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Christy — will you let Jesus save you from relational idolatry?

Will you let Him save you from this?Christy’s first counseling session turned the light on for her, with this discussion:

“Christy — do you have a Savior?”

Of course — I’ve known Jesus since I was a teenager at Young Life.

“Well, Christy — will you let Him save you from this?”

“From what?” she asked.

“From relational idolatry.”

Christy said that was the phrase that turned the light on for her. She knew idolatry was wrong, but she hadn’t understood that her enmeshment was “Brooke” was idolatry — but suddenly she could see. She had allowed Brooke to be in the place that only Jesus should be — and though it was going to be frightening to let go, Christy did want to be set free.

That was the beginning.

One of my favorite proverbs about the wisdom of a good friend or counselor is: “The purposes of a person’s heart are like deep dark waters, but a friend of understanding can draw them out.”

Would love your comments and testimonies!

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  1. I have a thanks and a testimony! First, I want to say thank you Dee, for posting all these blogs. It’s great to hear others testimonies, struggles, victories. They inspire me, challenge me, give me something to ponder and think about and to all the ladies who participate – thank you!

    Just today, I was thinking about what someone posted in an earlier blog, about how they have learned to hold their friends lightly. And I especially appreciated her remark, about it not being easy. Falling, getting up, falling again, getting up again, not giving up but perservering. And I can say that has been my experience with friendships. I was almost to the point of giving up on friendships, truthfully. Like everyone, I am sure, I have been deeply wounded, and I too, have failed in many ways in friendship also. I especially appreciated the remark, I believe it was Alexandra who said, it was for freedom, that Christ has set us free. As I thought about my relationships, they certainly didn’t feel very free! I am finding it hard to find the right words here, and I don’t want to just ramble on, but I guess, I am beginning to see, with God’s help, first to get my needs met in God, and to let go of my own demands that God does it my way! I hope this makes sense!

      1. Thank you, Dee! This posting was so incredibly timely for me. For my entire life I have run to people for my self-worth. Though I’ve know Jesus since I was 16 (I’m now in my 50’s), I have not had to walk life quite as “alone” as I do now. My husband of 29 years left me almost two years ago, and our divorce was finalized this past spring. During the season leading up to the divorce, I had many friends who walked with me and were such a gift from the Lord to help me get through it. Now that I have moved into a new place, and downsized extensively, it is a new season for me. Your posting has just confirmed what God has been saying to me about letting go of the security I have found in my friendships, and realizing that the only true source of security, and self-worth is in Jesus. Obviously, this doesn’t mean I will walk away from my friends (although this is true in one case), but I am making a more conscious effort to bring my heart to God and allow Him to meet me in whatever state I’m in at the time. And I loved what Mary said about not demanding that God meet my needs in the way I want Him to.
        I love that when I surrender myself to Him, He blesses me in ways I couldn’t have even dreamed of!
        Dee, I so enjoy your blog. Thank you for living life so transparently, so that the God of Hope can pour His love & truth through you!

  2. Dear Dee,

    I don’t know if you remember me. I wrote some time ago, and submitted to your blog a letter I had written my friend. I have been following along reading all your great blogs. I think the whole theme that stands out to me is the theme of “relational idolatry.”

    I have recognized in my life, that I have totally done that. I have placed a few in my life on that “throne.” I’ve wanted them to meet my needs. To be the God in my life. I believe I am on that road to “recovery”, replacing God on that throne where they once were. I want to be “freer” in my relationships, to hold them lightly, and to let God determine who and what He brings. Thank you for your teachings. It totally is a process. Sometimes, it feels like surgery, quite painful! But I pray that God would continue His work in me, removing all the residue of the infection, that He may fill that with His life. Thank you again Dee!

  3. Dee, I, too, thank you for these posts. I identify with Pam with the unfaithful husband and the faithfulness of friends. My friend helped me greatly to endure and to emerge. Pam, you will probably find,as I have discovered,that you will have many opportunities to minister to those hurting as you have hurt. And you will have an understanding heart of those hard things. Thank you, Dee, that you care so deeply for us – your sisters. You offer encouragement and wisdom.


    1. Deidra, Thank you for your encouraging words. Those opportunities to share with others already seem to be getting dropped in my lap by God, and His comfort really flows back and forth.

  4. A Prayer to Him who sits on the Throne!

    You are the lover of my soul – Jesus!
    My lover, my companion, my friend!
    You are beautiful in your lovliness.
    Your words bring light to my soul;
    and strength to my heart.

    You care about each tear I shed;
    and the unspoken words of my heart,
    ring in your ears.
    You hold me in your arms;
    and speak words of comfort to me.
    I can rely on each word you speak;
    for your promises are true.

    You have been my strength and comfort in life;
    and in death you will be the arms that hold me.
    I trust in you.

    Thank you Jesus – though you have much to do;
    and many to care about,
    still, I am a name on your lips,
    a thought in your heart.
    Not a day goes by, where your thoughts are not on me.
    You seek to bless me and not to harm me.

    Though death encompasses us – raise us back to life!
    May we die to self…and live for you.
    Raise us back to newness of life!
    Jesus you are the resurrection and the life!

      1. Yes Dee, I did. I like to write sometimes, my thoughts down on paper.

  5. I sure can relate to: “there are so many other things from which we need to be saved.” The verse the Lord has put on my mind lately is: Romans 12:18: “As much as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.”

    I had a friend tell me once that being unforgiving is like drinking bitter poison and hoping the other person dies! And I can relate to your story Dee, about going over and over something in your mind – a trespass done against you – but what I am coming to see is that by rolling it over and over again in my mind, I reinforce both the trespass and my bitter feelings and there is room for nothing else. That verse, to me, means, that I just can’t bury it, avoid it, run away from it, but I must deal with it. And the thing that I must deal with is my heart.

  6. Jesus – can you save me from the turmoil in my emotions? My brother was a pastor in the church I attend. And the worst thing you can think of – he did. He left his wife and ran off with a woman who atttended our church. He eventually, got a divorce and married this woman. I tell you what, it’s like a bomb that exploded – hurting many in it’s wake. This was years ago now – maybe 5 or so. There is so much to learn and God is faithful – but it has been quite a ride! Not one I would chose. There are many lessons I have learned and am still learning and quite truthfully, there are still areas in which I am still hurting. There are so many convuluted thoughts and things you need to think about. I feel shame and hurt. Sometimes, I think about what others think. That somehow I knew and bare the blame. Which is not true and I cannot help what they think. It’s quite a balance – loving your brother and being angry at his behavior. And with his “new wife”, I had “quite an argument” with the Lord about loving her. One thought the Lord gave me through that was that this person “was someone for whom Christ died” and I have no right to treat them any other way except with kindness and love. Perhaps, God may use that. But it is hard sometimes, when I see the destruction of their children. All of them have turned from the Lord – it’s quite heart wrenching sometimes. And it is quite hard for me – not to be bitter sometimes. My brother is still unrepentant, somehow, he see’s himself as the victim. He says he has repented, but there seems to be little fruit that bears that out. And sometimes, if I am honest, I feel like “Lord, I didn’t ask for any of this!” I have enough of a hard time just dealing with my own stuff! And somehow, you feel like a victim, though you know you are not the only victim! So, if I were to ask the Lord to save me, I would ask him to save me from the feeling of being the victim!

  7. Thank you Dee for your kind words and prayer. I love the word picture you gave of “an innocent bearing our sins.” For that truly was who Christ was!

    One thing I have learned through this whole thing is that sometimes it doesn’t always “feel good” to do the right thing. But this is where we share “in the fellowship of his sufferings.” And there is “joy” in your heart when you know you have done that.

    Thank you Dee for your response, and thank you for all these wonderful blogs – they are quite encouraging!

  8. Dee, You have been talking about relational idolatry.I would like to tell you a story and how it is so easy to fall into that trap of the enemy.

    I sent you a message last week about my husbands passing,my special needs daughter and the new book I am writing. It was 5 months after my husbands death that it finaly sunk in Alissa”s mind that Daddy was not comming back.
    The doctors said that is not uncommon in Autistic people.She went into a deep depression the like of which I have never seen. She cried day and night.Stopping only when she slept,Sleeping only because she was worn out.She would not get out of bed and she stopped eating. I was in a constant state of prayer.She wanted me on the bed with her.I lay there hour upon hour listening to her cry.Finaly after weeks of this I couldn’t take it any longer. I took my mp3 player and loaded it with Kathy Troccoli music,put the buds in my ears and continued to pray. The lyrics and music,Kathy’s voice such a soothing balm to me. I began playing Kathy’s music in Alissa’s room on her cd player. I played them over and over. She would stop crying during certain songs so those I played over and over. She slowly began to come out of the pit. In my excitement of things getting better I began telling everyone that would listen that Kathy Troccoli had so helped us out of that deep,dark hole. One day after telling someone again God spoke to me so plainly.He said this “I am your deliverer,Not Kathy!” I was taken aback I answered Lord, I know you are.
    He said.” That Is not what I am hearing,you have placed another person above me.” I sat there taking in what He had said. Lord forgive me,it was never my intention ever,to place someone or some thing a head of you. … Read More
    I now know how easy it is to fall into Idol worship.However innocent it may begin.
    Our father wants to be our one and only. That is the desire of my heart,So I check myself frequently now to make sure God has first place in all I do and say.
    In Christ
    Barbara Chambers

  9. Barbara’s story is a gentle rebuke. Thank you for sharing.