Paul Tripp calls it “apple-stapling.”
Apple-stapling occurs when you obey the rules so that you will look good, but the fruit is fake.
Elyse Fitzpatrick says that, to her great regret, that without realizing it, apple-stapling is how she mothered. Her daughter won “Miss Christian Character” in elementary school — but she didn’t know the Lord.
Christianity, unlike the world religions, is organic. We belong to a living God who tells us if we abide in Him, we will bear much fruit.
I too can staple. I can go through the motions in my quiet time so I feel good about myself, yet I am not abiding. I can be in church and yet not be worshipping and receiving. I can act loving on the outside yet be seething on the inside.
How do we mother and mentor and personally live so that we and the next generation abides rather than staples?
My children are grown, and I too have regrets that I could have done so much better. I did teach them, and yet I often lacked grace, that great love of God flowing from me to them. This is what Steve had. I want to show you a video that Anne had made for her wedding reception, remembering her dad.
To explain a bit of what you are going to see, much of it is the day Anne came to us from an orphanage in Korea, flying in with many babies, to adoptive parents waiting in the Des Moines airport. I, with a bad perm, was so nervous. Steve was so focused on loving her — and we finally warmed her up in the hotel room when John (our teenage son) bonked her on the head with a stuffed rabbit and the game was on. You’ll see scenes from our family Sunday School class where Steve is singing with Anne and Sally the song “I am the body of Christ.” (He’s the heart.) You’ll also see scenes at our cabin when our eldest J. R., was making a silly “family work-out video” and Rita, the young wife from Nepal is on Sally’s back. (Rita died of cancer at 23) What I hope you catch all the way through is the love and the grace and the joy Steve had in the Lord — it was organic, flowing from Jesus to Steve to our children, to Rita (who trusted Christ before she died) to all who crossed his path. As Paul Tripp says, “the law never saved anyone, it is grace that is the key.”
There is a poignant new post from Rachel that I just saw this morning (Sunday) and approved that is on last week. I’m going to copy it and put it on this week so you can comment.
Sunday Icebreakers
1. What stands out to you from the above and why?
Monday-Wednesday Bible Study
Before we can preach the gospel to the next generation, we need to preach it to ourselves. Sing or meditate on this hymn and then be prepared to preach the gospel to yourself.
2. How do you need His grace today?
Tim Keller quotes Ken Miller’s definition of the gospel:
We are more wicked than we ever dared believe, but more loved and accepted in Christ than we ever dared hope — at the very same time.
3. Read The Song of Songs 1:5
A. How does she describe herself?
B. She says she is as dark as the weathered tents of Kedar. How is facing the darkness in our hearts helpful in being good repenters? When is the last time you repented? Be specific.
C. She says she is as lovely as the curtains of Solomon, the curtains that were so close to the presence of God. Are you confident in God’s love for you, in His seeing you as lovely? When is the last time you had a sense of HIs overwhelming love. Be specific.
4. Give an example from your own life of mothering or mentoring (or being mothered or mentored) where the gospel was used to help you overcome a sin or have confidence.
5. Read Ephesians 2:1-10
A. Describe the images of powerlessness you find in verses 1-3.
B. In the same way, your children are powerless, and you are powerless to save them. That is why the “but God” of verse 4 is so encouraging. How have you seen God work in the life of someone you love despite your worst mistakes?
C. What images of power do you find in verses 4-7?
D. What are we clearly told in verses 8-9?
E. Whose workmanship are we? How is this related to “I am the vine and you are the branches?”
6. I have always loved the first letter of John, just as I love John’s gospel. There is so much in this letter about how Christianity is organic, how if we abide we will be transformed. Read 1 John 2:28-3:3.
A. Why does John tell us to abide in 2:28?
B. What truth does he proclaim in 2:29?
C. 3:1 is an outburst — and overwhelming thought to John. This is the love of God that we should have confidence in, despite all our messes. And which our children should have too. Describe this outburst.
D. What great promises are we given in verses 3:2-3?
Thursday-Friday Watch this video and then comment.
7. Notes and Comments:
Saturday
8. What is your take-a-way and why?
157 comments
oh dear sisters, a heartbreaking parenting/being a daughter moment this morning. Mymom was supposed to come to grandparents day for Emma, she has been taking about it for WEEKS. my mom woke up sick this morning and will not be able to come, Emma is heartbroken….. my heart aches for her 🙁
Also, I am begging you all to pray for Paul this morning. I know we are supposed to use the fb page but for the first time Paul is seeing that he is struggling with depression and is going the a new doc. today and has agreed to talk to him about it! He has suffered from clinical depression for over 15 years but has never been willing to admit it or seek help. PLEASE PRAY that the DR. will see and that Paul will actually talk to him and be honest. I know paul WANTS to be a good husband and dad but just does not have the ability to be with the lack of joy and energy and creativity that comes with depression. Please pray that I will love him even when he acts unlovely and that I will not withhold my effection because of the hurt that his lack of communication and interaction causes. I know this is a medical condition just like his diabeties and I really do not want to punish him for it but to love him the way Jesus first loved me.
I will pray Cyndi, I love your desire to love your husband right where he is, and your longing to be compassionate to him. Praying too for Emma and her disappointment, that God has some good lesson of growth for her even in this, may her heart be enlarged.
Cyndi, I’m just seeing this. I hope the doctor went well. I have a similar situation with my husband. He won’t go to a doctor, and I’ve had such bad experiences with my children and them that I don’t know if I will go back either. I don’t trust many psychologists/psychotherapists these days. You said something that rang a bell for me though:
This is hard for me too….I get so upset when my husband is “mean” or not compassionate to our children, and I don’t have the desires to be with him after that. He doesn’t get it. I am somehow connected to the kids internally (?) and hurting them hurts me too; it’s weird. It is wrong to do that but I don’t know how to separate the connection. I will pray for us.
Cyndi, I’m so sorry…I too did not see your prayer request until now, but I will pray now, for Emma and her disappointment, for your mom to get well (and I’m sure she was disappointed to miss Grandparent’s day, too) and for your husband. Cyndi, I do remember from past blogs that you have shared about Paul’s depression, but I didn’t realize that it has been going on for 15 years and that he has never sought help. You both, as well as your family, have been walking a long, hard road. Please let us know when you’re able, how things went with the doctor.
B. In the same way, your children are powerless, and you are powerless to save them. That is why the “but God” of verse 4 is so encouraging. How have you seen God work in the life of someone you love despite your worst mistakes?
I have seen God capture my husbands heart, the old has gone and the new has come in him. It amazes me!
I prayed hard for him for a long time, but became convicted that my prayers were motivated more out of a concern for me and the comfortable perfect Christian life I dreamed of than they were out of a desire to see God glorified and my husband reconciled to Him.
I also became discouraged that if free will played any part that the cause was likely hopeless, I couldn’t imagine my husband ever acknowledging his sinfulness.
So I laid down praying for him much. And God brought him to life! I feel if Bill had come to faith during my fervent prayer period, I would have believed a lie that I had somehow manipulated God into doing what I wanted.
Salvation belongs to the Lord 🙂
I long to see him do the same for our worldly children…
Chris Swan, thanks for sharing. Wow, I feel like your post cast a spotlight on my motivation for praying for my husband, too. Never thought of it that way. Very convicting. (in a good way!) I’ve also been feeling like a failure as I look back at bible study friendships that faded away & I felt “powerless” to keep them on the straight & narrow path. I was reminded by a FB post from my church that “we’re called to make disciples, not converts”….I thought this was worth copying & sharing.
Converts are believers who live like the world. Disciples are believers who live like Jesus.
Converts are focused on their values, interests, worries, fears, priorities, and lifestyles. Disciples are focused on Jesus.
Converts go to church. Disciples are the church.
Converts are involved in the mission of Jesus. Disciples are committed to it.
Converts cheer from the sidelines. Disciples are in the game.
Converts hear the word of God. Disciples live it.
Converts follow the rules. Disciples follow Jesus.
Converts are all about believing. Disciples are all about being.
Converts are comfortable. Disciples make sacrifices.
Converts talk. Disciples make more disciples.
Read more at http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/were-called-make-disciples-not-converts#sJy2CashetewR0Pf.99
E. Whose workmanship are we? Gods! How is this related to “I am the vine and you are the branches?” Our source of life is God, we’ve come from him and were created to be joined to him bearing fruit as he supplies the energy, if we are cut off from our life source we will be worthless
C. 3:1 is an outburst — and overwhelming thought to John. This is the love of God that we should have confidence in, despite all our messes. And which our children should have too. Describe this outburst.
This has stuck with me from Keller, the emotion of John as he wrote the statement, how sometimes we who believe are overcome as we consider what God is his mercy has done for us, what we have in store for us, that we who were enemies, deserving wrath, have been made children, joint heirs with Christ! I want my children to hope in that too, may God cause the scales to fall from their eyes.
D. What great promises are we given in verses 3:2-3? We are His, He is coming, We shall be like Him, We have a hope that makes us long to be close to Him and pure as He is pure.
thank you so much for your prayers! Paul was put on meds and is actually excited about the fact that they may make him feel better. im so grateful that after so many years he is at the place where he can begin feeling better!
Cyndi, now I see your update and I continued to scroll down and read! I just had stopped and prayed…now I’m so glad to see this!
Huge answer. I know it can take a month — so praying he will be patient!
Such good advice from Paul Tripp and Elyse Fitzpatrick! I gleaned this…..all the yelling and harping on our kids doesn’t make them change their behavior, but sitting with them in the midst of their sin, as sinners ourselves, makes them understand who we are together; we can be liaisons in helping rescue them from themselves…to know that only one can help or change us; Jesus.
Laura — I love how you are such a sponge!
4. Give an example from your own life of mothering or mentoring where the gospel was used to help you overcome a sin or have confidence.
Several years ago, one of my children came to me and confessed something he had done, saying that he felt strongly that God wanted him to tell me about it, yet he felt so ashamed. I know it was totally by God’s grace that I was able to listen and not judge or condemn; he already felt so ashamed. I was able to share with my child how much God loved him…that God cared enough about him to gently tell him that He didn’t want him to do this; the greatest thing about it all was that he had heard from God. Instead of being a really awkward moment, God gave me wisdom and love.
5. Read Ephesians 2:1-10
A. Describe the images of powerlessness you find in verses 1-3.
Being dead in my transgressions and sins. Ignorantly following after Satan-being so deceived. Being helpless to obey and instead gratifying my sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Being an object of wrath.
B. In the same way, your children are powerless, and you are powerless to save them. That is why the “but God” of verse 4 is so encouraging. How have you seen God work in the life of someone you love despite your worst mistakes?
Well, my own upbringing actually came to mind. I had good parents who loved me, but were not Christians themselves. My parents never took me to church, never talked to me about God. Christmas was all about the tree, family, food, and presents. Easter about getting a basket from the Easter bunny. We said grace occasionally, usually at a holiday meal. But they were unable to introduce me to God because they didn’t know Him themselves. Yet, I was not a “lost cause” according to God. Growing up without Him, I definitely took a sinful course in life, just like it is described in Ephesians 2:3. “But God” still drew me to Himself.
C. What images of power do you find in verses 4-7?
The great love of God triumphs over all. God’s rich mercy. God, who can make the dead live…the deadest of the dead who are dead in their sins. The power of God to raise us up with Christ and seat us with Him in the heavenly realms – that is where we are right now, positionally! The incomparable riches of His grace. And the power of Jesus Christ who embodies all of this love, mercy, grace, and kindness.
D. What are we clearly told in verses 8-9?
We have been saved by His grace, through faith. And even our faith isn’t generated from within ourselves, it is a gift from God. We are not saved by our works, so that no one can boast.
E. Whose workmanship are we? How is this related to “I am the vine and you are the branches?”
We are God’s workmanship. We were created to do good works, prepared (by God) in advance for us to do. I need to remain in Him, trust and abide in Him, so that He can produce that good fruit in me and enable me to do those things He planned for me to do.
Wonderful story with your son, Susan. So good.
Dee, I just watched your family video with tears streaming down my face. Such beautiful, lovely memories! It’s such a comfort to know we will see our loved ones again on the other side. And on this side of eternity, God blesses us with the family of Christ and His Holy Spirit.
Thank you, Joanne.