PETER TELLS BELIEVERS TO SUBMIT TO UNBELIEVERS:
CITIZENS TO GOVERNMENTS,
SLAVES TO MASTERS,
AND
BELIEVING WIVES TO UNBELIEVING HUSBANDS.
Before you protest, remember this is all “relative submission.” You don’t have to submit when the authority goes against God. If you are asked to do something that is clearly wrong, you should refuse. That’s what Corrie ten Boom and Deitrich Bonhoeffer did during Hitler’s holocaust, at the risk of their lives, and they glorified God in doing so. But if the authority over us is not asking us to do something immoral, submitting to them is what we are commanded to do. How can we possibly do that, especially to an unbeliever? Our own Elizabeth put it so well, saying it was even hard for her to submit to her godly husband when they disagreed, and she could not imagine what it must be like to submit to someone who was not praying or seeking God. But she also understood that submission to a human authority under God’s command is really submitting to God and trusting that either the decision will be right, or He will use it for good. That is exactly what Peter teaches by pointing believers in these difficult situations to Christ:
Everyone, whether they choose to be or not, is under God, God can work through them. He Himself says he worked through Cyrus, an unbeliever, to free the Jews. I often marvel at how my friend Linda Strom will submit to an unreasonable prison guard who makes it difficult for us to minister. How? She commits her case to God — and oh, how God has worked through her, bringing thousands, including guards, to Christ!
Our own Susan gave a valiant and golden testimony of how she is submitting to an unbelieving husband:
“There are times that I believe the Lord still works through my husband as he can point out to me my own sin…often I don’t want to hear what he has to say; I want to dismiss him because, after all, he’s not a believer; yet often when I consider what he has told me, I am confronted with the truth of my own sinful behavior. I do believe that the Lord can protect me under the umbrella of my husband’s protection and if I will follow his leadership. We recently had our 25th anniversary, and I prayed about our time together to celebrate. We did enjoy our time together, yet I came to realize in the next few days that there are still problems between us, and I still feel that I am not loved and cherished in the way that I want to be. So the gospel in my marriage, for me, is to tell myself that I must look to Jesus, my Bridegroom, to love and cherish me tenderly so that I can live in my marriage without resenting and punishing my husband for not loving me as Christ does. It is focusing on the good qualities of my husband and continually asking the Lord to remove unforgiveness from my heart. And when I want to cry, “It’s unfair!”, I remember that the only really unfair thing is that Jesus, who was and is perfect and without sin, had to become guilty of all my sin and then was punished for it. He exchanged places with me…a most unfair thing for Him to do. And even though my husband is not a believer, we are both two sinful people living together who desperately need a Savior. What I need the double cure of the gospel to help me with is to be better at apologizing and asking for forgiveness and to model the gospel in my marriage.”
In the passage we will study this week, you will see Peter directs comments to women married to husbands who do not believe the word. John Piper explains that “the word” means the gospel. These are men who have heard the gospel, but still don’t believe. That’s why you don’t need words –they have already heard it. However, don’t be legalistic about this — you can talk. But the best way to do it is to let your behavior provoke questions, and then answer as Peter advises:
When my dear friend Lee Petno came to Christ in an evangelistic Bible study, she didn’t say a word to her husband, taking this very literally. But he saw the change in her. She had a flat tire at my house one day and Vince came to rescue her. The first thing this tall Italian cardiologist asked me was, “Are you the one who is responsible for the change in my wife?”
I laughed. “No, that would be Jesus.” Within a year, Vince responded to Christ.
That was 38 years ago. Vince and Lee raised their three children to know the Lord. Vince spoke beautifully at my husband’s funeral. Vince and Lee travel to Haiti frequently on medical mission trips, as do their grown children. Lee is quick to point out their sinful natures still and continue to rise and need to be subdued and they are in process. Yet I look at my friend’s marriage and praise God. I know this story can bring pain to women who have prayed and waited for decades, but I don’t want you to give up hope of what God can do through a woman with a gentle and quiet spirit. He may change your husband, he may change you — but faithfulness is pleasing to Him whatever the results.
And if you are single, do not be deceived and marry an unbeliever. (And Tim Keller would say that you should not just be concerned that he or she is a believer, but a strong one!) Speak up, stand up, and back up if you must. I want to close with a story I just heard from my friend Marsella, who is a neighbor for whom I am so thankful. She was a student at Baylor and assumed everyone at Baylor was a Christian. She fell hard for a young man at Baylor and was dating him seriously when she came to realize that he really wasn’t a believer. She said, “I have to break up with you because you aren’t a believer.” And she did.
Years later after Marsella was happily married to a wonderful man, a godly man — that young man from her Baylor days called her and told her he had responded to Christ. “I knew,” he said, “how much you liked me. So for you to do what you did made me begin to ponder the reality of God.”
Our God is an awesome God.
Sunday Icebreaker:
1. What stood out to you from the above and why?
Monday-Wednesday Bible Study
Prepare your heart with Steve’s Green song (from his series to help kids memorize) on 1 Peter 2:9.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uFgOOKrtJ1Q
2. See the context of 1 Peter 3 by summarizing the commands below:
A. According to 1 Peter 1:1 and 1:6-7, to whom was Peter writing and what were they facing?
B. What command is given and why in 1 Peter 2:11-12?
C. To whom are we to submit and why according to 1 Peter 2: 13-17? How does this apply to you though you may often disagree with our government leaders?
D. What command is given in 1 Peter 2:18-20? What fruit will this bear? Slavery in biblical days was voluntary — people sold themselves for a limited period to pay off debts. It was not like the horror of American slavery which was involuntary and racial.) How might you honor this if you are employed by someone?
E. What supreme example are we all given in 1 Peter 2:21-24. Find everything you can.
3. Read 1 Peter 3:1-6
A. What is the first word or phrase in verse 1? To what does this refer?
B. What kind of conduct is winsome according to verse 2? Give an example of what this might look like.
C. According to 1 Peter 3:3-4, what makes a woman beautiful in God’s sight? How could you apply this?
D. There were times when Sarah was too submissive, and times she was not submissive enough — yet her general attitude of respect is commended. Piper says emphasizes that she called him “lord” with a small l — like calling him “sir.” How might you apply this in situations where someone is in authority over you?
4. Read 1 Peter 3:7
A. With what same word or phrase (as in verse 1 to wives) does Peter begin his instructions to husbands? To what example is he referring?
B. “Weaker” has been interpreted to mean physically weaker (which is often true) or vulnerable in that she has been asked to submit to his authority. I think that makes more sense in context. What do you think and why?
C. What will happen to men who take advantage of their position of strength?
5. Read 1 Peter 3:8-17 with a teachable heart and then pray it for yourself.
Thursday-Friday Sermon
I think this is an excellent sermon by Piper. While he is more conservative than I on “the roles” of men and women in marriage and the church, I really loved this message! Please listen and share your notes or comments.
http://www.desiringgod.org/sermons/women-of-valor-for-non-promise-keepers
6. What notes or comments do you have?
Saturday
7. What is your take-a-way and why?
199 comments
B. What kind of conduct is winsome according to verse 2? Give an example of what this might look like.
Wives as to be pure and reverent. This behavior would be free of poor speech such as bad words, unkind words or harsh words. It would include prayer. It would appear as if was “natural.”
3D. There were times when Sarah was too submissive, and times she was not submissive enough — yet her general attitude of respect is commended. Piper says emphasizes that she called him “lord” with a small l — like calling him “sir.” How might you apply this in situations where someone is in authority over you?
I find it interesting that Sarah is commended as an example of submission. Yes, her submission in leaving her homeland was exemplary. There is no indication that God spoke directly to Sarah, so she probably went with her husband without direct confirmation. The ‘too submissive’ episodes may have been when she went along with Abraham’s plan to deceive the king that she was his sister?
But then it was Sarah who hatched the plan for Abraham to have a son through her servant Hagar. Abraham submitted to her plan. And then later, God even instructed Abraham to do whatever Sarah said – Genesis 21:12. God instructed Abraham to submit to Sarah.
Doesn’t this look rather too egalitarian to be held up as an example of complementarian marriage? Sometimes Sarah followed Abraham’s lead, and other times Abraham followed Sarah’s lead – and both with God’s approval.
I think it does illustrate, Kerryn, that egalitarian and complimentarian marriages can look quite similar. I have wondered if she new about Abraham taking Isaac up to sacrifice him.
I think I’m just confused about complementarian and egalitarian. From not knowing that complementarian was even a word, to confused might be considered progress, perhaps? Does God approve both sorts of marriage then, since he told Abraham to listen and submit to Sarah?
4A. With what same word or phrase (as in verse 1 to wives) does Peter begin his instructions to husbands? To what example is he referring?
In the same way… I got ahead of myself, and answered this part in Q3!
B. “Weaker” has been interpreted to mean physically weaker (which is often true) or vulnerable in that she has been asked to submit to his authority. I think that makes more sense in context. What do you think and why?
The use of the term ‘vessel’ brings to mind pottery. ‘Weaker’ pottery is not the cheap stuff, but the special pottery that needs to be handled with greater care because of its greater value. The other time the word ‘weaker’ is used in the NT is in 1 Cor 12.
At work, I have seen a few husbands who have been especially protective and attentive. It has been a delight to see the love and honour these men have lavished on their wives. There is no connotation of lesser value in ‘weaker’.
I love the pottery example. Such good insight. And your experience seeing husbands lavish love and honor is so heartening. I can think of an elderly man with a wife who was mentally failing and didn’t even still recognize him, who completely exemplified this too.
4C. What will happen to men who take advantage of their position of strength?
When we get our relationship with other people wrong, it mucks up our relationship with God too. They are inseparable… when one improves, so does the other. So when men take advantage of their position, it creates a barrier to prayer.
Comments on Piper’s sermon “Women of Valor for Non- Promise Keepers”
I just finished listening to the sermon. I have several friends who have unbelieving husbands, as most of you probably do, so I read the sermon with interest, hoping it might be of some help to them. I believe it is. I have emailed it to a few friends.
Although the reference to Promise Keepers is dated, I appreciated the way Piper encouraged women whose husbands are non-believers to submit first to the Lord Jesus and then to their husbands whenever possible with a gentle, quiet and fearless spirit. They are to encourage their husband to lead but never into sin. When a woman has an unbelieving husband, she has to be the strong one in the home when it comes to spiritual direction. God is to be the source of her strength.
And this doesn’t mean they should never speak of Christ. It means they should be ready when the opportunity arises to speak reverently of their Lord and his meaning in their lives. This “winsome” witnessing is to be done in the context of living a submissive, godly life. One of the purposes of their growing deeper in knowledge and submission to Christ is to win their husbands to Christ, not just to accept his status as an unbeliever. If she isn’t influencing her husband toward Christ, he is most likely influencing her away from Christ, unfortunately. This is a very difficult road to walk. I have watched my friends struggle with this for sometimes many years.
Diane – I just listened to Piper’s sermon this morning and I love what you gleaned from it! Like you, I was just a bit distracted by the dated nature of the Promise Keepers references….but yes, it was a meaty and helpful treatment of this passage. I loved the way he emphasized the “valor” piece of being a godly woman like Sarah. That brings such a sense of fullness to the quiet and gentle spirit. Time and time again the bibilical woman I think of is Abigail (her story is found in 1 Samuel 25). She truly embodies to me what Peter is speaking of here. I also loved the way Piper drew the circle very wide and invited everyone in……indeed, we would ALL do well to be like the holy woman Sarah !! This was an incredibly good resource that I will go back to and listen to again…..also, will be sharing it with others!!
5. Read 1 Peter 3:8-17 with a teachable heart and then pray it for yourself.
Dear loving and meek Lord, please help me to fully catch your spirit and embody your compassion and humility in my life. May harmony, sympathy, compassion, love, and humility become more natural for me day by day. I think I am a lot like Peter was in his early days as a disciple — blustery and impulsive at times. I easily identify with him. May I grow as Peter did so that I am able to control my tongue, and become a humble peacemaker. I am far from pure, Lord, so striving for purity and reverence is going to require much work on the part of the Holy Spirit in me. Please forgive me when I slip from my vision and focus, and quickly guide me back into the right path. May my life be clear and clean, so that I do not give my enemies ammunition when they want to criticize my Christian faith. And when others admire my faith, may I be quick to give you the credit, instead of patting myself on the back. Amen.
Love this prayer Deanna. I can relate.
Deanna, The words of your prayer touch my heart, and I desire to pray this prayer also.
Thank you for expressing this so well. May my life also be clear and clean, giving all the credit to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He is my hope and my strength in all difficult relationships.
Deanna – Amen to your prayer. Your identifying with Peter’s temperament gives you a beautiful insight into the words the Spirit wrote here through him! It is so beautiful.
I’m also moved by your prayer, Deanna. And as Jackie pointed out….I love how you brought into focus the change in Peter and how God worked through his ‘impulsive and blustery’ ways. I think that it’s so heartening to see him at different points in his life. Such an encouragement that God molds and shapes those who come before Him with transparent and teachable hearts.
C. According to 1 Peter 3:3-4, what makes a woman beautiful in God’s sight? How could you apply this?
Her inner beauty is what makes her beautiful to God; a gentle and quiet spirit. I could apply by not being so concerned with what I wear, but more so about how I act.
4. Read 1 Peter 3:7
A. With what same word or phrase (as in verse 1 to wives) does Peter begin his instructions to husbands? To what example is he referring?
Husbands are to also be considerate to their wives, treating them with respect. They are told to take care of their wives, as she is the weaker of the two. Husbands were asked to submit to Christ in our last study whereas wives were to submit to husbands. he might be referring to Christ washing the disciples feet at the last supper? Christ was taking care of those who were weaker than He?
B. “Weaker” has been interpreted to mean physically weaker (which is often true) or vulnerable in that she has been asked to submit to his authority. I think that makes more sense in context. What do you think and why?
I agree with you here with the wording of “weaker.” Although it could also mean weaker in spirit? If I go back to the disciples and Jesus washing their feet, they weren’t necessarily weaker physically, but surely they were in spirit.
C. What will happen to men who take advantage of their position of strength?
Their prayers won’t be answered.
5. Read 1 Peter 3:8-17 with a teachable heart and then pray it for yourself.
Dear Jesus, thank you for making me to be an outspoken person, one who doesn’t hold their feelings inside. However, sometimes my words tend to get me into trouble. Help me to watch that my words are gentle toward others. Help me to recognize situations where I should just keep quiet. When asked about my faith in you help me to remember that you are supreme. Don’t let me be like those who denied knowing you at the end. Thank you for the opportunity recently to witness to a very close friend of mine who is losing her mother. Help Lori to want to know more about you because of my behavior. In Your Holy Name I pray, Amen.
Lord, this text is convicting…how often I don’t act in the manner you would have me act…don’t think the thoughts you would have me think…don’t love in my heart as you would have me love. There are times when my mind and heart are understanding, kind, humble, loving, encouraging with proper motivation…I am the woman that you would have me be, but, oh, Lord, I am well aware that far too often this is not the case; I pray that I may be the woman you would have me be all of my days; I pray that I would turn from ways that aren’t pleasing in Your sight, that reflect Your goodness, love, and glory poorly. Let me not be defeated in this effort…when I fail, help me to repent immediately and begin again. Holy Father, you are my Help and Provider…You love me as no other. Thank You that I am Yours and You are mine…thank You that You are working to transform me into the likeness of Jesus…thank You for Your patience and perseverance with me.
3. Read 1 Peter 3:1-6
A. What is the first word or phrase in verse 1? To what does this refer?
In the same way or “Likewise”..then it goes on to say, wives be submissive to your husbands.
It seems to me likewise means there is a way the husband submits to the wife as well by loving her as he loves himself and in honoring her.
B. What kind of conduct is winsome according to verse 2? Give an example of what this might look like.
To be respectful and pure. It is easier when we have wise and loving husbands 100% of the time but an example would be with a husband who is foolish or when our husbands are making an unwise decision: Instead of trying to change him, pray earnestly for him, and we must pray for our hearts too and REALLY be praying before we speak and offer him wisdom that we would wait on Him for Wisdom. It doesn’t mean we submit all the time to unwise decisions although there are some where our husband might be bent on and it is a matter of submitting anyway to our husbands and trusting God. And God moves in that too to use it for our growth and His Glory.
C. According to 1 Peter 3:3-4, what makes a woman beautiful in God’s sight? How could you apply this?
In our culture outward beauty defines a woman’s beauty so we are so easily swayed to thirst after it more so than thirsting after Him and caring about our hidden person inside. This doesn’t mean we don’t take care of ourselves because the outward is connected to the inward-the spiritual. I think we just get it backwards. If the inward person is adorned with His gentle and quiet spirit-this is imperishable and precious in God’s sight. As our inward shines His beauty our outward becomes more and more beautiful.
D. There were times when Sarah was too submissive, and times she was not submissive enough — yet her general attitude of respect is commended. Piper says emphasizes that she called him “lord” with a small l — like calling him “sir.” How might you apply this in situations where someone is in authority over you?
Maybe I am being too complicated with my prior answers..maybe it is as simple as by honoring those in authority over me I am loving them? It is a way to love and respect them and by doing that I am loving God. Maybe the reason it can be hard for us is because we see it as us being on a ‘lower level’ which isn’t true in God’s eyes..but that ‘fear’ of being ‘lesser than’ stems from pride. It is a lie that we are lesser than, but if we refuse to submit because of that ‘fear’ then that is pride and perhaps our hearts aren’t really submitting to God. Ouch!
Read 1 Peter 3:7
A. With what same word or phrase (as in verse 1 to wives) does Peter begin his instructions to husbands? To what example is he referring?
“Likewise”.. as the wives submit to their husbands with respect and purity so the husbands submit to their wives in an understanding way showing honor to the woman. To me this is loving her by understanding her-submitting to the way she is made and being thoughtful of how easily hurt we can get when we open up and lay our hearts out there.
B. “Weaker” has been interpreted to mean physically weaker (which is often true) or vulnerable in that she has been asked to submit to his authority. I think that makes more sense in context. What do you think and why?
I really like ‘vulnerable’ because me-a control freak-is being asked to submit and yes it is a very vulnerable spot. When I am vulnerable I can easily have my spirit crushed, and with me..and maybe with all women it can really cause me not to trust my husband and to close up to protect myself if he sticks the knife in while I am being vulnerable.
C. What will happen to men who take advantage of their position of strength?
The wife will close up and withdraw not trusting him with her heart. She will also not desire to be with him physically.
#5. is SO good. I want to wait so I can spend time with it and pray..
Rebecca….I’m glad you said what you did about #5….I’m going to join you and do the same! I feel the need to read over this passage throughout the day and let the words go deep.
4. Read 1 Peter 3:7
A. With what same word or phrase (as in verse 1 to wives) does Peter begin his instructions to husbands? To what example is he referring?
Peter again uses the phrase, “in the same way”. He began with this phrase in verse 1 to wives, and I believe that his instructions to both husband and wife as to their behavior with each other goes back to 1 Peter 2 where he gives instructions to all believers in submitting to authorities and to slaves submitting to masters and to the example of Jesus’ submission. It’s like one continuous thread. The action of graciously submitting to and respecting one another is really an act of submission to the Lord. Jesus trusted Himself entirely into His Father’s hands. We show our trust in the Lord when we submit instead of vying for control.
B. “Weaker” has been interpreted to mean physically weaker (which is often true) or vulnerable in that she has been asked to submit to his authority. I think that makes sense in context. What do you think and why?
I do think the word “weaker” here must be talking about something more than physical weakness. From Biblical days up to the present, women are vulnerable. Perhaps due to our sensitive nature and we are often more led by our hearts and emotions? I’ve heard so many Christian speakers, for example, warning unmarried women who are dating to not believe that they can “fix” the man they are dating, that if there are red flags showing up in his behavior, they need to end the relationship. Certainly in Peter’s days, women were vulnerable under the authority of their husbands. If their husband chose to divorce them or if they were widowed, they were left in a bad situation, socially, financially. If I submit to my husband and he makes bad decisions, because we are one, what affects him affects me. The husband is told to treat his wife with respect and consideration because she is weaker. That could also mean not to belittle her feelings when she is being open and vulnerable.
C. What will happen to men who take advantage of their position of strength?
His prayers will be hindered. If he is abusing his God-given authority and mistreating his wife, he is denying the fact that God made her co-heir with him. Sin hinders our prayers.
4A. The same word, “likewise…” is given to husbands as was given to wives. In both cases, I believe that this is referring to Christ. Christ and his example is the foundation Peter has laid earlier in this book. Not to belabor the obvious…..but it struck me anew just as I was reading today that Peter SAW with his own eyes all of the things that he is relating to us about Jesus. It just gave me a glimpse into Peter’s tender, pastoral, humbled heart……how he must have been simply BURSTING to urge us ALL to follow Christ!!! Practically begging us to submit to HIM, first and foremost! As an aside…..I’ve been captivated by that word “likewise”…..found myself thinking of it again and again yesterday as I was going about my day……again and again repurposing to fix my eyes on Jesus.
4B. “weaker” describes woman as related to man. The obvious is the physical. Somehow we all intuitively KNOW that men can, in general, overpower us if they so desire……..a woman’s fear of the anger of a man expressed in rape goes down to the core of our being. Any woman who has so much as been “grabbed” by a man – sometimes even playfully! – understands that “aha” moment of realizing we are helpless under their strength. Living in Baltimore Ravens country, we’ve seen the media explode with righteous anger over the Ray Rice abuse video and all of the fallout……sickeningly, like dominoes, more and more NFL players from other teams are being accused/indicted with much the same. But I think that the physical dominance of a man is just the tip of the iceberg…….out of that flows the confidence (if such a word can be used) sometimes for emotional abuse, financial abuse and the like. While it is true that generally speaking, a woman’s emotions are different than a man’s in expression and even degree…..I don’t see that necessarily as a “weakness”. At least not in a woman who is filled with the Holy Spirit. That said, we have just recently looked at Paul’s words to Timothy in 1 Tim: 2:14…….it’s a little troubling to me to see that Eve was deceived and Adam was not. That much we know. Was Eve more vulnerable to deception? I think we could conclude so. It seems that somehow Adam did not step up and protect Eve in her vulnerability……..though it also seems to me that Adam’s weakness was for Eve!
C. Men who don’t show honor to their wives will find that their prayers are hindered. I’ll admit, this one has always been a hard one for me to get a grip on…….in my experience, I have a hard time seeing abusive men as praying men!! I guess maybe in certain situations nearly everyone “prays” – the whole “there are no atheists in foxholes” idea. Of course, the biblical exception to a man’s hindered prayers would be when a man realizes his grievous sin and humbles himself in repentance before God……THAT prayer would have the seeds of life change for a husband and wife!
Reading your good answers and prayers. Have a retreat this weekend and using a new tech program without tech help — so I do appreciate prayer!
prayers for you, Dee as you minister to others. And hope that you will also be refreshed.
Certainly will be praying for you on your weekend retreat, Dee. Isn’t it great to remember that technology is something God has allowed man to develop, and ultimately God is still in charge of it. God is above it all, even when we feel at times like we are virtually tethered by it! 🙂
Thank you Lord that You are Dee’s tech helper. Help her with every detail of this retreat from start to finish. Thank You for the work she does with the grace You provide. Give her an extra portion of that grace as she works this new technology program. Praying for those she is ministering to and may she too be ministered back to. We bind the enemy from causing any distractions that would be a cause to steal her peace and focus. I pray you receive all the glory in Jesus Name Amen
Lord Jesus Dee needs you right now to intervene with the new tech program and tech help. Oh please come mightily to her rescue! Help! In Your name we pray, amen.
3 C. According to 1 Peter 3:3-4, what makes a woman beautiful in God’s sight? How could you apply this?
A gentle and quiet spirit. And I’m learning that the only way to genuinely, consistently sustain this spirit is by hiding myself in Him. Allowing Him to take my quaking heart and calm me down. For too many years I have gone to my husband to do something about the circumstances causing me fear. So I’ve asked the Lord how to hide in Him, so that His gentle spirit would be mine. So that what is noticed by myself and my husband would be this gentle, quiet spirit that is truly born of Jesus. Sometimes I get a picture and even a sense that He is holding me with all my fear and anxiety. Sometimes I imagine myself pulling close to Him in that boat on that stormy sea. And sometimes, discouragingly, I give in to fear.
This gentle, quiet spirit is beautiful and valuable in God’s sight because it demonstrates trust and dependence on Him. It reflects the belief that I am loved and valued by Him.
Gleaning from posts here this morning. Thank you ladies.
I just posted a response to question 3C and it didn’t show up?? Anyone else having issues? Thank you 🙂
5. Read 1 Peter 3:8-17 with a teachable heart and then pray it for yourself.
Dear Lord, In these words given to your servant Peter to give to us, I am convicted by so many things. To live in harmony, love as brothers, be compassionate, be humble. To bless those who insult me. To only say what is true and with a pure motive. To actively pursue peace. I fail miserably on every account. Yet, these are your commands. When I look at how I can fulfill them, I am powerless on my own. The Law kills but the gospel gives life. You are the life-giver, Jesus. In your righteousness, I am cleansed and can depend on you for the wisdom, grace and strength to behave in the ways you command. Holy Spirit work in me today. Make me aware and diligent to “set apart Christ as Lord” in my heart. When I am called on to give an answer for the hope that is in me……may I speak your truth. And Lord, help me to follow the whole counsel given here that I may…” do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience.” Lord, I desire that others see my behavior as reflecting your goodness and mercy. But let me desire this only for your glory. And even if I suffer hurt and rejection as a result of bearing your Name, may I flee to your infinite mercy and boundless grace. And may this not just be a one time prayer to fulfill an assignment. May this burn in my heart….’to set apart Christ as Lord’. Amen
Absolutely wonderful prayer, Wanda!
Amen to this Wanda ~
‘women of valour’ stood out to me in John Piper’s message… it is from Proverbs 31:10, ‘a woman of valour who can find’. This is a discussion between a Christian woman and a Jewish woman about Proverbs 31. The Christian thought of this as an unattainable ideal.
I’m not sure where this story came from, Kerryn, but it is GREAT! And spot on about Proverbs 31 being like a heroic poem. You bring such wonderful perspective to this blog. Thanks so much. Love the “you go, girl!”
Sorry Diane, that was naughty of me. I got it from a blog by Micha Boyett. She was reviewing a book – A Year of Biblical Womanhood by Rachel Held Evans, but I haven’t read the book. http://michaboyett.com/a-woman-of-valor-who-can-find-a-review-of-rachel-held-evans-a-year-of-biblical-womanhood/
Wow Kerryn, I’ve never heard Proverbs 31 explained in this way! Perhaps we miss so much not understanding the culture of that day. I’ve heard enough “teaching” myself about “being” a Proverbs 31 woman…in that way it seems impossible and produces feelings of being inadequate for sure.
Kerryn,
I love this story. Thanks for posting it 🙂
Submission is not
… always agreeing with someone
… letting someone else do the thinking
… renouncing all effort to change the other
… obeying anyone else ahead of Christ
… deriving strength and hope from the other rather than God
… demanded, taken or given in fear. Submission must be given freely.
The principles of 1 Peter 3:1-7 are a good foundation for relationships with all non-believers
– Our strength comes from God, not from any other relationship.
– We’re not caught up in externals, but in becoming gentle, quiet, fearless people
– Let our behaviour become more pure, reverent and servant-like – if by any means we may win some non-believers to Christ and his kingdom.
The promise keeper material was not dated to me! I have heard of promise keepers, but hadn’t seen the promises. Our pastor is planning a program for next year for fathers and sons about building boys into strong Christian men. So the same sorts of end in mind.
Wanda, I couldn’t post under your story of the mother who was turned away at the border trying to get to her daughters wedding.
I will be completely transparent here…..my parents were amazing people and our country actually had a reasonable plan of action back in the 70’s when I grew up. Here’s the story……
Vietnam sent boat people on barges out of the country. Dad; very conservative “Richard Nixon all the way!” Mom; card carrying member of the NAACP (she was not “colored”). Total opposites but loving, caring Christians. Dad decides to sponsor 4 children/adults. Mom submits (grumbling under her breath I think). They arrive at our house not speaking a “lick” of English. I communicate with them by playing billiards at our house (I was about 10-11). They want to go get on welfare like all of their friends. Dad says, “no, we will go to the social security office and get you cards. You will go to work.” They did. Dad died. Mom never told them (?!); they had moved on. They got mad when they found out…….ending? Youngest, a chemist. Oldest? A nun. Two middle brothers? Chefs who owned a retaurant on bourbon street in NO. Amazing. That’s how it needs to happen. I lived it. They won. Maybe I should run for president!
Thanks for your prayers. We are having major tech problems and so need your continued prayers at this retreat. Thanks so much.
Great story, Laura.
Oh, Lord, let your mercy fall on the retreat as Dee brings your messages today. Let nothing Satan can do hinder the touch and kisses of the King. In your mercy, let the tech problems be worked out, or, if not, overrule all the devises and plans of us humans and speak in power.
Amen to Nila’s prayer…Lord, please help Dee get the tech problems ironed-out…yet Lord, I pray for Your power to come through Dee’s words and for You to move in the hearts of the women who are there…It is Your Word that is alive and changes hearts.
Very interesting story, Laura. Your parents were exemplary in many ways. Thanks for sharing.
Dee,
Mostly asking that the Lord move in the hearts of your audience, with or without the technology.
Lord, thank you that You don’t need technology to communicate here this weekend. We will be so grateful if the problems are resolved, but even more grateful that You use Dee’s words to bring hope and comfort here. May we identify the wideness of your mercy in all of this.
Nila, you said it so well! “Amen!”
6. Notes on the sermon. This is what stood out to me:
Wow was I short sighted in this passage this week! Love it when He opens my eyes.
* When Sarah calls Abraham “lord” in verse 6, it’s lord with a little “l.” It’s like “sir.” And the obedience she renders is secondary obedience, under and because of and filtered through obedience to the LORD with a capital “L.”
* The secret to flourishing in difficult relationships is not to get your strength from those relationships, but from God. Hope in God. Look to God for the love and the security and the joy that you long for. Then you will be able to have strength for others—believer or unbeliever in your life.
*Let your hope in God go to work on your inner being and make you a gentle, quiet, fearless person. I’m talking to men and women here. It will have its distinct, complementary form and expression in men and women, but it will be there in both, if they hope in God and not themselves or in other people or circumstances. In other words, when you hope in God, you’re not all caught up in externals like makeup and hairstyles and earrings and clothes. What you are caught up in is becoming a deep, settled, strong, tranquil, gentle, fearless person—what I like to call a woman of valor. Or a man of valor. That’s what begins to happen when you pin your hopes on God and not man. People who hope in God and begin to become deep, tranquil, strong, gentle, fearless persons on the inside start to act outwardly in ways of purity and reverence and humility and servant hood that are visibly winsome.
Rebecca,
Thank you for these strongly encouraging words! The secret to flourishing in difficult relationships is not to get your strength from those relationships.
Nila, I know! Doesn’t Piper’s message sear deep? It did for me. I was convicted on several levels.
What stood out to me from John Piper’s sermon:
I feel he thoroughly explained what submission is NOT:
agreeing with everything the husband says or thinks
leaving your mind/will at the altar
avoiding efforts to change your husband
putting the will of the husband before the will of Christ
getting your personal spiritual strength from your husband
acting out of fear
What really was helpful to me was his discussion of having God as the source of your strength. The secret to flourishing in difficult relationships is not to get your strength from those relationships, but from God. I am still learning this! I still struggle with idols of comfort/security and trying to get my needs met through my relationships with members of my family, which is never fulfilling as many are unbelievers. I LONG just to “see” God somewhere, anywhere, in the people whom I love and in our relationships together.
So again, I took note when Piper said, “Don’t get your strength from those relationships. Hope in God for love, acceptance, security, strength…let that hope go down into the inner person and begin to take a person filled with anxieties, bad memories, and all kinds of dysfunctions and wounds from the past, and let that hope shape into being a fearless, hope-filled, deep, strong, quiet, woman of valor.”
Dee–continuing prayers for the tech issues! HELP, LORD!
Wanda, that was a beautiful prayer!
6. What notes or comments do you have?
I see that some of you have remarked about the “dated” material regarding the Promise Keepers — did everyone notice that the date on the sermon was in 1994? So it was right on target at the time it was first given.
I found it interesting, as I had never really known exactly what the “promises” were that all of the thousands of men were committing to at that time.
I liked that Piper spelled out some things that submission was not:
1. Agreeing with everything your husband says.
2. Leaving your brain at the altar.
3. Avoiding every effort to change a husband (after all the point was to be “winsome”!)
4. Putting husband’s will before Christ’s will.
5. Getting personal, spiritual strength from husband.
6. Acting out of fear.
Piper acknowledged that 90% of the women who were listening to his sermon did not fall in the category of being “married to non-promise-keeprs.” He said some were single, some were not even married, and some were married to believers. However, he said: “What makes it especially relevant for all of you is that the foiundation Peter gives to these wives is a foundation that can and should be under all our relationships, especially with unbelievers.”
He listed the components of that foundation as being:
(1) God as the source of stren gth.
(2) Becoming gentle, quiet, fearless people.
(3) Winsome behavior (becoming beautiful on the inside).
It didn’t bother me that the sermon was written in 1994. I feel that Christian counsel, based on the Scriptures, does not go out-of-style.
Well sisters..I totally blew it last night and today. I am totally being self centered-frustrated with how messy everyone is around here, and my sarcastic tongue trying to manipulate them into caring-oh. I am such a hypocrit. 🙁
We’ve all been there, Rebecca…you’re human…with His help you pick-up and begin again! (I don’t mean pick-up the house:))
6. What notes or comments do you have?
“The goal of this text is to help wives bring about the most profound change in their husbands that can be imagined—the transformation from being a spiritually dead unbeliever to a spiritually alive believer.” —
This seems to put a lot in perspective–the goal isn’t to get him to see things my way, but my desire should be that the unbeliever come to Christ.
“the obedience she renders is secondary obedience, under and because of and filtered through obedience to the LORD with a capital “L.””
–great reminder–it isn’t about whether he is “worthy enough” to submit to, Christ is worthy of my submission, and I do it for Him.
“The Christian woman is a free woman. When she submits to her husband—whether he is a believer or unbeliever—she does it in freedom, not out of fear.”
–I think this point is so easily lost in our culture. Christ submitted to the Father not out of fear, but freedom–and I too can submit in that same freedom.
“Submission…is the disposition to follow a husband’s authority and an inclination to yield to his leadership. It is an attitude that says, “I delight for you to take the initiative in our family. I am glad when you take responsibility for things and lead with love. I don’t flourish when you are passive and I have to make sure the family works.””
–the word “passive” jumped out at me. I really react negatively to passivity in my husband. When I am under godly leadership–at home, in our Church, I feel such peace, relief, respect.
*“The secret to flourishing in difficult relationships is not to get your strength from those relationships, but from God. Hope in God. Look to God for the love and the security and the joy that you long for. Then you will be able to have strength for others—believer or unbeliever in your life.”
–This probably spoke most to me out of the entire sermon, applying it to any difficult relationship.
“Let your hope in God go to work on your inner being and make you a gentle, quiet, fearless person.”
–the combination of “gentle, quiet” and then “fearless” spoke to me. Their is a strength in the gentle, quietness, it is the absence of fear, confidence in Him, I am SO FAR from that, but I love that thought.
“People who hope in God and begin to become deep, tranquil, strong, gentle, fearless persons on the inside start to act outwardly in ways of purity and reverence and humility and servant hood that are visibly winsome.”
—I want this!
I’m taking away confusion and hurt this week. I cannot make the connection between this week and last week in my head. Last week, looking at dealing with abuse, and this week submission. In my head it’s worlds apart and contradictory. Last week’s approach to abuse makes sense to me; but I can’t relate to submitting to abuse at all.
The model Peter gives for wives is Christ, who when they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. (1 Peter 2:23)
My husband was never, ever abusive, but I did experience abuse as a child, and then was in a couple of abusive relationships before I met my husband. My childhood had not equipped me to recognize and deal with inappropriate behaviour, so the situation would escalate. So now, when it comes to threats or even potential threats, my threshold is extremely low… probably too low. I have overreacted to perceived threats on a number of occasions, so I certainly do not fit the description of fearless.
I mention this as I think I may have a blind spot in understanding what is actually being said here. To me, this thing about submission still seems to invite abuse. I do realise that a complementarian marriage is not meant to be abusive, but if the husband is not a promise-keeper, if he is abusive, where is the protection for wife? Wives in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. No protection there.
As I said, I think it is my blind spot… an inability (or is it unwillingness?) to understand. Perhaps I don’t need to. I’m no longer married, so maybe not relevant for me.
Kerryn — oh this is so hard! I think each situation must be led by the Holy Spirit. In a marriage, I think a wife should speak up to abuse by doing what was suggested in the video last week. I don’t think she should submit to abuse, but must do it in a wise way, not by retaliating but by speaking up, standing up, and backing up.
Last Christmas we received permission to give gifts of shampoo and deodorant to all the women in a Milwaukee prison — and it was plenty of work to make the gifts prison acceptable. When we arrived permission was revoked with the genuine threat that if we tried to do it we would never be allowed back. We submitted to that abuse, committing our case to God. We are still in the prison and women are still coming to Christ.
Feel free to continue this dialogue in the next blog where people will see it.