Several groups have asked me to add this post so their group members can encourage one another. Great idea!
I’ll insert a question from time to time, and also send you some encouraging testimonies.
Here’s a question: The Bible has a stop/start pattern when it comes to bad habits. The thief is to stop stealing and to start working for a living. The negative talker is to stop saying things that tear down and start saying things that build up. How would you recommend we apply this to being a woman of moderation?
Would also love to hear any of your testimonies, questions, and comments. Let’s help each other become women of moderation in eating, in television watching, in shopping….
23 comments
This post from Darrylin was under a friendship post — but I think her testimony fits in so well to launching A Woman of Moderation, so I’m repeating it here.
Sin is anything that replaces God in our lives — even a good thing like friendship or food, when it is “too much,” so that we are continually running to that “good thing” instead of the Lord when we are sad, glad, bored, or lonely. Sometimes the only way the Lord can get our attention is to bring pain into our life concerning our idol, so we stop running to it and start running to Him. Here is Darrylin’s story — and then I’ll bring it back to food:
Darrylin E. says:
August 6, 2009 at 6:10 pm
My story is different from all the others. I would like to share about a relationship that was the most special of any I’d ever had. I enjoyed it extremely but sin entered in and it became unhealthy to the point of my becoming emotionally dependent. This is a very hard and unhappy place to be. I was there for a few years until she completely pulled out of the friendship and I had to agree to it, as well.
The beautiful part of this story is how God used this friend, even through the ugly, to bring me to a deeper place in Him and bring healing to my wounded emotions. Those emotions were damaged long before I’d ever known this woman, but it took my going to places I’d never thought I’d be and then losing her friendship in order to begin to receive the much needed healing in my soul.
The journey of separation has been hard and painful at times, but it is so worth it! I’m free now, no longer in bondage to another person, and I FEEL GOOD.
Dee’s book, THE FRIENDSHIPS OF WOMEN, played a huge part in opening my eyes. It gave me hope, as well. And I was so happy to hear a Christian author addressing a problem that I didn’t have any resources for at the time.(Chapter 3, The Darker Side of Being Crazy-glued)
Hope what I’ve shared ministers to someone.
Anyway, through loss, my friend gave me her final, yet the utmost, help I could have ever asked for. Praise God. He is ever present and wanting to do great things in and through our relationships. Our part is to trust and let him.
Darrylin
This is relevant to being women of moderation — whether you are having too much food, too much shopping — sometimes it takes pain to awaken us. The pain of realizing you are overweight (that picture someone snapped of you in your swimsuit or shorts!) or deeply in debt. Those are gifts that may help us do the U-Turn toward the Lord.
Overeating is the crouching tiger always waiting at my door, and I have to be constantly alert. I gained thirty pounds when my husband died, and have taken twenty of the thirty off, so it is a long obedience in the same direction and this post will help me too as I hear your testimonies and good thoughts.
Would love to have your comments on Darrylin’s story and how it might apply to you in any area of your life.
Thank you, Darrylin!
Dee, I tell you, I was doing really well for a while with eating in moderation, then things seemed to get crazy, my father died and there was a lot of emotions and things that I did not even know about that came up with that, my job changed and a TON of stress entered in. Now I find myself 7 pounds heavier and feeling very defeated. I could use some prayer and encouragement, also some accountability!
Thanks
Lisa-Marie
Lisa-Marie — I understand. It’s so easy to fall back into those old patterns! My youngest daughter is visiting me for a few weeks and it has helped so much for us to keep each other accountable about eating and exercise, and then there is such a good feeling at getting back on track. I am going to pray for you to find someone like that to help you get back on track — or, if God has another plan to help you, for that. Praying right now….
I’m so sorry about your dad. They are special, irreplaceable.
I could really use an accountability partner! I can’t find one and need one badly. It is a concept that really helps. I find someone and they get busy and can’t do it. Anyone interested?
Thank the Lord for the openness of sisters in Christ. I find this study is timely & even just the title alone is an encouragement. As I again battle with over eating to deal with particular emotions. I’m at point I can’t just keep talking about it!
I’d also like to say Dee your book on Friendship was recommended to me,I read it last year as I was having deal with some conflict in friendships plus just understanding that intimacy in friendships. Also the part on friendships becoming idols & homosexuality helped me understand what had happened to me in my early 20’s. The Lord brought me through it with great love at the time though I carried deep shame for years but reading your chapter on this (2o odd years down the track) was like I could close that chapter of my life with a clear understanding of what or why it happened. As I shared with a chosen few that shame doesn’t grip me. Your openness Dee & clarity of your writing & your dealing with the depth of women’s hearts is a healing balm,a joy & as you’ve based solidly all on the God’s word really reveals the depth of relationship that God has created us to have with Him & the blessing we can bring to each when if all is flowing from our total dependancy on our heavenly Father. Thank you Dee for being a willing servant in the Lord in caring & loving your Sisters in Christ.
Elizabeth — you’ve certainly gotten my Monday off to an encouraging start. Thank you so much! Every single one of us is susceptible to the lies of the enemy — but words of encouragement like yours can send him scuttling back to the dark. Thank you so much.
I love how though you encourage me, you also show where the real credit lies. Perhaps my favorite phrase in your note is “the Lord brought me through it with great love” — isn’t that just so Him? I see in your letter your love and trust of Him — what a breath of encouragement to us all.
Thank you for encouraging me and others to trust Him.
Dee
P.S. 9 of my family members just left my cabin after ten great but not particularly moderate eating days, so it is time to be serious for me to be A Woman of Moderation again. I’ll keep accountable on this blog and anyone can join me!
I have a question:
I’m not having trouble seeing running to food instead of to God for comfort as a sin. I am stopping doing that. I’m having trouble seeing it as sin to eat when not hungry when eating socially. For example, My husband and I were celebrating our 10th year anniversary last week and when dinner came around, he took me to a nice restaurant. I was not feeling hungry, but I felt like I needed to eat because we were celebrating.
And what about dessert? Who’s ever hungry when dessert comes? But dessert is also a celebration type food. What do I do about this? I want to agree with God that it’s a sin, could you translate it for me. For example: Running to food for comfort is idoletry because we are not running to God. Why is eating when we are not hungry because we are celebrating or eating socially a sin?
I am ready to agree with God, but I need to see it.
Thank you much.
Nancy — this is a great question.
I’d like to add a few questions for pondering, hope others will respond, and come back to you in a day or two.
Why might the above situation be sin for some and not for others? Or is it always sin?
Is it possible that saying that whenever you eat and you are not hungry that you are being legalistic? Explain your thoughts.
If you put moderation in another arena, would you say there are times you are free to buy something you don’t
really need? Why or why not?
Great question, Nancy. I hope we hear from many. I promise I’ll be back with my two cents.
Dee
Why might the above situation be sin for some and not for others?
This has confused me as well, I think though, if you have stuffed yourself at dinner and then you eat dessert that may be a problem, also if you “NEED” to have something sweet after you eat, there may be a problem. That is my problem. After I ate a meal, I felt that I HAD to have something sweet!
Is it possible that saying that whenever you eat and you are not hungry that you are being legalistic? Explain your thoughts.
I think that God does give us freedom but for me when I do that and eat when I am not hungry, I have to ask myself why I am doing that. If I am just eating because I am bored or upset or something, then yes it is sin and I should not do it but if it is a celebration and I am sharing in it, as long as I have not stuffed myself earlier, I do not see anything wrong with taking the food/ dessert, with thanksgiving and eating a small portion.
If you put moderation in another arena, would you say there are times you are free to buy something you don’t
really need?
This hits to my heart today because God is teaching me some hard lessons about this. I had several unexpected things come up that would not have hurt so much, had I not been spending past my means. Greatfully God has gotten a hold of me and is changing my heart! I DO NOT want to sin in this area anymore! I really think that if we budget and have stuck with it that we can budget in some allowances for some fun things.. Only if we have been faithful to the budget!
Just my 2 cents
LisaMarie — you are answering your own question quite well. I believe we have great freedom in Christ, and that He may give us permission to buy something we don’t need or even eat something we don’t need. This is where wisdom comes in, and you are hitting it exactly when you look at your heart.
If we generally have a problem with moderation in an area such as food, shopping, television…it is easy to deceive ourselves and say, “This is an exceptional situation.” But if are living lives of moderation and know that we are truly running to the Lord, then yes, there are situations in which we may eat a little even if we aren’t truly hungry. I love sharing a dessert with several — a couple of bites can satisfy that chocolate craving. Eating and shopping are different than stealing and adultery — because they are good — but too much is not good, so we have to ask God for wisdom, and to shine His light on our hearts. If our lives have been out of control I find walking the straight and narrow and running to Him can help us gain control again.
Have I helped or confused you more? 🙂
Thanks for your responses.
I think that it may be sin for some and not for others if they have made a vow to God to never overeat again and then do. I have not made such a vow. My prayer was something along the lines of “God help me to do what is right.- what leads to life and not to death.”
I agree with “God gives us wisdom and freedom”. That scares me sometimes because I am so easily deceived and I’m afraid of ending up right back in my slavery to food. I have fought so long and and for the first time, I know that God has delivered me, I don’t want to do anything to end up back where I was!
In researching this question of is it sin to eat when not hungry if eating for celebration or socially? I have come up with other questions:
Do you think that Jesus got hungry after His resurrection? In His glorified body or that we will be hungry in heaven as we feast on the marriage supper of the Lamb? John 21- He eats with His disciples. The Bible says that there will be no more hunger, does that mean that there will be no more unsatisfied hunger or no feeling of hunger at all?
As for the shopping, I’m having trouble relating it to shopping because if I ever buy something I don’t need, I can always undo it by returnig it, giving it away or selling it but you can’t do that with food that you eat-that would just be gross!
Blessings,
Nancy
This from Fran
Fran Carey wrote:
Hello,
My name is Fran and I have had this book for over a year now and have put it off all of this time. God is really speaking to my heart about my eating and soul searching I have been using food for comfort for many years and I need Gods help with this and some kind of Support is there any out there? I do live in the Chicago land area.
Thanks for any help I can get.
Hi!
I’m Brittney and I’m 17. I am pushing the brink to becoming overwieght. I’ve never had very much self confidence in myself and my bad eating habits are only making it worse. After awhile I become so upset that I loose most of my confidence in God and I just ignore him. I’ve read the intro to your book, after finding it at the library, and I think this is the right bible study for me. I have no one to do it with but I’ve asked my mom to read the intro also so that she’ll understand and hopefully support and help me through this program. I have been praying to God about this problem for years and I think this is his answer. I’ve read and thought about doing things like becoming anorexic and bulimic, two extremes I never want to have to face, and just by reading the intro to your book has made me realize I’m not reading the right things. I never really have had time to read the bible but I was hoping that doing this bible study will help me to explore God’s word more and draw me closer to him. I really hope that this bible study will also strenghten my relationship with him and help break my dependance on food and it’s temporary comfort. Please pray for me that I will be able to stick to this bible study, that I will carry through with it so that I can keep and apply it’s lessons for the rest of my life, and that my family will support me through it. I’m anxious and excited to start this bible study and hopefully I will be blogging good news in the future the future blogs to come!
Tahnk you and God bless,
Brittney VerBerkmoes
Brittany — I’m so thankful you found it in a library! 🙂 You are on the start of a beginning journey and I will pray for you and I’ve asked others too as well. I pray your mother will do it with you — how sweet you want her to!
Lord, I thank you for Brittany and I do ask that you help her get off to a good strong start, that you will give her support — both face to face, perhaps with her mother, or someone else — and that you might bring some women from this forum alongside her to pray and encourage her. Thank you for her heart, and for protecting her from destructive ways to lose weight. I know she is precious to You, and I thank You for that.
In Jesus Name
Be thinking of you, Brittany!
I am starting this study for the second time. The last time was probably a few years ago. My friend, Miska and I are going to study together.
I hope I am not too late to respond to Brittney. Brittney, I was like you at your age. (I am sure I am much closer to your mother’s age, now.) While I was thin then, I suffered from the same low self-esteem and lack of confidence in God. I became a Christian at the age of 15. Whenever I experienced failure, I believed God did not love me. I thought He was just somewhere at a distance, and He did not care what happened to me. I became self-destructive. I am praying this does not happen to you.
One thing I noticed was you said you did not have much time for Bible study. I hope you have read the Bible more since starting the Women of Moderation Bible Study. If not, do what Dee wrote about. Stop something and start something. Start reading the Bible. Get to know other Christian young people. As you do, you will get to know God better. He is very interested in you. He is working “behind the scenes” in your life in ways you may not see right now. Read the Psalms and follow the life of David. He had many troubles, but he always held on to God. I hope you do, too.
Praying for you, SueAnn
Hi SueAnn,
I hope it’s not to late to reply to your message, after women of moderation I have started eating healthier and exercising a lot more than I used to although with both of these I’m still not quiet where I want to be. After I posted on this website in 2009 I did the bible study till my mother thought I had learned enough on how to portion my meals and study the bible well enough but I’ve always still carried all this insecurity and self loathing for myself and like anyone else I have my spiritual highs and lows in my relationship with God.
It’s hard to say that I’m not really where I want to be with God, reading the bible, and my body right now to tell the truth, which is probably why it’s taken me so long to reply (that and not using my time wisely), it’s embarrasing and kind of shameful. Even after the encouraging words that you and Dee have sent me I still have these self destructive notions and actions although they haven’t gotten very serious yet, probably the same type that you used to have when you were my age. I haven’t told any of this to my friends, family, or anyone from youth group or bible study, the only ones I have told are God ,through prayer though I’m sure I don’t pray enough, and you and Dee. I feel like I can never do anything right and I have all the support and love in the world but I feel so worthless. Sorry, I feel like I’m being really over dramatic about this but I don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere.
Sorry for being over dramatic and writing all of this,
Brittney
Hi Dee,
My name is Monica. I just started your workbook it has taken my five weeks to do two weeks of work i keep falling off and on of this wagon, but i don’t stop because “I” win…I am 396..pounds three pounds lighter than last week Praise the Lord……I did ont realize how bad I had left myself sink…..Image wasn’t an issue cause I Love myself…..but a guy friend told me some time ago when we were discussing food and weight gain…He said you don’t love yourself…. because If the doctors keep telling you to stop eating this way and you know that eating this way is bad for you…….why do you do it if it will hurt you later?…….you have to change that….I did not want to hear that at all it was as if God himself said your body is a temple…… “My body…a Temple?’ I have struggled so much with my weight….not trying to get it off but getting other people to accept that I was happy with my size and not at all wanting to lose weight but secretly wishing I could shop at Lerners and not Lane Bryant….. or on the First floor of Macy’s and not the second…..I new I add reached my max when the Largest size in the plus size store was too small….What is a girl to do…I came across your book……Only by the guidance of the Holy Spirit! So I purchased it and alone new it was God…Because the eating plan was one that I had started and failed…only out of laziness…and could not remember exactly what it was called when I was ready to try it again…..I have succeeded in stepping out in faith…..This workbook has changed my life the questions and readings are making my rethink my eating…..The Half days are my favorite…because it forces my brain to visualize a little over a lot…..but most importantly I am getting my relationship with God and food in order…..That alone is great!!!! So please pray for me and keep me lifted…I have to get at least 200lbs off…..I am in the danger zone and only because god has kept me I have not had any serious health problems
Hi Dee,
I was looking to see if there is an online accountability network related to this Bible study. I agree that I need the accountability but to be completely honest I have tried and failed at losing weight so many times that I am embarrassed to reach out to anyone I know. I feel so judged. IS there a ‘network’ you can direct me to? Is see no one has posted here in a year but I am hoping you will check in.
Thank you!
Rose
Dear Rose,
http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com is a great study — choose The Lord’s Table. They may give you a mentor if they have enough.
I know that at the root of every bad habit and sin is soul idolatry — something we love more than God. My blog is continually addressing that and we’d love to have you join us there too. But specifically for weight loss right now, is setting captives free.
Love to you!
Dee Brestin
I could really use an accountablility partner. Know it has been a while since anyone has posted on this thread but if anyone is reading please let me know. I have clicked to be notified of replies to this thread.
🙂
Kellye,
I too, am looking for an accountability partner. I was checking on Facebook and did not see anything. I know it is about 2 months since you posted but are you still looking for accountability partner?
Robbie
Hi, Robbie. Why yes I am still looking for one! I would love to fit into my clothes instead of giving them away. And I would love a stronger relationship with the Lord as a means of accomplishing that! Is facebook a better means of chatting?
Dee,
Thank you for connecting Kellye and I. We have both emailed each other and are working out how we will communicate. Thank you.
Robbie