the greater Minneapolis/St. Paul area!) when it was out a few years ago. And I hadn’t seen it since. I was surprised at how little I remembered (until I saw it again) but THAT scene was the one thing I remembered most. Laura I think it’s an artsy-type film; not a mainstream film, so not so well known, but so worth watching! It’s in French with subtitles (which I ended up liking because it made me concentrate on each dialogue). Based on a true story (though loosely, it says).
Now you got me curious, and I will have to go find they movie Wanda! I have not heard of it before.
Here’s one review Laura. I think this is how I found out about it. A friend gave me this article. I found a review I liked better but it was much longer than this one. 🙂
http://www.worldmag.com/2011/03/doctrine_to_die_for
3. Read The Song of Songs 1:5
A.How does she describe herself?
She is “very dark, but lovely”. Puritan James Durham says “It may be also, though these tents of Kedar were not outwardly beautiful, yet they were within well furnished; and that the curtains of Solomon which were most rich, had outer-coverings of smaller value”. She compares herself to something that may not look beautiful and valuable on the outside, but has value and beauty within.
B.She says she is as dark as the weathered tents of Kedar. How is facing the darkness in our hearts helpful in being good repenters? When is the last time you repented? Be specific.
I have to admit I have learned more about repentance from my 8 year old than anyone. Even when he was 2, we used to joke that he was the kid who would run to you and tell you exactly what he did wrong—his conscious was heavy, he longed to be clean. Around 4 he started asking for the “car wash prayer”. Just yesterday, he had made a bad choice at school and before even shutting the car door when I went to pick him up, he was confessing. As soon as we got home, we sat in the usual spot, he prayed, he cried, he repented—and then he played, with joy. That’s what I’ve learned from him. He runs to confess, he honestly drinks up the forgiveness like dying of thirst, and then he smiles, he’s free. He has shown me the BEAUTY of repentance—he has made me see it and want to be like that—transparent, vulnerable, humble. I have a LOT of moments in the day where I personally repent—of irritation with drivers, or impatience with a grocery clerk. But a more specific recent one was with my child. I wrongly accused him of something and felt sick when I realized my mistake. I said I was sorry, I was wrong, I didn’t offer any explanation or excuse (this is new and big for me!). He forgave. Then I kept going back and saying I really felt awful—I knew better than to offer a “treat” to make up for it but something in me almost did!…and he put his hands on my cheeks and said “Mama, your song, remember—‘it is finished!’” (Yes, I wrote this one down!) I have to admit here too though that I struggle more with repenting to my other child. It is my own sin and pride and it is gross. I do it, but am more likely to add an explanation. I hate that that is true of me, I find it easier to repent to some than others. Lord, forgive me. You are my Shield, let me hide in You.
C. She says she is as lovely as the curtains of Solomon, the curtains that were so close to the presence of God. Are you confident in God’s love for you, in His seeing you as lovely? When is the last time you had a sense of His overwhelming love. Be specific.
I do feel more aware and filled with His love for me than I ever have. It had been in my head for a while—but to actually feel it, know it is true, I think it has “sunk in” more really just in the last year. I think that came from really, fully getting that it is not one tiny fraction based on ME, it’s all about Who He Is, and the more I have drawn near to Him, the more I see Him, and it has made His love for me so real and rich. I see things He brings me—the little birds this morning to remind me of when He showed me Matthew 10:31 a few months ago—a very personal love note. There was a sunset a few weeks ago that honestly stopped me, and I felt a flood of tears, it was Him. Just a few nights ago, after a big storm, the sun came out around 6. I said to my husband “there must be a rainbow somewhere”, and a second later, my son ran inside telling me to come look—there was a double rainbow outside our front door. Other times–when He answers me, and I know He has heard me and cared for my requests, I feel His love. Or a few nights ago, a tough discussion with my husband I was sure would be a drawn out fight, and He stepped in and rescued and opened our eyes to each-other’s pain, and He brought more beauty from it. I guess all these things together show me how personally involved He is in my life. He is NOT a far-off God. Amazingly, He holds all the power, amazing power!, and yet He actually hears my hearts cry and He cares.
Elizabeth, I love your answer to B. I love little eight-year-old boys, they are so sweet….it is my favorite age for boys. So sweet!
Elizabeth, I loved reading about your son and the wisdom you’ve gained from him. I so agree that it is easier to repent to some than to others. I think it’s about the grace and mercy some offer and others don’t and that makes me think about how much or how little I give to others. I’d like to be someone to whom it is ‘easy’ to repent because of the gracious forgiveness I offer. But I know that is often not the case. Oh. It’s so good to learn from each other here.
oh Wanda–this one I’m hand-writing in my prayer journal–for sure, this is what God wanted me to learn,–I read it and felt like He was gently saying these words right to me, thank YOU “makes me think about how much or how little I give to others. I’d like to be someone to whom it is ‘easy’ to repent because of the gracious forgiveness I offer.”
Wanda, Elizabeth’s reply to you made me pay attention to your comment here and see this nugget: I think it’s about the grace and mercy some offer and others don’t and that makes me think about how much or how little I give to others. I’d like to be someone to whom it is ‘easy’ to repent because of the gracious forgiveness I offer.
I remember a time I repented to someone in my family for being rude, and after listening to my confession, I got scolded and told how lucky I was to have them in my life…it made me want to take back my apology! Yet I need to look at myself and how I respond when someone asks my forgiveness.
I wonder what plans God has for this son.
C. 3:1 is an outburst — and overwhelming thought to John. This is the love of God that we should have confidence in, despite all our messes. And which our children should have too. Describe this outburst.
He is overwhelmed of the love of God; that he is SO loved!
D. What great promises are we given in verses 3:2-3?
That we will be like God. We will be purified like Him.
C. Are you confident in God’s love for you, in His seeing you as lovely? When is the last time you had a sense of His overwhelming love. Be specific.
I am confident in the Lord’s love for me…does He see me as lovely?…I’d like to think so, the Christa Wells song, “Shine,” explains it well…
“It’s hard to believe/when you’re well aware that you’re not what you mean to be/and your house is full of unfinished rooms/cause you’re fond of starts, but you find it hard to follow through/you think you’re recognized by your faults/but the mirror that you hold is false/cause you shine/He shines His light through a prism/We give back what we’re given”.
Last week when I was looking back at George Mueller in the Song of Songs study and using his approach of getting his soul happy as a start to his day, the Lord’s love and guidance was evident to me. As I slowed and pondered the bible text for that day, I was so aware of all that the Lord orchestrates just for me; in this world of billions, He is mindful of me…love, overwhelming love.
That George Mueller model is so powerful!
5. Read Ephesians 2:1-10
A. Describe the images of powerlessness you find in verses 1-3.
I was dead..literally dead in my sin and spiritually blind-unaware. I was unknowingly enslaved to satan carrying out the desires of my flesh with no power to free myself. I was, and still am, powerless to save myself from my flesh.
5. Read Ephesians 2:1-10
A. Describe the images of powerlessness you find in verses 1-3.
Spiritually dead, following the ways of the world and the enemy. Living according to my selfish, sinful desires. Children of wrath.
B. In the same way, your children are powerless, and you are powerless to save them. That is why the “but God” of verse 4 is so encouraging. How have you seen God work in the life of someone you love despite your worst mistakes?
I depend on that truth in my parenting. His love covers the “multitude” of my sin. (1 Peter 4:8)
C. What images of power do you find in verses 4-7?
God. Rich in mercy, full of great love for us. He gave us the gift of life in Christ, saving us from our sin, because of His grace. He raised us up, seated us with Christ.
D. What are we clearly told in verses 8-9?
It is because of His grace that He chooses to save us, through faith. We cannot earn our salvation, and without His desire for us, it cannot happen. He calls in love, we respond in faith.
E. Whose workmanship are we? How is this related to “I am the vine and you are the branches?”
We are His. He created us to flow from Him, to be like Him, to reflect Him. He has plans for us, purposes that are His and are part of His ways. We must depend on Him to be of any use.
6. I have always loved the first letter of John, just as I love John’s gospel. There is so much in this letter about how Christianity is organic, how if we abide we will be transformed. Read 1 John 2:28-3:3.
A. Why does John tell us to abide in 2:28?
LOVE THIS! **So that when He comes, we will run to Him! We will know Him, we will rejoice and not be ashamed. We will not respond as Adam and Eve and want to hide our vulnerable state—we will run to hide ourselves in His arms.
B. What truth does he proclaim in 2:29?
Righteousness comes from God and those who know Him are righteous because of Him.
C. 3:1 is an outburst — and overwhelming thought to John. This is the love of God that we should have confidence in, despite all our messes. And which our children should have too. Describe this outburst.
It IS amazing! To know and really believe—in all my gross tendency to promote myself, to be prideful, impatient with others’ weakness…to continually need to confess and repent because every day I realize I AM more sinful than I thought before—and yet HE loves me and calls me His own! And that He really does want me to come to Him all day long, to have my hand up, asking calling on Him, He never tires of me. He delights in every instance because I am proving my dependence upon Him, showing that I do believe He holds all the truth, all the power. He calls me His own. That is incredible grace!
D. What great promises are we given in verses 3:2-3?
Oooh—does anyone else remember this old Amy Grant, the “now and the not yet”?! I love this. We are His children now–and when he appears, we will be like Him! Oh, I so look forward to that.
Elizabeth: I don’t know the Amy Grant song, but I love that concept of Now and not yet. Isn’t that something attributed to an early church father? Or was it a more contemporary person who coined that phrase? Anyone? One of my favorite pastors used to use it and it always gives me pause. I love it!
C. She says she is as lovely as the curtains of Solomon, the curtains that were so close to the presence of God. Are you confident in God’s love for you, in His seeing you as lovely?
I am growing in this, I used to squirm hard at the thought of God seeing me, and struggled against the idea that he loves ME, not as just a cell in his body but me actually. I do have a more personal trust and relationship, that he knows me, see’s me and chose me before the foundation of the world.
When is the last time you had a sense of HIs overwhelming love. Be specific.
Some time ago some of us on here talked of having the sun shine come out from behind the clouds during a time of reflection or prayer, the perception that God, sees, hears, and cares, a moment of resting and abiding in him is real…a sense of satisfaction and peace that isn’t normal. I’ve had that 🙂
a quote of fromone of my favorite parent teen books by Gary Thomas is sacred parenting calls me to accept the hardest hurt of all for the sake of God’s kingdom and for the sake of our children’s own development. I need to allow my kids to face challenges failure rejection and pain and then teach them to use these seemingly negative events to fuel their sense of mission and to foster their dependence on God.
Sacred parenting
I want to bubble wrap my kids!
Such wisdom since we can’t bubble wrap! 🙂
4. Give an example from your own life of mothering or mentoring (or being mothered or mentored) where the gospel was used to help you overcome a sin or have confidence. I’ll try to be brief and tell you about a hit and a miss that come to mind.
The miss : Many years ago, when we went on vacation and had a neighbor boy take care of our dog. When we got back, his mother told me that he had failed to come over one of the days and she was sort of impressing on me that he had failed us and he should offer an apology. I can’t remember what he said, but I kept thinking of how God’s grace and pardon are offered to me even though I fail Him. So, I paid him the amount we agreed on, even though he didn’t do the whole job he agreed to do. I did it because the Lord impressed on me to extend grace. But I think I missed the boat, by not telling him that that was what motivated me.
Confidence: A couple weeks ago, someone on the blog (Not sure who) posted some thoughts about mercy that she was learning from a pastor’s messages. What stuck out to me were the words Mercy always costs us something. Last week, I spent about 12 hours (a late night and an early morning back to back) helping someone move out of their home of 28 years. There was a lot of hard physical work and quite a bit of family tension involved in the whole process. I’d spent parts of the previous days helping the family who moved into their house (two households moving: both friends of mine; one moving into the home of the other; domino effect). The older couple moving out really were at the mercy of others. It was a long, hard procedure. I completely kept in the forefront of my mind (and exhausted body) that ‘mercy always costs something’ and it truly helped me to be compelled by love rather than duty. I felt that, for me, the gospel was sinking in deeper those days.
Wanda, I love your example of helping these two families move in and out and reminding yourself that “mercy always costs something”, and that helped you to remain focused on love as your motivation, rather than duty. I’m afraid I often do things motivated by “duty”…and then it is not a joy!
Wanda – that may have been me, for my pastor is leading an INCREDIBLE class on biblical mercy as a part of his doctoral process…….and one of my big “whoa!” moments happened when he said that “mercy always costs something”! The Holy Spirit has been using those simple words in my own life since then MUCH like what you relayed in your own story. The truly amazing part of it to me was that those words could have produced a sense of “oh no….” , but rather they just spurred me on! EXACTLY as you put it “it truly helped me to be compelled by love rather than duty.” And that in turn just leaves me ever more in AWE of our amazing God! I love the picture you painted of hard physical work coupled with complex emotions….and yet, the JOY. Amen. Yours is a lovely, lovely example of biblical mercy.
That is a lightbulb statement. I remember when Keller said something simiar — we don’t want to forgive for there is always a cost.
Yes, it WAS you, Jackie! I’m so glad you said something here, because I couldn’t remember (and didn’t take the time to scroll back). That was a wonderful phrase to share because it has already borne fruit. The teaching you are hearing from your pastor is powerful indeed! THANKS.
Wanda – may I share that with my pastor? ANONYMOUSLY,of course! He labors so diligently over the Word – with passion and joy. I’d love to offer him this little bit of real life encouragement!! My heart is still smiling at your example. 🙂
Early in the week Elizabeth posted a link to a desiring God article about Ezekiel and dry bones. It was an awesome article! Thank you Elizabeth! I encourage everyone to go and read it because it’s so apropos to what we’re talking about this week. Here’s another excerpt:
“God, being rich in mercy, promised that he would restore Israel. He would give them life, fill them with his Spirit, make them his people. Isn’t that all we really want for our kids? We want their hearts to be his, not just their motions. We want God’s kingdom to come in them and through them. We want them to treasure Jesus above all things. And what was true for Ezekiel’s day is still true for ours. The life for which we long comes by speaking of the words of God — by sharing, again and again, the word of Christ.”
In the past recent weeks I have been praying that God breath the Holy Spirit into my children and remind them who they are. We live in an awful world 🙁
Thanks Elizabeth for this article post!
so glad it was helpful Laura–it really encouraged me as well!
Before I saw this comment, I had just gone back and copy/pasted that link because I LOVED the sentences Elizabeth highlighted. I WILL go back and read it, Laura! I’m writing one of the sentences and posting it on my bathroom mirror! 🙂 (that’s where all the best theology is posted in my house!)
Love this idea Wanda! May have to “steal” from you (the mirror)…
🙂 It seems to be the only place where I notice things…..especially if I post new things now and then.
5B. In the same way, your children are powerless, and you are powerless to save them. That is why the “but God” of verse 4 is so encouraging. How have you seen God work in the life of someone you love despite your worst mistakes?
I have seen “but God” in my oldest son’s life in an organic way throughout his whole life despite my huge mistakes in morality centered parenting-and being a control freak. I was an overly conservative parent. :(( So I don’t have one story that stands out other than as time went on I became more liberal and let him do more things I wouldn’t have in the past-letting him process and think for himself as well instead of stopping and correcting him when he would say something that scared me in regard to what he believed.
When he was about 15 we had many late nights of conversations about God-and my son had tons of doubts and questions. He was in crisis in his faith and one night he cried out to me, “Mom, if God doesn’t exist then there is no point in anything in life! No point in beauty in creation, no point in living!” He was sitting on the floor crying. After years of engaging with him and trying to help him, at this crisis point God just told me to listen and to trust Him. I think this is when my son turned and God moved and he has been steadfast in his faith-and when he stumbles he is HONEST with us. This is the Holy Spirit in him-not any result of my parenting! I know He is God’s and regardless of the valleys and deserts ahead in his faith-God won’t let him go.
I have to add that my son in this struggling time was surrounded by friends who don’t believe and was in conversations with them so he was under pressure all around him-they were the only ones who would hang around with him-our friends children at church didn’t really accept him in their circles..but God strengthened him, ministered to him..his faith can only come from God!! :))
I agree with Susan’s affirmation in your parenting, Rebecca.
Rebecca, It is SO good that your son has wrestled through some of these hard questions and is coming out on the side of belief. I will wholeheartedly agree that the ‘letting go’ is a huge hurdle. You and Jackie have encouraged me with your examples here.
How I love these words of yours Rebecca! I see so much of the same in my oldest son Zack…….when the Holy Spirit began to move in his heart it was simply astonishing to me! When God begins to draw a rebellious heart to Christ, well, look out!! Thanks for sharing.
Rebecca, I so admire your wisdom in mothering…such a wonderful example of you sitting back and letting God work in your son’s life.
Rebecca–there have been times I’ve looked at your model and wished I could send my “one” to you for “boot camp”–but really I know it is ME who needs the boot camp training! OH how I learn from your example of waiting prayerfully in trust for the Spirit to do what ONLY He can do!
3. Read The Song of Songs 1:5
A. How does she describe herself?
She says, “Dark am I, yet lovely…dark like the tents of Kedar, like the tent curtains of Solomon.”
B. She says she is as dark as the weathered tents of Kedar. How is facing the darkness in our hearts helpful in being good repenters? When is the last time you repented? Be specific.
I love the statement she makes in this verse, simply stating, “Dark am I, yet lovely.” I think this shifts my focus onto Him, and not what I’ve done wrong. When I focus only on my sin, guilt, and shame, I lose hope because I forget His love and sacrifice for me. I tend to want to hide from Him. But saying “Dark am I, yet lovely” is filled with hope, that His eyes look upon me and see into my heart, and all the sin and darkness that is in there, yet He sees me as lovely, because He has made me lovely.
I was praying as I drove to work yesterday. I work in a small office with others and we make calls to patients who have been discharged from the hospital. It is impossible not to hear everyone’s conversations as we sit that close to each other. I was thinking about this idea of “apple stapling” and how it shows my approval idol. I realized that I want to “sound good to my co-workers”. But that isn’t really focusing on the person I’m speaking with over the phone and I asked God to help me not to be all caught up in how I sound to others, but to focus on the person on the phone and to let Him guide me. I see that being overly self-conscious is really just the old approval idol. I need to constantly repent of that because I want to be real and genuine, not fake.
C. She says she is as lovely as the curtains of Solomon, the curtains that were so close to the presence of God. Are you confident in God’s love for you, in His seeing you as lovely? When is the last time you had a sense of His overwhelming love. Be specific.
I wish that I could say I am 100% confident in God’s love for me but I’m not there yet. It is so hard for me to believe that He sees all of me yet still loves me! Yet, I did have an experience of His love and I need to share something from Brennan Manning’s book, The Ragamuffin Gospel, in order to explain…Manning talks about how in Jesus’ day, it was forbidden to mingle with sinners, and to have table fellowship with beggars, tax collectors and prostitutes was religiously and socially taboo. Yet even today, if a Jew asks you to share a meal with him, it is like saying, “I would like to enter into friendship with you.” That is what Zacchaeus heard when Jesus called him down from the tree and said He was coming to dinner at his home.
“It would be impossible to overestimate the impact these meals must have had upon the poor and the sinners. By accepting them as friends and equals, Jesus had taken away their shame, humiliation, and guilt. By showing them that they mattered to Him as people He gave them a sense of dignity and released them from their old captivity. Because Jesus was looked upon as a man of God and a prophet, they would have interpreted His gesture of friendship as God’s approval on them. They were now acceptable to God.
The inclusion of sinners in the community of salvation, symbolized in table fellowship, is the most dramatic expression of the ragamuffin gospel and the merciful love of the redeeming God.”
So, all of this to say, after attending the retreat in Ashland a few weeks ago, after I returned home I was confronting the old lies that I’ve lived with for so long, the lies that tell me He doesn’t love me; why would He love me? That old feeling of always being on the outside looking in, that I just don’t fit in. I was really struggling and asking the Lord, “WHY do you love me, and HOW can you love me?” And what He brought to my mind was, after the retreat, we shared a meal at the bed and breakfast where several of us had stayed. I sat at the table with Dee, Dawn, Chris, Nanci, Julie, and Laura, and we had dinner together. (I hope I didn’t forget anyone!) I remember looking over at Dee across the table and her smiling at me warmly. It was as if God was telling me, helping me to see…Jesus lives in Dee, and I see Him looking at me through Dee’s eyes. I am accepted at the table. In simple fellowship, conversation, laughter, and sharing a meal with sisters in Christ, I experienced God’s love. The experience was and is precious to me, as these are the kind of experiences of fellowship that I long for, yet so rarely have.
You made that time so sweet with ways you blessed us with food and planning and your sweet presence. May the enemy not steal the truth that you are so beloved, Susan.
May the enemy not steal the truth that you are so beloved, Susan. Amen!
oh Susan, this made me cry! I pray with all my heart that you will FEEL how much Jesus loves you dear one! You are his beloved daughter, princess to the King! You are so dear and kind and sweet and loving and encouraging to others. may HE wrap you up in his arms today and may you feel HIS breath on you as you rest in the knowing that HE loves you SO VERY MUCH!
Lord Jesus, please bring people with skin in into Susans life to look at her with eyes that tell her how very much she is loved and how precious she is! wrap her up in your love and give her the confidence that she is your beloved.
Thank you, Cyndi…with all that you’re going through, that you are praying for me…I will keep you and your family in my prayers, too.
I have prayed Ephesians 3 14- 21 for myself and for our little group, I am praying it this morning for you dear Susan, you add so much to this group!
Here it is from the Amplified Bible
14 For this reason [seeing the greatness of this plan by which you are built together in Christ], I bow my knees before the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
15 For Whom every family in heaven and on earth is named [that Father from Whom all fatherhood takes its title and derives its name].
16 May He grant you out of the rich treasury of His glory to be strengthened and reinforced with mighty power in the inner man by the [Holy] Spirit [Himself indwelling your innermost being and personality].
17 May Christ through your faith [actually] dwell (settle down, abide, make His permanent home) in your hearts! May you be rooted deep in love and founded securely on love,
18 That you may have the power and be strong to apprehend and grasp with all the saints [God’s devoted people, the experience of that love] what is the breadth and length and height and depth [of it];
19 [That you may really come] to know [practically, through experience for yourselves] the love of Christ, which far surpasses mere knowledge [without experience]; that you may be filled [through all your being] unto all the fullness of God [may have the richest measure of the divine Presence, and become a body wholly filled and flooded with God Himself]!
20 Now to Him Who, by (in consequence of) the [action of His] power that is at work within us, is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams]–
21 To Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever and ever. Amen (so be it).
Love you are praying it for this group too, Chris.
Thank you, Chris, for the reminder of this passage…Paul’s prayers are awesome and I forget to pray them! I’m praying it too, for all of us!
Susan, this is a precious post! I loved the meal also, and God does love you….You shine Him! let me share the thoughts I had after the time in Ashland together. I tend to be high energy and have to literally remind myself to “breathe” when I am in situations that are unfamiliar. That was how I was feeling Friday night when I got there. We had driven a long distance and I was nervous that Sarah would not “behave,” I was “late” (as usual), etc. When I walked into the back room of the B&B, and you “sisters” were there, chatting together I felt a sense of peace upon us all…but especially coming from you! You exude PEACE to me! Comfort, quiet, calm…like saying to my soul, “it’s going to be alright, Laura.” I felt that from you the rest of the weekend too! You remind me of my sister a bit. So sweet. Thank you for being YOU, it touched me. In fact, when I see your picture here on the blog, I get that feeling again! I LOVE IT!!! Oh yeah, it’s why I really needed the innkeeper to leave us (okay, I know that sounds mean, but I really wanted to talk to you guys!). You were peaceful and she was stressing me!
Oh Laura….I’d like to give you a hug right now! I found you to be an amazing woman; like I said, so “multi-faceted”! I felt that you brought a sense of peacefulness when you taught us our “dance”…it was a very calming, beautiful experience and it really made me feel as if I was singing directly to God. I also enjoyed your daughter and I hope she was touched by the Lord as she listened to Dee!