WELCOME TO THE FIRST POST ON THE FRIENDSHIPS OF WOMEN!
Jump in at any time. Grab what you can, discuss it when you have girl-time, or follow along with a small group.
In the 20th Anniversary Edition of The Friendships of Women, lovely Priscilla Evans Shirer wrote the Forward, vulnerably telling about a fight she had with a dear friend, and how the principles in The Friendships of Women helped them heal. It’s a great story that I hope you’ll read if you have the book. She hurt her friend and could tell something was wrong by her friend’s demeanor at church. I love this sentence from Priscilla: “I was shocked to find out that her problem…was me.”
That’s what we don’t want to find out! But it is a sign of godliness to want to see our sin and root it out.
I too had a fight with one of my closest friends smack in the middle of writing The Friendships of Women. We had just had a discussion on the RIGHT way to raise children. We became angry and said things we would both regret. When she left (in tears) I went to my husband Steve and he said these piercing words:
“Dee — I have heard you say that ‘When there is trouble in a horizontal relationship, there is almost always trouble in the vertical relationship with God’ — have you gotten alone with the Lord and let Him search you?”(This story too is in The Friendships of Women, in the chapter on Unfailing Love — in the 20th Anniversary Edition with the chocolate cover, beginning on p. 166.)
We’ve just finished a contest on the blog that included how to do an effective apology.(By the way — check the last post to see winners. We need addresses for prizes!) We had wonderful answers, and I was so glad to see some new people participating too. One of the beautiful things about friendship, especially the friendship of those who know the Lord, is that we can help each other find strength in God. I was trying to think of someone who repented well to another person, not just someone who repented to God — and I couldn’t. Fellowsojourner (Don’t you love her name?) brought up the younger son in the story of The Prodigal Sons. I thought, BINGO. I am eager to take you through that to show you why that is so perfect.
I must give credit to Tim Keller’s The Prodigal God for extra insight into this parable. So often we think it is just about the younger son, but the point of the parable really centered on the older son, and the contrast between the brothers. If you think you know this parable, you may be surprised. I know I was. In fact, two of my closest friends and I get together yearly and always discuss a book — we all voted for The Prodigal God because it is such a paradigm changer. I know we’ll be at least two weeks on this parable.
Let’s start! The way this works is through a Bible study that will help you discover the answers yourself — and then share them with others. You can do it all at once or a little at a time. You can jump in and out of this study — but we will be spending several weeks on this particular subject — of how to bring healing to our horizontal relationships and why it matters so much to God.
Icebreaker: Comment on this sentence: “When there is a problem in a horizontal relationship, there is almost always a problem in the vertical relationship with God.” Have you found that to be true in your own life? Would you be willing to vulnerably share a time when sin in yourself caused you to hurt a friend? (I know this is asking a lot to start here — but we have such great women participating in this blog!)
Bible Study.
Read all of Luke 15 as an overview.
1. Luke 15 has three parables of “lost things,” culminating in the story of the prodigal sons. As an overview:
A. According to Luke 15:1-3, to whom was Jesus specifically telling these three stories?
B. From what you know about the Pharisees, what did they think about their relationship with God? What did
Jesus think about their relationship with God? (Insight can be found in John 8:39-44)
C. Name the three lost things of the three parables in Luke 15.
Read Luke 15:11-31 as an overview.
2. Tim Keller finds evidence that, at least at first, neither of the two sons cared about the father — but only about the father’s stuff. Name verse references that show:
A. The younger son not caring about the father, but only about the father’s stuff
B. The older son not caring about the father, but only about the father’s stuff.
C. This parable is often named “The Prodigal of the Prodigal Son” — but that is wrong. Look carefully at Luke
15:11 and title this parable accurately.
3. Challenge Question: Can you find any evidence in Scripture that the Pharisees didn’t really care about God but only about their reputation as religious leaders?
Our motivation in bringing healing to a relationship is important. If we care only about losing a friend, but not really about our own heart, our own sin, we will never see healing occur in the relationship. Our only hope for healing is to come prostrate before God, let Him search our hearts, and repent, truly. This is what the younger son does, but the older son WILL NOT. So the older son is estranged, not only from the father, but also, consequently, from his brother.
4. Read Luke 15:11-16
Background: It is important to know that 2/3 of the property went to the firstborn, and the rest was divided between other sons. Keller points out the reason. If the father died, the firstborn was to care for his siblings — stepping into the role of the father. Because there were only two sons, the younger son would get 1/3 of the inheritance, and the father would have to sell much of the estate to give it to him. The younger son was really saying, “I wish you were dead. I don’t want to wait. Give it to me now.” Keller also points out that the point of this parable is not to learn something about parenting (that will really lead you astray) but to learn about what a real loving relationship looks like between us and God and then, consequently, us as brothers and sisters. Do we love God for Himself or only for what He can give us? It’s only when we love God for Himself and care about being clean before Him that we will also see harmony in our horizontal relationships.
A. What does the younger son ask in Luke 15:12? How would this break the father’s heart?
B. Ask yourself, “Do I love God for God or only for what He can give me?” If you were to lose your blessings,
how do you think you would respond?
C. “Prodigal” means extravagant — it can be extravagant in a good way (which God is with us in His mercy) or
extravagant in a bad way. How was the younger son extravagant in a bad way according to Luke 15:13-16?
D. Look carefully at Luke 15:17-24 and share all the ways the father was extravagant in a good way.
In the story Priscilla vulnerably tells in the Foreword of The Friendships of Women, when she asked her friend to be brutally honest with her, her friend told her that for twenty years she felt she was giving, willing to be inconvenienced for the friendship — but Priscilla was not. Tears fell as she expressed her pain. How did Priscilla respond? Remarkably. She even went to other friends and asked if they too saw what this friend had seen. They did. Like the younger son, “Priscilla came to her senses.” realized her sin, and truly repented. (You see why I love Priscilla?)
So often women write me and want a friendship saved, but they are not willing to do the painful work Priscilla did. They want the horizontal relationship to be fixed without fixing their vertical relationship.
5. Spend time before the Lord, allowing Him to search your heart. Ask Him, “How is it between us?” Then listen. You may or may not want to record this answer here — but do it! If you have a problem in a horizontal relationship, ask Him about that too.
6. What will you remember from this study and why?
7. Is there any action you should take? Can anyone share any fruit that has come as a result of action? (We love success stories!)
71 comments
Hi Dee
Am so glad to see this here!
As you know, I have recently got your book The Friendships of Women and am finding it a tremendous blessing! :0)
Hope I can participate in the study with all you lovely ladies
(must say I think you US women are more willing to show your emotions to one another than some here in the UK, some do of course but not so many is my impression, must be ‘British reserve’!)
I do agree that in order to be right with God then our relationships with one another need to be peaceful and loving, one will definitely affect the other.
I am a terrible one for feeling hurt and my first motivation is usually to be angry and want to hurt back (you can see why I bought the book now can’t you ;0)
Thankfully I rarely DO anything just stew for a while and perhaps withdraw for a bit. The main reason is, I think, fear of loss and wrong interpretation of a friend’s behaviour.
I suppose an example would be not to email for a while because I feel hurt by her … (my dearest friend lives in neighbouring county & we email alot)
Nice to see Pricilla’s pic ~ I enjoyed her introduction too!
Allie
WELCOME WELCOME OUR SISTER ALLIE FROM ACROSS THE SEA —
I’M SURE WE CAN LEARN FROM YOU TOO ABOUT A TIME TO SPEAK AND A TIME TO BE SILENT! 🙂
Allie, it is wonderful to have you. My dearest friend is British. She may have been unwilling to open up when she was younger but I think life has changed her. She is my favorite person to talk about the Lord with because she loves Him too. She also makes an awesome cup of tea!
I was able to go through the questions last night so I will share my answers so far. I am still working on #5. Joey and I start our Isaiah study tonight. Please pray that Joey will persevere to the top of the mountain.
1a. Jesus told these parables to the religious elite, the scribes and Pharisees.
1b. The Pharisees thought they were God’s favored sons because of birth as descendants of Abraham. Jesus said that God was not their Father but that they were children of the Devil. I love how Jesus spoke the truth boldly, fearlessly. He did not fear men and neither should I.
1c. The three things lost were a lamb, a coin and a son.
2a. The younger son not caring about the father, but only about the father’s stuff is shown in that he asked for the stuff and then left the father.
2b. The older son not caring about the father, but only about the father’s stuff is shown in that he did not rejoice with the father when his brother returned but was angry about the lost stuff. I think it is a true sign of love when you also love the things they love. To me the older son not rejoicing with the father indicates a lack of love.
2c. A better name for this parable might be ‘The Parable of the Two Sons’.
3. Challenge question. I found an indication that the Pharisees cared more about their reputations than God in John 12:43. It says that they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God.
4a. The younger son asks for his share of his father’s estate. This breaks the father’s heart because he is effectively saying that he no longer wants to be a part of the family, he just wants the material blessing that is his as a son.
4b. I think the fallen way of responding to losing blessing is to be angry and to feel that I had in some way earned the blessings I had and therefore deserved them.
4c. I tend to think that the younger son was extravagant in that he threw away the father’s wealth but I think really it was that he threw away the father.
4d. First of all I think the father was extravagant in his love for the son. Even though the son had rejected him, he still watched daily for his return (I think he knew the son well enough to know that he would return). The father humbled himself in love for his son and he celebrated his return. He withheld no blessing that he was able to give to his son in celebration. He did not discipline him because he knew that life had done that. Discipline at this point would have only been a vent for anger.
5. Problems with vertical relationship so far: 1) I am too distractible. I let anything and everything distract me when I set out to spend time with the Lord whether it is prayer or Bible study or just sitting quietly with Him. Even now I have done several other things before hearing from God. 2) I fear man and as a result do not witness boldly for the Lord. Another result is that I may not speak the truth when God calls me to do so. 3) I am not praying as much as I should be.
6. I will remember that if my horizontal relationships are not right I should look at my vertical.
7. Yes, I need to take action in the form of a letter of apology.
Anne, as always, a splendid job.
I particularly liked:
I think the fallen way of responding to losing blessing is to be angry and to feel that I had in some way earned the blessings I had and therefore deserved them.
4c. I tend to think that the younger son was extravagant in that he threw away the father’s wealth but I think really it was that he threw away the father.
Allie, So nice to meet you!! It is great to have someone from overseas here!! :0)
I have never been to Europe, well basically I have never been outside the U.S. My mom just got back from Germany. I am sure it is lovely over there.
Ice Breaker: When I was single I had an incredible room mate. Dee, I think you know her, it was Elsa, Julie’s friend! ;p If you know her, you know how sweet and flegmatic- laid back she is. Well, we now call this story our ‘Macaroni moment’.. Now we tease about it, but back then it was a huge blow up between us.
I was REALLY frustrated about all my friends getting married and I wasn’t yet although I was dating someone at the time that might not have been a good choice. I was acting toward God like my kids act toward me when they can’t have something they want NOW. I was ignoring God and whining inside -“what is wrong with me? Why haven’t you brought me a husband?” So I tried to make it work with this guy and well I think God intervened and this person didn’t like me as much. Looking back I am so thankful He intervened! :p
I was in the kitchen making macaroni and cheese and as I was getting the pan out and stuff I was slamming the doors. Elsa was at the table and was asking me what was wrong, I didn’t respond. I was really angry. So to try to help she opened her bible and read me a Psalm. Instead of listening, it made me madder so I slammed my spoon down in the mac and cheese and looked at her and said, “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!!!!” “YOU ARE NOT IN MY SHOES!!” or something like that, and I stormed off.
I went and sat on my bed and I was MAJORLY convicted. What I did was horrible. I came back out and Elsa was sitting on the floor looking in her card box flipping through her cards and didn’t even look at me. She was giving me the silent treatment. It was clear I hurt her. I sat there on the floor next to her. There was complete silence.
Then I can’t recall exactly how it went but I apologized, and she forgave and everything was o.k. but I think it took her a while to truly forgive me. I realized at that time that I wasn’t listening to God and that there was a wall I put up in our relationship and it effected my relationship with my very special friend.
I wish Elsa could get on here and clarify this. Some of it is foggy but I am sure she might remember how the apology went. Anyway, that is my ‘confession’. ;p
LOVE IT! I THOUGHT FROM THE TITLE YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN GOING TO THROW THE MAC AND CHEESE AT HER. GLAD YOU DIDN’T. THANKS FOR THIS VIVID STORY.
Welcome Allie! My daughter lived in Scotland for 4 years with her husband from there. We have a hard time understanding him as he has that Scotland accent, but love hearing him talk. They have been in the US now for one year.
I will be vulnerable and share a time when I hurt my friend. We have been friends for 26 years every since she went to see Dee speak at a lady’s meeting/lunch type deal. Dee spoke about how to overcome your shyness if you needed a friend and just go up to someone and introduce yourself. So my friend did so, and introduced herself to me! We have been very close every since then in 1984! Then about 3 years later in 1987 I had Kendra and two older kids and my husband left us. Altho I was a christian and loved the Lord, I started dating about a year later and had lost alot of weight and my friend was in an abusive marriage and heavier than normal. I wasn’t the kind of friend she needed then as I was proccupied with being a single mom and had different friends from single groups.
We still were friends for the 5 years I was single but I wasn’t, a loving and caring friend like she needed. Things started to get back to normal after I married and then about 10 years later, her husband left her and her 2 kids. (which was a blessing after 30 years of abuse for her). I was married and a step mom to 2 kids and a mom to my own 3 and working and needed a special friend to help me over the awful blended family problems. About that time she was dating and thinner and having a blast! I was gaining weight and miserable! I must of felt like she did when I was single. She married and settled down and he died of cancer 4 years later. Now she has been single again for like 4 years and dating a guy again. Her life is alot different than mine again being single and dating and I’m home all the time with my special needs daughter and husband.
Even tho we travel down different paths in out life, we have never really ever had a fight but instead become “heartfelt distant”, but still close friends. We pray for one another and talk about God alot when we get together, but have never talked about how our difference in our lives may be hurting one another. When I feel left out, I remember when I must of hurt her the same way when I was single and dating. I was more inconsiderate than she has ever has been to me. I regret ever being that way. I feel like I deserve to be hurt. She is the sister I never had. Whe she gets married we will have more in common again. I just hope nothing else happens to our marriages!!
Welcome to the group, Allie!
Icebreaker: I completely agree with the statement that we cannot have harmony in horizontal relationships if our vertical one with God isn’t right. In my own life I see this when I am upset with someone or am generally out of sorts, I start thinking that I know best how to handle it, shutting God out of the throne of my heart. It is not until I kick my own “knowledge” off the throne and put God back in His rightful place that I can get things straightened out.
I really need prayer in this area regarding an a person I’ve known for a long time. We are both Christians, but this is about all the common ground we have. She means well but has a very blunt, superior, off-putting manner about her and this often hurts me. She can make very personal and jabbing comments. I feel I must keep quiet and not tell about how I feel, part of the “be nice” we are all familiar with. Earlier in the summer she did some things that really hurt me and I just stopped communicating with her. (Our only communication was an occasional phone call — always initiated by me -= and a bit of contact on facebook.) When the incident first happened, I was not communicating out of anger, but have since cooled down but still feel that it’s best to keep some distance. Interstingly enough, she hasn’t made much contact either and seems to be oblivious to having done/said anything offensive. Does anyone have a thought to share on this? Are we required to be close friends with people who continually hurt us? I know this relationship is way different than the few, precious good friendships I have with others. Thanks!
Tracy
In her book, The Emotionally Destructive Relationship, Christian counselor Dr. Leslie Vernick shares the following:
‘…But when someone deeply offends you or repeatedly does something that is hurtful, sinful, or destructive to you, to them, or to your relationship, God says to speak up, not to be “tolerant.” (See Leviticus 19:17, Matthew 18:15, and Luke 17:3 for some examples.)’ page 149.
In her chapter, The Truth About Standing Up, she writes:
‘When you finally stand up, don’t be surprised if you find yourself being accused of non-Christian, mean, abusive, and controlling behavior. The other person will likely retaliate against your newfound strength and want you to back down by trying to make you feel afraid or guilty. He or she may accuse you of being too sensitive, too selfish, or unrealistic in your expectations. The implication is that you have no right to challenge the way he or she treats you.
That is not true. God calls us to treat others with love, grace, kindness, and truth. Stay calm but firm. If you back down now, you will continue in the destructive dance. If you are being consistently mistreated or hurt in your relationship, it is imperative for the health of your relationship as well as for your own mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being that you stand up and stay standing (Proverbs 25:26).
Standing up for truth and righteousness, against sin, with others by our side helps us stand firm. Ideally, the other person will accept responsibility to change his or her destructive ways. If not, the next step is to distance ourselves from the relationship, sometimes temporarily, sometimes permanently.’ pages 163-164.
Dr. Vernick also has a statement about “being nice”.
‘Too many individuals have been wrongly instructed that biblical love means that they must be nice and suffer quietly, even as they are mistreated and abused. But as C.S. Lewis wisely wrote, “Love is more stern and splendid than mere kindness.” (The Problem of Pain pg. 19) page 175
I highly recommend this book to you and I also want to recommend Safe People by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. They write (and I believe this fits your situation)
‘Finally, though, there are times when we have done all that we can do, have given it time, have opened ourselves up to trying to reconcile, and yet the person is unwilling to face his part in things. Reconciliation and change do not occur.
The Bible then tells us to seperate. Matthew 18:17 tells us that after we have done all that we can do, we are to separate ourselves from the problem person until she decides to come around. In the Bible, separation is a legitimate option after all else has failed (1 Corinthians 5:9-12). But even after separating we must be open to the person’s later repentance and accept her back if she has truly changed (Luke 17:3-4).’
Tracy, I know it what it’s like to be beat up with words. It cuts to the very core of your soul. I will be praying for God to give you the courage to stand up and speak the truth. That particular relationship is not how He intends for us to treat one another. I’m standing beside you in prayer. I hope what I’ve shared is not too overwhelming.
Tammy, what you’ve shared is not at all overwhelming. I appreciate it and will look at the book you recommended. I think “be nice” has taken up way too much room in my heart and mind instead of looking at things in truth. Thanks also for the prayers.
Tammy, I can’t wait to read the book you are referencing!
I do know that the Bible states we are to speak the truth in love. HOWEVER, I believe there are some relationships that won’t take the “standing up” and “truth”. Specifically, I am speaking of my relationship with my step children. They frequently say and do things that hurt. I have in the past spoken the truth in love, and that was NOT taken very well, and caused a chasm in the relationship. The Lord laid on my heart very specifically, that it was time for distance, and to give the situation and relationship up to Him completely. My focus was to be on HIM ALONE, and He would handle the relationship. I know that this is a temporary distance, as I believe the Lord will heal this relationship.
Perhaps the distance Tracy is taking is a much needed “spiritual breather” for her to re-focus on Christ and not her circumstances. In Tracy’s words we have to “kick my own “knowledge” off the throne and put God back in His rightful place” and then we can get things straightened out.
Praying for all of you ladies and thanking God for you! I am learning SO MUCH!
Hi Allie! How fun to have you here with us! I lived in New Zealand and really came to know that the “Brit’s” are more reserved at first, and it may take a little more effort to get to know them, but they are well worth it, they have very warm hearts, and are a pleasure to know! Perhaps, we “American’s” blurt everything out too fast?? Who knows?? It is a pleasure you are here!
Joyce, Wow! Thank you for sharing. Thanks for your vulnerability. It touched me how open you were about the things you believed you did wrong. What a great heart you have Joyce!! 🙂 Thank you! All you ladies are a blessing and I am happy to be traveling this road with you! 🙂
Icebreaker: I do remember a time when I was going to college and I had this roommate and we had become good friends. One night, I don’t remember exactly what it was but something had really gotten under my skin, and I just started ranting and raving, going on and on, and I am sure I must have hurt my friend, but instead of coming back at me with mean words or continuing the argument, she just turned to me and said, oh, you must have been really hurt. And I tell you what – it stopped me in my tracks. I knew I deserved her wrath, but instead she just offered me grace. It touched my life, changed my heart.
Hi Dee – Yes, it’s me, Rebecca’s macaroni friend! I think I was simply trying to “encourage” Rebecca in that God has His own timing but that obviously backfired! I guess I learned a bit more about being more sensitive in circumstances and try not to fix things for friends! I honestly don’t recall the specifics surrounding the apology, but I’m sure I had to allow God to work in my own stubborn heart because I know I was hurt, too, but I wanted to hold a grudge and not forgive! I’m glad we worked it out! Rebecca is clearly one of my closest friends today!!! Love you, sis!
Welcome, Elsa! I love what you said about learning not to “fix!”
I also appreciated your honesty in saying you wanted to hold a grudge and not forgive. 🙂 I think each of us can resonate with that. Forgiving means letting someone off the hook who deserves to be on the hook — and that is a sacrifice.
I hope we hear more from you, for you have wisdom to share! It would be fun to have two good friends together on this.
Love you too Elsa!! SO glad to see you come on here and give your perspective!! HOPE you can keep coming and sharing wisdom, you are one of the most balanced, and wise sisters I know in regard to friendships and to life. God has really given you wisdom sister!
1. A. Jesus was telling these three stories to the Pharisees and scribes.
B. The Pharisees thought they were better than the tax collectors and sinners. They considered themselves in God’s favor because of their ancestory.
Jesus said that their father was not God, but instead was the devil because they wanted to kill him, because Jesus received sinners and ate with them. If the pharisees were of God they should of been rejoicing instead of critizing over the sinners.
C. The three lost things of the three parables in Luke 15 were a lost sheep and the lost coin and the oldest son of the father.
GREAT BEGINNINGS! I THINK IT IS INTERESTING THAT JOYCE SAID, CONCERNING THE THREE THINGS THAT WERE LOST, “THE OLDEST SON OF THE FATHER.” WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?
TRACY HAS RAISED SOME IMPORTANT QUESTIONS — I WANT TO ARTICULATE THEM AGAIN HERE:
Are we required to be close friends with those who continually hurt us? (What does Scripture say?)
In Tracy’s story, her friend hurt her, but Tracy never told her so. Are there times when it is wiser not to tell another of your hurt? If so, when? (What does Scripture say?)
I have thoughts about all this — and we will get into it in the study — but would love for you to prayerfully respond to Tracy.
Wow Joyce that was VERY insightful. I haven’t thought of it this way before! I think this might parallel to John 8: 39-44 in regard to how Jesus sees the older son’s heart. Who IS his father?
I could be off a bit here, but I noticed that the younger son responded to his father after his father reached out and rejoiced. I wonder if his father didn’t really know if the son’s heart had changed or not because “he saw him from AFAR and was filled with compassion toward him”-he ran threw his arms around him and kissed him BEFORE the son repented. The younger son responded with repentance, whereas when the father asked the oldest to come and join them in celebration, he responded by rejecting his father and his brother and took advantage of the moment for himself. His nature was not reflective of God, but of the devil.
The older brother was a liar-he lived as if he desired righteousness which is a fruit from being a child of God but it was really self-righteousness which comes from the flesh and is like filthy rags to God. So, really the older son ended up being the one who was truly lost. Hmmm… never thought of it this way before but it makes sense.
Very interesting Rebecca. It doesn’t say who the father was, but maybe he and his sons were pharisees, decendents of Abraham. The younger son sins and repents and the father rejoices because his soul is converted. But the older son is self-righteous, envious, angry and critical of his father and younger brother. This is helping me see that friendships can be the same way. We can choose to be like the older brother and show fruits of the devil and not forgive or we can be like the younger brother and seek forgivness and repent of our sins and produce the fruits of our Lord!
Joyce, you are right. I think the father knew the younger son was repenting because he was coming back.. duh..I think I was making it harder than what was obvious. :0) The whole perspective relationally of the older son’s heart toward his father and brother and how his unrepentant heart affected his relationship with both his father and then his brother is pretty interesting too. Great insight Joyce! O.K. NOW more food for thought. 🙂
Dee, to answer your question “Are we required to be close friends with those wo hurt us?” Friendship requires trust, and implies a relationship that is based on trust. If someone constantly hurts me, I don’t trust them. So I would say, No, we are not required to be close friends with those who hurt us. The Bible says don’t throw your pearls to pigs. But we should ALWAYS pray for those who hurt us – and in doing so, our hearts will be changed!
I read this blog frequently, but have never posted before – awesome comments ladies!
Welcome, Ellen! So glad to have you joining us!!!
Ellen, So glad you are here!! :0)
Hey all, I CAN’T wait to get started.. Having a slow start due to being overwhelmed here at home, but God is helping me. I have read Luke 15 and have tons of thoughts and a few questions.. Can’t wait to get back to read everyone’s responses!! Love the honesty so far! 🙂
Read all of Luke 15 as an overview.
1. A. * Jesus was speaking to the Pharisees and Scribes.
B. * The Pharisees think they were God’s sons because they are descendants of Abraham.
* Jesus claimed that their father was the devil rather than God. He answered this by pointing out that they couldn’t understand Him when He told them who He was-They couldn’t hear His word-they were blind. Jesus said they ‘want’ to do the desires of the devil rather than God. Their nature is reflective of the devil rather than reflecting God.
C. * Sheep, Coin, and a Man.
Thank you ladies SO much for your lovely welcome (& for saying kind things about us Brits ;0)
I want to do the study properly so will proabably post about it when I have some time off from work later this week!
Allie
I too want to say Welcome Aboard the blog. England is one of my favorite countries (maybe its all the English blood of my ancestors flowing in my veins) A dear friend of the family during my childhood was from Nottingham. She met her American husband during WW11. She was such a joy. I had the opportunity to visit England in 1984. Hope to make it back one day.
Have a blessed week and as you say CHEERIO!
Icebreaker question
I once had a friend who asked me if I had a problem with her. (Don’t remember the reason for cancelling a get together with her) Well, instead of using tact, I proceeded to tell her (in a nice tone) what I thought her many faults were. She then told her very best friend what I did and that mutual friend cut me off. There was no opportunity given to discuss what happened. This happened several years ago. Since then I have learned that, because of personality, many people are super sensitive to criticism. I have learned to pray and think before I speak to someone about a certain issue. I find when I do that the issue I want to discuss is brought up in discussion by the other party and I very gently share my opinion on the matter.
1.A. Tax collectors, sinners, Pharisees, and scribes.
B. The Pharisees thought they were the ONLY ones in right relationship with God because they kept the law and their (added) oral traditions to a tee.
Jesus told the Pharisees they had no relationship with God. If they had truly known God they would have loved Jesus.
C. The three lost things: one wandering sheep, one valuable coin, one harmonious family fellowship.
2.A. Younger son v.12 …give me the portion of goods that falleth to me.
B. Older son v.12 And he divided unto them his living
v.29 …thou never gavest me a kid…
C. I had the same thought as Anne.
3. Challenge question.
Matthew 22:34
But when the Pharisees had heard that he had put the Sadducees to silence they were gathered together.
Luke 16:15
And he said unto them, Ye are they which justify yourselves before men; but God knoweth your hearts…
John 7:32,34
And many of the people beleived on him…and the Pharisees and the chief priests sent officers to take him.
I need to add to my anwer to the icebreaker question. I know I was wrong to be so openly critical of the other person’s faults. Although what I stated to her may have been true, I never stopped to consider how my being so truthful would hurt her.
I think Tracy raised a hard question. Are we required to remain close friends with one who continually hurts us? I think ‘close’ is key here and I would say no. Jesus said that we should forgive and ‘turn the other cheek’. I have heard in a sermon that to turn the other cheek means not to allow someone to continually slap your face but to keep the relationship open. I can’t locate the verse right now but I think that when someone ‘slaps’ us we should tell them that they have hurt us. This verse I am thinking of says that if a brother(sister) sins against us we should speak to him about it. If he listens we have gained a brother, if not…I don’t remember. Please know that I do this all the time but, I think it is unfair to allow someone to hurt us and not say anything to that person. I would want to know because believe me I never hurt someone intentionally. I want a chance to apologize. A relationship can be irreparably damaged by ‘heartfelt distance’. I tend not to trust a person who does that to me. Wow, that is an eyeopener for me because, like I said, I tend to do this. Is there a time when we should not do this. I think yes. There are times when a person’s behavior is understandable and we excuse it. But if we are going to harbor hurt feelings we need to speak up and confront. All this from the queen of nonconfrontationalism.
Tracy, about confronting your ‘friend’ at this point I am not sure. What does everyone else think? Is the relationship too damaged? I don’t know that I would call her. Perhaps you could leave the relationship open and if she initiates contact you could speak to her.
Anne
You are thinking of Matthew 18:15-17
I prayed about this last night for some time. (After going to bed is usually my prayer time as it is quiet and I can turn my mind to God without distractions.) What you said in your last sentence He has put in my heart to do… leave it open for her to contact if she desires but wait otherwise. This person has experienced a lot of problems (social, economic, depression) and has been hurt by many in the past, still not getting along with people easily. The last thing I want to do is add to that hurt, but I also see that God wants me to be wise with my own feelings and not set myself up to be deliberately mistreated by someone I’m supposed to be able to trust. So leaving it open seems right.
My heart often condemns me and it is difficult to tell if it is my heart or God telllng me not to go in a certain direction.
This experience has definitely increased my thankfulness for the true, trustworthy real friends in my life. I’m so blessed by them, as I’m blessed by all of you! Thanks again.
Tracy — I love that you listened to your sisters, several of whom had good thoughts, but that you got alone with the Lord in the quiet.
I’ve had a situation that was similar to yours with someone with whom I worked a long time. She called me and attacked me and my late husband and one of my daughters. I too sought the Lord. I sensed Him telling me to back away. But there was part of me that wanted to help her see how unfair she had been! So I went to two godly people for counsel and they both told me the same thing the Spirit of the Lord had already said. Back away, Dee.
In my case, and this is not always going to be the situation, the Lord and my two counselors told me that person was not a safe person in my life. They said if I tried to mend it I would be hurt more. So I have forgiven her from my heart, but backed away to a safe distance — as David had to do with Saul.
Your insight into your friend’s depression, etc. is good. It’s gives you empathy and keeps the forgiveness flowing. I think forgiving, but backing away and leaving the door open very wise.
And no, most friendships are for a season. We can’t be friendships with everyone forever. Our garden would be too full of flowers choking for room! And yes, we can be especially thankful for those few rare flowers that seem to be there season after season, springing up again after a harsh winter.
Amen to what Dee said. I also think that personalities come into play as well as seasons in our lives. Some people are o.k. with one or two really close companions that may last a life time. Their gardens aren’t as big. Some women’s gardens are huge and they have a lot of close friends. Some are like me who is a little of both.. Being a Melancholy Sanguine can drive me nuts sometimes. I would probably flunk a compatibility test with myself. ;p
Our seasons in life change as well and right now mine is family, so I am not around women as much or as closely as when I was single. I have a few friends whom I have had for over 20 years and we are so close, but we really don’t have relational issues, and if we have in the past we got over it and it was no big deal, we just accepted one another as we are. They are sweet relationships in the Lord. That is not to say I won’t come upon one in the future that might be rough. I am not sure.
I think how this study is helping me now is in my relationship with my oldest son believe it or not. I realized after our conversation this morning, I am much better and nicer to others in dealing with conflict resolution than I am my son. Yikes!
a Melancholy Sanguine – YIKES!
Ellen, you said it, Yikes!! 🙂
Bible Study: Luke 15
A. According to Luke 15:1-3, to whom was Jesus specifically telling these three stories? Pharisees
B. From what you know about the Pharisees, what did they think about their relationship with God? What did Jesus think about their relationship with God? (Insight can be found in John 8:39-44)
They thought they would be first in line to get into heaven, because they were descendants of Abraham. Jesus knew they had no relationship with God, because there was no love for Him. Their religion and sacrifices were all “show”
C. Name the three lost things of the three parables in Luke 15. sheep, coin, son
A. The younger son not caring about the father, but only about the father’s stuff v12
B. The older son not caring about the father, but only about the father’s stuff. V29
C. This parable is often named “The Prodigal of the Prodigal Son” — but that is wrong. Look carefully at Luke 15:11 and title this parable accurately. The Parable of the Two Sons
3. Challenge Question: Can you find any evidence in Scripture that the Pharisees didn’t really care about God but only about their reputation as religious leaders?
Matthew 9:11; 12:2, 12:38; 15:1-3.
They were so much more attuned to how they looked to man, they ignored their hidden sins (can’t remember the scripture for this, but it is in Psalms somewhere). I confess I have been like that myself at times. Wanting to look good on the outside, when the inside is so dirty. Wanting to please men, not God.
A. What does the younger son ask in Luke 15:12? How would this break the father’s heart?
He asked for his share of the estate. This would break the father’s heart, because he knows his son only cares about what he can get from his father, not how much the father loves him and would have to sacrifice to give the son his share. It would break the father’s heart also that his so is so shallow and uncaring toward the father
B. Ask yourself, “Do I love God for God or only for what He can give me?” If you were to lose your blessings, how do you think you would respond?
Initially, in the flesh, I would wonder how on earth I could survive. But eventually, I would realize that God is all I need, His grace is sufficient, and He will provide beyond what I could ask or imagine.
I was faced with possible loss of blessings about a year ago. I had some abnormalities show up in my mammogram, and had to have biopsies. Praise God, all were benign, and I didn’t lose the blessing of my health!
Then, three months later, my husband’s blood work came back slightly abnormal, and his doctor told him it looked like an untreatable form of cancer. I knew in my heart in couldn’t be true, but all I could do was pray. I knew that God would protect me and provide for me if something happened to my hubby, but there was that slight bit of doubt that crept in, and I wondered what I would do? What would happen to me? How will I survive? Praise God again, subsequent tests came back normal.
In these situations, and in other “smaller” circumstances, I am working toward responding in spirit and in truth, rather than responding in the flesh – a hard battle!
C. “Prodigal” means extravagant — it can be extravagant in a good way (which God is with us in His mercy) or extravagant in a bad way. How was the younger son extravagant in a bad way according to Luke 15:13-16? He squandered his father’s hard earned money, as well as his relationship with his father and brother
D. Look carefully at Luke 15:17-24 and share all the ways the father was extravagant in a good way. His father felt compassion for him, embraced him, kissed him, gave him the best robe, rings, sandals, killed the fatted calf for him and had a party
Ellen, the Lord certainly has blessed you and your family, Praise God!
2. A. Luke 15:11-31 Evidence that the youngest son cared only about the father’s stuff. “Father, give me the share of property that falls to me”.
B. Luke 15:12,29 and 31. Evidence that the oldest son cared only about the father’s stuff. V12 ” The father divided his living between them” and V29, son said, “These many years I have served you and you never…” and V31 father to oldest…” all that is mine is yours”.
C. The parable of the man and the two sons….instead of The prodigal of the prodigal son, is what I think the parable should be titled.
3. Challenge question. The Pharisees didn’t really care about God, but only about their reputation as religious leaders in Luke 16:15 “You are those who justify yourselves before men, but God knows your hearts; for what is exalted among men is an abomination in the sight of God”, and John 12:43 “for they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God.”.
4. A. The younger son asks for his share of property from his father. This breaks the father’s heart because he only wants material wealth, not his love.
B. If I were to lose my blessings from God, I still would be blessed to have God in my life because he forgives me and that is more than I deserve.
When I first read this it made me really stop and take notice of my prayers. I seem to be always asking for blessings from God. I have been trying not to ask for so many blessings and to just have prayers of praising and glorifying him. That in it’s self will be a blessing for me, not that I’m doing it for that reason, but just that God is so good!
C. The younger son was extravagant in a bad way according to Luke 15:13-16 by being greedy and wanting his share of his father’s wealth and not caring about his father or brother.
D. The father was extravagant in a good way by having compassion and embracing and kissing his son. He also lavished his son with clothes, a ring, shoes and a meal and celebrating his son not being lost and living in sin, but found and forgiven.
Yes, Joyce, we are truly blessed! It was a rough ride for a while, but made Christmas last year that much more special!
Read Luke 15:11-31 as an overview.
2. A. * Luke 15:12,13
B. * Luke 15:29
C. This parable is often named “The Prodigal of the Prodigal Son” — but that is wrong. Look carefully at Luke 15:11 and title this parable accurately.
* A man had two sons.
3. Challenge Question: Can you find any evidence in Scripture that the Pharisees didn’t really care about God but only about their reputation as religious leaders?
* MATTHEW 23 is a good place to go. I think Jesus gives a great description of the pharisitical heart. Jesus had a disdain for anyone who was focused on ‘appearing righteous’ on the outside while ignoring the inside because it was prostituting God for selfish gain. This showed that they cared more for man’s approval and to satisfy their desire to be like god. I think self-righteousness was an idol to them.
Jesus hung with tax collectors and sinners because He knew they would more likely see their sin. It is important to Jesus that we are humble enough to ask God to look within and expose our sin, and if we are then that is a huge indication that we care about God. The Pharisees were so far removed from that kind of heart. Psalm 139: 23, 24 “Search me O God and know my heart, try me and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there be any hurtful way in me and lead me in the everlasting way.”- That is the kind of heart Jesus loves. =)
In Matthew 23, I also saw this as evidence of them not caring about God:
16-22, and also this passage below:
25 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and of the dish, but inside they are full of robbery and self-indulgence.
26 “You blind Pharisee, first clean the inside of the cup and of the dish, so that the outside of it may become clean also.
27 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which on the outside appear beautiful, but inside they are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness.
28 “So you, too, outwardly appear righteous to men, but inwardly you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.
Jesus said this as well in verse 12:
12 “Whoever exalts himself shall be humbled; and whoever humbles himself shall be exalted.
I received in the mail today two books of The friendships of women, revised and updated from Dee from the contest of Sadie and Mia picture that I won. I already had one so I would be glad to mail you a book if you don’t have one. The first two ladies to let me know, gets the books!
Thank you Joyce! I have one already or I would definitely take you up on that!
There have been good and thoughtful answers — eager to hear your responses to the last part of the study, where we get into application. We have honesty in this group – and yet I know, in my own heart, I can always dig deeper.
I know I continually have to find my identity in the love of Christ for me — not in the love of man — how many people are buying my books, participating in the blog, or coming to talks. How I need that single-heartedness. We can pray for one another. I would love your prayers for that single-heartedness for me, to find my joy, my identify, and my peace in Christ alone.
I think we all stuggle with that, Dee, if we are only willing to admit it. Love your honesty.
Hey all.. Love reading your responses. We have guests in town staying at our home since yesterday, so my time is more limited online than I thought. Hope to finish this by Sunday, but it is cool how God has the right people come on here at the right times! 🙂
Well, have done the study I do love the prodigal son story and how evident is the Father’s compassion as he runs to his son & embraces him!
question 3 “Our motivation in bringing healing to a relationship is important. If we care only about losing a friend, but not really about our own heart, our own sin, we will never see healing occur in the relationship.” ~ how tempting it is only to want to preserve a friendship! and I am convicted about my own tendency to concentrate on my friend’s ‘issues’ and not to deal with my own … I do think because we’re women and often strong emotions are involved it’s much harder :0/
In Dee’s book something that has truly switched a light on for me is when she says that often an offense from a friend is unintentional and does not reflect that friend’s feelings for us ~ this has helped me immensely as often I doubt another’s love for me (despite evidence to the contrary!) and this has caused repeated problems …
I know I have to start responding differently and pay attention to how God wants me to act (I still tend to feel/behave like I did at Uni & I am married & in my 40s!!!)
To me God is saying ~ start loving as I love sacrificially and generously.
Thank you to all the other ladies who said welcome btw! ;0)
Read all of Luke 15 as an overview.
Luke 15 has three parables of lost things, culminating in the story of the prodigal sons. As an overview:
A. According to Luke 15:1-3, to whom was Jesus specifically telling these three stories?
To the Pharisees and scribes, and the tax gatherers and “sinners” were listening, too.
B. From what you know about the Pharisees, what did they think about their relationship with God? What did Jesus think about their relationship with God? (Insight can be found in John 8:39-44)
The Pharisees felt secure in their relationship with God, they believed they were children of the promise – Abraham’s children and that God was their Father. Jesus did not believe they were children of God because they rejected Him. He said that Satan was their father.
C. Name the three lost things of the three parables in Luke 15.
A lost sheep
A lost coin
A lost son
Read Luke 15:11-31 as an overview.
2. Tim Keller finds evidence that, at least at first, neither of the two sons cared about the father, but only about the father’s stuff. Name verse references that show:
A. The younger son not caring about the father but only about the father’s stuff.
15:12 He asks his father for his share of the estate.
15:13 He leaves home with what the father has given him and squanders it all.
B. The older son not caring about the father, but only about the father’s stuff.
15:28 He becomes angry and wont go in to the celebration
15:29-30 He basically says to his father “I’ve done everything right and you’ve never given me anything!”
C. This parable is often named “The Prodigal Son”, but that is wrong. Look carefully at Luke 15:11 and title this parable accurately.
“The Prodigal Sons” or “The Parable of the Pharisee and the Sinner”.
I came up with the latter title because as I read it through again, and considering the audience Jesus was addressing, I see the tax-collectors anhd “sinners” embodied in the younger son, the one who sinned against his father but was willing to repent and seek forgiveness. The Pharisees and scribes are symbolized in the older son, because they made sure to dot all their “i’s” and cross all their “t’s”, they followed the law with driving perfectionism and yet they cant see what the Father has given them – that He willingly gave them all that He had, namely, His One and Only Son, Jesus Christ, but they couldn’t see it. They resented the fact that Jesus welcomed the sinners to Him, just like the older son resented the fact that his father loved and welcomed back his younger brother.
When the father in the parable says to the older son, “My child, you have always been with me, and all that is mine is yours”, I see that like God had chosen Israel as His special people, and given to them all that He had. But the Pharisees and the older son were blind to the graciousness of the father. They both had immeasurable treasure, but they were too busy earning what they thought they deserved.
3. Challenge Question: Can you find any evidence in Scripture that the Pharisees really didn’t care about God but only about their reputation as religious leaders?
In Matthew chapter six, in verses 2 and 5 and 16, Jesus is referring to them as the “hypocrites” who give alms to be honored by men, pray to be seen by men, and fast and look gloomy to be seen by men.
In John chapter 3, Nicodemus’ heart was beginning to change and he wanted to talk to Jesus, but he had to go at night under cover of darkness so as not to be seen.
4. Read Luke 15:11-16.
A. What does the younger son ask in Luke 15:12? How would this break the father’s heart?
He asks his father for his share of the estate. He seems to want his father’s material wealth instead of his father. It kind of reminds me of the scenario of asking one’s parents, “I want this and this and this….when you die”. It makes me cringe! The background info says that it was like saying I wish you were already dead.
The father’s heart was broken at the coldness of his son’s request.
B. Ask yourself, “Do I love God for God, or only for what He can give me?” If you were to lose your blessings, how do you think you would respond?
Wow, this is a hard question. Of course I want to say that I would be a shining example of faith and say “All I really need is Jesus, anyway.” But I have a feeling that I could respond with a mixed bag of anger, asking “why me?”, self-pity, despair. I tend to want the trials in my life to be over with as quickly as possible.
C. Prodigal means “extravagant” – it can be extravagant in a good way (which God is with us in His mercy) or extravagant in a bad way. How was the younger son extravagant in a bad way according to Luke 15:13-16?
He took all that his father had given him, all his wealth, and squandered and spent everything on loose living – extravagant living. He didn’t look to the future and consider saving some money. He lived for the moment.
D. Look carefully at Luke 15:17-24 and share all the ways the father was extravagant in a good way.
15:17 the father provided his hired men with “more than enough bread”.
15:20 the father runs to his son as he sees him coming, and embraces him and kisses him over and over. I’ve heard sermons saying that this would have been considered very undignified of the father in that culture.
15:22 the father gives his son the best robe and a ring and sandals
15:23 the fattened calf is killed for a feast to eat and be merry
All of you have had such insightful answers and thoughts, and I also want to welcome the new ladies too!
The thought of our motivation for bringing healing to a relationship is really weighing on me. I’m applying it to my marriage relationship. If my motivation is to have a more peaceful home, so I can be happy, to set a good example for my kids, even if they are good things, healing will never occur if I dont start with my own heart.
I guess I need to spend some time with God and ask Him to search my heart. I can see myself in the older son, stubbornly refusing to repent and therefore feeling estranged not only from my husband but from God, too. This is part of an answer to #6. what will I remember from this study and why? That the older son WILL NOT and is left out in the cold but he is in a prison of his own making.
Insightful title to the parable and soul-searching application, Susan.
4. Read Luke 15:11-16
A. What does the younger son ask in Luke 15:12? How would this break the father’s heart?
* The younger son was basically saying I want you dead, what you can give me means more to me than who you are. (I thought the background information Keller gave here was awesome!)
B. Ask yourself, “Do I love God for God or only for what He can give me?” If you were to lose your blessings,how do you think you would respond?
* Oh my, I don’t know how I would respond. My first thought is that I don’t have a ‘bargaining’ relationship with God. I am undeserving of His love, yet He loves me. I don’t deserve one iota of a blessing, but he has blessed me abundantly more than I can imagine. THAT SAID, even though I love God for who He is, I am SURE I would fail in my love toward Him because I have many times before and haven’t responded well to lost blessings in the past. I need to ask God to search my heart on this one.
C. “Prodigal” means extravagant — it can be extravagant in a good way (which God is with us in His mercy) or extravagant in a bad way. How was the younger son extravagant in a bad way according to Luke 15:13-16?
* The Younger son took his part of the wealth early, before his father died which was a slam to the father. It was done in a selfish way that was very belligerent, hurtful and dishonoring toward the father, not only was that an extreme thing he did, on top of that he squandered it all-he wasn’t responsible with one dime of it.
D. Look carefully at Luke 15:17-24 and share all the ways the father was extravagant in a good way.
* The father treated his hired men REALLY well because they had food to spare, also the younger son realizes it and desires to be one of his father’s hired men.
* The father saw his son from afar and before his son could say anything, he loved him so much he threw his arms around him and kissed him saying I accept you back into the fold. You are my son. This was after this same son basically told his father that his stuff meant more to him than his father, and then went and spent it all. His son did the opposite and rejected his father, yet his father welcomed him back.
* After the son repented to his Father the Father showered even more love by putting the best robe on him, a ring on his finger, sandals on his feet, a top notch calf for him to eat, a feast and a celebration!! Instead of punishing him or condemning him, he forgave him and lavished him with blessings.
6. What will you remember from this study and why?
* I AM WITH SUSAN! I am applying this to my marriage relationship and my relationship with my children right now. Whenever there are issues I have to stop and allow the Lord to search my heart as to why I am responding like I am. Could there be an issue in my vertical relationship. That was HUGE for me so far in this study.
* Another thing that spoke to me was “how would I respond toward God if I lost my blessings?” I have found that a great question to ponder on for a while and to ask God to really search my heart.
7. Is there any action you should take? Can anyone share any fruit that has come as a result of action? (We love success stories!)
* There is an issue, not a huge deal by any means, but something I disagree with my husband on right now. For some reason this little thing is really bugging me. Because of this study, I have gotten before God. He has shown me that I need to let the Holy Spirit work in my husband’s heart, but that something is up with my attitude when the subject is brought up. I am asking God to reveal to me what is going on in my relationship with Him, and if there is something inside I need to deal with. Maybe it isn’t the ‘disagreement’ with my husband that God is concerned with but rather where I am at with God. I am thinking there may be something I need to deal with in my relationship with God. Who am I putting on the throne, my husband, me? Hmmmm….
Rebecca and Susan — thanks for sharing application — may we cover you in prayer!
It seems like some things are coming together for me from several different directions but originating here in this study:) Even in the Isaiah study we are looking at the Prodigal Son!
I am finishing up reading The Sacred Romance. I sense this is God’s answer to my asking Him how is our relationship. In our study we have talked about how our hearts were created to respond to the wild and ravishing love of God. The poem by Robert Frost, The Road Less Traveled is quoted in this book stating that at some point we find ourselves choosing either the ‘safe’ more traveled road, or the one that bends into the undergrowth and looks unsafe and more difficult. In our lives we always have pain(arrows) and I think the thing I need to look at is how I respond to it. In the parable of the two sons the father does not shrink from his pain therefor his heart is ready to embrace both of his sons when and if they should return. When we take the ‘safe’ road we accept ‘less wild’ lovers than God but our souls crave the love of God. The two sons illustrate the results, one tries to satisfy his need with order and duty, the other with excess, but none of the less wild lovers fills the heart. The reason I say this has gone straight to my heart is that this may explain why my heart seems so cold to me and I have walls around my heart that keep me out of touch with it. It appears that I been on the ‘safe’ road for years. Is my heart unguarded and ready to love? I think not.
Lord, only You can bring healing to me. Create in me a clean heart and renew a steadfast spirit in me.
Anne — I LOVE SACRED ROMANCE.
Would you be willing to share with us this week or next what you are learning in BSF about The Prodigal Son?
How is your son liking BSF?
Well he did not go Monday because he is in drivers ed. He will start a week from Monday.
I am quite taken with A Sacred Romance also and because of it I am rethinking many things in my life. My desire and my prayer is that I will be able to also lead my sons and eventually my husband to this love affair with God. Sounds WILD doesn’t it!?
I don’t remember if I shared this but when I invited my good friend Ruth to this study she said that she was planning to start the BSF study because it is on Isaiah. That very day I was catching up on my scheduled reading which happened to be the 1st five chapters of Isaiah! In those chapters I saw our nation as we stand before God. I felt so ‘spoken to’ that I decided to go with Ruth that first week. I was surprised to find that we have to be ‘called’ from their perspective also to be in the study, so I waited and prayed because I had a great desire to join. Early the following week I was placed in a group but Ruth has not been:( She is a little bit overwhelmed right now with family issues. I am praying for her and I know she will trust the Lord and find Him fully faithful.
As I look back at my notes I see that we did not talk about the parable but I had made the connection in my mind between God’s feelings for His wayward children and the father in the prodigal son parable. Sometimes things muddle up in my mind…
4.A. The younger son asks for the inheritance that is due him upon his father’s death. I think by his actions he also wanted freedom from his responsibilities in the family business. This broke the father’s heart because, as someone else already stated, the son was rejecting his father’s love and security. The father knew what the world would do with his son-chew him up and spit him out when it was done with him.
B. I had to chuckle when I read this question because this has been a prayer concern of mine since the spring. I asked the Lord to teach me to love him for who he is. Since that prayer I have come to see how for a long time I treated God as many treat me, only speaking when they need something from me. That’s a ‘no fellowship’ relationship.
I have already been through the stripping process and can honestly say “though he slay me I will trust him’. I don’t want to come across as ‘super saint’. I wouldn’t like losing my material blessings but I have learned the greatest blessing I have is one that can never be taken away-my relationship with Christ Jesus.
C. The younger son was extravagrant in a bad way when he squander all his money and fine possessions on people who didn’t care for him.
D. The father was extravagant with compassion, affection, the necessities (food, clothing), joy and trust.
5. This sheep has been feeling the crook of the shepherd’s staff around her neck this week. Now that things are going smoother in my life I have been trying to sneak back down the path of self-sufficiency. The one word the Lord has been speaking to me is pride. As I mentioned in a previous post I am currently taking Beth Moore’s Daniel study. This past week we took a look at King Nebuchadnezzar’s seven year hiatus from sanity. The Lord let me know during this week it’s time for me to humble myself before him. As Beth stated “God’s way of humbling us is not a field trip we want to take”. I AM LISTENING and OBEYING!!!
Tammy, I love that quote by Beth Moore. I can relate! I hate my pride let me tell you and I can see why God hates it. Not only is it the opposite of humility, it is a stumbling block to humility. Jesus stressed over and over again how he hated pride in regard to the Pharisees.
A. What does the younger son ask in Luke 15:12? How would this break the father’s heart?
The son asked for his share of the inheritance, which would break the father’s heart because he might as well be wishing the father dead, only focused on what he will get from his father.
B. Ask yourself, “Do I love God for God or only for what He can give me?” If you were to lose your blessings, how do you think you would respond?
I did lose a lot of blessings when I became ill and had to leave school. For the first few years of this time, my relationship with God was up and down because I was sulky and upset that such a thing had happened. I am finally beginning to see that I can be blessed without the outer trappings of what we consider blessing. I still eagerly await a return to normal living, but I see God for Who He Is more than what He can give me. I understand more fully that what we need in life is God. It wouldn’t matter how much we have or what positive things are going on off to the sides because life is nothing without God.
This is not to say that I still don’t have times of feeling sorry for myself, I’d be hypocritical to claim I didn’t, but my walk with God has changed for the better.
C. “Prodigal” means extravagant — it can be extravagant in a good way (which God is with us in His mercy) or extravagant in a bad way. How was the younger son extravagant in a bad way according to Luke 15:13-16?
The son was extravagant by spending all of his money on wild living and by not preparing for such things as a famine.
D. Look carefully at Luke 15:17-24 and share all the ways the father was extravagant in a good way.
The father was extravagant in his forgiveness and mercy toward his son. He gave him the best robe, a ring, sandals, killed the fatted calf for a celebratory feast. He did not voice anger toward his son, only joy that his lost son was at last home.
5. Spend time before the Lord, allowing Him to search your heart. Ask Him, “How is it between us?” Then listen. You may or may not want to record this answer here — but do it! If you have a problem in a horizontal relationship, ask Him about that too.
The last few nights I’ve been spending more time with God and asked Him to help me in the problem areas of my life, asking Him to draw me closer. He’s given me some really neat answers, one of which is from my reading in Spurgeon’s Morning and Evening today. The particular sentence that really touched my heart was this: “My faith rests not upon what I am, or shall be, or feel, or know, but in what Christ is, in what he has done, and in what he is now doing for me.” So often I base what I am on how I feel, things about me, not on Him! Like I’ve written before, I must kick whatever idol I have placed upon the throne of my heart off and restore Christ to His rightful place there.
6. What will you remember from this study and why?
I will remember that in order to have good, godly relationships with people, my vertical relationship to God must be in good order as well. All things spring from Him!
7. Is there any action you should take? Can anyone share any fruit that has come as a result of action? (We love success stories!)
I have forgiven my friend whom I wrote about earlier from my heart. The freedom I feel in not feeling obligated to let her continue to hurt me gives me so much relief that I find I am more than willing to forgive.
I also am going to continue to examine my other friendships in the light of God and heed his urging if there are changes I need to make. Sometimes I think I leave things unsaid, don’t always tell them how important they are to me and what blessings I receive from God through them. They need to know.
Love this sentence:
The freedom I feel in not feeling obligated to let her continue to hurt me gives me so much relief that I find I am more than willing to forgive.
6. I will remember from this study the word extravagant. How extravagant God was with me in the past when I was the prodigal daughter who came to her senses and returned to him. I was thinking earlier this evening how the younger son must have enjoyed being with his father and brother again. I am learning to enjoy God and my life is so radically different since I gave Him complete control and stopped trying to fix my life my way. The words ‘totally forgiven’ are stamped on me forever!
Tracy,
That was “well said” by you…that you sometimes leave things unsaid and you are going to change that. One of my favorite songs has that line, “Come out of things unsaid…”
I tend to do the same thing, but am trying to be more mindful of it now and tell others how I feel about them, or to speak up more bravely about the Lord to them.
7. The action I am trying to take is to really be more mindful and focused on my vertical relationship with the Lord. To try and practice that throughout my day. As I was driving somewhere today, I found my thoughts drifting to daydreaming and I made a conscious decision to stop the thoughts, take those thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ, and to put my focus back on Jesus and off of the thoughts that were “all about me”.
To try and meditate on the parable as Tim Keller makes the point that it is about what a loving relationship between us and the Father looks like.
I really like Dee’s suggestion that I ask God “How is it between us?”
That is a question I could ask God alot. When I’m feeling angry, or depressed, or having a problem in a relationship, or feeling rebellious and tempted to sin. To first ask the question of how am I relating to my Father, because the root of the problem is likely to be right there, and not in my circumstances or in another person. Perhaps to ask myself which of the two sons in the parable am I behaving like?
Love the depth of the applications we are getting. May this be a Sabbath day of asking, “How is it between us, Lord?” Not original with me. You can hear Sara Groves sing it. Google How Is It Between Us Sara Groves
and it will come up — or someone like Renee, our tech genius, can give us the link!
I’ll post tonight — so eager to hear applications today
Dee, That is a great song! I put it on you tube a while ago. rivka4 is my You Tube sign on name. Here is the link if you all would like to hear it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5zkOfSJSn4
Thanks, Rebecca! Great Sabbath song.
7. I had a picture of God’s extravagant love this week and the incredible thing to me is how he used me to show it. September 22 was my ex-husband’s birthday and I made him a cake. In fact, I had asked him a couple of weeks ago what kind of cake would he like. “Something with pineapple”. He came by Wednesday morning and as I presented the cake to him I sang Happy Birthday. It hit me that God was actually the one giving him the cake as I sang Happy Birthday with the words God loves you instead of the familiar words God bless you.
Today he asked me after church what the preacher said and I told him the heart of the message ‘God wants to save you. Believe in the name of Jesus and He will save you.’
In the past two years we have had many spiritual conversations and I think of the seeds that would not have been sown had I cut him totally out of my life. Doing the right is not always easy but I’m glad I listened to God and not man. I would have missed a great blessing this week-one former prodigal reaching out to another.
I think that’s wonderful, Tammy!
I agree Tammy. That is wonderful! Beauty from ashes! We are seeing it over and over on this blog.
Through the years, I have realized that the answer to the question “How is it between us”? depends entirely upon me. God is always there for me. It’s when and if I’m there for him. When I desire to be more intimate and draw nearer to God, I will find the time and place to do that. But, when I get too busy or preoccupied, my mind wanders and I remind myself (or is it God reminding me} that I’m not spending time with him. I feel quilty and empty if I don’t put God first in my life. But sometimes it’s impossible and God understands that. So the more time I spend reading the bible or studying for a bible study or reading a christian book or in prayer, the better it is between God and myself, and I’m growing and learning also.
I will take away from this week’s study a conviction I felt in my heart about the friendship between myself and my best friend. I usually wait for her to call me to get together or just talk. I feel like she may be hurt about that, so I am taking the initiative to call her more so she doesn’t feel like I don’t care. I don’t know why, but I just felt quilty about that. This week’s study is helping me to value my friendships much more with my friends.
I’m so proud of this group and this beginning to this study.
Your openness and applications are helping me to grow — so I know that is true of others reading — some participating, others just observing.
On we go!